I'm going to date a bpd chick

[exhausted]

That doesn't matter. If I were to get bonded, I'd still have the strength to walk away. You cannot ever let yourself get to the point where you will start to value her over yourself. You just don't. I never do that because I see how foolish it is. Very few people have my heart. And of those who do, I still have the guts to fight back against them should they be ignorantly pigheaded (my brother, my mom, and my dad). I've even cursed all them out before because of some stupid stuff (not proud of it, but I refuse to be a slave to anyone anymore). These are the people whom you would love more so than any woman you have a romantic relationship with. I have two sisters and one of them is a such a nutcase that I cannot deal with anymore. Probably is BPD by standard SS definition if I'm to be completely honest. But I've learned to even cut HER, my own sister, out of my life and not deal with her anymore despite her being family.

No love in this world for me. No love in this world for others.

I have 3 sisters one is npd the other mood disorder and the third wonderful thank God.

Be messed up by an npd or cluster b is not loving her more than yourself. That's if u stay and endure the abuse or kill yourself.

Getting out and still healing tho suffering is where i am at. Because the girl is half bad and the other half has good attributes of a life partner. If she was all chit it would be easy to move on.

 

[bigneil]

OP can be simplified to "I'm going to date a chick".

 

[Billtx49]

Getting out and still healing tho suffering is where i am at. Because the girl is half bad and the other half has good attributes of a life partner. If she was all chit it would be easy to move on.

Yes, and as time goes by you tend to remember her good behavior more, and the normal woman you thought she was at the start of the mess it turned into.
Hard logic about her bad side and what's best for you plus more time can get you through it though.
Do that, and you Will come out of the cluster B fog…

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

If she was all chit it would be easy to move on.

This is actually a good point.

 

[Infern0]

I actually agree with this. All women naturally have this within them, to seek out to control men indirectly. But it is accentuated with BPDs.

You know, it's interesting you say all this and it furthers my belief that BPD is really just the female version of a sociopath. But I still do wonder why (like a sociopath) you say that they are barely conscious. And is there any way to actually 'wake them up', so to speak?

As for your assertion that they prey on the weaknesses of men, well in the case of the one I was with for only 3 months before we had a little ultimatum, I have an insecurity of weakness. I've realized this. Weakness bothers me a LOT. Kinda funny how that's my insecurity because having one in the first place is what irritates me. But the thing is, she couldn't prey on that because I was too strong for her to control. She couldn't detect that it was weakness either for whatever reason. And like that one other poster above said, it is all about control. That's why we she left. When she thought she had a LITTLE bit of control over me (keyword: thought. Only because her friend said something about me that wasn't true), she tried to use it right away. But I wasn't having it. Maybe because of this insecurity of mine. But I didn't eat burned because I remained strong regardless of what she or anyone else said or did to me. I did it for myself rather than because I 'wanted to keep her' or any of that garbage. All I thought when it was over was 'that ***** was crazy' and 'hell yeah I survived crazy like it was nothing' lol. They really aren't all that bad. You just can't be an idiot with you're heart despite any 'insecurities'.

Well the thing with BPD is that it is a sliding scale from "traits of" to full blown malignant BPD.

If they are closer to the traits of end of the scale they are treatable with much of the same way that Cptsd is treated.

So that means doing inner child work with a therapist to process all of the traumas they went through as a child, then reeducating them using mindfullness, work on processing emotional flashbacks, learning appropriate coping mechanisms, building a sense of self, using subliminals to silence the inner critic etc etc etc.

What's the sticking point?

This is BLOODY hard work, it's painful, it's messy and it takes time (think upwards of a year for a noticable change)

Why would most BPD's bother? They do "alright" (at least in their own minds) bouncing from guy to guy, staying one step ahead of their problems.

Rare is the BPD with enough self awareness to stop and try to find a better way, it usually only happens after a disaster, so for instance they get mangled by a male cluster B who is more predatory than them, they do a suicide attempt and get put in inpatient, that might be a catalyst for change (might be)

But the average BPD party chick who has a queue of guys lining up for her and all the attention in the world? She aint giving that up to go for therapy and do all that work.

