Need help coping, post-breakup with a borderline personality disorder (BPD) woman

[051AV]

You have to be in control, they are control freaks, my ex would try boss people around thinking she was the leader, it was fun working with her, I would let her have some leadership at work and yank it way from her. I guess I was being a bit of an a**hole but the reaction from her was priceless. The corporation moved her to the other division temporarily when we worked together she started fighting with the other staff because she was a control freak and started telling people what to do.

No contact for sure she needs to know whos boss send her back to that rock she crawled out from under.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

My exes last BF threw her out she was hunting for a replacement a month afterwards, I was wondering why she was in such a hurry to get in a relationship with me she came on strong. Our relationship didn't really last long but we stayed friends because her and I had to work together I wasn't the easy push over she expected. She says she goes after weak men, she picked the wrong guy, I may have looked weak because I was run ragged from job burnout, I was over weight with a big gut hanging off me. I don't put up with sh*t she found that out quickly, our fights were intense.

That all makes sense with the BPD pattern. My ex came on really strong too. She basically pursued me. The sex was AMAZING too. All designed to hook you in so they can secure you and not be alone. Intense fights are hallmarks of BPD people as well because as mentioned above by @stovepipe, BPD people thrive off of any kind of attention, including negative. They love pulling you down into the dirt.

 

[Focal core]

That all makes sense with the BPD pattern. My ex came on really strong too. She basically pursued me. The sex was AMAZING too. All designed to hook you in so they can secure you and not be alone. Intense fights are hallmarks of BPD people as well because as mentioned above by @stovepipe, BPD people thrive off of any kind of attention, including negative. They love pulling you down into the dirt.

spot on

 

[stovepipe]

That all makes sense with the BPD pattern. My ex came on really strong too. She basically pursued me. The sex was AMAZING too. All designed to hook you in so they can secure you and not be alone. Intense fights are hallmarks of BPD people as well because as mentioned above by @stovepipe, BPD people thrive off of any kind of attention, including negative. They love pulling you down into the dirt.

This is a great video which breaks down their playbook and how they operate. They are so used to their partner saying "yes" all the time, but once you start saying "no" they will turn on you. The power of saying "no" is something a lot of people struggle with.

 

[Red Legg]

My first BPD broke me in when I was 19 in the Army,she broke up with me and I tried to kill myself,welcome to adulthood..since then have been with about a dozen BPD women all crazy as hell,all blonde hair blue eyed ones (strange) I think the state I live in has the most in the country.I am seeing one now for the past year and a half a natural blonde with blue eyes in the longest love bombing I have ever experienced it has been intense with no let up.Once you internalize BPD behavior they are a hoot to date and even have a relationship.I do not recommend a novice or someone recovering from their first BPD experience to even fvcking attempt to do what I do (you just might end up blowing your brains out)

 

[Focal core]

My first BPD broke me in when I was 19 in the Army,she broke up with me and I tried to kill myself,welcome to adulthood..since then have been with about a dozen BPD women all crazy as hell,all blonde hair blue eyed ones (strange) I think the state I live in has the most in the country.I am seeing one now for the past year and a half a natural blonde with blue eyes in the longest love bombing I have ever experienced it has been intense with no let up.Once you internalize BPD behavior they are a hoot to date and even have a relationship.I do not recommend a novice or someone recovering from their first BPD experience to even fvcking attempt to do what I do (you just might end up blowing your brains out)

i wont go with any mental illness babe, would feels like a mutual musturbation, get a healthy babe dude. they love sex as much as guys do..

 

[051AV]

I always liked watching the ex squirm when I said "no" she hated that word that's for damn sure LOL

 

[MrAddiction]

And for everybody struggling search the posts from the Users KontrollerX and Jophil28. They were Spot on with their advice. These are posts mostly older than 2010 but there is nothing that outdatet their advice.

 

[Ronin47]

A BPD that liked being alone and having her own place? Sounds strange. I experienced the opposite.

