The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Reboot2017]

Day 5 of NC. She has left me alone over the weekend as well which is pretty extraordinary for her. This girl cannot be alone one day without having some communication. I imagine she is having fun with the Ex.

I had a good morning. Started lifting seriously again until I almost fainted. Missed the feeling. Am peace with myself.

On cue, she messages me this morning about some stuff I left at her apartment. They are not important (shoes etc). She wants to know should she come over to pass it to me or should she keep them until I am OK to see her again... Sounds like a valid question which warrants a short answer (throw them away) but honestly I rather be on NC and not respond... Any advice? Fundamentally, I do not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I am hurting.

 

[Lion1985]

I have done exactly that man... changed my mobile sim card.. she cannot call, text, nothing!!

Its a hard fuking thing to do man.. for all i know she could be texting me, begging etc..

But i feel i have no choice but to cut this woman out forever.. otherwise she will mentally destroy me!

Going back to her does not seem an option anymore.. i do not trust her any longer, i do not believe she has my interests at heart... so why the fuk hold on..

Why sit there watching my phone, holding on to hope!

i will do the same thing bro
blocking apps are not an alternative, i will fight allthe time the urge to uninstall them
i need a radical cure, im to weak, i need this symbolic, final step, to make a restart.
i will get my new xiaomi device tomorrow, will put in a new sim card.
and symbolic i will throm the old device into the river next to me, with the sim, or the sim will be cut in the half.
i have to kill the hope that she will someday contact me
as girls are sms-types they will never know you have a new number
i very rarely had girls contacting my after some time be phonecalls, only sms.
they will not know you have a new digit, they will think you just ignore them.
man this must be hard for you.
do you sometimes maybe regret it to throw away the old number?
or its eventually better and you feel relief?
what you did with your whatsapp app connected to the old number, you deleted the whole account connected with the old number or just let it as it was?

but i dont want to regret it, what if she contacts me in some months....its soo hard...

 

[soulforge]

dude if she was a toxic person in your life, why would you want her to come back in some months time?

if she was a good person, and things just went wrong, then I get it.. you might want her to get back to you..

but if she was toxic, then do whatever it takes to get her out of your life, even change numbers.. do it for your own sanity

 

[Lion1985]

dude if she was a toxic person in your life, why would you want her to come back in some months time?

if she was a good person, and things just went wrong, then I get it.. you might want her to get back to you..

but if she was toxic, then do whatever it takes to get her out of your life, even change numbers.. do it for your own sanity

was she toxic? yes maybe a little bit, but i was neither an angel, i was controlling and jaleous

the biggest problem in our relationship was her mother, she was against us.

she has very big power and influence over her, she did everything to sabotage or relationship, so often no harmony between us..

I broke NC of 4 months, managed to bang her several times despite she was seeing someone new since 5 weeks.

She dont want to break up with him, he is her "Soulmate" (TM), I told her i have feelings and I miss her, freindship is not possible

than something weir happened:

some days later, last weekend, a sms woke me up at 3 am!, its her, she is now at a disco with her friends, i shoul join if i want and not asleep yet (flirty sms with smileys)

-> WHY IS SHE WRITING THIS?

Why is she sending an sms at 3.am to join her at a party, despite she has a SOULMATE and dont wanna break up with him?

-> Does she missed me at this moment?
-> Does she want to check if her puppy dog will appear at the party to show her friends how important she is for me?

I cant understand the sense behind this sms at 3 am!

I ignored the sms, I never showed up at the party, and also next day nothing, currently at 3rd day of NC.

Now im starting to doubt my action:

Mybe i should have answered the sms, showed up at the party and have a good time with her, than she would maybe realize....

Maybe i fvcked up every chance to change her mind...

 

[dude99]

Day 5 of NC. She has left me alone over the weekend as well which is pretty extraordinary for her. This girl cannot be alone one day without having some communication. I imagine she is having fun with the Ex.

I had a good morning. Started lifting seriously again until I almost fainted. Missed the feeling. Am peace with myself.

On cue, she messages me this morning about some stuff I left at her apartment. They are not important (shoes etc). She wants to know should she come over to pass it to me or should she keep them until I am OK to see her again... Sounds like a valid question which warrants a short answer (throw them away) but honestly I rather be on NC and not respond... Any advice? Fundamentally, I do not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I am hurting.

