1 Date and then.. *Need help*

[Jareamee]

Listen carefully, she's gaming you as well. Women do that when they want to increase their value in your mind compare to their actual worth.
When she said she'll be doing this and that to a guy that's showing interest in her, and in your case you had a solid 1st date with her, that's game. And this girl probably reads dating tips on how to game men.

It means she's interested. I don't see her flaking. It's more of a woman's heart protection program.

That's why the impression you left on your first date with her is important. Create sexual tension like touching, kissing, hugging, slight rubbing of her side boobs with your upper arm as you walk right next to her holding hands and having fun. Touching her thighs, rubbing her legs and thighs as you sit very close next to her. Do this and make it natural and not some creepy, nervous dude. Women loves this especially if you do this right.

Whisper in her ears whatever things you'd like to say to her. Whisper it like you're fvcking her with words.

So her being distant but laying out what she’s been doing is just making me desire her more? You don’t think she’s giving me the slow brush off here?

Because there is a misalignment with what she’s saying and doing, and I can agree with her gaming m, but her being really general with dates and not texting much does create some question marks.

 

[nismo-4]

Second place is first loser.

Actions speak louder than words.

Women who are interested won't confuse you.

Your princess is in another castle. 99/100 times a woman will flake out if she's got a guy who's better than you.

Your game was solid no doubt, but it doesn't turn you into Chad or Tyrone.

Second date flake is when you have lost to another guy. Hate to tell you this.

For every girl you date, there's competition. You have to outshine her other alphas otherwise you'll be her new orbiter.

Only analyze actions.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

but if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t be so agreeable, open to communication and notifying me of what she’s actually doing, or be using the words such as love to me see..

Again, the words mean nothing. This took me the longest to realize. This is how 95% of women operate. They will not overtly say they are not interested. They will instead string you along until you finally get the hint, all the while they will enjoy the ego boost they receive by you continuing to chase them.

When you feel you are getting the brush-off, you have two options:
1. Say, "Ok, give me a call when you are free" and put the ball in their court, like you did, and then never reach out to them again. I don't like doing this because you are putting things in their frame, and it goes without saying that they are free to call you when and if they want, without you having to give them permission by saying this. If they want to see you, they will call. So I like #2 below better.
2. When YOU offer a specific day and time and they come back with anything other than a yes or a specific alternative date/time (usually it will be like what she did "let's do next week" etc), you do The Takeaway. You say politely, "Sounds like your schedule is pretty busy so let's just plan on doing something another time when your schedule solidifies." This puts things back in your frame. The key word here is "another time" or "some other time." Girls understand this is code for a polite way of saying, "I have other options and I'm no longer that interested in you. If you reach out to me, I might agree, I might not. Take care." This is exactly what they do to you so believe me they will get it.

Don't blame yourself, but try to not focus on their words. Focus on spinning more plates.

 

[Jareamee]

Thanks a lot for the perspective guys! I’m grateful, and It’s helpful.

It’s just so weird how this happens in dating. You nail all the points, touch, lock down a kiss, there’s high interest, etc, and then POOF. All gone. Haha like what! I’m pretty sure warren buffet would think dating is a terrible investment.

I do have to be honest with myself.. if she had super high interest like seemingly she does. She would be texting me more pictures of a book or creating conversation. Like she did the morning after we got together. Pictures of her trip and things like that. Hm.

Also there wouldn’t have been any time between her date with me and her going away to have had another date with anyone. So did I get out played? Or maybe she’s legit busy?! Haha

I get the spinning plates and having other options. However, how does a man get over the ‘I need to know what happened and why this didn’t take off’ mindset. It’s where I get stuck when things don’t pan out perfectly.
I get very ‘detective’ mode and want to know the why’s and what’s; where I went wrong, replaying moments in my head to the point of nausium, as I operate from the mindset of everything in my life is my responsibility. And I try to pass no blame to others. It’s a great thing but can have its downside also.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I get the spinning plates and having other options. However, how does a man get over the ‘I need to know what happened and why this didn’t take off’ mindset. It’s where I get stuck when things don’t pan out perfectly.
I get very ‘detective’ mode and want to know the why’s and what’s; where I went wrong, replaying moments in my head to the point of nausium, as I operate from the mindset of everything in my life is my responsibility. And I try to pass no blame to others. It’s a great thing but can have its downside also.

