BPD GIRL CUT ME OFF / MET ANOTHER BPD / GENERAL SADNESS

[Billtx49]

I'm looking into it, already been to the doctors so waiting for a referral

Good, because women like this can take down men that don’t even have any pre-existing issues.…

 

[PokerL]

She just replied approx 7 hours later with this

"
These messages are lovely! I shall reply when I've finished work - unfortunately I left my phone in my friends car and didn't get it back until 5pm so have been so short on time to reply!
Can we have a phone call later? Miss you curly! Xxxxx"

Not saying she's lying but she was on FB multiple times also one of the texts says "read" at 2pm so unless her friend has her password and went into her messages which I doubt, it's a lie

 

[Billtx49]

She just replied approx 7 hours later with this

"
These messages are lovely! I shall reply when I've finished work - unfortunately I left my phone in my friends car and didn't get it back until 5pm so have been so short on time to reply!
Can we have a phone call later? Miss you curly! Xxxxx"

Not saying she's lying but she was on FB multiple times also one of the texts says "read" at 2pm so unless her friend has her password and went into her messages which I doubt, it's a lie

Yep. It’s a lie. Women don’t go anywhere without their phone. It’s as phony as her suicide story.

 

[PokerL]

Yep. It’s a lie. Women don’t go anywhere without their phone. It’s as phony as her suicide story.

I mean she has a 6 digit password and one of the messages clearly said "read" at 2pm. There's no way she'd let any friend male or female know her password, and she certainly wouldn't be cool with them randomly opening a message at will, it's not like you can do that by mistake on an iPhone either it's a longish process that involves entering the password, opening messenger etc.

God this has pissed me off ... at least she was friendly I guess ? That's something. Idk :/

 

[Billtx49]

God this has pissed me off ... at least she was friendly I guess ? That's something. Idk :/

No, its nothing. She is now openly lying to you.

 

[PokerL]

No, its nothing. She is now openly lying to you.

I wonder why though ? Saying she was busy/rushed for work would seem pretty reasonable and I couldn't really question it. Waste of a lie imo.

 

[Billtx49]

I wonder why though ? Saying she was busy/rushed for work would seem pretty reasonable and I couldn't really question it. Waste of a lie imo.

The best liars mix some truth into the lie. You’re getting hardcore played.

 

[PokerL]

The best liars mix some truth into the lie. You’re getting hardcore played.

It just seems silly to me, as she's adding shadiness to it by saying she was in someone's car, it's unnessecary. I hate this

 

[Billtx49]

I hate this

There’s only one way out of her chaos. NC for life.

 

[Polysix]

I feel like I've made such a fool of myself today, she must just think im absurdly pathetic. But as you say 2 days ago the girl was describing how she cut her wrists open and tried to jump in front of moving vehicles at night so I mean being overly worried / looking for ways to make small talk with her is surely natural. In her head though I'd understand if she felt like there was nothing she couldnt do to me that wouldnt end with me just being glad to hear from her again

You DO NOT know what´s going on in her batchit crazy head, if you knew you already would have initiated No Contact for a lifetime.
I can tell what is going on, she is happy to see you suffer and she plays you with a sadistic smirk. Why? Cause it´s her way to relieve her inner pain, a pain that was caused by a trauma long time ago in her early childhood. As @Infern0 already stated, emotionally she is basicly a child in a woman´s body. That trauma that happened to her long before you came into her life and she survived it. She is a professional surviver, so there is no need for having compassion for her, or saving her, because she doesn´t want to be saved. She´s also a professional victim (suicide blabla, please save me I´m a whor...er...damsel in disstress...). Why do you have so much compassion with a person that is so self-centered, playing mindgames with you and doesn´t give a f>ck about you? She abuses you emotionally and she knows it, because it makes her feel better. But she doens´t know how much pain she causes to you and never will becuase first of she´s so self-absorbed in her own inner pain and secondly she never developed the competence to feel compassion for others. Her emotional development stopped before that and didn´t progress, albeit she needs compassion and love from others to survive:

If she was able to feel what you're going through during this NC, she would never do what she does. If she was able to feel the pain she leaves her exs in, she would commit suicide. She is an empty vessel who needs the love and compassion of others in order to fill it cause she cant. If you left these types of people in an empty house all alone, with no internet or TV, they would die. They need to feed on others in order to survive. No one to feed on=death

I think @stovepipe puts it straight here.

