Exclusivity

[mrgoodstuff]

This is NOT about HOT - trust me - the other chick I can see is far hotter. I feel something deeper for this one, we have a bunch of stuff in common and I like everything about her.

Is she a loyal female? How does she treat you?

 

[Fruitbat]

Is she a loyal female? How does she treat you?

She is not dating anyone else and said she is purely "just chatting" to other guys but not actually meeting them. She wouldn't have much time to as we have spent most of our free time together since we met.

Might be possible she just thinks a month is too soon, just point blank refuses as she doesn't trust her judgement. Now though, she thinks I am going out screwing others, which might enable her to see some of these guys. She did ask "what do you want" and I was a bit hesitant in saying I wanted excl, I just said I didn't know where I stood on seeing others, but she just said it's too soon for us to commit....asked me if I was sleeping with them and I said I didn't know if I would.....she said "use condoms if you do"!! Those are not the words of a high IOI woman.

So now, I have shot myself in the foot as she thinks I am actively screwing other women which I am not sure is a good thing, but hey, I brought up the question and she said "not yet"

My hamster is on fire. I just kind of brought this up as I didn't want to just say I want you to be my GF in a needy way.

I told her this chat told me what I needed to know....I guess I wanted to gauge where she is and if it's worth my time

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She is not dating anyone else and said she is purely "just chatting" to other guys but not actually meeting them. She wouldn't have much time to as we have spent most of our free time together since we met.

Might be possible she just thinks a month is too soon, just point blank refuses as she doesn't trust her judgement. Now though, she thinks I am going out screwing others, which might enable her to see some of these guys. She did ask "what do you want" and I was a bit hesitant in saying I wanted excl, I just said I didn't know where I stood on seeing others, but she just said it's too soon for us to commit....asked me if I was sleeping with them and I said I didn't know if I would.....she said "use condoms if you do"!!

So now, I have shot myself in the foot as she thinks I am actively screwing other women which I am not sure is a good thing, but hey, I brought up the question and she said "not yet"

My hamster is on fire. I just kind of brought this up as I didn't want to just say I want you to be my GF in a needy way.

Having been on the over analysis side of things. LIke the guys say her it's pretty simple. You need to hit it. If you aren't hitting it she needs to be spending increasingly more time with you. If your not doing either of these your wasting time. But get to the lay first.

 

[Fruitbat]

Having been on the over analysis side of things. LIke the guys say her it's pretty simple. You need to hit it. If you aren't hitting it she needs to be spending increasingly more time with you. If your not doing either of these your wasting time. But get to the lay first.

I have fvcked her about 5 times, and everything

Basic oneitus. I want her as my GF.

 

[AJ84]

Don't beat yourself up for being a human being who expressed human feelings to her. You're not a robot.

She likes you but said its too soon, she's chatting with other guys and is ok with you meeting other girls and sleeping with them. Don't spend a lot of time dwelling over what this means. Take what she said at face value and take advantage of the options you said you have, continue to spend time with her, see other girls, and see where things go naturally. Don't overthink it, don't start applying inappropriate game that goes against how you really feel, just go with the flow. Getting out there and meeting other girls will help you chill on this and not dwell.

 

[Fruitbat]

Don't beat yourself up for being a human being who expressed human feelings to her. You're not a robot.

She likes you but said its too soon, she's chatting with other guys and is ok with you meeting other girls and sleeping with them. Don't spend a lot of time dwelling over what this means. Take what she said at face value and take advantage of the options you said you have, continue to spend time with her, see other girls, and see where things go naturally. Don't overthink it, don't start applying inappropriate game that goes against how you really feel, just go with the flow. Getting out there and meeting other girls will help you chill on this and not dwell.

i fear the other guys will be better.

i fear the other girls wont be as good as her.

she still wants to look around, other men have novelty as mine wears off.

going to take some willpower to keep centred

 

[AJ84]

i fear the other guys will be better.

i fear the other girls wont be as good as her.

she still wants to look around, other men have novelty as mine wears off.

going to take some willpower to keep centred

My advice is to be that guy with the smile and open to having a good time whenever you see her. Don't mention exclusivity, don't even talk about the relationship. Go do fun things with her, doesn't have to be sky diving, even checking out a new restaurant, concert, mini golf, pool whatever. Ask about how her work/school/ hobby etc is going. Tell her how things are with your work/school/hobby (get a hobby of you don't have one). Definitely have something else to focus on like a hobby and talk about it with her. She needs to see that you have other things going on in your life that make you happy. She also needs to see that you take a interest in what makes her happy. Even if it's not something that you are personally interested in, ask her about it anyway.

