I do have a much better understanding thanks to this thread, I guess the message is ... I'll never understand ? They're not logical creatures and she could say something to me one day and feel the exact opposite or block me out forever the next. This advice wasn't wasted on me and it's been incredibly therapeutic for me to log my thoughts on here so for that as well I am grateful. I will get help
BPD GIRL CUT ME OFF / MET ANOTHER BPD / GENERAL SADNESS
- Thread starter PokerL
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I do have a much better understanding thanks to this thread, I guess the message is ... I'll never understand ? They're not logical creatures and she could say something to me one day and feel the exact opposite or block me out forever the next. This advice wasn't wasted on me and it's been incredibly therapeutic for me to log my thoughts on here so for that as well I am grateful. I will get help
Infern0
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I recently had another situation with a girl who i suspect was BPD.
Abandoned in childhood, cut marks all up her arms, pattern of idealize/devaluation. Said one day she didnt think she had a soul.
I knew her for over a year and from the start i was very aloof with her, gamed her expertly, always had a great time but didnt allow myself to develop any feelings for her.
But eventually, i did start to develop feelings after her wanting me for a RS for months, i knew the red flags, i knew it was a bad idea but I went there anyway.
Needless to say the situation flipped instantly and she tried to make me HER *****. The SECOND she detected i had feelings for her she begun to treat me with contempt.
I had the experience to get out of there very quickly but i still felt awful for a good 4-6 weeks after it all.
But OP get clear if you can because i hate to see guys go through the awful empty period
Abandoned in childhood, cut marks all up her arms, pattern of idealize/devaluation. Said one day she didnt think she had a soul.
I knew her for over a year and from the start i was very aloof with her, gamed her expertly, always had a great time but didnt allow myself to develop any feelings for her.
But eventually, i did start to develop feelings after her wanting me for a RS for months, i knew the red flags, i knew it was a bad idea but I went there anyway.
Needless to say the situation flipped instantly and she tried to make me HER *****. The SECOND she detected i had feelings for her she begun to treat me with contempt.
I had the experience to get out of there very quickly but i still felt awful for a good 4-6 weeks after it all.
But OP get clear if you can because i hate to see guys go through the awful empty period
stovepipe
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Of course you'll never understand cause their behavior is from another planet. Just like she cant undersrtand what the peopel on the other end of her are going through. The posts I see from this BPD group will make your head spin on how stupid they are.
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I really enjoy your writing style I must say, you're clearly very experienced with these women. I know I have to try and get out of this, maybe she'll make it easy on me and disappear again, not that I hope for that but whatever. I glorify the relationship in my mind so much, she's so unreliable take her text 4 hours ago for example "I'll reply after work, can you call me later ? " not to be weird but as someone who's picked her up a zillion times I know she finishes work at 11pm on a Sunday, sometimes even earlier. she lives 10 minutes tops from the bar and it's currently 1am, she's obviously with someone doing something and it just sickens me a little. It would be like that even when things were good between us, example, Me: Hey what are you doing tomorrow night, Her: Idk I don't like to make plans, Then she'd call the next day and often say she was busy that night or w/e. Just selfish crap like that
Infern0
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Ive got complex PTSD which is closely related to BPD and overlaps a lot of issues so i understand them at the innate level.
I've been in therapy for a while and worked on my own disorder and have a lot of awareness and i control my disorder very well but belive me when i tell you if im triggered, rules go out of the window and it becomes about doing anything for survival. I could be extremely dangerous in that situation.
Well BPD is worse than CPTSD and most of them haven't had any treatment.
I have a bit of humility to say before i got treatment i was not fit for a relationship at all. Any girl who got involved with me got hurt and i even pierced the veil of my ex bpd at times.
Again they are worse and more dangerous than i was.
I'll never tell someone what to do with their life but educate yourself as much as you can
Yikes I watched the second video inter0 posted, a little freaky, what the guy talked about in the video is what I experienced a little scary. I'm glad my ex is out of my life. It has taken me well over a year to recover from the mess she put me through, trust me don't get involved with a BPD its a total mind phuck from the day you meet them to the day you get them out of your life.
Watched both vids, found the first a lot more useful but both very good. Didn't end up hearing from her last night, replied to her first text at around 10pm, then around 1.30 I texted to say it was probably a bit late to call her given she had work early in the morning and I didnt want to keep her but i was very much looking forward to talking soon, wished her sweet dreams etc, she read about an hour later but didn't reply.
soulforge
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You have been given the best advice possible..If anyone else has anymore material particularly applicable to my situation I'd be very grateful
If you really think you will be riding off into the sunset with this chick, with your happily ever after.. YOU SIR ARE KIDDING YOURSELF
Sigh I know, I re read the last 4 pages today. All I can do is ignore my feelings
Infern0
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Ill say my last word on this and then you are on your own OP.
Bpd women arent capable of intimacy. That means theres two types of men in their lives.
Guy A, being the guy that has sex with them and they chase after ad nauseum with no real commitment or connection beyond surface level.
Guy B, being the guy who "loves" them who will either be friendzoned or they might have a "relationship" with. Said relationship will be awful, they wont open up to you, they will likely withold sex, they will use up all your money as you try to keep them happy. There will also be a Guy A in the picture who you dont know about who will eventually be your replacement.
Look forward to not being able to trust your partner, her going to parties full of drunk frat guys and you having to pick her up in a drunken mess with smeared lipstick and all kinds of suspicious **** then being emotionally manipulated if you ask questions.
There is no happy ending in this situation, they aren't capable of a good healthy relationship even if they want one.
