Getting dumped when you did nothing wrong

[DreamAgain]

This seems to have happened to several guys on this board, including me.

Truly mind boggling, you think everything is going good and the next thing you know, it's over.

You keep on improving yourself, keep your frame cool and everything, but your girl still jumps ship to another one she perceives as better. Giving you the impression she just settled for you from the beginning until someone better came along.

I notice that nowadays this is common for 8+ women. If they are 7 and below, there may not be enough better suitors around. But increase it up to 8 and all of a sudden, it's like you're with helen of troy and need to fight off an entire army to keep her around.

Not really sure what I'm trying to say, just really disappointed and disheartened about this I guess.

 

[dude99]

This seems to have happened to several guys on this board, including me.

Truly mind boggling, you think everything is going good and the next thing you know, it's over.

You keep on improving yourself, keep your frame cool and everything, but your girl still jumps ship to another one she perceives as better. Giving you the impression she just settled for you from the beginning until someone better came along.

I notice that nowadays this is common for 8+ women. If they are 7 and below, there may not be enough better suitors around. But increase it up to 8 and all of a sudden, it's like you're with helen of troy and need to fight off an entire army to keep her around.

Not really sure what I'm trying to say, just really disappointed and disheartened about this I guess.

This is why you focus on dates and getting laid. Do not commit to any women unless they have earned it. And i mean earned it. By earning it is showing at least a years worth of loyalty. Why a year i say? Because women if a woman is going to get bored and branch swing from you it will happen in the 6 to 9 month mark. Before this you are given a rouse of who they want you to think they are.

Never commit to a girl in this time. If. They swing...good riddence.

Focus on dates. Not relationships. Be ready to next at any time. Be ready to walk. Do not emotionally invest in women.

Relationships are their job. Not yours.

 

[Glassguy]

Realize that when this happens, the only person that really knows why is the woman.

Yeah it sucks, but its not worth losing sleep over and definitely not worth over analyzing what you could have done differently to make it work.

It could have been the ex reaching out, another guy that she had her eye on that finally showed interest, etc. Unless you did something really stupid, its probably something happening on her end anyway. You cant change or control a woman's mind and behavior when it happens, but you can sure control yours.

Just smile and walk away.

Some relationships work, most do not. Accept it and keep pursuit.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This seems to have happened to several guys on this board, including me.

Truly mind boggling, you think everything is going good and the next thing you know, it's over.

You keep on improving yourself, keep your frame cool and everything, but your girl still jumps ship to another one she perceives as better. Giving you the impression she just settled for you from the beginning until someone better came along.

I notice that nowadays this is common for 8+ women. If they are 7 and below, there may not be enough better suitors around. But increase it up to 8 and all of a sudden, it's like you're with helen of troy and need to fight off an entire army to keep her around.

Not really sure what I'm trying to say, just really disappointed and disheartened about this I guess.

They're h0es. They'll look for the next thing on the new guy.

 

[The Duke]

Yep they have way too much easy access to potential suitors. We have social media, dating apps, and text messaging to thank for all of that.

Remember this...for women attention and validation are the equivalent to sex for us. Use it to your advantage. If a woman will not honor you by only seeking attention/validation from you, then you don't honor her by giving her a relationship and not fuhking other girls.

Just be ready for it to end at any time for no reason. Modern day woman is pathetic. Most offer little more than their sexuality. I've tried to keep a good attitude about it, but I can't ignore the truth.

 

[Glassguy]

I totally understand.

Sometimes even I blame myself for a good year or so until I find out later she never even intended anything with me... I mean how fake are these women that they can put on an act like that?! The ultimate players.

You make a good point.

Here is where the breakdown normally happens:

The guy starts thinking that what they have together is "special" and that he is doing things for the woman that no other guy can do.........fvcking, emotional attachment, etc etc.

Guys often put the relationship even before themselves (stop working out, drop hobbies, decreased interaction with friends and social circles).