Its not strange. My BPD did the same thing. Its so she has more freedom to ride that d1ck behind your back.

 

[stovepipe]

I always liked watching the ex squirm when I said "no" she hated that word that's for damn sure LOL

That's their most hated word. Goes against everything they stand for in a controlling, entitled, cancerous of a human they are. It makes their blood boil. Ex used to act like a child who wasn't allowed to eat ice cream before dinner when I told her no.

A lot of the top psychologists in Cluster B use the reaction of saying no to someone to ultimately tell them a lot about that person. Observe peoples reactions when you tell them no. It will reveal a lot about them just from saying that one little word.

It couldn't be anymore. I always struggled with saying no. Looking back I realize how important & powerful of a word it really is and how much BS I could have avoided if I just said it. Never take for granted the power of saying "NO"!

 

[Soflobro#3]

Been there done that. The pain after the split comes in stages. First it's usually wtf happened, then a bunch of anger towards her, followed with a great deal of shame in yourself for allowing it all to happen when you knew better. My relationship lasted 2 years, I'm 1.5 years apart and still struggling some days.

I assure you things will get better as long as you forgive yourself for letting it happen and really try to figure out your core childhood issues. Like most, you probably have some childhood issues that caused you stay with her. It could be a bunch of different things ranging from being bullied, neglected as a child, spoiled, sheltered by a parent, abandonment, lack of love, ect. It's possible you are an empath or a codependent.

Knowing what she is and how she operated takes a huge weight off your shoulders. Some guys go the rest of their lives chasing their bpd ex thinking she actually loved them. Be thankful you are not that guy. You will also in time after you read a fuk ton of material be able to spot a lie, manipulation, gaslighting and all that jazz so fast it will be like having a 3rd eye in the world. Also know that her so called love, future faking, soulmate stuff was all fake to get you to fall in her toxic web of destruction.

The 1# piece of advice I give to anyone who has come thru what you have is stay "no contact" forever! Delete all pics, letters, emails, block her! Never ever look back, answer a call or text, look at her facebook, ect. You will feel a great deal of pain if you dont follow that simple rule. Always remember if she were to ever contact you, it is NEVER about you, it's always about her. Take this time to work on you. I will gladly speak with you on the phone if you ever need anyone.

Good luck

Great post

 

[Chev.Chelios]

saying no to bpds is hysterical, anytime my exbpd would ask for chit that was just an indicator to me she wanted to bang and saying no was all that was needed lawl

 

[wifehunter]

I grew up in an insane assylum...so let me tell you...it gets way better from here. And, try to ignore the homesickness.

 

[051AV]

That's their most hated word. Goes against everything they stand for in a controlling, entitled, cancerous of a human they are. It makes their blood boil. Ex used to act like a child who wasn't allowed to eat ice cream before dinner when I told her no.

A lot of the top psychologists in Cluster B use the reaction of saying no to someone to ultimately tell them a lot about that person. Observe peoples reactions when you tell them no. It will reveal a lot about them just from saying that one little word.

It couldn't be anymore. I always struggled with saying no. Looking back I realize how important & powerful of a word it really is and how much BS I could have avoided if I just said it. Never take for granted the power of saying "NO"!

They love manipulation, my ex bragged how she could manipulate people, she would tell me she would be nice to people so she could use them. I shook my head she thought using people was perfectly normal. The guy she replaced me with, walked all over him he never said no, what she wanted she got. She wanted to go on expensive vacations, she got it, when he wanted to do something he wanted to do, he wasn't allowed.

I think if all of us BPD survivors knew about BPD we would have knew how to handle things better, I didn't know what in the hell BPD was until somebody told me she might have it. More I started looking into it, the more holy sh*t moments, gave me the answers to what happened and why they happened. With what I know now I really fvcking tormented her without knowing it, today it makes me laugh, I really triggered her abandonment issues big time.