Key: having a geninune interest in her as a person while having other things going on in your life that your are passionate about is very attractive to women. They will be more motivated to work for it when they know you are not orbiting them. You don't have to apply loser strategies like dread game or negging, you just need to have something in your life that you really love doing and it isn't her.

Don't volunteer information about girls you are meeting. If she's asks you about it causally say yeah you went out a few times, then redirect the conversation back to her with a suggestion of what to do on your next date with her. DO NOT ask her about the guys she's chatting with.

Her: "So, ummm, have you been out with anyone lately?"
You: " A few times yeah. Hey there's this new restaurant I want to take you to the next time we are both free."

 

[Dash Riprock]

What a d1ck.

Totally misread this shyt. I have offers on the table elsewhere and because I am sleeping with this chick and quite happy with how it's going, I spoke to her and basically said are we excl now as I have others who want to see me and didn't want to lie or hurt her.

She said she isn't seeing anyone but is chatting online. She asked me if I wanted excl and I said I probably would say yes if she wanted it. She said it was too soon. To me, 4 weekends and a weeknight is enough for me to know if I like someone.

Lost all frame, came off needy. Probably sounded a bit butthurt on the phone too.

How wrong I did, go on, call me all the names under the sun......I guess I just like her and want her to stick around. Obviously she is not as sold on me as I had hoped. She even kind of gave me green light to screw them, which actually hurts because she really must not give that much of a shyt. Plus she can now do the same to me.

Only a short while ago we were v close and imtimate.

Only thing I can feel good about is at least she knows I have options. However, I screwed up big time. I have a hard time getting my head around how you can want to spend all your free time with someone yet not want them as a excl partner. It's only been 4 weeks, but we've spent approx 7 full days together.

I will invest little time in this chick now, if she is still looking about, she isn't the one for me. I thought a month is about average. I just feel like I invested a lot and I am a bit pissed off she still wants to look around.

Dating hurts man. I have other irons in the fire but I really wanted her.

I guess the ball is massively in her court now so I will go pretty much NC now unless she comes back to talk to me.....she has said before about wanting to know me better and "choosing well this time" as she has just left a bad LTR.

Hoping this isn't the end of everything, I am sure I am not the first guy to have done this.

Had you read my earlier post in this thread and used my technique you wouldn't be in this position.

 

[Fruitbat]

My advice is to be that guy with the smile and open to having a good time whenever you see her. Don't mention exclusivity, don't even talk about the relationship. Go do fun things with her, doesn't have to be sky diving, even checking out a new restaurant, concert, mini golf, pool whatever. Ask about how her work/school/ hobby etc is going. Tell her how things are with your work/school/hobby (get a hobby of you don't have one). Definitely have something else to focus on like a hobby and talk about it with her. She needs to see that you have other things going on in your life that make you happy. She also needs to see that you take a interest in what makes her happy. Even if it's not something that you are personally interested in, ask her about it anyway.

Key: having a geninune interest in her as a person while having other things going on in your life that your are passionate about is very attractive to women. They will be more motivated to work for it when they know you are not orbiting them. You don't have to apply loser strategies like dread game or negging, you just need to have something in your life that you really love doing and it isn't her.

Don't volunteer information about girls you are meeting. If she's asks you about it causally say yeah you went out a few times, then redirect the conversation back to her with a suggestion of what to do on your next date with her. DO NOT ask her about the guys she's chatting with.

Her: "So, ummm, have you been out with anyone lately?"
You: " A few times yeah. Hey there's this new restaurant I want to take you to the next time we are both free."