The woman sees that this guy is all in. With the wrong woman (which is most of them) the thrill is over and they need a new chase.

You break up thinking "she will be back.....we had something special". Or "no way she can miss me fvcking her". Meanwhile the phone never rings, no more texts unless she is hot/cold and stringing you along. The next thing you know, you see her out 3-4 months later and she is with a dude and looks fvcking happy. Thats when you realize that what you had wasnt so special, you arent the only guy thats great at oral, can keep it hard for an hour and are sized well. All of a sudden that emotional attachment and intimate quirks you shared werent that special.

You realize that you were replaceable.

That's when you go through the valley, get back to living for you, and get your mind right again. You realize people on this forum preach abundance for a reason. There is a purpose to having 2, 3 or more disposable women.

You realize that when she said she wasnt happy and wanted some space, you should have fully agreed, smiled at her and walked out.....hitting up chicks before you pulled out of her driveway.

In today's day and age, it is still possible to find a really good woman and have a fulfilling LTR. You just have to have fun along the way and dont stop living for you.

Most guys talk about how a woman changed what they did, how they did it, etc. The entered the relationship a man and was left a beta. They didnt hold frame and was pulled into hers. The guy that she started dating wasnt the guy that she left. She had eaten him up.

Keep frame, do yourself and enjoy women. Those who want to stick around will. Dont change for anyone but you, as in making yourself better.

 

[DreamAgain]

Dang Glassguy, you make a lot of good points but this sh*t is just depressing to come to terms with.

 

[btownbuck2012]

This seems to have happened to several guys on this board, including me.

Truly mind boggling, you think everything is going good and the next thing you know, it's over.

You keep on improving yourself, keep your frame cool and everything, but your girl still jumps ship to another one she perceives as better. Giving you the impression she just settled for you from the beginning until someone better came along.

I notice that nowadays this is common for 8+ women. If they are 7 and below, there may not be enough better suitors around. But increase it up to 8 and all of a sudden, it's like you're with helen of troy and need to fight off an entire army to keep her around.

Not really sure what I'm trying to say, just really disappointed and disheartened about this I guess.

I've been trying to reframe it in my mind lately and instead of being disappointed I think of it as her saving me work and DQ'ing herself from further consideration because, as other guys have said, you can't control this past a certain extent.

 

[El Payaso]

You make a good point.

Here is where the breakdown normally happens:

The guy starts thinking that what they have together is "special" and that he is doing things for the woman that no other guy can do.........fvcking, emotional attachment, etc etc.

Guys often put the relationship even before themselves (stop working out, drop hobbies, decreased interaction with friends and social circles).

The woman sees that this guy is all in. With the wrong woman (which is most of them) the thrill is over and they need a new chase.

You break up thinking "she will be back.....we had something special". Or "no way she can miss me fvcking her". Meanwhile the phone never rings, no more texts unless she is hot/cold and stringing you along. The next thing you know, you see her out 3-4 months later and she is with a dude and looks fvcking happy. Thats when you realize that what you had wasnt so special, you arent the only guy thats great at oral, can keep it hard for an hour and are sized well. All of a sudden that emotional attachment and intimate quirks you shared werent that special.

You realize that you were replaceable.

That's when you go through the valley, get back to living for you, and get your mind right again. You realize people on this forum preach abundance for a reason. There is a purpose to having 2, 3 or more disposable women.

You realize that when she said she wasnt happy and wanted some space, you should have fully agreed, smiled at her and walked out.....hitting up chicks before you pulled out of her driveway.

In today's day and age, it is still possible to find a really good woman and have a fulfilling LTR. You just have to have fun along the way and dont stop living for you.

Most guys talk about how a woman changed what they did, how they did it, etc. The entered the relationship a man and was left a beta. They didnt hold frame and was pulled into hers. The guy that she started dating wasnt the guy that she left. She had eaten him up.

Keep frame, do yourself and enjoy women. Those who want to stick around will. Dont change for anyone but you, as in making yourself better.

So spot on.

 

[btownbuck2012]

You make a good point.

