The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[resilient]

You are a MAN and you are not going to be treated like a second class citizen by the b1atch.

Exactly, that's why I walked away from her offer to be her "friend" ::cough:: orbiter. I would never accept being her fallback plan, or her pulling strings to dangle any hope of hooking up again.

She's banging some other dude? Fukk her, it is her loss.

I can't confirm it 100%, but ya.. pretty sure that's happening. Oh f'n well. Life moves on. No point giving that another thought now that she's an ex.

Don't worry about no dates just yet, it will come in time. Be the best version of YOU ever. Lose weight, get your hair cut, buy some new clothes, get running, biking, gyming, guitaring, whatever.

Yeah, I'm not too worried about the zero plate situation. I've got to get caught up in school and ahead in my career transition. I tried spinning plates then a main plate while working full time and going to school full time and it was a distraction I couldn't time-manage properly. I'm already thin as rails, so my goal is to gain 30-40 pounds of muscle... Speaking of the guitar, I'm running out to go buy it today after work.

Today is the start of the NEW you. Be patience and rejoice in that and all that this will bring. Time and patience is what you need; they are the mightiest of weapons when deployed wisely.

Day 4 for me today and I'm starting to develop that mindset already. I look forward to each day that the ex doesn't enter my thoughts and my life is flowing forward.

 

[Reboot2017]

Yes it stings. But let someone else take that problem [aka her] off of your hands. Play the long game.
However, rest assured, you will be tested. Yes, you will be tested. She will reach out to you eventually. They always do if you were a good guy to them and not a d1kk. It is THEN where your metal is stressed. Do not fall for it or else you will be back to square one.

I think I am ready for the reaching out test. I imagine after this NC period, the feeling will be more distant. The reason for the breakup remains a sore spot for me and I would never go back. Back to the gym in the meantime.

 

[resilient]

I think I am ready for the reaching out test. I imagine after this NC period, the feeling will be more distant. The reason for the breakup remains a sore spot for me and I would never go back. Back to the gym in the meantime.

That's the cool thing about time. NC accelerates the detachment phase. Think of NC like an object catapulted from the Earth sent out to explore the vast universe. It's never going to come back. It drifts further and further into the far-reaching expanse of space. Maybe a ping here or there back, but over time the communication should seize altogether. You should feel less and less for her if you've kept yourself busy. The gym will certainly help you get your mind off her and the endorphins flowing.

Day 5
I bought a freaking awesome electric guitar yesterday with an amp and case. I've been playing it like crazy ever since. My callus hurt like a mofo. It's a good pain though.

I've struggled a bit today with loneliness... I still have this phantom look of checking my cellphone screen to see if I've got any new text message notifications since we used to text each other at least once or twice a day for a brief convo or confirm the next date...

I try to distract my mind with school work or music to not think about her, but it's tough to not vilify or idealize the relationship for what it was. I've been eating a ton of food with protein and carb shakes to begin the weight gain that I need to get back to the weight I used to be before the depression wave. Hopefully, I'll see some bulking perks in a few months.

Soldiering on. I'm staying positive and I know I'll be alright as I gain more time and distance from the ex.

 

[Young_Don]

It's been more than a month and a half for me and it's still hard too. I think about her all the time even though I try not to, and even then, I find myself having dreams about her all the time.

It sucks but I think keeping myself as busy as possible will get me to where I need to be eventually.

I made a list of things to do every week: Read 5-6 hours a week - meditate 10 minutes a day (preferably in the morning) - gym every day - TV series/xbox at night - walk dog - clean my room/house/garden - bible study/prayer - and obviously work (labouring and casual teaching)

And I've also set a list of things for self investment that will build my status and confidence - buy new furniture and give my room a makeover - save money for travelling - get teeth straightened and whitened - fix small things on my car to keep it looking good.

I'm feeling like the more self centered I am, I'll find myself where I need to be without even realising. Use what you're going through as motivation for self improvement, but don't do it out of spite, do it for yourself.

 

[Reboot2017]

That's the cool thing about time. NC accelerates the detachment phase. Think of NC like an object catapulted from the Earth sent out to explore the vast universe. It's never going to come back. It drifts further and further into the far-reaching expanse of space. Maybe a ping here or there back, but over time the communication should seize altogether. You should feel less and less for her if you've kept yourself busy. The gym will certainly help you get your mind off her and the endorphins flowing.

