WeaponOfWar
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2012
- Messages
- 31
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 30
Hello, This will be a bit of a long post.
I have been seeing this girl for two years now, it's been a bit of a complicated road the first year, her ex bf problems but we worked through that.
After that she left to study abroad, we started seeing each other on holidays and in the rest of the time texting. I'm bad with long distance and i told her, i used to ask her for reassuring and stuff but at a normal rate.
I finally arrived in the same city to do my masters degree, the only issue is...in the last month I went a bit off the rails, the long distance thing took a really bad toll on me and I became really insecure. I started bombarding her with walls of text, asking for a lot of reassuring and such things. She started chatting less and less which got me worried, she told me to ease up on the questions but I kept doing it more and more...
She wasn't able to come to our country during the summer so I went there a month before going to live there and study myself, for a week to see her but I was really stressed for some reason, I somehow wanted to catch up for the lost time and i started acting really stressed around her, asking stupid questions like "is this ok, is that ok, does this bother you "etc. So..we ended up not having sex at all. She told me that because I was so weird it turned her off. She also started texting a bit less since she was busy all the time, but i told her about it and she was understanding and started being aware of it.
Last week was the tipping point when she got really angry because i kept asking her if something was wrong, nothing was wrong but..my mind just started playing tricks on me due to the long distance and i kept reading what she wrote very wrong. She got really angry and since then she was a bit colder.
When I arrived here I was relieved that all that was over since I'd be able to see her. We care for each other and she tried to be as understanding as possible, at first she indulged that for a year or so, she knew it was hard for me, but i just went really overboard with it this month...and when I arrived she told me she couldn't jump straight into dating and of course I pushed her into more explaining, and I think she just feels pressured by the idea that I am here now and if things don't work out she somehow has to go through with it just because..but i didn't get that and started overreacting and she told me that it makes me really unattractive to her being like a drama queen. The next day I tried to talk to her and she told me that right now she doesn't feel like being with me in an actual relationship since she doesn't even get horny right now when she thinks of me due to all the "mommy's boy" outbursts and that she hates the way she starts acting with me sometimes, she starts being mean and making jokes, because of all the reassuring i ask her for, all the extra explanations and such and I'm really apologetic ...I'm a nice guy'ish and it's ok most of the times but now I became one of those guys... and it pisses her off and that she wants some peace.
Basically I wasn't being manly at all this last month and now she is over saturated from all the pointless panicky moments i had and she doesn't feel that attracted to me sexually. Two weeks ago we hit it off really well.
She told me during this argument that she still wants to try and see but right now our talks are really weird and cold. Basically she writes something, then I reply after a few minutes and that's it..she doesn't really try to hold a conversation. She's nice but cold in a way, yesterday she opened up a bit and told me about her day but I was a bit colder to try and mirror her..then she didn't answer until today in the morning. Today we talked a bit, by talked i mean i sent her a song/image and asked a few questions but she just answered in a nice way but again didn't try to make conversation. For example during the evening she goes online on whatsapp but doesn't even look at my message and then replies the next day.
I'm ok now, this whole argument was a big wake up call for me to man up. But the way things are is really uncomfortable and I still haven't actually seen her in person. I don't know what to do right now, how to act.
One day she was a bit more warm and i was being a little cold... I'm avoiding to actually talk to her about this and ask her if she needs some time to chill, i'd like to ask her to just be understanding since I've been telling her for a year that i might go into a weird state since long distance is really hard for me, and forgive me for it and just move on and not judge me based on it. I feel like I'm in deep **** and I'm losing her if things keep going like this.
Talking about the problem might seem just like I'm doing more of the same old stuff to her, but I just want to overcome this and talk normally and see each other. I don't even know if asking her to meet would be a good move right now, it's really ****ty. I can't do dirty talk since it will be like hitting a brick wall right now(be both loved having sex together it was amazing), I can't have an actual conversation...she's always doing stuff like going to the gym, paining, playing the guitar walking the etc. or just hanging with her housemates, it's obvious she's not that much into talking right now.
In about a week we will both start school and I'm afraid that will push us further away.
What I am trying to do right now is be myself, be friendly to her but not push too hard, give her a little space and try to keep myself busy so i don't look like all i'm doing is thinking about her and hopefully as she sees that I'm not starting with the crazy stuff and I'm actually keeping my word that i'm done with that she'll start wanting to talk more and want to meet...but if at the end of the week nothing improves, or at the half of this week I'll try to talk to her about it and try to explain without it sounding like a drama queen so we can actually work on overcoming this.
Any advice would be appreciated. A friend told me to just be cold and start appearing uninterested in her but i'm not sure that would work and it might just turn her off more since she would start thinking that I'm acting like that for attention or something... I'm really sad because of this.