Welcome to the club brother. I struggle with it too but what I'm finding most effective is:
1. Be aware you are doing it - you are already there so good job!
2. Remember to tell yourself that you don't have control over everything in life. It isn't necessarily your fault when a woman loses interest.
3. Learn to reset your expectations. You already know that only about 1 in 10 girls you cold-approach will turn into a date, and you've already adjusted your expectations for this so you are not disappointed in the 9 that reject you. You need to apply this same mindset to girls you are actively dating! Just because you've gone out on two or twenty dates with a girl and she is saying nice things doesn't mean it's in the bag. It can change at ANY moment and just like the 9 cold approaches that failed, it can have nothing to do with you! So focus on not becoming so invested and focus on expecting things to be temporary because the vast majority of the time, they will be temporary.
4. Date more than one woman at a time so when one drops you, it has no impact on you because you have several others and now you have an opening for yet another.

 

[marmel75]

Thanks a lot for the perspective guys! I’m grateful, and It’s helpful.

It’s just so weird how this happens in dating. You nail all the points, touch, lock down a kiss, there’s high interest, etc, and then POOF. All gone. Haha like what! I’m pretty sure warren buffet would think dating is a terrible investment.

I do have to be honest with myself.. if she had super high interest like seemingly she does. She would be texting me more pictures of a book or creating conversation. Like she did the morning after we got together. Pictures of her trip and things like that. Hm.

Also there wouldn’t have been any time between her date with me and her going away to have had another date with anyone. So did I get out played? Or maybe she’s legit busy?! Haha

I get the spinning plates and having other options. However, how does a man get over the ‘I need to know what happened and why this didn’t take off’ mindset. It’s where I get stuck when things don’t pan out perfectly.
I get very ‘detective’ mode and want to know the why’s and what’s; where I went wrong, replaying moments in my head to the point of nausium, as I operate from the mindset of everything in my life is my responsibility. And I try to pass no blame to others. It’s a great thing but can have its downside also.

It doesnt matter why. You wont ever get a straight answer even if you asked. In the beginning it could be any mumber of things...women extrapolate the minutest details of something you might have said, something you did, etc and then think about it long term and say "Oh..this could never work out because of...x".

In addition she is likely dating several other men at various stages and likely one of them banged her. It is what it is. Not worth worrying about. The first thing you should do after a date with a new woman is schedule at least 2 more dates with other women

 

[Jareamee]

So it’s a new week and she’s back from her skiing trip, I imagine. I really want to see this girl again. Everything seems good except the fact she hasn’t messaged me. Our conversation was left off like this:

(April 9th)
Me: Sweet; enjoy the slopes!
Reach out to me when you’re back and we will go from there

Her: Cool, I will! Thanks!

I know you most will say just leave it, however my interest is quite high with her still. I don’t want to be so quick on nexting her. So how should I give one last attempt?

 

[guru1000]

So it’s a new week and she’s back from her skiing trip, I imagine. I really want to see this girl again. Everything seems good except the fact she hasn’t messaged me. Our conversation was left off like this:

(April 9th)
Me: Sweet; enjoy the slopes!
Reach out to me when you’re back and we will go from there

Her: Cool, I will! Thanks!

I know you most will say just leave it, however my interest is quite high with her still. I don’t want to be so quick on nexting her. So how should I give one last attempt?

Hence, why I said:

She's not likely to follow up with you the following week as her IL is not high enough to begin with, unless she uses you as a fallback. Next time, be specific with a day and time in your counter. She will either agree or skate. Therein you will have your answer.

and to reply with:

"Sure, let's meet Thursday, the 19th, at XYZ at 8 p.m."

Had you done that, you would have had your answer right there and then. And if she agreed, you wouldn't have to concern yourself with double-texting now. Next time I trust you will be specific with a counter.

You put yourself into this corner and will lose frame by initiating. I personally wouldn't be interested in such an investment. You told her to hit you up when she's free. And so, the onus is now on her to put this ball into play.

But I know you won't. So if you insist (and for you to learn), invite her for a drink, specific day, specific time. 35% chance to overturn. Even is she agrees, your frame is damaged and will require much work to reset.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You've already chased. Any more would be continuing to chase. The ball is in her court. Leave it there and move on. If she is interested in you, she will reach out. It might be today, it might be in a week or month or never.

The most important thing to know and accept is that the only thing you can do now to increase her interest level is to not reach out to her ever again. But don't even think about it like that. Think instead about you, not her. You want to respect yourself, improve yourself, and be with someone you are attracted to and who is attracted to you. She doesn't fit in that vision so you move on and put no more of your life energy into her.

To avoid getting one-itis, which it sounds like you might be doing, focus your energy on meeting new women instead of obsessing over this one. I understand it's difficult - believe me! But it will be better for you.

 

[Jareamee]

Thank you very much oldmanoftheaea and guru1000. I needed this. Very good perspectives from both!