If you have no use for the shoes and stuff just ignore her. She will try to contact you a couple more times. Ignore her attempts. She will get pisssed off and then tell you she threw them away, hoping to get a rise out of you. Ignore ignore ignore.

If the stuff is of no value then there is no need to talk to her anymore.

 

[resilient]

You can also block her number. Texts will not go through...

Solid advice.

Day 2

I blocked her number so texts won't go through yesterday. I blocked her email address as well. If she tries to send anything it won't show up in my inbox and will continue to be ignored in the spam folder. I know if I got an email soon it would just be her whining for me to come pick up a few pointless replaceable objects... no thanks!

I saw a picture of her out on an upscale lunch date, dressed up with another guy Sunday, smiling and bragging how nice the weather was in her caption all the while, we were trying to "patch up" over the weekend over spontaneous texting. The picture felt like a knife in the stomach. I then deleted my Instagram so I won't lurk to see her or our mutual friends pictures.

It can't be stated in this thread enough: Blocking on all social media, electronic devices and absolute strict NC is the best medicine for recovery.

Today after work, I'm looking forward to buying that amazing acoustic guitar to get my mind off dating and especially the ex.

 

[Reboot2017]

If you have no use for the shoes and stuff just ignore her. She will try to contact you a couple more times. Ignore her attempts. She will get pisssed off and then tell you she threw them away, hoping to get a rise out of you. Ignore ignore ignore.

If the stuff is of no value then there is no need to talk to her anymore.

I going with that mantra... Ignore, ignore, ignore...

 

[Jozzy44]

Hi,

My stubborn gf (23 yo F) and I (24 yo M) broke up roughly 2 months ago after dating for 5 and a half months. I upped and left after she disrespected me and didn't talk to her for two days. She apologized profusely and I ignored her. When I finally spoke with her, she told me "she was done" and "it just wasn't working out".

Out of the 2 months since we broke up, we had 3 weeks of breadcrumbs ("I miss you", "I really need you" from her side and "Can we talk this out in person instead of via text" on mine). She called me drunk and texted "I miss and I'm sorry" repeatedly for the first 2 weeks after we broke up but resisted meeting up in person and flew home several times to be with her family b/c she wasn't taking the breakup particularly well. I felt bad a few days after so I tried reaching out to figure things out but basically got the "I'm done" again. However, I received a phone call from her two days later drunk asking what I was up to.

We've now been in no contact for almost 5 weeks. At the end of it, I told her she needs to understand what she wants (either we should try and make it work or go or she needs to let me go.) She said she "wanted to be alone" so I said "ok, goodbye" and hung up on her via phone.

For context: She has family problems, has an issue with emotionally shutting down after getting too close people and got out of a relationship with an ex 3-4 months prior to us getting together. She also had been against putting a firm stamp on our relationship while being insecure/jealous when I mention/talk to other women and asking that spend the night over a lot and pay her way. Additionally, even though I've been there for her (ie. took her to get LASIK when her gals couldn't, etc.)

I'm fit/attractive and went to a good school. Have a really good, stable job. Also have family problems so I don't really mind her own situation that much. I'm not entirely against a FWB situation, I just am uncomfortable with one-sided commitment.

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact? how do I ensure that she does 2) if this is a test, did I do the right thing or did I mess up?) 3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

 

[Desdinova]

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact?

That shouldn't matter. The purpose of no contact is to help yourself heal and move on.

how do I ensure that she does

Again, it's irrelevant. She told you she wants it to be over. Your job now is to make sure the relationship is 100% finished. Every woman should get one chance per lifetime. If she fvcks it up, she will have to deal with the consequences for the rest of her life. You'll be able to find another woman.

3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

Very likely. Women can replace men very easily until they get older and their age begins to show.

 

[dude99]

Hi,

My stubborn gf (23 yo F) and I (24 yo M) broke up roughly 2 months ago after dating for 5 and a half months. I upped and left after she disrespected me and didn't talk to her for two days. She apologized profusely and I ignored her. When I finally spoke with her, she told me "she was done" and "it just wasn't working out".

Out of the 2 months since we broke up, we had 3 weeks of breadcrumbs ("I miss you", "I really need you" from her side and "Can we talk this out in person instead of via text" on mine). She called me drunk and texted "I miss and I'm sorry" repeatedly for the first 2 weeks after we broke up but resisted meeting up in person and flew home several times to be with her family b/c she wasn't taking the breakup particularly well. I felt bad a few days after so I tried reaching out to figure things out but basically got the "I'm done" again. However, I received a phone call from her two days later drunk asking what I was up to.

