Alright, time to be completely honest with myself

[MoreThanSmooth]

I don't believe I deserve a hot GF so I act congruent to that and women smell it instantly. Today I was making friends with exactly what I want in a girlfriend - a good looking, young, smart, successful, jacked middle eastern dude in awesome shape. If the male version of that wants to be best friends with me, then the female version of that will want to date me if I'm being the best version of myself... which means I clearly am not.

Dave you're still not seeing the problem, dude.

1. All of your threads...ALL of them...you're saying "I deserve the best GF ever". Your first sentence is a delusional OPPOSITE of what your problem is. Your problem is over analysing, overvaluing yourself and undervaluing the women around you. Your problem is in this paragraph, not the one you've written. Stop listening to yourself and read this bulletpoint.

2. A smart, successful, good looking Middle Eastern man wanting to be friends with you is completely different to the female equivalent wanting to date you. A friendship with someone of a gender you're not attracted to is completely different to interacting with someone in a sexual or romantic way.

I'm betting you could be friends with a whole bunch of attractive Middle Eastern women, in the same way you've been friends with that guy. That's a completely different ballgame to dating or having sex with these women. They're not the same thing, don't conflate them in your mind or you'll get friend-zoned forever.

Look at the contradiction in your own posts below.

hhhmmm I'm very strong in all areas - looks, money and genuinely being a very good loving, honest, loyal person

I'm crazy harsh on myself

"I'm crazy harsh on myself" --> "I'm the best guy ever, I'm 10/10, I'm very strong in all areas" --> "I'm not the best guy" --> "I'm harsh on myself" --> "I'm 10/10".

This is self-delusion mate. You're not being harsh on yourself, you're sucking your own d*ck. You're being harsh on your failure with women (because they don't want to date a man who sucks his own d*ck constantly, but you don't realise that). And then you're repeating the cycle.

I have some really toxic thinking patterns

Not just toxic, self delusional. You see yourself as perfect, but since the women you want don't date you, reality shatters your illusion. But your ego won't let you accept that reality, so you come on here and make a thread on it, ignoring the problem completely.

 

[bigdave17]

Dave you're still not seeing the problem, dude.

1. All of your threads...ALL of them...you're saying "I deserve the best GF ever". Your first sentence is a delusional OPPOSITE of what your problem is. Your problem is over analysing, overvaluing yourself and undervaluing the women around you. Your problem is in this paragraph, not the one you've written. Stop listening to yourself and read this bulletpoint.

2. A smart, successful, good looking Middle Eastern man wanting to be friends with you is completely different to the female equivalent wanting to date you. A friendship with someone of a gender you're not attracted to is completely different to interacting with someone in a sexual or romantic way.

I'm betting you could be friends with a whole bunch of attractive Middle Eastern women, in the same way you've been friends with that guy. That's a completely different ballgame to dating or having sex with these women. They're not the same thing, don't conflate them in your mind or you'll get friend-zoned forever.

Look at the contradiction in your own posts below.





"I'm crazy harsh on myself" --> "I'm the best guy ever, I'm 10/10, I'm very strong in all areas" --> "I'm not the best guy" --> "I'm harsh on myself" --> "I'm 10/10".

This is self-delusion mate. You're not being harsh on yourself, you're sucking your own d*ck. You're being harsh on your failure with women (because they don't want to date a man who sucks his own d*ck constantly, but you don't realise that). And then you're repeating the cycle.



Not just toxic, self delusional. You see yourself as perfect, but since the women you want don't date you, reality shatters your illusion. But your ego won't let you accept that reality, so you come on here and make a thread on it, ignoring the problem completely.

You don't understand the point.... because i don't feel like I deserve to have a quality girlfriend, I don't act in a way that is attractive

When you don't think you're worthy of a high quality woman, you try to force things to happen, you try to impress them, you come across as desperate, etc.... Basically you self sabotage yourself. This is what I do around the women I want. When I am making friends, I am very confident so I naturally act super chill and people love me

Consciously, I know I'm a very good catch but I've made dating so hard in my head subconsciously and women's standards so extreme that the lack of self belief and self trust is murdering me. This is 100% a question of confidence and personality at this point. Me not having a decent 7-9/10 GF is entirely due to a piss poor effort on my end. There are tons and tons of guys out there who aren't half as good looking as I am, a fraction as successful as me or nowhere near as good of a person as I am in terms of genuine character who have a hot girlfriend

 

[bigdave17]

You literally invented a false sense of low self esteem to hide your enormous narcissistic belief that you deserve way more than you do and absolve yourself from swallowing your pride and risk rejection

I have felt like this since middle school

what's fukked up is it fueled a lot of my success. I thought that maybe if I got good looking/rich/great social circle/in great shape/etc.... etc... I would finally feel like I deserve a quality GF but it hasn't happened. No matter how much I've succeeded on the outside, it hasn't change my internal beliefs nearly enough

 

[MatureDJ]

There's no other explanation for why I can easily make friends with top tier people (good looking, successful, intelligent) and I can't get a girlfriend of the same caliber. The reason is I totally believe that I deserve the best friends and I act congruent to that. I don't believe I deserve a hot GF so I act congruent to that and women smell it instantly. Today I was making friends with exactly what I want in a girlfriend - a good looking, young, smart, successful, jacked middle eastern dude in awesome shape. If the male version of that wants to be best friends with me, then the female version of that will want to date me if I'm being the best version of myself... which means I clearly am not.