I’ve recently stated somewhere I’m fairly new to red pill and all of that. And I’m seeing I’m at my personal ‘red line’ boundary I’ve set for myself in the past. Now I’m at this crossroads of empowering growth or falling back in to my old mindset of weakness.
It’s really difficult to challenge old ways of thinking and conducting oneself towards that idyllic way. Such an interesting, yet difficult thing to always put in to practice.

 

[Knight of Roses]

Hey everyone!

So I have a bit of a puzzle right now. Last Tuesday, I (29) had a great date with this woman (31). The date went really well. Initially we had planned for a walk along the seawall and then to go get ice cream. During the walk there was a bit of touching and laughing. We discovered we had a huge amount in common, from habits to perspective. The conversation was good. During the walk she even says ‘I like being with you, you’re really easy to talk to.’

As we were approaching the busy streets again, she suggested we go grab a drink instead; I agree and we recalculate our evening. I took the lead and made a choice of bar. During the drinks she had originally wanted to sit normal across from each other (like everyone does), however I go to the washroom and return only to sit next to her which is always a solid move so you’re able to touch; we have engaging conversation throughout, touch, and is overall ideal what one want on a first encounter. Lots of IOI’s.

After the bar I walk her to the bus stop she was needing to go to. I hug her then kiss her and it’s great, we chat a bit after both smiling and buzzing, then I kiss her again for a slight make out; parting ways there after.

Right after the date she messages me she had a great time and it was nice to meet me. I respond and say I had a good time.
The next day around noon she messages me again and asks how my day is. I respond and we send about 4 texts each. Within this conversation I ask her to ‘join me’ to the art gallery next Tuesday and she enthusiastically accepts.
Over the weekend she had gone away for the long weekend. The morning of her departure she messages me that she needed a new book and also sends me a picture. (We’re both big readers). I respond about the book and also with no questions, and let the conversation conclude, not reaching out while she’s away, as I want to give her space and let her do her thing.

Tuesday rolls around (2nd date night) and around 1pm she messages me: “Hey, unfortunately I have to cancel for tonight. I am sick and have a fever.. I would love to reschedule for next week if that's okay..”
Then I respond : “Sure, no problem. Feel better” and in return she says “Thanks ”

So now here we are. Almost one full week later and I have not heard a single word from her. Everything that I have been in control of seems like i did perfect (I think). All the IOI’s were there and she was clearly interested afterwards. And I made a plan and escalated well towards the second date
While not being needy over text.
It doesn’t SEEM like a blow off because she suggested she would LOVE to reschedule, however she didnt propose a new specific date or hadn’t kept the small talk up. And I also don’t have an evening planned with her yet.

I figured I would give it until Wednesday to reach out. However, this I’m apprehensive about. Because I don’t want to pursue a woman who doesn’t have TRUE DESIRE for me. Because we all know when women want to see a man; THEY MAKE SURE IT HAPPENS. And she’s not really doing anything now..

Did I get blown off?
Should I contact her, did I miss this opportunity?
What is this?

Thouhts and perspectives are appreciated. It’s a tad long winded, I know. Wanted to give a fairly detailed account so I can get a better answer(s).

Thanks gentlemen!

I agree with most of the statements here with some minor exceptions. If she is using sickness as an excuse, I would usually just wish her to get well. Radio silence for about 48 hours and then re-text asking how she is doing. If she is doing better, go in and ask for the second date. I personally don't like relying on the statement that high interest women will schedule a date with you even if they are the ones to cancel it. Be aggressive and take charge. If she denies it, next her. If she agrees, then you're gold.

Just my two cents, otherwise you played it well. No regrets in plate lost when you did well. Rinse and repeat.

 

[Jareamee]

I agree with most of the statements here with some minor exceptions. If she is using sickness as an excuse, I would usually just wish her to get well. Radio silence for about 48 hours and then re-text asking how she is doing. If she is doing better, go in and ask for the second date. I personally don't like relying on the statement that high interest women will schedule a date with you even if they are the ones to cancel it. Be aggressive and take charge. If she denies it, next her. If she agrees, then you're gold.

Just my two cents, otherwise you played it well. No regrets in plate lost when you did well. Rinse and repeat.

That’s the kicker. I did really well and I’m proud of it. It’s just a bit of a mind fvck when everything goes the exact way i idealized it should and then the plate disappears for no reason — how she dropped off stone cold is just odd.
Goes away for the long weekend and then BOOM she’s sick and MIA and no contact; especially because she showed high interest during and after the date.

That’s the game though. Have to be totally okay with letting plates smash on the ground. And that’s a good mindset to have in all of our views in life. Keep spinning, keep moving forward.

 

[17 shots]

I think she wants more attention from you. Seems like she wanted to have a conversation with you when she text you about that book. But you seem hell bent on only trying to plan dates and disappearing.... try calling her just to talk a couple of times without planning a date and see if she warms up

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

"Hey, hope you are feeling better! I'd like to meet for a drink one night this week, are you free Thursday night"
.