Great post and I am doing so, and to other posters who basically said similar things.

Issue is, I have kind of blown it a bit by asking her to go excl when I was tired and feeling a bit emotional yesterday. I am just tired of having to game multiple back ups, it's hard work, plus having to worry that she is doing similar.

She has been in touch so it hasn't killed things dead, perhaps she is flattered, perhaps this keeness isn't the end of the world. I have, however, taken her off the pedestal a bit in my mind because I thought she was basically being pretty much faithful and now I know she is still looking around. She now knows I have options and I will be seeing them too.

All I am going to do now is act like it didn't happen, ask her out for dates as before and just treat her like any other chick in the harem. If she didn't freak about me seeing others, she is not as high IOI as I thought, as I really don't like the idea of her doing that. So I will change mindset.

I just have a fundamental issue with giving a woman ALL of my "good" time - weekends for her still to be chatting to dudes online, even if she isn't meeting them. Also, that she doesn't really care if I see others. It doesn't fit properly in my mind.

 

[Fruitbat]

This IS the red pill.

Monogamy doesn't begin for a very long time into the relationship, if ever. At some level they will be keeping their options open until engagement, unless they have no other valuable suitors(even then, value is subjective and some men are kept around for variety).

This is why I called it out almost by asking about this. At least I know now that she is still "on the market" and I will stop treating her so well.

I don't believe all women are like this in a committed relationship. I know tons of women who don't keep orbiters, I know lots that just like a flirt. The lipstick ladies I know are the ones that do that shyt, not decent women. Yet they would be seen as "hot" as they dress that waybecause that's what they want in life.

We have some time off now anyway, not because of this but because of events in our lives.

I am getting shyt tests via text all day.....trying to make me jealous, trying to make me worry.....I just laughed at this stupid shyt.

She is going on ignore for a bit until she works out what she wants to do. I just do not feel like treating her nice when we've had weeks of passion and fun but she still is keeping options open, and I'll fvck as many as I can until that changes. Problem is, I have to work for that.

 

[Fruitbat]

Bit distraught to be honest.

Everything was fine before I asked her about going exclusive. Now she has turned down my offer for seeing her....doesn't want to talk about it and she wasn't where I thought she was. I have deleted her number to save me fvcking it up more.

Just confused. I want a GF, but I seem to always fail in trying to get that. I have screwed up a few times by doing this.

SHE was showing ME huge IOI but it seems like it was a trap and as soon as I show some back, I am coldly back burnered. I am sorry but I don't get this world of seeing people, building interest and rapport, only for it to evaporate when I think I am convinced on one girl....she's like "meh, I still want to keep options open"

I feel so stupid as this is MY FAULT. I've had a seriously keen woman recently and her intense keeness put me off. BUT it was nothing like this, I don't text her all day. I don't ask her if she likes me. I spent a huge amount of time having fun and fvcking this woman, so when I say lets cut the shyt.....I find she really isn't keen on me at all, and is still open to better offers, and the act of me just asking her to be my GF has killed it.....

So, from now on, I have to just wait for them? I have to develop no feelings for any of them? I am confused off my head....it's like I have to die inside and give up all the fun of a relationship to get them to want me. When I was cooler, earlier on, things were good. She earned my trust and actually she was doing this to find stuff out about me, so she could change her mind.

The bytch didn't even let me talk it through, just said talk it over when we next meet.....so I guess it isn't totally over (I expect I will get LJBF text soon though)

How will I ever find a partner? It seems dating to me is building rapport and interest.....to them, it's "let's pretend I like him so I can evaluate and find things I don't like while searching for someone else". Why spend all your time with me ffs? So bitterly dissappointed AGAIN. Just as I fall for her she cuts me off. I am never, ever showing interest or appreciation to her or any other again, they truly only respond to indifference.

I told her I had been turning down offers but chose to spend time with her instead and she was like "you should see other people too". 24 hours before we were fvking and luvvy on my couch. What the fvck is wrong with people.