The guy she's with currently is all ga ga over her, even thou he knows what she put me through, I know the guy, he thinks he's in heaven, she dumped my replacement he's hurt, he will soon realize he's escaped. I'm glad she's not in my life I doubt she will be back its been 3 years now seen her 2 years ago face to face. Recovering from BPD damage takes time, put the pieces of your life back together, they live in chaos so they want your life to be the same.

 

[expos]

I love reading these threads. Not because I enjoy anyone here going through pain, but because the patterns are all so similar and ridiculous.

My ex BPD wife got remarried right away after we divorced to some dude she worked with. Everything seemed so amazing for them in the beginning but I can't imagine the amount of bull**** she put him through in the past few years. They have two kids and I've got to think he's had a little bit of misery along the way, but I do hope he's doing OK and that she has fixed her terrible behavior and treats him better than she treated me.

That's the point that a lot of you guys need to get to. Indifference and wishing them the best of luck so that they can get help. Agonizing over their behavior or hoping they fail is just bitterness and hatred and you need to get that out of your system.

 

[Soflobro#3]

They love manipulation, my ex bragged how she could manipulate people, she would tell me she would be nice to people so she could use them. I shook my head she thought using people was perfectly normal. The guy she replaced me with, walked all over him he never said no, what she wanted she got. She wanted to go on expensive vacations, she got it, when he wanted to do something he wanted to do, he wasn't allowed.

I think if all of us BPD survivors knew about BPD we would have knew how to handle things better, I didn't know what in the hell BPD was until somebody told me she might have it. More I started looking into it, the more holy sh*t moments, gave me the answers to what happened and why they happened. With what I know now I really fvcking tormented her without knowing it, today it makes me laugh, I really triggered her abandonment issues big time.

The guy she's with currently is all ga ga over her, even thou he knows what she put me through, I know the guy, he thinks he's in heaven, she dumped my replacement he's hurt, he will soon realize he's escaped. I'm glad she's not in my life I doubt she will be back its been 3 years now seen her 2 years ago face to face. Recovering from BPD damage takes time, put the pieces of your life back together, they live in chaos so they want your life to be the same.

Damn it's taken you that long?

 

[051AV]

I love reading these threads. Not because I enjoy anyone here going through pain, but because the patterns are all so similar and ridiculous.

My ex BPD wife got remarried right away after we divorced to some dude she worked with. Everything seemed so amazing for them in the beginning but I can't imagine the amount of bull**** she put him through in the past few years. They have two kids and I've got to think he's had a little bit of misery along the way, but I do hope he's doing OK and that she has fixed her terrible behavior and treats him better than she treated me.

That's the point that a lot of you guys need to get to. Indifference and wishing them the best of luck so that they can get help. Agonizing over their behavior or hoping they fail is just bitterness and hatred and you need to get that out of your system.

I can't imagine being married to a BPD that must be a living hell, do they change? NO, will they try to change? NO their little path of destruction follows them through life.

 

[Soflobro#3]

I can't imagine being married to a BPD that must be a living hell, do they change? NO, will they try to change? NO their little path of destruction follows them through life.

I can't imagine dating one. I would never tolerate that sh1t. Semi normal women are bad enough.

 

[Soflobro#3]

I might be dealing with one right now even as a veteran.
If they lure you in slowly enough you will fall for it. It's an environment of absolute acceptance where you believe they accept your flaws because you accept theirs. If you want a support system you are the perfect target. Likewise, if you have codependent savior instincts.

I will say though, the obvious BPDs you would never fall for unless totally brainwashed.

Women usually try to save or more so help me. What is it that makes you think your new girl is possibly bdp? Be specific. Sometimes I wonder abouy my ex gf, but she didn't have any substance abuse issues and I think she just had a lot of emotional baggage.

 

[Soflobro#3]

Push-pull mostly, all the usual family background stuff other than sexual abuse.

What family background stuff specifically. How does she push and pull you? Like what specifically are some examples of push and pull she does.