Here is where the breakdown normally happens:

The guy starts thinking that what they have together is "special" and that he is doing things for the woman that no other guy can do.........fvcking, emotional attachment, etc etc.

Guys often put the relationship even before themselves (stop working out, drop hobbies, decreased interaction with friends and social circles).

The woman sees that this guy is all in. With the wrong woman (which is most of them) the thrill is over and they need a new chase.

You break up thinking "she will be back.....we had something special". Or "no way she can miss me fvcking her". Meanwhile the phone never rings, no more texts unless she is hot/cold and stringing you along. The next thing you know, you see her out 3-4 months later and she is with a dude and looks fvcking happy. Thats when you realize that what you had wasnt so special, you arent the only guy thats great at oral, can keep it hard for an hour and are sized well. All of a sudden that emotional attachment and intimate quirks you shared werent that special.

You realize that you were replaceable.

That's when you go through the valley, get back to living for you, and get your mind right again. You realize people on this forum preach abundance for a reason. There is a purpose to having 2, 3 or more disposable women.

You realize that when she said she wasnt happy and wanted some space, you should have fully agreed, smiled at her and walked out.....hitting up chicks before you pulled out of her driveway.

In today's day and age, it is still possible to find a really good woman and have a fulfilling LTR. You just have to have fun along the way and dont stop living for you.

Most guys talk about how a woman changed what they did, how they did it, etc. The entered the relationship a man and was left a beta. They didnt hold frame and was pulled into hers. The guy that she started dating wasnt the guy that she left. She had eaten him up.

Keep frame, do yourself and enjoy women. Those who want to stick around will. Dont change for anyone but you, as in making yourself better.

Excellent post. The truth ain't an easy pill to swallow but it must be faced head on and accepted for what it is.

 

[bigneil]

It's guaranteed to happen if you stay with a hot enough girl long enough.

So the real issue isn't who it happens to, when it happens or why it happened - the real matter is HOW you handled yourself. You can bet her girlfriends know!

When you look back on your life, you will most ALWAYS wish you had no reaction. She will ALWAYS be testing you (women don't really know you UNTIL they try to leave you, which is why they will try it at some point no matter what).

At this point, her interest level in you has gone down, usually because her oneitis ex called her. If you cry about it and act weak, or worse, threaten her, it will hammer her interest further down where it might go below 50% (the point of no return). But if you handle it properly her interest MUST go up. It won't stay the same. That little bit can make the difference between your getting laid months or even years later.

So the answer is, you simply hold true to your standards and when she doesn't live up to them, you stop initiating 100%, meaning you walk away and never look back. She will never see you again unless she reaches out. There is no telling how long it takes, but in general you will pick up where you left off the last time you saw her. Were you just friends by then? It's probably too late. Did you have sex with her the last date and she flaked? Odds are you'll hear back but it can take 6 months sometimes.

 

[DreamAgain]

@Glassguy, you are right, and having an abundance mentality definitely is the way to go in this situation.

But I suspect that we (or many guys) get into this situation precisely because when a girl is sufficiently attractive, it's hard to find an equally good if not better replacement.

So, we begin to become more worried about losing something rare, and our behavior very subtly changes. If you are with a girl on the far right hand side of the Gaussian Distribution, it's just natural that finding another one in that area is much more difficult than in the middle.

So, one can argue, but sure it's the same for the girl then. If you have value, it's not easy for her to find your replacement either. But somehow I just don't find this to be true, even though it should be equally as difficult in theory.

 

[Glassguy]

@LARaiders85

Its only as bad as you let it be......sure its better to have a woman only steal a few months from you, but some can do this for years.

Be glad that it didnt last longer than it did, no more wasted time, and go get back out there.

If you did what you were supposed to do in the relationship, stop dwelling on it. If you didnt, you know what to improve on with future women.

 

[btownbuck2012]

It's guaranteed to happen if you stay with a hot enough girl long enough.

