Talk With My 15yo Daughter Re 'Hitting The Wall'

[CamCam]

Sugar coating aint the issue.

You are enabling blatent disrespect, you might be the "cool dad" but thats not a good dad.

This is one of those occasions where red pilling has dissapeared up its own ass.

I disagree; being silent and proper doesn't convey any useful information. It leaves the subject uneducated. I would have taken this gloves off approach any day of the week, to my own parents complete silence

 

[logicallefty]

@logicallefty props to you for having a close enough relationship with your daughter that you both can feel free to be yourselves and share open dialogue. Exposure to the reality of life at a young age gives one an advantage later in life.

Thank you. I've always tried to arm her with information from real reality. Not the politically correct propaganda that I was armed with, and believed up until my mid 30s. The way I see it is WTF good is it to be a parent if you aren't giving them the tools to conquer the world and be better off than you were. I was so fvcked up by blue pill BS it was not even funny. And right now at 15 my daughter is better at sniffing out and calling out BS than I was at age 35. I consider that a success so far, even though she has a lot of years to go.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Might also want to let her know that the opposite team will be telling very the opposite ideas. And they'll be much more forceful, popular, and ever present. That girl power lasts forever and she should NEVER settle.

Every young person since the dawn of time seems to understand these ideas intellectually, but not in any real way. Every young person thinks they are going to live forever, thinks things like "Yeah, but that will have happen to ME," but then they proceed to fvck their lives up just like they were warned not to.

If you want REAL HARSH RED PILL TRUTH, here it is:

Decades of academic research / psychological studies have shown that there are two factors, and only two factors, that go into making an adult's personality.

Genetics, and NON-FAMILY peer group.

You are her dad, and she has your genes. But the bulk of the stuff that informs her life decisions, BEYOND her genes, is going to come from her social circle.

Which means none of these heart-to-hearts will mean SQUAT if her friends are telling her the opposite ideas.

Making sure she hangs with a red pill crowd will be worth a billion of these conversations.

 

[elunium]

kinda hard to believe

 

[Trump]

So last night my daughter and I were eating dinner and had this conversation, initiated by her. I will disclose first that my daughter and I have very open and honest talks, nothing is off limit and the gutter has no bottom when it comes to what we talk about.

Wow. I guess props. I don’t have a daughter but if she was 15 a lot of things would be off limits.

LL Daughter: "You missed it dad, my mom was running around the house naked last Saturday. And drinking a beer at 9am. You could have came over and tapped dat' a$$"
LL: "HaHa would have been funny for me to see but I'm not gonna tap it, I got other tap opportunities, sorry <daughter nickname>
LL Daughter: "I didn't think so but thought you would get a kick out of it. To be honest I'm not sure if you would have wanted to tap it. I never realized my mom had such saggy t|ts!! ewwww!! ".
LL: "Well they didn't use to be back when I hit it. "
LL Daughter: "Yeah when you hit it and made me (laughing hard)"
LL: Exactly. Them saggy t|ts are called 'hitting the wall'. Your mother has hit the wall. That means her market value to single men has gone way down.
LL Daughter: "I can see that. She hasn't had a date or been laid since Scott (her second hubby she divorced about 1-2 years ago).
LL: "Well she probably still could if she wanted to. Now let your dad tell you something serious here. When you get into your mid 30s or early 40s your going to hit the wall too. Before that you are going to have men throwing themselves at you right and left. I'm not telling you to get with men you aren't attracted to. But what I am telling you is, be respectful and tactful to the men you turn away. Because someday the tables will be turned and they will be turning YOU away. I want you to always remember this.
LL Daughter: OK Dad I will..

(we continued our talk about SMV and the wall. My daughter totally gets it. Hopefully I just saved her and many men a lot of headache and heartache)

I swear you were going to tell her ‘’get married and pregnant before you hit the wall.’’

Don’t know how you guys do it. No way I would talk to my daughter about getting laid and saggy body parts.

 

[Alvafe]

Might also want to let her know that the opposite team will be telling very the opposite ideas. And they'll be much more forceful, popular, and ever present. That girl power lasts forever and she should NEVER settle.

Every young person since the dawn of time seems to understand these ideas intellectually, but not in any real way. Every young person thinks they are going to live forever, thinks things like "Yeah, but that will have happen to ME," but then they proceed to fvck their lives up just like they were warned not to.

If you want REAL HARSH RED PILL TRUTH, here it is:

Decades of academic research / psychological studies have shown that there are two factors, and only two factors, that go into making an adult's personality.

Genetics, and NON-FAMILY peer group.