Sounds a bit arrogant don't you think? Better would be - 'Would you like to..."

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

So for clarity... we went on a date on Thursday (March29), then on Friday (30th) there was a 4 day weekend and she went away. We had plans the Tuesday (April 3rd) after the weekend. She said she was sick and asked to reschedule for this current week. I hear no word until today (April 9th). Then when I reach out she said she was away for the week and weekend and wants to schedule next week.

I can acknowledge the lukewarm interest as she is not super communicative or definitive about dates and times. Which is frustrating and takes some of the wind out of my sails, naturally.
What gets me here is her words. She has used the words ‘love’ twice when talking to me in terms of seeing and getting together again. And does seem really receptive when I do reach out. She’s just not seemingly making a huge effort. Although she has been pretty ‘busy’ with being away and such. And in person everything seemed great. But I’m not here to dwell..

The most recent developments have been:

———
Me: “Sweet; enjoy the slopes! Reach out to me when you’re back and we will go from there“

Her: “Cool, I will! Thanks!”
———-

So I left the ball in her court and will see what becomes of that, next week. I’m pretty confused. Seems like a little bit of guesswork, which is not a great sign, but if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t be so agreeable, open to communication and notifying me of what she’s actually doing, or be using the words such as love to me see..

...Hmmmm....

Think of all the men chasing an attractive woman. How can she be enthusiastically responsive to all that attention............ ? And so it is natural for her to try and hold a man at arm's length.....

 

[Jareamee]

I think she wants more attention from you. Seems like she wanted to have a conversation with you when she text you about that book. But you seem hell bent on only trying to plan dates and disappearing.... try calling her just to talk a couple of times without planning a date and see if she warms up

I missed my shot on that. Because she hasn’t reached out to me this week yet so I don’t think I should reach out again until she does.
And I didn’t have a huge conversation because she was going away that weekend, and didn’t want to seem needy; I allowed her to do her. Plus! If a woman wanted to keep a convo going, they would keep the convo going.

 

[Jareamee]

Think of all the men chasing an attractive woman. How can she be enthusiastically responsive to all that attention............ ? And so it is natural for her to try and hold a man at arm's length.....

I’m confused about the things you said..

 

[flowtheory]

So I had completely left it at: “Sweet; enjoy the slopes! Reach out to me when you’re back and we will go from there ”.
And didn’t reach out since

She just messaged me.. (Friday at 5:40pm) “Hey you! How are you?”

What should be my play now?

*i should mention that she has still been away, as I spied her tinder like a weirdo twice this week to see if she was still away, and she has still been away working at the location she had mentioned*

@oldmanofthesea @guru1000

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I think she is just bored and occasionally wants someone to talk to. Women like keeping guys in their orbit because it makes them feel wanted and attractive. She is not showing signs of serious interest in you. She is likely to just string you along.

BUT, if you must, then my strategy would be to *assume* she is contacting you because she wants to get together and do not allow yourself to be her text-message entertainment. To do this, you respond back that you are doing awesome and ask her what she is up to. If you can think of something cute/funny/teasing as part of that message, all the better. If she replies, say something funny in response to what she says and then say, "We should get together soon and catch up. Let's do this Tuesday at 7pm" or whatever day/time works for you. Ignore the fact that you may know she can't do it because of her location. Let her tell you. If she says "yes," great, set the place and logistics. If she says no I'm still out of town then once again, say "Ah ok, well drop me a line when you are back in town and are free to get together! I'm about to <insert activity here> so I have to run. Talk to you later!" and then ignore additional texts from her. You've now extended the offer twice and that is the limit. If she reaches out in several days, from that point forward, you will not offer to hang out again. SHE must bring it up. You can respond to her but I'd keep it to 1-2 messages max - the goal being only to see if she brings up hanging out.

 

[guru1000]

So I had completely left it at: “Sweet; enjoy the slopes! Reach out to me when you’re back and we will go from there ”.
And didn’t reach out since

She just messaged me.. (Friday at 5:40pm) “Hey you! How are you?”

What should be my play now?

*i should mention that she has still been away, as I spied her tinder like a weirdo twice this week to see if she was still away, and she has still been away working at the location she had mentioned*

@oldmanofthesea @guru1000

"I'm great, nice to hear from you! I'm heading into a meeting, but would love to catch up soon. Are you free Thursday night, 8 p.m.?"

Very rarely do I invest time for chitchat into a girl who has yet to earn her "stripes." Keep your time and attention to a minimum until she proves she is worth investing into.

Meantime ... ask for the date.