Day 5
I bought a freaking awesome electric guitar yesterday with an amp and case. I've been playing it like crazy ever since. My callus hurt like a mofo. It's a good pain though.

I've struggled a bit today with loneliness... I still have this phantom look of checking my cellphone screen to see if I've got any new text message notifications since we used to text each other at least once or twice a day for a brief convo or confirm the next date...

I try to distract my mind with school work or music to not think about her, but it's tough to not vilify or idealize the relationship for what it was. I've been eating a ton of food with protein and carb shakes to begin the weight gain that I need to get back to the weight I used to be before the depression wave. Hopefully, I'll see some bulking perks in a few months.

Soldiering on. I'm staying positive and I know I'll be alright as I gain more time and distance from the ex.

I agree about drifting out of space. Cannot imagine doing it any other way. It will hurt too much to talk to her as well. This is for the best. Good stuff on the guitar man. The thing I do with the phone is to keep it away from me. I do not carry it around anymore and leave it behind a lot these days. That way it helps me break the cycle of checking the screen.

Day 10 of NC for me. Life has been nothing more than work, dancing, gym and learning french. I think less and less about her. The fantasies about getting back is under control. She messages me occasionally with breadcrumbs. I have been ignoring it all. A bit hard at times. For example she messages me yesterday evening with a "Please help..". WTF is that. Full of drama. My first instinct was to reach out and I was genuinely worried. But I stayed strong and deleted it instead. Another part of the hope to reconcile died when I did that. It felt good to be able to control my reaction. I think the hard days are still ahead of me because at times I really feel depressed. Nevertheless, I know I will be fine as I am learning to channel the negative energy into time in the gym. Stay strong guys.

 

[resilient]

The thing I do with the phone is to keep it away from me. I do not carry it around anymore and leave it behind a lot these days. That way it helps me break the cycle of checking the screen.

I like this idea. I went to a family party for Easter and left my cellphone at home for four hours. I was more present around the family and my sibling's kids so I wasn't as distracted or compelled to check the screen since I didn't have it in my pocket.

Life has been nothing more than work, dancing, gym and learning french. I think less and less about her.

That's half the battle isn't it? Staying busy.

I was genuinely worried. But I stayed strong and deleted it instead.

If you never plan to get back together, why not just block her phone number? That way text messages won't get through and you won't have the anxiety of having to fight off a potential emotional trigger.

I think the hard days are still ahead of me because at times I really feel depressed...channel the negative energy into time in the gym.

Sticking to your gym regime will help you stay out of slipping into depression. Keep that flowing.

Day 9
Eat and drank so much whey protein and carb gainer for my first week. I'm up 3-5 pounds since I was starting from a low point. I'll probably level out this week with the bodybuilding. My goal should be to add a pound of weight over twelve weeks, so the gains are balanced.

Forgot that I was still included in a group chat on Facebook Messenger with several of our mutual friends. I read her two lines in the group chat yesterday (I can read it, but she's still removed as a friend on FB), but didn't respond to the group. I'm leaving that group chat this week because I highly doubt I'll hang with them anytime soon.

I have my first social mixer tonight since the split up. Fifty or more persons in my age group are going, so I hope to get in a fun social frame again and chat people up.

As I focus on my school studies, guitar, weight gain, and gym -- it's getting easier and easier to think of her less. Time does heal.

 

[Roober]

@resilient , @Reboot2017 , @Young_Don

Keep it up guys, it sounds like you all are doing really good. The gym or just exercise helps a ton. If you are having a low, go exercise or hit a good fullfilling activity (xbox and TV do not fall in this category). It is even okay to call your support system and yabber at them for a couple mins, just to get it out. It has been 5 months for me, and I would by lying if I said I still didn't think about her periodically. She was a piece of your heart and you can't ever expect that to go away. For a while, it will be a bump in the road. Eventually, it will become a piece of gum stuck to your shoe. You can't quite get rid of it, but it's not really a big deal at all.