It's a sociological problem too, one we are all part of.

 

[Dash Riprock]

OP can be simplified to "I'm going to date a chick".

I think the OP is an ignorant 20-something (no disrespect intended to others here) who has very little real life experience and is trying to play "SS Sage." The guy just set up an account last week and now he's authority on BPD, NPD, being a man, bla bla bla.

He'll learn...hopefully.

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

I think the OP is an ignorant 20-something (no disrespect intended to others here) who has very little real life experience and is trying to play "SS Sage." The guy just set up an account last week and now he's authority on BPD, NPD, being a man, bla bla bla.

He'll learn...hopefully.

Let's run with that theme that I'm an ignorant 20 something with no real life experience.

can you tell me how then do SS BPD experts (with no professional credentials) diagnose BPD especially since countless threads just toss out "BPD" diagnosis like candy?

And can any of you inform me of at least ONE toxic behavior exhibited by BPD that you've never ever come across by any other human you've ever encountered, ignoring it and kept on as if youve lived under a rock for life till you encountered a BPD?

I haven't heard one legitimate excuse or reason yet.

 

[SgtSplacker]

You don't get to know whats going on from the beginning, thats easy mode dude most guys here would be fine if they knew what they were getting into from the start like that. They reel you in first, if your shields are up it wont work.

 

[btownbuck2012]

You don't get to know whats going on from the beginning, thats easy mode dude most guys here would be fine if they knew what they were getting into from the start like that. They reel you in first, if your shields are up it wont work.

Yes, multiple people have tried explaing this to OP multiple times. He just doesn't want to listen. He's trolling at this point.

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

People may experience:
Behavioral: antisocial behavior, compulsive behavior, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, self-destructive behavior, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint
Mood: anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness
Psychological: depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism
Also common: thoughts of suicide

So the excuse makers are going to tell us they hadn't experienced any of these symptoms of bpd. it just all came out at once and then they broke up and diagnosed BPD. And you'd never in your lives ever witnessed toxic behavior and red flags in anyone ever before.

nah. you ignored it for "hot and wild sex". let's stop the nonsense and take accountability for once.

 

[bigneil]

Does OP have a point?

BPD bad?

BPD good?

Something.

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

Does OP have a point?

BPD bad?

BPD good?

Something.

point being unless you have an extensive history of being abused to the point it's "normal" for you you cannot tell me with a straight face growing up in an actual normal, loving environment that you saw ZERO toxic behavior ever exhibited by others in life before and it never set off glaring red flags.

the issue is neediness, desperation, validation, ego preservation, and willingly ignoring red flags because she's "hot and wild sex!".

throw your self respect down the sewer because you'll never ever meet just as hot a chick who's normal. instead cape up and white knight some nutcase because she'll be "indebted" to you and "owe" you for "saving" her.

then let's finger point with no accountability as if we've lived under a rock our entire lives and were clueless, helpless "victims" who were brainless zombies.

the "victims" themselves had fear of abandonment themselves as if the nutcase left they'd never get another hot chick ever again. if they didn't they'd have dropped the chick soon as the crazy shyt started.

no way in hell there was no red flags that weren't ignored and all out of the blue hells Gates just opened at once and a breakup happened then BPD was diagnosed. Shyt had to be going on for a while with the "victim" ignoring it for their own reasons and insecurity / fear of "losing".

no one wants to admit they took part in the blame for not bailing and ignoring toxic behavior for as long as they did.

shyt half the "BPD" threads dudes just throw it out there like candy as if all they know is winding up with nutjobs.

 

[bigneil]

I think we agree that BPD is overdiagnosed here, and women can only be so crazy before you are crazy for having dated her.

My "BPD" girl was a sweetheart who I think was misdiagnosed.