I
I very much do agree with what you are saying and as i type this to you i feel in control, however as a day or 2 passes, my worry for her grows combined with missing her and wondering why she's gone cold again I'll find it oh so hard not to call and just pray for an answer

Why worry for a person that abuses you?

I'm looking into it, already been to the doctors so waiting for a referral

A wise decision this will help you to get out of this sh!tty situation much faster.
Regarding the intense shame you feel at the moment for being needy I can relate, never felt so much shame for being needy as I did after the break up with my sith-lady. But there is really no need to blame oneself for it. It´s called toxic shame from ones own childhood. I´d recommand reading Shari Schreiber´s articles about BPD or better reading the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. He also mentions toxic shame. Reading that book might distract a bit better from your obsessive thoughts about your ex than reading mor about bpd. She didn´t choose to be like that. Don´t feed her with your thoughts or any contact, she will survive just fine without you, she learned it early on as a child. It´s only about your own sake now.

 

[PokerL]

You DO NOT know what´s going on in her batchit crazy head, if you knew you already would have initiated No Contact for a lifetime.
I can tell what is going on, she is happy to see you suffer and she plays you with a sadistic smirk. Why? Cause it´s her way to relieve her inner pain, a pain that was caused by a trauma long time ago in her early childhood. As @Infern0 already stated, emotionally she is basicly a child in a woman´s body. That trauma that happened to her long before you came into her life and she survived it. She is a professional surviver, so there is no need for having compassion for her, or saving her, because she doesn´t want to be saved. She´s also a professional victim (suicide blabla, please save me I´m a whor...er...damsel in disstress...). Why do you have so much compassion with a person that is so self-centered, playing mindgames with you and doesn´t give a f>ck about you? She abuses you emotionally and she knows it, because it makes her feel better. But she doens´t know how much pain she causes to you and never will becuase first of she´s so self-absorbed in her own inner pain and secondly she never developed the competence to feel compassion for others. Her emotional development stopped before that and didn´t progress, albeit she needs compassion and love from others to survive:

I think @stovepipe puts it straight here.

Why worry for a person that abuses you?


A wise decision this will help you to get out of this sh!tty situation much faster.
Regarding the intense shame you feel at the moment for being needy I can relate, never felt so much shame for being needy as I did after the break up with my sith-lady. But there is really no need to blame oneself for it. It´s called toxic shame from ones own childhood. I´d recommand reading Shari Schreiber´s articles about BPD or better reading the book "No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. He also mentions toxic shame. Reading that book might distract a bit better from your obsessive thoughts about your ex than reading mor about bpd. She didn´t choose to be like that. Don´t feed her with your thoughts or any contact, she will survive just fine without you, she learned it early on as a child. It´s only about your own sake now.

I'm feeling weirdly good right now as she's texted me, despite the obvious lies and seediness hidden in the message. She wanted to call me, she missed me, it feels so good. I felt so ashamed of myself for sending such needy messages earlier when in reality she called me after 3 weeks NC to talk about her suicide attempt, being sectioned and some other crap. My friend broke this down for me in the last month alone
1. She's gone to the police about me
2. accused me of rape after engaging in more than willing sex
3. bad mouthed me and told a number of lies to the other girl which ive seen
4. blocked me on everything possible only to come back on the phone and act so natural
5. just regularly lie about everything possible, but she's always done that
6. by her own admission been taken into custody for being unstable and trying to kill herslef

Of course I could go on about all the things she did in the 5 months prior to this, but it would be pointless. I still adore her, I need this to end though and this thread has opened my eyes in so many ways.