We've now been in no contact for almost 5 weeks. At the end of it, I told her she needs to understand what she wants (either we should try and make it work or go or she needs to let me go.) She said she "wanted to be alone" so I said "ok, goodbye" and hung up on her via phone.

For context: She has family problems, has an issue with emotionally shutting down after getting too close people and got out of a relationship with an ex 3-4 months prior to us getting together. She also had been against putting a firm stamp on our relationship while being insecure/jealous when I mention/talk to other women and asking that spend the night over a lot and pay her way. Additionally, even though I've been there for her (ie. took her to get LASIK when her gals couldn't, etc.)

I'm fit/attractive and went to a good school. Have a really good, stable job. Also have family problems so I don't really mind her own situation that much. I'm not entirely against a FWB situation, I just am uncomfortable with one-sided commitment.

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact? how do I ensure that she does 2) if this is a test, did I do the right thing or did I mess up?) 3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

To fix your problems in this relationship, next her. Go date other women. This one is done. Afterall she kept saying so.

Meet new women. Date new women

 

[Roober]

Solid advice.

Day 2

I blocked her number so texts won't go through yesterday. I blocked her email address as well. If she tries to send anything it won't show up in my inbox and will continue to be ignored in the spam folder. I know if I got an email soon it would just be her whining for me to come pick up a few pointless replaceable objects... no thanks!

I saw a picture of her out on an upscale lunch date, dressed up with another guy Sunday, smiling and bragging how nice the weather was in her caption all the while, we were trying to "patch up" over the weekend over spontaneous texting. The picture felt like a knife in the stomach. I then deleted my Instagram so I won't lurk to see her or our mutual friends pictures.

It can't be stated in this thread enough: Blocking on all social media, electronic devices and absolute strict NC is the best medicine for recovery.

Today after work, I'm looking forward to buying that amazing acoustic guitar to get my mind off dating and especially the ex.

And the great part is... they have no idea if you blocked them...

I also made the mistake of checking social media for the first couple weeks. It only delays things... just block and ignore from everything!

Keep it up!

 

[Roober]

Hi,

My stubborn gf (23 yo F) and I (24 yo M) broke up roughly 2 months ago after dating for 5 and a half months. I upped and left after she disrespected me and didn't talk to her for two days. She apologized profusely and I ignored her. When I finally spoke with her, she told me "she was done" and "it just wasn't working out".

Out of the 2 months since we broke up, we had 3 weeks of breadcrumbs ("I miss you", "I really need you" from her side and "Can we talk this out in person instead of via text" on mine). She called me drunk and texted "I miss and I'm sorry" repeatedly for the first 2 weeks after we broke up but resisted meeting up in person and flew home several times to be with her family b/c she wasn't taking the breakup particularly well. I felt bad a few days after so I tried reaching out to figure things out but basically got the "I'm done" again. However, I received a phone call from her two days later drunk asking what I was up to.

We've now been in no contact for almost 5 weeks. At the end of it, I told her she needs to understand what she wants (either we should try and make it work or go or she needs to let me go.) She said she "wanted to be alone" so I said "ok, goodbye" and hung up on her via phone.

For context: She has family problems, has an issue with emotionally shutting down after getting too close people and got out of a relationship with an ex 3-4 months prior to us getting together. She also had been against putting a firm stamp on our relationship while being insecure/jealous when I mention/talk to other women and asking that spend the night over a lot and pay her way. Additionally, even though I've been there for her (ie. took her to get LASIK when her gals couldn't, etc.)

I'm fit/attractive and went to a good school. Have a really good, stable job. Also have family problems so I don't really mind her own situation that much. I'm not entirely against a FWB situation, I just am uncomfortable with one-sided commitment.

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact? how do I ensure that she does 2) if this is a test, did I do the right thing or did I mess up?) 3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

She sounds like a mess! Move on and maintain no contact... block everything, social media, remove her contact from your phone, etc etc

 

[resilient]

Thanks, @Roober.

Pro NC tip
How to block the ex's phone number on iOS/iphone*:
Settings > Phone > Call Blocking & Identification > Block contact > Select the phone number

*You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on your block list.