I have been seeing this girl for two years now, it's been a bit of a complicated road the first year, her ex bf problems but we worked through that.
After that she left to study abroad, we started seeing each other on holidays and in the rest of the time texting. I'm bad with long distance and i told her, i used to ask her for reassuring and stuff but at a normal rate.
I finally arrived in the same city to do my masters degree, the only issue is...in the last month I went a bit off the rails, the long distance thing took a really bad toll on me and I became really insecure. I started bombarding her with walls of text, asking for a lot of reassuring and such things. She started chatting less and less which got me worried, she told me to ease up on the questions but I kept doing it more and more...
She wasn't able to come to our country during the summer so I went there a month before going to live there and study myself, for a week to see her but I was really stressed for some reason, I somehow wanted to catch up for the lost time and i started acting really stressed around her, asking stupid questions like "is this ok, is that ok, does this bother you "etc. So..we ended up not having sex at all. She told me that because I was so weird it turned her off. She also started texting a bit less since she was busy all the time, but i told her about it and she was understanding and started being aware of it.
Last week was the tipping point when she got really angry because i kept asking her if something was wrong, nothing was wrong but..my mind just started playing tricks on me due to the long distance and i kept reading what she wrote very wrong. She got really angry and since then she was a bit colder.
When I arrived here I was relieved that all that was over since I'd be able to see her. We care for each other and she tried to be as understanding as possible, at first she indulged that for a year or so, she knew it was hard for me, but i just went really overboard with it this month...and when I arrived she told me she couldn't jump straight into dating and of course I pushed her into more explaining, and I think she just feels pressured by the idea that I am here now and if things don't work out she somehow has to go through with it just because..but i didn't get that and started overreacting and she told me that it makes me really unattractive to her being like a drama queen. The next day I tried to talk to her and she told me that right now she doesn't feel like being with me in an actual relationship since she doesn't even get horny right now when she thinks of me due to all the "mommy's boy" outbursts and that she hates the way she starts acting with me sometimes, she starts being mean and making jokes, because of all the reassuring i ask her for, all the extra explanations and such and I'm really apologetic ...I'm a nice guy'ish and it's ok most of the times but now I became one of those guys... and it pisses her off and that she wants some peace.
Basically I wasn't being manly at all this last month and now she is over saturated from all the pointless panicky moments i had and she doesn't feel that attracted to me sexually. Two weeks ago we hit it off really well.
She told me during this argument that she still wants to try and see but right now our talks are really weird and cold. Basically she writes something, then I reply after a few minutes and that's it..she doesn't really try to hold a conversation. She's nice but cold in a way, yesterday she opened up a bit and told me about her day but I was a bit colder to try and mirror her..then she didn't answer until today in the morning. Today we talked a bit, by talked i mean i sent her a song/image and asked a few questions but she just answered in a nice way but again didn't try to make conversation. For example during the evening she goes online on whatsapp but doesn't even look at my message and then replies the next day.
I'm ok now, this whole argument was a big wake up call for me to man up. But the way things are is really uncomfortable and I still haven't actually seen her in person. I don't know what to do right now, how to act.
One day she was a bit more warm and i was being a little cold... I'm avoiding to actually talk to her about this and ask her if she needs some time to chill, i'd like to ask her to just be understanding since I've been telling her for a year that i might go into a weird state since long distance is really hard for me, and forgive me for it and just move on and not judge me based on it. I feel like I'm in deep **** and I'm losing her if things keep going like this.
Talking about the problem might seem just like I'm doing more of the same old stuff to her, but I just want to overcome this and talk normally and see each other. I don't even know if asking her to meet would be a good move right now, it's really ****ty. I can't do dirty talk since it will be like hitting a brick wall right now(be both loved having sex together it was amazing), I can't have an actual conversation...she's always doing stuff like going to the gym, paining, playing the guitar walking the etc. or just hanging with her housemates, it's obvious she's not that much into talking right now.
In about a week we will both start school and I'm afraid that will push us further away.
What I am trying to do right now is be myself, be friendly to her but not push too hard, give her a little space and try to keep myself busy so i don't look like all i'm doing is thinking about her and hopefully as she sees that I'm not starting with the crazy stuff and I'm actually keeping my word that i'm done with that she'll start wanting to talk more and want to meet...but if at the end of the week nothing improves, or at the half of this week I'll try to talk to her about it and try to explain without it sounding like a drama queen so we can actually work on overcoming this.
Any advice would be appreciated. A friend told me to just be cold and start appearing uninterested in her but i'm not sure that would work and it might just turn her off more since she would start thinking that I'm acting like that for attention or something... I'm really sad because of this.