BPD number 2 contacted me today for the first time in a bit and we briefly discussed this. She then cried down the phone, said everyone in her building hates her as she punches/bangs her head against the walls in her room at night and screams etc constantly . I didnt know what to say, I feel a great deal of sympathy for her too. She's a lot more obviously messed up, you can just see it in her, but she's been incredibly kind towards me and took my side in this despute I had with my original from day 1 and showing me all the messages she sent her about me which I have to appreciate. However she plays with my head too, often sending semi nude snaps and saying she wishes she met me sooner and how this is so unfair that we're apart when I'm sure she couldnt care less about me either. Though I feel going NC on her would be cruel after dragging her into this

 

[Billtx49]

BPD number 2 contacted me today for the first time in a bit and we briefly discussed this.
I feel a great deal of sympathy for her too. She's a lot more obviously messed up, you can just see it in her
Though I feel going NC on her would be cruel after dragging her into this

Dude… Grow a pair and stop putting sick women on a pedestal…

 

[PokerL]

Dude… Grow a pair and stop putting sick women on a pedestal…

I suppose she's never done anything to me, she's put me through 0 pain and I went out of my way to contact her because I knew what she had. She's also always very interested in hearing about my problems so it seems unfair to cut her off just because she's a bit toxic. She's also approx 5 hours away and will be the majority of the time for the next 3-4 years so I dont have to worry about her putting me in any tough situations

 

[Billtx49]

I’m out. You’re deaf as well as dense. Get some professional help.

 

[dustmuffin]

Crap, not reading all of that. Just run. Rid yourself of her and move on. Don't know about the police. What did you do?

 

[RedScorpion]

'said everyone in her building hates her as she punches/bangs her head against the walls in her room at night and screams etc constantly '

*passes out popcorn to all the members reading*

 

[PokerL]

Crap, not reading all of that. Just run. Rid yourself of her and move on. Don't know about the police. What did you do?

Basically we made a video together and at one point she said she could easily ruin my life idk why and I emptied that was rich coming from the girl who sucked my well you know on vid, sure it would be much easier for me. (Bad move on my part) and she went to the police about it that's the short of it. Though we had pretty drunk sex a few times and she often "joked" she should report it etc

 

[PokerL]

'said everyone in her building hates her as she punches/bangs her head against the walls in her room at night and screams etc constantly '

*passes out popcorn to all the members reading*

I mean she is pretty nuts, she's sort of well known where I live for being a bit off her face. But she's a nice person from what I can gather, does a lot of voluntary work at a cat home judging from her FB

 

[Thorninmyside]

I just dont get it

Understatement of the year. Come on bro. 8 pages of advice and support just so you can end up in the place you started? Your dependency is going to keep causing you a world of hurt until you spend enough time away from the drug of this girl's validation you've become addicted to. That, and you persist in expecting that logic is going to explain and resolve any of this madness. Logic doesn't apply to BPD. It's a parallel universe.

Please get yourself some support people around you and some pro help asap.

 

[PokerL]

Understatement of the year. Come on bro. 8 pages of advice and support just so you can end up in the place you started? Your dependency is going to keep causing you a world of hurt until you spend enough time away from the drug of this girl's validation you've become addicted to. That, and you persist in expecting that logic is going to explain and resolve any of this madness. Logic doesn't apply to BPD. It's a parallel universe.

Please get yourself some support people around you and some pro help asap.

I do have a much better understanding thanks to this thread, I guess the message is ... I'll never understand ? They're not logical creatures and she could say something to me one day and feel the exact opposite or block me out forever the next. This advice wasn't wasted on me and it's been incredibly therapeutic for me to log my thoughts on here so for that as well I am grateful. I will get help