Day 3
Visited my old therapist yesterday... she wants to do eight sessions to deal with past rejection/abandonment/self-esteem/childhood issues. I don't know how that will work because I usually catch my therapist up to date with what's happening in my life in the present, so I don't know if she'll be able to tap into my old issues to help me to recognize, forgive and heal old wounds. Hopefully she'll ask me questions about my past so I don't sit there in awkward silences. It's uncharted territory for me. I hope the therapy sessions will make a difference somehow in the healing/recovery...

Thoughts of the ex have been protruding in my mind here or there. Cognitively doing the "What If" game, yet trying to distract myself to not dwell on her, angry over the confusion, lack of empathy, and how we never got to stretch out the honeymoon feels, romance, sechs a few months longer. Feeling angry and bitter that she is most likely off screwing someone new or more with the love bombing, attention and suggestive texts she used to give me.

Meanwhile, I have zero plates. I don't feel motivated to approach right now to acquire plates.

I have one site that I'm on for OLD, yet no responses to emails. Inbox (0). From what I've read on this forum... women are bombarded with male attention that most emails and contacts go ignored on the regular, unless you're a freaking 10 in SMV. I miss the affection, attention, and sechs from women, but until I can kill the neediness, boyfriend vibes inside, I'll continue to propel women away. :/

Deleting Instagram for now is helping me to avoid any emotional triggers. I'll reinstall it once I'm over her and her profile is firmly blocked in settings so I don't feel tempted to lurk.

Going to buy that acoustic guitar late this week...

 

[Carpathian]

Thanks Carpathian. I was starting to doubt my decision but it helps to hear another opinion.

Day 3 of no contact. She messaged me on Friday but I deleted it and did not reply. Things are starting to sink in. I am feeling really weak at the moment. Mind is starting to come to terms with the loss. I will not contact her. Have started working out. Been dancing over the weekend. Distractions help and fingers crossed, the emotions will stabilize.

Great! Hang in there and continue to do those things. There will be weak times, times where you feel weak and vulnerable. But do not break no contact with her, it will be your undoing if you do. Trust me. Don't. Do not let her ensnare you with her feminine BS and her body, teasing your weakness for her. Why should you AS A MAN have to put up with that sh1t ? You shouldn't. And when you find the right woman, as you will, you will not have to.

 

[Carpathian]

Think of it this way.

She views the new guy as her soulmate and she doesn't want to hurt him.

But she didn't mind cheating on new guy by having sex with you.........do you think he would be ok knowing his girl cheated on him with an ex? Or would this hurt him?

She isn't loyal. Why would you want an unfaith girl in your life ?

New perception on this for you. She did you a favour by showing she is disloyal. Now next her and find a loyal girl.

Absolutely 100% correct.

 

[Roober]

Thanks, @Roober.

Pro NC tip
How to block the ex's phone number on iOS/iphone*:
Settings > Phone > Call Blocking & Identification > Block contact > Select the phone number

*You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on your block list.

Day 3
Visited my old therapist yesterday... she wants to do eight sessions to deal with past rejection/abandonment/self-esteem/childhood issues. I don't know how that will work because I usually catch my therapist up to date with what's happening in my life in the present, so I don't know if she'll be able to tap into my old issues to help me to recognize, forgive and heal old wounds. Hopefully she'll ask me questions about my past so I don't sit there in awkward silences. It's uncharted territory for me. I hope the therapy sessions will make a difference somehow in the healing/recovery...

Thoughts of the ex have been protruding in my mind here or there. Cognitively doing the "What If" game, yet trying to distract myself to not dwell on her, angry over the confusion, lack of empathy, and how we never got to stretch out the honeymoon feels, romance, sechs a few months longer. Feeling angry and bitter that she is most likely off screwing someone new or more with the love bombing, attention and suggestive texts she used to give me.

Meanwhile, I have zero plates. I don't feel motivated to approach right now to acquire plates.

I have one site that I'm on for OLD, yet no responses to emails. Inbox (0). From what I've read on this forum... women are bombarded with male attention that most emails and contacts go ignored on the regular, unless you're a freaking 10 in SMV. I miss the affection, attention, and sechs from women, but until I can kill the neediness, boyfriend vibes inside, I'll continue to propel women away. :/

Deleting Instagram for now is helping me to avoid any emotional triggers. I'll reinstall it once I'm over her and her profile is firmly blocked in settings so I don't feel tempted to lurk.