So the real issue isn't who it happens to, when it happens or why it happened - the real matter is HOW you handled yourself. You can bet her girlfriends know!

When you look back on your life, you will most ALWAYS wish you had no reaction. She will ALWAYS be testing you (women don't really know you UNTIL they try to leave you, which is why they will try it at some point no matter what).

At this point, her interest level in you has gone down, usually because her oneitis ex called her. If you cry about it and act weak, or worse, threaten her, it will hammer her interest further down where it might go below 50% (the point of no return). But if you handle it properly her interest MUST go up. It won't stay the same. That little bit can make the difference between your getting laid months or even years later.

So the answer is, you simply hold true to your standards and when she doesn't live up to them, you stop initiating 100%, meaning you walk away and never look back. She will never see you again unless she reaches out. There is no telling how long it takes, but in general you will pick up where you left off the last time you saw her. Were you just friends by then? It's probably too late. Did you have sex with her the last date and she flaked? Odds are you'll hear back but it can take 6 months sometimes.

Solid wisdom in this post.

 

[wifehunter]

Yep, low quality, inferior trash.

 

[Glassguy]

@Glassguy, you are right, and having an abundance mentality definitely is the way to go in this situation.

But I suspect that we (or many guys) get into this situation precisely because when a girl is sufficiently attractive, it's hard to find an equally good if not better replacement.

So, we begin to become more worried about losing something rare, and our behavior very subtly changes. If you are with a girl on the far right hand side of the Gaussian Distribution, it's just natural that finding another one in that area is much more difficult than in the middle.

So, one can argue, but sure it's the same for the girl then. If you have value, it's not easy for her to find your replacement either. But somehow I just don't find this to be true, even though it should be equally as difficult in theory.

That's exactly where you need to change your mindset. Its not rare. You only let yourself think it is.

If you have the mentality of "there is always something better out there" and you already have other options to replace your immediate needs, its easier to walk away.

Perception of a woman can get fuzzy when you think she is rare or different. Its when you walk away that you see things clearer, find someone better and realize that she wasnt as good as what you thought she was.

 

[bigneil]

[...when a girl is sufficiently attractive, it's hard to find an equally good if not better replacement.

That means they were out of our league, or we need to improve and she knows it. I thank girls who inspire me. I got dumped all the way to the top.

Yep, low quality, inferior trash.

This is demonstrably false, in reality her value was higher than his, hence she left him. It wasn't that she was morally inferior.

Men, we must always blame ourselves for our own problems.

 

[bigneil]

Perception of a woman can get fuzzy when you think she is rare or different.

Love is the illusion that one c*nt is different than another.

 

[kronreiff]

In this day and age of low quality women, you have to keep the emotions out and ready to bail at any time. Just fvck them and have fun. Why they do what they do is irrelevant. Just be ready to next at any time.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

It's very clear that many guys on this forum have little or no understanding of evolutionary psychology, and the variations on mating strategies across the animal kingdom that result....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_mating_strategies#Short-term_vs._long-term_mating

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extended_female_sexuality

Some people choose to sit and cry about it, others choose an education and to develop counteractive strategies.

We could sit here an moan about the female imperative all day; we might as well add gravity and the fact we can't fly to the agenda as well, while we're here.....

The main issue with modern men who are getting frustrated, is that they are investing far too much, far too soon. Nowadays I would NEVER commit to exclusivity with a woman I hadn't know for AT LEAST six months; and even then, she would have to be displaying very high IL for the majority if not all of that time.

As an individual, ask yourselves if the roles were reversed and women threw themselves at you at every street corner, would you not tend towards the odd branch-swing yourselves...? Hmmm? Women as a group only react to the way men as a group behave. That's not even as complicated as evolution, rather just pure conditioning.

Get a fckn grip on reality lads, and quit trying to blame the world outside. Also, quit thinking with your d!cks and learn to differentiate between your libido and your feelfeels.

To be frank, hateful, resentful attitudes are as unhelpful to our cause as passive, supplicating attitudes.