Another pointer is with checking your phone for her messages... I put mine on "priority only", so I know my phone won't ever make a sound for text or call. I set the important people in my life to my favorites so there messages will come through. I still have this and I feel a bit relieved not having to worry about responding. If my mom, ex-wife, or a couple good friends contact me, I will hear it. Anyone else can wait till the end of the day, or if I happen to check my phone for something... Also, delete all of your text exchanges and remove her number from your phone...

For any of you having that gut feeling that she monkey branched, you are probably right. I felt it, and it turned out to be correct. Hurt initially, but it just serves as another reminder of what a $hitty person she was...

Keep it up guys, great work!

 

[5chm1dd1]

Well, about 7-8 months since the breakup

I have to admit, time and keeping yourself busy helps more than I've ever imagined.

For the past 2 months, I'm doing perfect.
New 20k€ car, New Tattoo, lots of concerts I've been to, and 3 b#tches I can switch between to get some s€x.

Life's easy, life's great. For the new guys, just having started with NC and being still caught up in the emotional roller-coaster: stay strong. Trust me, it gets better.
And even if you have weak moments: don't let that discourage you. It happens, it's normal, and most importantly: it'll pass.

EDIT: at this point, I'd like to thank the forum and the many users who have assisted me in reaching this point. You guys rock! Thank you all.

 

[Reboot2017]

If you never plan to get back together, why not just block her phone number? That way text messages won't get through and you won't have the anxiety of having to fight off a potential emotional trigger.

This is a good idea of course and I am working myself up to it. I blocked her on my whatsapp so that I can use it without being worried that she will message me. But I have not done it yet on the normal messages.

Day 13 of NC. Overall I am doing well. I almost broke NC yesterday as she sent a message with a lot of guilt attached to it. Apparently, if I ever cared for her or ever had respect for her a bit, I would let her have two minutes to talk to me. Sounded reasonable esp since she baited me with the care which I do have unfortunately. However, I decided against doing it considering she did not have much respect nor care for me when she passed the night with her Ex and friends. I imagine this sort of feelings should go both ways. NC still very much in force and I think potential emotional fallout averted.

I would like to comment that during the first week, I felt strong. Relief was a big part of it. Now, I think I am feeling the loss keenly. It is sinking in that it is finally over and I have to move on with my life. Funny, being with her sucked for the most part and yet the attachment remains so strong. Ah well, time to lift.

You guys are inspiring... Keeps me going.

 

[Young_Don]

@Reboot2017 That's natural bro, I still miss her a lot and if I'm being honest, might even always love her deep down, but I also have moments where I'm care free and feel on top of everything and then my mood will change back to thinking "what if".. But at the end of the day, when you know that you honestly did your best for her and that you didn't do anything wrong by her, then you can find contentment in that and know that you weren't the problem in the relationship no matter how much she tries to convince herself or you otherwise.

 

[MrAddiction]

But at the end of the day, when you know that you honestly did your best for her and that you didn't do anything wrong by her, then you can find contentment in that and know that you weren't the problem in the relationship no matter how much she tries to convince herself or you otherwise

To be honest even if you did the right thing, in my case walking away from my Cluster B ex, that does not help much regarding getting over the feeling of loss. And a least it is that feeling that brings you down. I know there was no other way to react to her misbehavior but I still sometimes miss her good side. That is when I Do actively have to remind myself of her fcuked up behavior.
But after all it is a loss. You lost something that you did not want to lose. It's like when your car breaks down and you have to buy a new one wether you like it or not. It sucks but i won't kill you.
What I want to say, even if you are bot the problem, that does not smaller the feeling of loss.

 

[chris123456]

Technically not my ex since we never got to the dating stage, but I've gotten too attached to my best girl friend. She's the closest girl to my heart for the last 5+ years, and I've definitely had a few opportunities and went pretty far awhile back. Things kinda reverted back to the friendship stage about a year ago, but recently thought things were going extraordinarily well, so pushed a little too hard and told her how I felt a two weeks ago. Wasn't wise, and shouldn't've rushed things and just stuck to my gut feelings instead of going for an immediate ansewer. Buuut since then, she's barely talked to me and getting ahold of her is much harder. Pretty sure a LJBF is coming, and I kinda suspect her and my best guy friend have something going on now because of this situation (unintentional wingman for my homie I guess). Honestly need to just take a step back before this ticking time bomb explodes all over me lol. I don't want to call them out on it and be totally wrong and end up looking like a dbag, so I'm just gonna let time do its thing and let this situation unravel itself.