 

[Dash Riprock]

point being unless you have an extensive history of being abused to the point it's "normal" for you you cannot tell me with a straight face growing up in an actual normal, loving environment that you saw ZERO toxic behavior ever exhibited by others in life before and it never set off glaring red flags.

the issue is neediness, desperation, validation, ego preservation, and willingly ignoring red flags because she's "hot and wild sex!".

throw your self respect down the sewer because you'll never ever meet just as hot a chick who's normal. instead cape up and white knight some nutcase because she'll be "indebted" to you and "owe" you for "saving" her.

then let's finger point with no accountability as if we've lived under a rock our entire lives and were clueless, helpless "victims" who were brainless zombies.

the "victims" themselves had fear of abandonment themselves as if the nutcase left they'd never get another hot chick ever again. if they didn't they'd have dropped the chick soon as the crazy shyt started.

no way in hell there was no red flags that weren't ignored and all out of the blue hells Gates just opened at once and a breakup happened then BPD was diagnosed. Shyt had to be going on for a while with the "victim" ignoring it for their own reasons and insecurity / fear of "losing".

no one wants to admit they took part in the blame for not bailing and ignoring toxic behavior for as long as they did.

shyt half the "BPD" threads dudes just throw it out there like candy as if all they know is winding up with nutjobs.

Somebody give this guy a Xanax...

 

[Pandora]

Let's run with that theme that I'm an ignorant 20 something with no real life experience.

can you tell me how then do SS BPD experts (with no professional credentials) diagnose BPD especially since countless threads just toss out "BPD" diagnosis like candy?

And can any of you inform me of at least ONE toxic behavior exhibited by BPD that you've never ever come across by any other human you've ever encountered, ignoring it and kept on as if youve lived under a rock for life till you encountered a BPD?

I haven't heard one legitimate excuse or reason yet.

Dude I just gave you the criteria in the other post. There are 9 of them. A BPD has to hit a minimum of 5 in order to be clinically diagnosed as BPD. This is not subjective. It is objective. You think that this is some wishy washy diagnoses that people throw around. Its not just one behavior, it is a combination of 5 of them.

I am genuinely interested in you dating a true BPD. I want you to. And I am saying this not out of malice but out of genuine curiosity. I want to know what you will think of the experience. You have a leg up on all of us because you have been primed as to what it is. But can you imagine being a naive 26 year old guy and running into a girl who acted like the girl of your dreams for the first 3 weeks and then flipped on you for no reason. You would be blindsided, especially before you even knew what BPD was.

Ok so in the video I posted that girl was BPD I am sure of it. But she comes off as normal at first. Just a little weird. Imagine meeting a girl that attractive and having her be so smitten with you. At this point she isn't showing signs. Then once you are hooked thats when this gloves come off. And imagine being in your mid 20's with limited life experience. My ex looked very similar to this girl. Same ethnicity and everything. Both were attractive. Its hard for a young man to overlook that. You are talking this mess because you already know what BPD is because of these forums, and because you have never dated one. If you had never heard of BPD before and you dated a true BPD it would be bad for you brotha. YOU KNOW WHAT A BPD IS AND YOU STILL WANT TO DATE ONE. Imagine if you didn't know what it was.

Have some humility bro. I agree with a lot of what you say but at this point it just seems like youthful arrogance man.You should go down to your nearest strip club. Find a relatively hot young stripper that also does escorting on the side. Seduce her and wait. Chances are she is BPD and then come back and talk.

I will post the video one more time. Look at this girl and answer this question. Would you think she was abnormal at first? NO. She would blindside you too. They come off as normal highly interested girls at first.

 

[playa99]

OP seems confused as to why men who have been through it with a mentally ill woman would come to a male self improvement site for help.

In other news water is wet.

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

Dude I just gave you the criteria in the other post. There are 9 of them. A BPD has to hit a minimum of 5 in order to be clinically diagnosed as BPD. This is not subjective. It is objective. You think that this is some wishy washy diagnoses that people throw around. Its not just one behavior, it is a combination of 5 of them.