Issue is now, yet again, I am losing the will to meet others. I have a hottie texting me and I just see it as another trap, another one who wants me to show interest to slap my face, again.....and approaching....no confidence, balls lost. My fvking fault, again, just for asking a girl to be more than a fvck buddy....they are cold calulating creatures....either that or I am too low value.....but why date and fvck me for weeks if I am low value.....

 

[Dash Riprock]

Bit distraught to be honest.

Everything was fine before I asked her about going exclusive. Now she has turned down my offer for seeing her....doesn't want to talk about it and she wasn't where I thought she was. I have deleted her number to save me fvcking it up more.

Just confused. I want a GF, but I seem to always fail in trying to get that. I have screwed up a few times by doing this.

SHE was showing ME huge IOI but it seems like it was a trap and as soon as I show some back, I am coldly back burnered. I am sorry but I don't get this world of seeing people, building interest and rapport, only for it to evaporate when I think I am convinced on one girl....she's like "meh, I still want to keep options open"

I feel so stupid as this is MY FAULT. I've had a seriously keen woman recently and her intense keeness put me off. BUT it was nothing like this, I don't text her all day. I don't ask her if she likes me. I spent a huge amount of time having fun and fvcking this woman, so when I say lets cut the shyt.....I find she really isn't keen on me at all, and is still open to better offers, and the act of me just asking her to be my GF has killed it.....

So, from now on, I have to just wait for them? I have to develop no feelings for any of them? I am confused off my head....it's like I have to die inside and give up all the fun of a relationship to get them to want me. When I was cooler, earlier on, things were good. She earned my trust and actually she was doing this to find stuff out about me, so she could change her mind.

The bytch didn't even let me talk it through, just said talk it over when we next meet.....so I guess it isn't totally over (I expect I will get LJBF text soon though)

How will I ever find a partner? It seems dating to me is building rapport and interest.....to them, it's "let's pretend I like him so I can evaluate and find things I don't like while searching for someone else". Why spend all your time with me ffs? So bitterly dissappointed AGAIN. Just as I fall for her she cuts me off. I am never, ever showing interest or appreciation to her or any other again, they truly only respond to indifference.

I told her I had been turning down offers but chose to spend time with her instead and she was like "you should see other people too". 24 hours before we were fvking and luvvy on my couch. What the fvck is wrong with people.

Issue is now, yet again, I am losing the will to meet others. I have a hottie texting me and I just see it as another trap, another one who wants me to show interest to slap my face, again.....and approaching....no confidence, balls lost. My fvking fault, again, just for asking a girl to be more than a fvck buddy....they are cold calulating creatures....either that or I am too low value.....but why date and fvck me for weeks if I am low value.....

I feel your pain, man. I've had run ins with these types. This chick sounds really F*cked up. "I only want what I can't have so when I get it I don't want it anymore...bla bla bla." What is she? 13? Meanwhile, there are millions of hot chicks bitching to their friends about men not committing. A woman like this will never be happy and probably end up with a loser beta male because she passed up so many strong men. Be thankful you're moving on. I know the general rule says to wait for the woman to ask for exclusivity, but in some cases, having a strong, confident approach in asking for what you want can be a real turn on for a woman. Just be ready to walk and NEVER look back if she doesn't accept.

 

[Fruitbat]

I feel your pain, man. I've had run ins with these types. This chick sounds really F*cked up. "I only want what I can't have so when I get it I don't want it anymore...bla bla bla." What is she? 13? Meanwhile, there are millions of hot chicks bitching to their friends about men not committing. A woman like this will never be happy and probably end up with a loser beta male because she passed up so many strong men. Be thankful you're moving on. I know the general rule says to wait for the woman to ask for exclusivity, but in some cases, having a strong, confident approach in asking for what you want can be a real turn on for a woman. Just be ready to walk and NEVER look back if she doesn't accept.

I wish I was strong and confident about it but there was a distinct note of dissapointment in my voice as she told me no, it was super awkward, and I wasn't clear after, and I let her stop the discussion. I did so, because I did not want to seem like some crazy, paranoid male trying to box her off, more like a dude testing the water.