I'm going to initiate the 3rd variation of NC and just drop off the face of the earth for both of them. I know it's going to be rough since they're the two closest friends I have.

 

[Reboot2017]

@Reboot2017 That's natural bro, I still miss her a lot and if I'm being honest, might even always love her deep down, but I also have moments where I'm care free and feel on top of everything and then my mood will change back to thinking "what if".. But at the end of the day, when you know that you honestly did your best for her and that you didn't do anything wrong by her, then you can find contentment in that and know that you weren't the problem in the relationship no matter how much she tries to convince herself or you otherwise.

I guess this is exactly what I am feeling. And I am trying to hold my frame on this point. I have already given my everything and I am at peace with that. I guess time is the only thing that helps from here on. That and NC.

Day 15 of NC.
As predicted by the vast majority of people on this board, she has started insisting on contact. She sent me a message this morning to say that she is coming over next weekend to return "my stuff" and to have "the conversation that she needs". I did not reply. But since then, she started sending 3 messages in succession. She is threatening to come over and see me tonight (Note we live in different towns). She also has started to blame me for playing with her and hurting her. Overall, I think she is losing it. I have this huge urge to write back and reiterate my decision on NC. I do not particularly want her to show up on my door step and deal with the drama of that. I have no particular need to hurt her and I think thus far, being far from her has helped tremendously. I do not want to regress. Thoughts?

 

[5chm1dd1]

I guess this is exactly what I am feeling. And I am trying to hold my frame on this point. I have already given my everything and I am at peace with that. I guess time is the only thing that helps from here on. That and NC.

Day 15 of NC.
As predicted by the vast majority of people on this board, she has started insisting on contact. She sent me a message this morning to say that she is coming over next weekend to return "my stuff" and to have "the conversation that she needs". I did not reply. But since then, she started sending 3 messages in succession. She is threatening to come over and see me tonight (Note we live in different towns). She also has started to blame me for playing with her and hurting her. Overall, I think she is losing it. I have this huge urge to write back and reiterate my decision on NC. I do not particularly want her to show up on my door step and deal with the drama of that. I have no particular need to hurt her and I think thus far, being far from her has helped tremendously. I do not want to regress. Thoughts?

Stay strict NC, and don't play along her BS with the "conversation". She seeks for your validation, and is trying to get some negative emotion out of you to justify her decision.

When she comes by next week, you exchange stuff, and that's it. No talk, nothing. If she insists, you politely excuse yourself and say that you have other things to do and hence no time to talk, but that you'll eventually reach out to her when you have the time. (hint: which is not going to happen)

Stay strong!

 

[BeTheChange]

Well guys, for me it's been about 3 months since the break up and about 2.5 months since I last saw her and NC was implemented. I cheated on her, she found out. But I believe she had some mental problems so I know it was for the best.

While I realize it's better I don't go back, I still miss all the sweet things she did for me. Wish I could get her back, but with only the good parts and all the evil parts about her totally cut out.

But I know I can't have her. Still think about her a lot, even after all this time. Yesterday I had an almost overwhelming urge to message her, out of nowhere.

Stayed strong. I have another gf, but sometimes having other women around only makes you think about the ex more.

Dude is this the same long term gf you had a month ago that you've been on and off with for the past couple of years or someone else?

If so you seriously need to cut this chick out your life...permanently.

One moment you are making a thread telling us how great she is and that she is down for threesomes, a week later you hate the b*tch and you've broken up. This sh*t is unseemly.

Haven't even seen my ex of 3 years for almost four months now and I can promise you it's been the best time of my life ever. I wouldn't take her back if she paid me. NC sets you free mate. You need to practice what you preach.

 

[soulforge]

It is now nearly 3 months NC for me... I have blocked her on every level..

She may be banging someone else.. she may not be.. i rather not find out..

So refraining from any social media..


I have a couple of plates at the mo, but like BRADD said, i only end up missing my ex more..

I miss the good time we had, waking up with her, going to sleep with her.. but I have to keep reminding myself about how rude and dismissive she was was of my feelings.