Making "friends" and having a woman accept your sp3rm are different animals.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

When you don't think you're worthy of a high quality woman, you try to force things to happen, you try to impress them, you come across as desperate, etc.... Basically you self sabotage yourself. This is what I do around the women I want. When I am making friends, I am very confident so I naturally act super chill and people love me

Consciously, I know I'm a very good catch...

Here's the thing: self-confidence is powerful, but your ultimate worth is dictated by actions, not words. Self-confidence in absence of affirmative evidence is self delusion, even narcissism if it's extreme enough.

Would you want to hire someone who just talks about how great they are at their job all day, rather than doing it? No.

Your PERCEPTION: I'm 8/10 in looks, 8/10 in my job, 8/10 in confidence, better than 70% of men out there in every way, people love being around me.
Your REALITY: The girls you want to date don't want to date you.

I'm not saying this to be a d*ck. I'm saying it because I'm trying to highlight the cognitive disconnect between your ego and reality.

I can tell you all day long that I'm more handsome than most supermodels, I'm a great guy, I'm the centre of the party, I'm really funny...and it all means jack sh*t. Those words mean nothing. It's all just my ego.

Unless I'm getting 10 numbers at every party I go to, I have girls all over me all the time, I'm a comedian and I have a modelling contract...all those words are bullsh*t.

Even then...I've been to a party on several occasions and got 2-3 numbers of different girls there. Does that mean I'm 9/10 and every girls wants me? NO.

I still see myself, atm, as maybe a 6/10 guy. I'm a cool person to hang out with, but I have deficits in my current level of fitness and income. So I accept that, it's fine.

That self acceptance adds to my confidence and it makes me attractive because I'm not faking who I am or pretending I'm better than I am. Instead I aim for the girls I can get at the moment and work on improving myself further in the mean time.

One day I may be a 8/10, even a 9/10 if I run a business or something. But now? I'm not.

It sounds like you do not possess all the qualities you think you do, at least not yet. You need to self-analyse, and not in a narcissistic "I'm the greatest f*cking guy ever" way, but in a critical way. What are your flaws? Where can you improve? Are you arrogant? Are you self-absorbed? Do you have a condescending view of people? These are all things that will drive women away, for starters.

 

[zekko]

I know you want to have a hot girlfriend but but what makes you think you are so deserving?... Why should they want you ?

Yeah, there seems to be some concept here that every guy on SoSuave deserves a harem full of HB9s that never age, but will always remain between 18-24 for all eternity. You've got to have something to offer.

You don't understand the point.... because i don't feel like I deserve to have a quality girlfriend, I don't act in a way that is attractive

It's not just acting in a way that is attractive, it doesn't even sound like you're trying. From the posts I've read, I don't even know if you've ever even SEEN one of these girls that you think you deserve. There's certainly no indication of you interacting with any of them.

I'm also not a fan of the narcissism. And I don't know why, but I get the impression this "I'm the greatest thing ever" attitude is a cultural thing.

 

[bigdave17]

Yeah, there seems to be some concept here that every guy on SoSuave deserves a harem full of HB9s that never age, but will always remain between 18-24 for all eternity. You've got to have something to offer.


It's not just acting in a way that is attractive, it doesn't even sound like you're trying. From the posts I've read, I don't even know if you've ever even SEEN one of these girls that you think you deserve. There's certainly no indication of you interacting with any of them.

I'm also not a fan of the narcissism. And I don't know why, but I get the impression this "I'm the greatest thing ever" attitude is a cultural thing.

I'm saying that for the purpose of the thread. I'm extremely chill/easy going in real life

I don't talk about myself unless it makes sense within context of the conversation

 

[bigdave17]

Here's the thing: self-confidence is powerful, but your ultimate worth is dictated by actions, not words. Self-confidence in absence of affirmative evidence is self delusion, even narcissism if it's extreme enough.

Would you want to hire someone who just talks about how great they are at their job all day, rather than doing it? No.

Your PERCEPTION: I'm 8/10 in looks, 8/10 in my job, 8/10 in confidence, better than 70% of men out there in every way, people love being around me.
Your REALITY: The girls you want to date don't want to date you.

My lack of dating success has been all a result of my terrible/defeatist attitude


There's no other explanation for this. How else do you explain how men who are much less attractive than me, dress 1/10 as stylish as I do, are in terrible shape compared to me, make 1/6th my income, are significantly less intelligent, much worse lifestyle yet have much better success with women than I have had?

