Never had a date 26 y.o.

[Plums]

Hi everyone.
I'm 26 year old IT guy. Just wanted to be successful at school, then at university. Had no time for romantic games (let's be honest, that is not the actual reason). Girls are cool and interesting, but in intellectual and esthetic way. That is how I get used to think about it. Now I feel it is about time to start acting. I learned some theory, and had some practice, which gives me not that much disappointment that one could expect. But I have never reached first date (working on it) and I never kissed a girl. Really never. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Please give me any advice. I don't really have a female friend to ask such things. Only colleagues, who will probably keep my secret, but it looks a bit complicated for me to work with people knowing this part of my personal life.
It would be also funny to read your comments about how stupid I was/am. That will probably give me some additional motivation. So feel free, I'm thankful for it.

Why does it make you feel uncomfortable to kiss a woman? If you are attracted to a woman and you date her, the kissing will come naturally and is not something to worry about.
Are you attracted to women sexually?

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Go to a few strip clubs, find a girl you really like, and tell her you will pay her whatever she makes in an average night (it's around $600) to go out to dinner with you. Tell her dress up, pay her in advance when you meet her, and spend a few hours together. She will show you a good time, trust me, it's a lot easier than her normal night. Go on a few dates with her (she will lower the price if she likes you) or find some other girls. This will give you some experience at least. They will usually kiss you goodnight. If not, ask her to help you adjust your image. This way, you take your problem with women and turn it into a problem with money: the amount of money indicates how far off you are. You will naturally adjust yourself based on the feedback she gives you.

Don't do this op.

Practice talking to girls. Join groups, networking events, alumni events, and talk to as many people as you can until you realize girls aren't as scary as you think they are.

You need to start small. Rome wasn't conquered in a day.

 

[Victor C]

Why does it make you feel uncomfortable to kiss a woman? If you are attracted to a woman and you date her, the kissing will come naturally and is not something to worry about.
Are you attracted to women sexually?

I did not attempt to kiss a woman. Never. And probably had no desire to kiss. This just looks like a convention to me, like saying 'hello'. But there should be some chemistry behind, which probably is very pleasurable.
Yes I am attracted. No doubt.

 

[Victor C]

Don't do this op.

Why?
Is it about learned helplessness? Or just someone making profit on my decisions which will be irrational?

 

[Plums]

I did not attempt to kiss a woman. Never. And probably had no desire to kiss. This just looks like a convention to me, like saying 'hello'. But there should be some chemistry behind, which probably is very pleasurable.
Yes I am attracted. No doubt.

Probably, when you do meet someone you really like you will come to learn why its nice to kiss and will develop a desire for it.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

Why?
Is it about learned helplessness? Or just someone making profit on my decisions which will be irrational?

Because it's a waste of your time and money. You should be talking to people you don't have to pay to be in your company. An escort is never a solution to any problem you may have.

You think she'll give a sh1t about you? All she wants is your money, nothing more. She'll pity you the entire time. You're better off asking for some help from girls you already know, even if you're honest about your inexperience with women, because honestly, they probably already know. Girls are very perceptive lile that.

If you're going with that escort route, you might as well just buy a sex doll too.

 

[Stephen89]

Go out there and start approaching.

Approach calmly and add a bit of fun/vibe to it. It's easier than you think.

Feel free to read my thread about this: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/a-natural-guide-to-help-attracting-women.237129/

Don't worry about anything! 26 Is very, very young and congrats on having a career in IT, this is a big thing and will be a huge asset to you in your love life.

 

[Victor C]

Probably some of the most succinct good advice on this forum. Even out of the context of this thread, this is something always to remember when dealing with women.

Is it right? no. Is it fair? no. Is it the way of the world? absolutely.

If that is so important could please explain more about "to be a p-y"? It sounds like behavioral stereotype, but I don't know exactly what kind of stereotype? Lack of courage? Lack of responsibility?

 

[btownbuck2012]

If that is so important could please explain more about "to be a p-y"? It sounds like behavioral stereotype, but I don't know exactly what kind of stereotype? Lack of courage? Lack of responsibility?

Basically a lack of courage, initiative, self confidence, etc.

Women are very unforgiving of weak men. It's unfortunate, but it's true. Because what's ironic is that in order to become a courageous, confident and self assured man, you'll probably have to experience some pretty low moments in your life where you are perceived by a-lot of people as weak. It's a learning experience. You learn to handle life better by overcoming challenges and hard times - and practically no one handles life's curve balls the right way their first time at the plate. It's just a fact. Like anything in life, handling and performing well under stress/ in adversity is a learned skill that TAKES TIME to develop.

HOWEVER, women have no appreciation or understanding of this.

Women want and are attracted to and want to associate with men who can lead. This doesn't mean you have to be a CEO of a company. What it does mean is you have to have an attitude of "Whatever happens, I can handle it." This might even be over the top. Something along the lines of "Whatever happens, I'll be alright." might even be better. It's not a brashness or over an exaggerated macho type of thing, it's just self assurance.