You are her dad, and she has your genes. But the bulk of the stuff that informs her life decisions, BEYOND her genes, is going to come from her social circle.

Which means none of these heart-to-hearts will mean SQUAT if her friends are telling her the opposite ideas.

Making sure she hangs with a red pill crowd will be worth a billion of these conversations.

but the way I see it if her daughter do consider her dad a lot, she will listen what he says,non family is big, yes, even more on NA family type since its more like dad mom, kids, and kids are alone most of time and parents only nag, but if family is a social group of the kid, he will tend to use that family values, remember even researchs can be byased, and everytime I read one of these reasearch they break one thing and add another, and tehn teh next break the new thing and validate the one breaked before.


a quick about the ones complaining about the way he talks to his kid, are you guys that naive to belive a 15yo wouldn't talk that way or worse? guys there are some who with 14 have more sex experience then most here, and you guys find it of limit to talk like that?
also anyone did consider it was not word by word and he keep it simple for this forum, even if was I don't see any problem, honesty is better way to deal with things, no point in saying nice things when she go out the door people are killing each other

 

[AJ84]

So the lesson is make fun of your mother's body (that grew and birthed you) be nice to boys and get a boob job after 40?

 

[logicallefty]

So the lesson is make fun of your mother's body (that grew and birthed you) be nice to boys and get a boob job after 40?

Sweetie why don't you have a private conversation with @sazc as she seemed to understand my post just fine. It's obvious you do not.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

but the way I see it if her daughter do consider her dad a lot, she will listen what he says,non family is big, yes, even more on NA family type since its more like dad mom, kids, and kids are alone most of time and parents only nag, but if family is a social group of the kid, he will tend to use that family values, remember even researchs can be byased, and everytime I read one of these reasearch they break one thing and add another, and tehn teh next break the new thing and validate the one breaked before.

Fifty years of data says otherwise. If what you said were true, no kid would ever do drugs or have sex or stay out past curfew. When any girl is surrounded by friends, social media, massive social proof of "you go girl" no vague ideas of eventually hitting a wall are going to even be remembered.

No human can ever say something like, "Yeah, I'd better accept what I have now, I won't likely get any better..." until it is too late.

This has nothing to do with modern feminism, red pill BS, or any recent manosphere nonsense. This is pure human nature.

 

[AJ84]

Sweetie why don't you have a private conversation with @sazc as she seemed to understand my post just fine. It's obvious you do not.

She's teaching her children be healthy physically and mentally and giving them tools to deal with the opposite sex, not transferring any hang ups/ negativity she has with the father in the form of a 'lesson'.

To be honest, that's what stood out to me the most, but if I'm off on that my bad.

 

[logicallefty]

She's teaching her children be healthy physically and mentally and giving them tools to deal with the opposite sex, not transferring any hang ups/ negativity she has with the father in the form of a 'lesson'.

To be honest, that's what stood out to me the most, but if I'm off on that my bad.

Yes, you are completely off. But that's ok. It happens.

 

[sazc]

not transferring any hang ups/ negativity she has with the father in the form of a 'lesson'.

Reading this and contemplating how, just yesterday, I had my kids take ALL of their trash out of my car, telling them I wasnt going to let them turn my car into a sh1thole like their dads car is (no, srsly, he's a complete hoarder at home and in his car...at home he has a path thru his place so ppl can walk....)

Do I still qualify as "not transferring hang-ups and negativity"?

I guess my larger point is that we are all human and parent out best. What may work for one might be considered a poor choice for another. Let's try to not be too judgy.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You talk with your 15 year old daughter about "hittin it" amd her mums saggy tits?

Dafuq?

Yeah my family is very similar tbh. But only because I give zero ****s myself with what I say to my family. Otherwise everyone else would be all awkward and not want to talk about anything. I’m probably keeping my family together because of this tbh.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

She's teaching her children be healthy physically and mentally and giving them tools to deal with the opposite sex, not transferring any hang ups/ negativity she has with the father in the form of a 'lesson'.

To be honest, that's what stood out to me the most, but if I'm off on that my bad.

Each person has their own specific personality. And as such, what they say, how they say it, and how they look when they say it, will determine the weight of words and any sort of nuance to what they meant. In addition to that, context and background information is important too.

When I say, ‘**** off’, the words by hemselves have no explicit meaning. The grammar is incorrect, and it really doesn’t. But depending upon the context l, it could be taken as a threat, or as a way of telling someone to leave you alone. Or even just as a joke with your friends if you were a guy.