If you're a good looking dude with a nice body and you dress nice and you make good money, you're in top 10 percent of men. If you don't dominate in dating, it's 1000000000% your attitude and confidence. There's no excuse for not dominating both socially and with the ladies

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You need to be having sex with the most attractive women currently available to you . From your convo it sounds like the single moms
that choose you are more attractive, you just weren't trying to be their man due to the baby. Well good news. You don't have to be there man. Single moms need access to good sex without alot of games and hassles because they have less time to waste .

Having an abundant sex life will change your mindset and explode your game .

You don't have to be anyone's man right now. Just seek steady puzzy . when you easily have 20 good choices that you can make then you can pick and choose.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Your "mindset" is not right for this endeavor. Accept that as a fact.

As far as deliverables your in the top 1-2% for your age.

Don't judge the messenger. Anyways look for YouTube on "player supreme mindset". This is a start .

 

[Mike32ct]

Here is the other thing I was thinking...

At 29, you’re obviously not old by any stretch. You’re absolutely a young guy. But here is the thing. Some 29 yo guys look 22 and can easily pull low 20s women. Other guys around 29-ish have a more mature look and look more like 30-something guys. So they appeal more to older women.

Have you asked young women (in conversation) to guess your age, if they happen to ask what it is?

Looks matter a lot. I’m preaching to the choir on that lol. But perceived age is critical too, especially to the low 20s demographic.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

having sex with mediocre women does nothing to help my psyche or confidence

Your valuation system needs to change.

 

[bigdave17]

Here is the other thing I was thinking...

At 29, you’re obviously not old by any stretch. You’re absolutely a young guy. But here is the thing. Some 29 yo guys look 22 and can easily pull low 20s women. Other guys around 29-ish have a more mature look and look more like 30-something guys. So they appeal more to older women.

Have you asked young women (in conversation) to guess your age, if they happen to ask what it is?

Looks matter a lot. I’m preaching to the choir on that lol. But perceived age is critical too, especially to the low 20s demographic.

I'm looking for 25 26. 4 year age difference is perfect. 22 would be okay

im not doing anybody older than me. Women age horrendously

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Making "friends" and having a woman accept your sp3rm are different animals.

His friends frame is incorrect . He wants them to like him and think he's a good looking dude with it going on. In the end it's trying to "impress" them and comez off as "try hard" . We know that doesn't work .

I bet he would fvck 80% of these "hot" friends, but he already framed himself as a friend. He also put them on a pedestal.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I also believe he's making a huge error in submitting into a females beauty. The guys that fvck them don't do that . You have to look at and treat the like a normal female.

 

[MrWood]

once I stopped pedestalizing HB8+ and not falling over womens beauty...
the gates of heaven opened up

stop praying and make a move

 

[zekko]

If you're a good looking dude with a nice body and you dress nice and you make good money, you're in top 10 percent of men. If you don't dominate in dating, it's 1000000000% your attitude and confidence.

If it's 1000000000%, you sound pretty sure. So that means YOU know what the problem is. So you know what to work on. So work on it. Fortunately, confidence is about the easiest thing there is to fake. So start faking it, what are you waiting for?

From your convo it sounds like the single moms that choose you are more attractive, you just weren't trying to be their man due to the baby. Well good news. You don't have to be there man. Single moms need access to good sex without alot of games and hassles because they have less time to waste .

I'm going to defend Dave on this one, because if he's not interested in banging them, then he's not interested. They just don't turn him on. Chances are he may not even be able to get it up for them.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If it's 1000000000%, you sound pretty sure. So that means YOU know what the problem is. So you know what to work on. So work on it. Fortunately, confidence is about the easiest thing there is to fake. So start faking it, what are you waiting for?


I'm going to defend Dave on this one, because if he's not interested in banging them, then he's not interested. They just don't turn him on. Chances are he may not even be able to get it up for them.

He's getting less attractive and more desperate by the month as he goes without sex. It's important to a man having an attractive presence. All of his pics I've seen are too hot and too stressed ..

He said the ones without babies that choose him are chubbier .

The ones he might be attracted to are single moms and he scores them negitavely as a result .

I don't agree on his valuation system.

I'm cool with him not fvcking something that won't make him hard, but he NEEDS to be fvcking something.

Plus I thought we established he was trying to penetrate into a Chicago snob crowd. One of the members suggested a "cooler" Chicago club scene.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I'm looking for 25 26. 4 year age difference is perfect. 22 would be okay

im not doing anybody older than me. Women age horrendously

So you've said before you don't want casual, but you hate how women look after 25-26...how do you expect to hold down a marriage then? Or have kids, like you previously mentioned? This is another contradiction.

My lack of dating success has been all a result of my terrible/defeatist attitude

Well, I'm not seeing this attitude here, I'm seeing the opposite - too much confidence, to the point of it being false. I don't know why you start these threads when you don't listen to the replies.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So you've said before you don't want casual, but you hate how women look after 25-26...how do you expect to hold down a marriage then? Or have kids, like you previously mentioned? This is another contradiction.



Well, I'm not seeing this attitude here, I'm seeing the opposite - too much confidence, to the point of it being false. I don't know why you start these threads when you don't listen to the replies.

He needs to get In were he fit in and work his way up in the game. Just like anyone else.