Women are more than happy to stand by a man through life's difficulties as long as he keeps that "whatever happens, I'll be alright" attitude. The second you start using her as a crutch or in a way the she feels like she's your mother, it's only a matter or time before she bails.

 

[Victor C]

using her as a crutch

And that is exactly why I need woman at this time in my life. Just to move forward beyond my own capabilities and to have overcome difficulties by having additional brain, that is not taken by emotions at particular moment of time (i.e. I lose my mind sometimes and make irrational decisions, it might be useful to have one you can trust and don't even think).
If the only way is myself, I'll probably need a woman 5 years later or so. If so my goal switches from actual result to education.

 

[corrector]

You think she'll give a sh1t about you? All she wants is your money, nothing more.

That is why most guys think that marriage is a bad deal, because at the end of the day, when expectations in a marriage become unrealistic and/or there is a divorce, isn't it the same thing?

 

[corrector]

I actually believe in all that stuff about Jesus sacrificed himself for human sins. I'm not sure that everything works as jews decided few thousand years ago, followed by greeks and Roman Empire, but message is clear to not live for own pleasure.
What I know for sure love does not work as described in classical literature. No need in poetry and killing dragons. It seems disappointing and interesting at the same time.

This is the most important part of this thread. But there is believing with your head and being agreement with the facts, and this being real to you at a heart-level and being born-again are two different things. If it's just in your head then it won't benefit you, it just becomes abstract facts like end credits on a movie screen but has no power in your day to day life and being sure if you are going to make it to heaven. I hope that Jesus is real to you and that there is some personal experience tied to His sacrifice where you identify with that at a core level rather than an abstraction. Do you remember a time where you sought out God and asked Jesus into your heart? You talked about not living for your own pleasure? By this, I believe you are correctly deducing that dating is wrong, because in a western secular mind-set, it's just really fornication. It's clear that this is a sin in the Bible, and that TYPE of pleasure is actually a sin. If you know it's wrong, though, why would you be seeking advice here to sin? What's the end-game of wanting to date anyone? Why not save that kiss for the alter when the priest/pastor says "you may now kiss the bride?".

 

[Victor C]

I don't have strict definition for a sin. There are situations when you do what you believe is right, not following scriptures per se.
My sin is pride. I'm not afraid of other, I can probably fall in it by external influence, but not by my innate nature. Funny things is that following advice not being a p-y is very very close to pride.
There is a line somewhere between what will God do for you and what you do yourself. I doubt that just waiting and praying is enough from my side.

 

[Charmaine]

Sin is the transgression of the law, falling short of the glory of God.

 

[Trainwreck]

Fake it till you make it, the girl that took my virginity didn't know I was a virgin. I didn't get my first real date till 18 lol.

 

[corrector]

I don't have strict definition for a sin. There are situations when you do what you believe is right, not following scriptures per se.
My sin is pride. I'm not afraid of other, I can probably fall in it by external influence, but not by my innate nature. Funny things is that following advice not being a p-y is very very close to pride.
There is a line somewhere between what will God do for you and what you do yourself. I doubt that just waiting and praying is enough from my side.

I'm going to meander a bit here. It's best to just ignore my post here if you are serious at this. Almost everything is a sin as it pertains to sexuality, except within a marriage between a man and a woman.. If you lust after a woman then that's a sin as well as fornication and adultery. If you have hate in your heart towards a woman who rejected you or don't forgive your ex-gf or ex-wife or get angry with your wife and cuss her out then that's like a sin too. People get mad here because the Bible virtually calls everything a sin here and people discourage marriage as being a bad option, in most cases, and yet, that's the only way to get intimate with a woman without it being a sin, therefore sexuality without sin seems very impractical leading to very hard choices with some people. There is usually no positive or good option to get married without any intimacy on some level occurring before the marriage itself. Maybe in the past it was so but not today. Today is gone.

 

[Victor C]

I'm going to meander a bit here. It's best to just ignore my post here if you are serious at this. Almost everything is a sin as it pertains to sexuality, except within a marriage between a man and a woman.. If you lust after a woman then that's a sin as well as fornication and adultery. If you have hate in your heart towards a woman who rejected you or don't forgive your ex-gf or ex-wife or get angry with your wife and cuss her out then that's like a sin too. People get mad here because the Bible virtually calls everything a sin here and people discourage marriage as being a bad option, in most cases, and yet, that's the only way to get intimate with a woman without it being a sin, therefore sexuality without sin seems very impractical leading to very hard choices with some people. There is usually no positive or good option to get married without any intimacy on some level occurring before the marriage itself. Maybe in the past it was so but not today. Today is gone.