LL has had 15 years to create a free social dynamic between him and his daughter. You are looking at his situation very narrowly, and as if all that went on was the transcript of of the interaction. You don’t realize that when someone (teens) say certain things with their parents, they have to look at them a certain way before doing so. You thought that he just happened to get his daughter to speak freely to him like that one single time, and then he told her about her mother, which is why you attributed a negative connotation to it. But on the contrary, all that means is that he got closer to his daughter because he taught her a life lesson to remember. The example he used just happened to be her mother/his ex-wife. And he chose that example because 1) they were on topic of her mother and 2) she is close to her mother and can understand her better vs some random woman walking on the sidewalk. I know you’re a social worker, but having empathy for everyone ≠ having sympathy for everyone.

 

[MatureDJ]

My 15yo daughter wants me and her mother to get back together in the worst way.

How does your daughter look?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

How does your daughter look?

Better than you.

 

[MatureDJ]

Better than you.

Yes, I will admit that I look terrible in lingerie.

 

[logicallefty]

LL has had 15 years to create a free social dynamic between him and his daughter. .

Bingo^. You nailed it right here. It's nothing that happened over night. She has came to me with some very difficult situations over the years with her friends, guys she liked, her former step dad, school, her cousins, and even some strangers. She always knows she is going to get a 100% straight up honest answer from her Dad and 100% rock solid unconditional support. No BS. No games. Even her mother has deflected some things and said "I think your dad would be able to answer that a lot better than I can". And for the record, her mother and I get along just fine. Zero problems.

. I know you’re a social worker, .

Iiiiiiiiiiiinteresting...... I did not know she was..

How does your daughter look?

She looks good enough that I see men well over 18 checking her out. She doesn't see them, but I do.

 

[BeExcellent]

I've already started talking to my 9yo daughter about the wall. I don't use the tell "the wall" but we talk about good nutrition, limiting junk food, getting exercise and taking care of your self and your skin from the inside out. She understands that paying attention to herself now (skin, body, etc) will keep her looking young, fresh and vibrant for a very long time. My son hears this as well.

And I model these behaviors for both my children so they can see I walk the talk.

As far as relationships and sex goes, I plan on coaching both of them (boy/girl) "don't waste your time with people who aren't giving you the time" "if they are non committal or non responsive, they are not interested" because that's a relevant approach for BOTH men and women when it comes to relationships.

With both my children I plan on coaching them to take it slow with the opposite sex. Compatibility takes time to assess. Use a condom, std's can last a lifetime. For my daughter, to understand that a guy will sleep with you just because wants to have sex, but that doesn't mean he will ever see you again. So don't think sex will lock him in, because it won't. For my son, be careful of the easy lays, they tend to be the ones with mental issues.

I do the same as @sazc with my kids. I also am open about the difference in gender roles and what society expects. I want my son to be achievement oriented and prepared to lead and succeed. I also want him to be a good man who exerts self-control, self-discipline, and self-confidence from a place of love and strength. I teach my daughters that it is just as fine to be a wife and a mother and look after a household as it is to be able to support ones self and be independent. They are also encouraged toward achievement, but I also try and emphasize the value of being a good partner for a man. Maybe that sounds corny but at least in my community there are families I can point toward as good examples; people that my daughters know who are very successful as wives and mothers while keeping themselves in shape and allowing the husband to lead the family.

My 13 year old daughter is a bit undisciplined in her consumption of carby foods. Although she is 5'7" and looks like Barbie, her waist line is starting to show the result of the over indulgence. It's a tough thing to discuss healthy eating habits with a girl who is consuming more than she should without getting her overly concerned about image and self esteem and all that. Its a fine line. And I model good habits, but sometimes it take more than that. So I take her to work out regularly and I am teaching her to mind the various types of foods that she is eating. Meanwhile I need my son to eat everything in sight because he needs to gain weight for varsity sports. At 16 and 5' 7" and growing he barely weighs 120lbs. Kids can have very different needs within the same household, lol.

Like Lefty I have explained some about the "wall" to my older daughter. I try and be pretty straightforward about it...neither of my parents bothered to explain WHY staying a virgin until marriage is the best idea (it keeps you from STI exposure, unwanted pregnancy and most importantly it preserves the ability to emotionally bond in the deepest way because you haven't had your heart broken by a lover), and my parents never explained the value of beauty and its shelf life either. I was pretty clueless for a long time and I don't want my children to be similarly clueless.

 

[sazc]

@BeExcellent be sure to caution your daughter that, in her early 20s, any undisciplined eating habit she may have developed as a teen WILL catch up with her. I've also found that, if you make it a point to keep yourself trim as a you can add you age, you will be less likely to face being over weight.. if you are yourself to gain weigyt, It's harder to take the weight off when you are older.