Going to buy that acoustic guitar late this week...

OLD really is a virtual dive bar and pics ARE EVERYTHING on there. With that, try approaching women and talking to people in public. Even if not frequent, you have to start somewhere. Basically, if you see a hot girl, just go start talking to her.

I do feel that initially plate spinning isn't always a great thing as it is used to fill the void the ex left behind. What can't be explained though is how well it knocks our exes off the pedestal we placed them on. You realize that she really was no different than any other woman, likely even worse if she quickly monkey branched to another dude.

Keep up the good work!

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 6 of NC. It has been almost a week. Time flies...

Been keeping relatively busy. I rarely have time to think but despite my best efforts, she is at the moment the thought between other thoughts. Therefore, there are times I dwell on her esp late in the evenings. I have this suspicion that I have been replaced. Yeah, I know that AWALT and I should not give a rat ass. Nevertheless, it stings. Anyway, I have been working out and dancing. Have not met many new people yet.

To all you gentlemen here, glad that you are here...

 

[Carpathian]

Day 6 of NC. It has been almost a week. Time flies...

Been keeping relatively busy. I rarely have time to think but despite my best efforts, she is at the moment the thought between other thoughts. Therefore, there are times I dwell on her esp late in the evenings. I have this suspicion that I have been replaced. Yeah, I know that AWALT and I should not give a rat ass. Nevertheless, it stings. Anyway, I have been working out and dancing. Have not met many new people yet.

To all you gentlemen here, glad that you are here...

Yes it stings. But let someone else take that problem [aka her] off of your hands. Play the long game.
However, rest assured, you will be tested. Yes, you will be tested. She will reach out to you eventually. They always do if you were a good guy to them and not a d1kk. It is THEN where your metal is stressed. Do not fall for it or else you will be back to square one.

 

[Carpathian]

Thanks, @Roober.

Pro NC tip
How to block the ex's phone number on iOS/iphone*:
Settings > Phone > Call Blocking & Identification > Block contact > Select the phone number

*You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on your block list.

Day 3
Visited my old therapist yesterday... she wants to do eight sessions to deal with past rejection/abandonment/self-esteem/childhood issues. I don't know how that will work because I usually catch my therapist up to date with what's happening in my life in the present, so I don't know if she'll be able to tap into my old issues to help me to recognize, forgive and heal old wounds. Hopefully she'll ask me questions about my past so I don't sit there in awkward silences. It's uncharted territory for me. I hope the therapy sessions will make a difference somehow in the healing/recovery...

Thoughts of the ex have been protruding in my mind here or there. Cognitively doing the "What If" game, yet trying to distract myself to not dwell on her, angry over the confusion, lack of empathy, and how we never got to stretch out the honeymoon feels, romance, sechs a few months longer. Feeling angry and bitter that she is most likely off screwing someone new or more with the love bombing, attention and suggestive texts she used to give me.

Meanwhile, I have zero plates. I don't feel motivated to approach right now to acquire plates.

I have one site that I'm on for OLD, yet no responses to emails. Inbox (0). From what I've read on this forum... women are bombarded with male attention that most emails and contacts go ignored on the regular, unless you're a freaking 10 in SMV. I miss the affection, attention, and sechs from women, but until I can kill the neediness, boyfriend vibes inside, I'll continue to propel women away. :/

Deleting Instagram for now is helping me to avoid any emotional triggers. I'll reinstall it once I'm over her and her profile is firmly blocked in settings so I don't feel tempted to lurk.

Going to buy that acoustic guitar late this week...

Yes it stings but dude, you gotta hang in there. You are a MAN and you are not going to be treated like a second class citizen by the b1atch. She's banging some other dude? Fukk her, it is her loss. You will be banging sone new strupmet in time and so forget about her. Don't worry about no dates just yet, it will come in time. Be the best version of YOU ever. Lose weight, get your hair cut, buy some new clothes, get running, biking, gyming, guitaring, whatever. Today is the start of the NEW you. Be patience and rejoice in that and all that this will bring. Time and patience is what you need; they are the mightiest of weapons when deployed wisely.

 

[Infern0]

My bpd broke 10 months of NC today which i ignored.

Women ALWAYS come back eventually. Wrap your head around that and you'll start taking your power back.