I am serious. And I think I pretty much succeeded in keeping my heart clean out of this stuff like girl rejects you.
I do not believe in Bible. It has everything in it from practical advises like hygiene to deep philosophic allegory. You can read a message when you know the language, and as far as I know only way to learn the language is a pray for it. And this is sort of schizophrenia, because you start to judge what is right or wrong based on your interpretation, which is highly biased and irrational. But it sometimes is pretty obvious about "do not do this".
And as far as I remember new testament there is nothing wrong in marrying non believers (i.e. lustful pagans).
There is also a thing about monogamy in relationship, which differs in cultures. I'm not sure jewish way of looking at it is the only right way. In old testament women is some kind of property that can be inherited by brothers.
That is why it is very questionable topic, but questions are right.
I prayed for showing me way and now I have a lot of advises from people I never expected that. And I'm taking it all serious. What to do and what not to do, and where do draw the line, - that is my job. But at least I should understand the rules of the game.

 

[evan12]

Hi everyone.
I'm 26 year old IT guy. Just wanted to be successful at school, then at university. Had no time for romantic games (let's be honest, that is not the actual reason). Girls are cool and interesting, but in intellectual and esthetic way. That is how I get used to think about it. Now I feel it is about time to start acting. I learned some theory, and had some practice, which gives me not that much disappointment that one could expect. But I have never reached first date (working on it) and I never kissed a girl. Really never. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Please give me any advice. I don't really have a female friend to ask such things. Only colleagues, who will probably keep my secret, but it looks a bit complicated for me to work with people knowing this part of my personal life.
It would be also funny to read your comments about how stupid I was/am. That will probably give me some additional motivation. So feel free, I'm thankful for it.

Go work in the job that make you social person, have you ever seen a social man alone ? also you might have Aspenger so it is good to read the other post

 

[corrector]

I am serious. And I think I pretty much succeeded in keeping my heart clean out of this stuff like girl rejects you.
I do not believe in Bible.

How can you believe Jesus died for your sins and not believe the Bible at the same time?

It has everything in it from practical advises like hygiene to deep philosophic allegory.

It also prophecies future events, especially involving the nation Israel and its relationship with the world. It also had hidden "torah codes" imbedded in the ancient Hebrew that point to things that could not have been known at the time of the writing of the text.

You can read a message when you know the language, and as far as I know only way to learn the language is a pray for it.

What translation of Bible are you using?

And this is sort of schizophrenia, because you start to judge what is right or wrong based on your interpretation, which is highly biased and irrational.

The Bible is spiritually discerned. You can interpret it with the guidance from God if you pray before you open the Bible. If you don't trust God to help you interpret the Bible and it would be your own interpretation and it can fail. That's the whole point about having faith and having a relationship with God is that you are trusting God in these type of matters that He is real, that He answers your prayer and He can open your mind to interpret what the text is saying to you.

Jesus says in John 14:26 "But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have told you"
Romans 8:9 "But you are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if it so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his".

This relates to the born-again experience. If you are born-again and have the Spirit of Christ living on the inside of you, that same Spirit will also teach you all things and interpret the Bible in a way that reveals more of Jesus to you and builds you up on the inside. There are other verses that point to this, but I'm relying to what you are writing at face value to illustrate that there is a whole dimension that is missing in how you are seeing this.

But it sometimes is pretty obvious about "do not do this".
And as far as I remember new testament there is nothing wrong in marrying non believers (i.e. lustful pagans).

The New Testament says not to be unequally yolked together with unbelievers 2 Cor 6:14. That means believers are not to marry unbelievers.

There is also a thing about monogamy in relationship, which differs in cultures. I'm not sure jewish way of looking at it is the only right way. In old testament women is some kind of property that can be inherited by brothers.

These are all side issues of the topic of salvation. The Bible does not deal with social justice issues at the time it is written but works with it in a way that if people's hearts are changed then the world is all the better for it, no matter what is going on. We see in the U.S.A. what happens when institutions change but hearts do not change. Yes, they got rid of slavery and Jim Crow lynching. But because hearts are bad there, they still let police get away with murder and unjustly enslaving black people in the criminal justice system. If people had the right heart in the first place, then its likely slavery would not have existed in the first place and you'd certainly not need a civil war to change things.

The Bible says that husbands are to love their wives like Jesus loves the church. Eph 5:25. At the end of the day it is about showing love to your wife, no matter what you think about her.

That is why it is very questionable topic, but questions are right.
I prayed for showing me way and now I have a lot of advises from people I never expected that. And I'm taking it all serious. What to do and what not to do, and where do draw the line, - that is my job. But at least I should understand the rules of the game.

Well if you are serious then just stick to what the Bible says. That means I must congratulate you. Yes, congratulations on not having a date, and saving yourself for marriage or a life of purity and celibacy because I can say that direction is the right way to go. Just like me. I've been divorced, but instead of complaining that I can't get another girl, I just know that Jesus says you can't remarry after you divorce without committing adultery, and then all of a sudden every rejection is a blessing again because that scenario won't be happening. It's all a matter of perspective. We both find ourselves following the will of God in these areas and yet have the audacity to complain as though something is wrong when in fact, it is good.

 

[Victor C]

I've been divorced, but instead of complaining that I can't get another girl, I just know that Jesus says you can't remarry after you divorce without committing adultery

Actually you can. You just need your wife dead.