You arent the sort of guy who will be able to just enjoy the sex and stay detatched, few men are truth be told. So my advice is cut your losses at this stage before it gets bad.
Thats it from me on this subject
Bpd women arent capable of intimacy. That means theres two types of men in their lives.
Guy A, being the guy that has sex with them and they chase after ad nauseum with no real commitment or connection beyond surface level.
Guy B, being the guy who "loves" them who will either be friendzoned or they might have a "relationship" with. Said relationship will be awful, they wont open up to you, they will likely withold sex, they will use up all your money as you try to keep them happy. There will also be a Guy A in the picture who you dont know about who will eventually be your replacement.
Look forward to not being able to trust your partner, her going to parties full of drunk frat guys and you having to pick her up in a drunken mess with smeared lipstick and all kinds of suspicious **** then being emotionally manipulated if you ask questions.
There is no happy ending in this situation, they aren't capable of a good healthy relationship even if they want one.
You arent the sort of guy who will be able to just enjoy the sex and stay detatched, few men are truth be told. So my advice is cut your losses at this stage before it gets bad.
Thats it from me on this subject
I've screenshotted this post to remind myself constantly, thank you.
Trust me don't get involved with a BPD girl, my ex was a high functioning BPD, nobody could tell anything was wrong with her,she was attractive and smart.
When we first met she told me she was on meds she wouldn't tell me what mental health condition she had. She told me about her life it was a real train wreck, I did see a pattern. Our relationship wasn't easy she caused me a lot of stress I did put up with a lot but I was different from the other guys she would be in relationships I stood up to her I didn't let her control me. Do I miss her? ya but I know she's never going to change or have a healthy relationship she's damaged goods that can never be fixed.
When we first met she told me she was on meds she wouldn't tell me what mental health condition she had. She told me about her life it was a real train wreck, I did see a pattern. Our relationship wasn't easy she caused me a lot of stress I did put up with a lot but I was different from the other guys she would be in relationships I stood up to her I didn't let her control me. Do I miss her? ya but I know she's never going to change or have a healthy relationship she's damaged goods that can never be fixed.
After not speaking for 2 days I woke up to this
Her: Can I tell me you something ?
Me: Sure, anything.
Her:
You're the only person who fills the empty lost gut feeling I get....
As we haven't been talking for so long I forget we have eachother there
And when I feel like this sick, this empty and horrible, you're the only person who I can speak to and feel the emptiness fill even just a little bit
A little bit is a miracle and I don't know why you fill it but you do
Her: Can I tell me you something ?
Me: Sure, anything.
Her:
You're the only person who fills the empty lost gut feeling I get....
As we haven't been talking for so long I forget we have eachother there
And when I feel like this sick, this empty and horrible, you're the only person who I can speak to and feel the emptiness fill even just a little bit
A little bit is a miracle and I don't know why you fill it but you do
If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.
Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
This will quickly drive all women away from you.
And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.
You let yourself get sucked back in and it will likely be worse for you next time…
You’ve been warned multiple times in this thread.
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Its all about control she's reaching out to you to see if she still has control of you, BPDs love control, my ex is a control freak. She would try control me it didn't go over well she would get mad because I didn't snap to her fingers. My replacement on the other hand she controls him she snaps her fingers he jumps she makes him do things she wants to do and he doesn't want to do it. When I first met my BPD she would say to me "I'm being nice to them I may need them" she was referring to people that may help her benefit from something.
A scared BPD is a dangerous BPD they start lying like crazy, claim stuff that isn't true, my ex was gathering up stuff that she could use against me, claiming I was abusive to her she knows damn well I was not. She would try get people on her side and try get them to turn against me, she was trying to ruin my reputation. She was jealous that I was talking to other women so she would try put a squash to that. There was lots of other odd things happening I couldn't prove if it was her. This was all because she claimed I hurt her feelings deeply.
Things really turned vicious between us the people that knew us both seen her ugly side, the sweet innocent young lady wasn't so sweet and innocent. She hasn't contacted me I haven't contacted her. We seen each other face to face a year ago all I got out of her was a nervous giggle she would barely look me in the eyes. My replacement looks like death warmed over he's a mid 30s guy looks like he's mid 40s its all from being with her, he's an NPD so they are feeding off each other but he's going to lose in the end.
A scared BPD is a dangerous BPD they start lying like crazy, claim stuff that isn't true, my ex was gathering up stuff that she could use against me, claiming I was abusive to her she knows damn well I was not. She would try get people on her side and try get them to turn against me, she was trying to ruin my reputation. She was jealous that I was talking to other women so she would try put a squash to that. There was lots of other odd things happening I couldn't prove if it was her. This was all because she claimed I hurt her feelings deeply.
Things really turned vicious between us the people that knew us both seen her ugly side, the sweet innocent young lady wasn't so sweet and innocent. She hasn't contacted me I haven't contacted her. We seen each other face to face a year ago all I got out of her was a nervous giggle she would barely look me in the eyes. My replacement looks like death warmed over he's a mid 30s guy looks like he's mid 40s its all from being with her, he's an NPD so they are feeding off each other but he's going to lose in the end.
Whist I do realise long term, even short term this will go nowhere, is there anything I could do now to seem more attractive to her ? There seems to be the pattern of her sending a nice message or 2, then disappearing for a couple of days or becoming distant and so on. Obviously we've only been back in vague contact for 6 days and I do appreciate the groups advice, just in the short run I'd like to somehow have a better effect if at all possible. As right now there's very little else going on in my love life