I really don't believe that woman cared that much about my feelings.. and I cannot allow her to disrespect me again!

I officially did the dumping, simply because she crossed a line and i had no choice left but to dump.

Guys I have taken the sim card out of my mobile phone and changed my number, so she cannot call or text..

Is blocking her completely the best way forward?? What if she tries to text or ring one day?

Getting involved with her again, seems like RISKY business???

 

[soulforge]

My bpd broke 10 months of NC today which i ignored.

Women ALWAYS come back eventually. Wrap your head around that and you'll start taking your power back.

She sent you email.. but did she want back?

 

[resilient]

@soulforge, yes getting involved with your ex would be risky business since she never cared for your feelings and disrespected you that often. Three months NC is good. Stay strong and continue blocking her. You don't want to get pulled back into that toxic orbit. If she texts or rings, you ignore and carry on about your life.

Day 12
I slipped yesterday. I got a text from my aunt asking how I was doing and that she missed seeing new pictures posted to Instagram since my last one was at the end of March. I deleted that app off my phone, so I logged into IG on a desktop browser and noticed my ex untagged a photo that I posted two months back. I pull up her profile and noticed she unfollowed me and probably blocked me. Her account is public, so I saw nearly a dozen photos she posted since the breakup. They were all the usual selfies or full body shots of her dressed up nice out somewhere with who knows who. At least one shot was taken from her bed fully dressed, smiling, and face was blushing, but I knew that one wasn't a selfie. I felt a pain of an emotional trigger, figuring that the new guy that replaced me that probably took it.

I know Instagram and social media in general that people project how awesome and happy their lives are. A person's life could be filled with anxiety or depression, but you'll never see them post a picture or write about that in a status update for the most part. I have no idea if the ex cares that I ghost her by blocking her cell # and email address after the breakup text, but it doesn't matter. Seems like I was quickly forgotten with her new dude or backup orbiters helping her feel validated in attention or sechs.

I've been to therapy twice and learning how to let all this go. I'm learning how to develop better boundaries next time, so I don't disclose to potential plates the dark secrets of my failed relationships. Keep convo light and focused on fun. The new person doesn't have the right to know the deep emotional wounds (often that info is used against me or used to push me away too damn early) so I got to keep that under wraps.

I realized I have a crap ton of work to do on self-esteem, self-love, self-reliance, and self-respect to rid all co-dependency tendencies. I want to be completely comfortable in my own skin and not feel threatened by competition, or dread of abandonment.

I found a site that is sorta geared towards the opposite sex, but many of the articles have interesting insights that are helping me clear my head of guilt, loss, shame, or other negative thoughts floating around. Some of these articles may help you guys too...

• Love Isn’t Going To Save You
• Love Won’t Fix Your Life, So Stop Expecting It To
• 10 Uncomfortable Signs You’re Actually Becoming The Person You’re Supposed To Be

Keep striving forward guys, never go back to an ex. Improve your life, fill it with meaningful passions, hobbies, career, friendships (males are especially important too), and learn to live happily with or without the company of plate(s).

 

[Infern0]

She sent you email.. but did she want back?

Didnt read the email but if it was like every other time then yeah.

 

[BeTheChange]

Didnt read the email but if it was like every other time then yeah.

Huh?

Its been 9 months NC almost a year since i seen her.

I have been training seriously in that time and got great results, plus heaps if self improvement and growth, feeling good boyos.

other day i ran into her best friend (hb8) who couldnt stop complimenting me and squeezed my arms lol (this one is the hot slutty girl who my ex worships) its funny because this girl used to pretty much snob me when i was out of shape depressed dude with the bpd, but now she was all "omg you look so different, good for you, wow" and smiling and hard eye contact.

Anyway I knew at that point the clock was ticking.

Anyway opened my emails and there it was, the email from the ex.

Opened it and just saw wall of text starting with:

"i know you hate me and want nothing to do with me but"

DELETE

No thanks.

Tldr: they ALWAYS come back

Tbh it looks more like she is fishing for attention than legitimate interest. Best to let this one go. You truly win, when you don't have to make a thread about her in the first place.

If she actually wanted you back you would KNOW. That's how BPDs are.

They either love/hate you (which manifests in the same type of behaviour) or they're pretty much indifferent to you.