I am genuinely interested in you dating a true BPD. I want you to. And I am saying this not out of malice but out of genuine curiosity. I want to know what you will think of the experience. You have a leg up on all of us because you have been primed as to what it is. But can you imagine being a naive 26 year old guy and running into a girl who acted like the girl of your dreams for the first 3 weeks and then flipped on you for no reason. You would be blindsided, especially before you even knew what BPD was.

Ok so in the video I posted that girl was BPD I am sure of it. But she comes off as normal at first. Just a little weird. Imagine meeting a girl that attractive and having her be so smitten with you. At this point she isn't showing signs. Then once you are hooked thats when this gloves come off. And imagine being in your mid 20's with limited life experience. My ex looked very similar to this girl. Same ethnicity and everything. Both were attractive. Its hard for a young man to overlook that. You are talking this mess because you already know what BPD is because of these forums, and because you have never dated one. If you had never heard of BPD before and you dated a true BPD it would be bad for you brotha. YOU KNOW WHAT A BPD IS AND YOU STILL WANT TO DATE ONE. Imagine if you didn't know what it was.

Have some humility bro. I agree with a lot of what you say but at this point it just seems like youthful arrogance man.You should go down to your nearest strip club. Find a relatively hot young stripper that also does escorting on the side. Seduce her and wait. Chances are she is BPD and then come back and talk.

I will post the video one more time. Look at this girl and answer this question. Would you think she was abnormal at first? NO. She would blindside you too. They come off as normal highly interested girls at first.

dude if your advice is to find a hot stripper that does escorting on the side and chances are she's bpd then you must have experience with bpd by dating them therefore are a fool if you "never knew" these types were to be avoided at all costs.

you said bpd has a combination of 5 destructive behaviors. how many red flags more did you need?

im not buying the excuse that "everything is normal just they seem a little odd" and then all of a sudden they flip when they have you hooked.

no they know you're thirsty up front and ignoring their red flags all aling cuz she's "hot and wild sex".

you dudes that chase these bpd chicks must learn ZERO about them except for sex.

their families, friends, social circles, co-workers past etc or else you'd really get clued in.

 

[Pandora]

dude if your advice is to find a hot stripper that does escorting on the side and chances are she's bpd then you must have experience with bpd by dating them therefore are a fool if you "never knew" these types were to be avoided at all costs.

you said bpd has a combination of 5 destructive behaviors. how many red flags more did you need?

im not buying the excuse that "everything is normal just they seem a little odd" and then all of a sudden they flip when they have you hooked.

no they know you're thirsty up front and ignoring their red flags all aling cuz she's "hot and wild sex".

you dudes that chase these bpd chicks must learn ZERO about them except for sex.

their families, friends, social circles, co-workers past etc or else you'd really get clued in.

Ok if you are so much more emotionally strong than us then why are you trying to date a BPD? If us men are so weak for falling for one doesnt that make you weaker for intentionally seeking one out? This is a serious question

 

[Pandora]

Listen to what this female has to say. They ONLY feel better when they tear YOU down.

this is a very good video showing the realites of BPD. Thanks

 

[exhausted]

Huh? Bro I dont understand your reply. My BPD ex did not dump me. I moved away. She was still very much infatuated with me but she was going through the idealization/ deidealization stage. I could have probably made the relationship go on indefinately but it would have been torture and I probably would have been severly depressed. She was gorgeous but the emotional regualtion was non existent. It was too much for me. And I am sure she was going to cheat in the future. They all do.

Where did I say I want sympathy lol. This was not about me. I am saying that BPDs are not simply low interest women. We are not talking about low interest. This is a legit DSM certified mental illness. Like in pathophysiology type stuff. This is not sour grapes. These women have a disease. How is this difficult to understand? I dont think you have actually dated one. People that have dated one know that this is a real medical issue. It is a legit mental illness along the lines of OCD and schizophrenia etc etc.

It's horror to LOVE one as you are helpless to improve or help them, it's like watching someone you love drown from a close enough distance to where they could be saved if they would just listen and reach up but they refuse do to their inability to COMPREHEND THEY ARE THE PROBLEM