The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[resilient]

Ugh. Broke NC today. We're on a "I have things to think about" phase this week. I think that almost always a woman's prelude to the breakup text/call or ghosting. I started off a simple "Good morning, how are you?" text and was met with lukewarm responses. Left the brief convo that I'll miss her this weekend. No response still after that last line.

I feel like a shell of my former self. I haven't accepted the fact that the long hours without a single text, short responses and absence of flirting on her half that it's over and I just haven't accepted it. I deleted the number and the text convo again, to stop myself from feeling tempted to reach out.

If anyone has awesome tips for forgetting her completely besides spinning plates I'm all ears (maybe buy a guitar and learn how to play?).

I'm working out daily and walking a ton, praying to get my mind centered on God again, and staying active with Meetups even though my self-esteem/confidence feels shot.

I've gone from 150 pounds to 138 pounds in the last month or so because of the depression / lack of appetite.

I don't know how else this will get better other than just using time, space, and staying busy somehow with school and hobbies.

 

[Killakittie]

Day 4 of NC and i am more focused, positive, and in general good spirits.

I work and go to school full time, working on my credentials to be an English professor, so right now i am feeling excited to be able to divert the energy i was wasting in my toxic relationship towards my credentials. I already live a good life, not extravagant, but good for this point in my life, which is temporary until i start teaching. I also just bought another motorcycle which is getting me back in touch with my masculine side. (along with my gym routine)

I still have moments i think about her. But knowing she is talking and most likely fvcking someone else just makes it effortless to accept that she was not for me. I have decided against entering any relationship for at least a year and most likely it's going to be longer then that. I will enjoy dating for what it is and i will do what you guys recommend and just build my foundation, carreer, fitness, and finances. I will only increase in value.

The real challenge will come someday though. She is bound to reach out at some point and i have to remain strong. Remember that i mean nothing to her and never did. I am content with that.

 

[Killakittie]

Ugh. Broke NC today. We're on a "I have things to think about" phase this week. I think that almost always a woman's prelude to the breakup text/call or ghosting. I started off a simple "Good morning, how are you?" text and was met with lukewarm responses. Left the brief convo that I'll miss her this weekend. No response still after that last line.

I feel like a shell of my former self. I haven't accepted the fact that the long hours without a single text, short responses and absence of flirting on her half that it's over and I just haven't accepted it. I deleted the number and the text convo again, to stop myself from feeling tempted to reach out.

If anyone has awesome tips for forgetting her completely besides spinning plates I'm all ears (maybe buy a guitar and learn how to play?).

I'm working out daily and walking a ton, praying to get my mind centered on God again, and staying active with Meetups even though my self-esteem/confidence feels shot.

I've gone from 150 pounds to 138 pounds in the last month or so because of the depression / lack of appetite.

I don't know how else this will get better other than just using time, space, and staying busy somehow with school and hobbies.

Time brother...

I have been separated from my soon to be ex wife for over a year and have just began no contact because before this point i was in a emotionally chaotic state. I tried dating, fvcking other woman, working out, and at the end of the day they were all temporary distractions that did little to change the way i felt. Only time truly heals all wounds. Keep up at the gym, eat healthy, work on yourself, because these things all pay off and are only good for you. Do what's good for you. Take care of yourself. Accept and experience the ****ty emotions you are feeling. Let them come, linger, and go. Don't fight them or try to ignore them. Remember us men love unconditionally, women do not, women only love their own children unconditionally.

Time brother... It's ok to fvck up and contact her. I did it close to 30 times before i truly had enough. She instantly went to some other c0ck and is most likely fvcking him now..Oh well.

 

[dude99]

Ugh. Broke NC today. We're on a "I have things to think about" phase this week. I think that almost always a woman's prelude to the breakup text/call or ghosting. I started off a simple "Good morning, how are you?" text and was met with lukewarm responses. Left the brief convo that I'll miss her this weekend. No response still after that last line.

I feel like a shell of my former self. I haven't accepted the fact that the long hours without a single text, short responses and absence of flirting on her half that it's over and I just haven't accepted it. I deleted the number and the text convo again, to stop myself from feeling tempted to reach out.

If anyone has awesome tips for forgetting her completely besides spinning plates I'm all ears (maybe buy a guitar and learn how to play?).

I'm working out daily and walking a ton, praying to get my mind centered on God again, and staying active with Meetups even though my self-esteem/confidence feels shot.

I've gone from 150 pounds to 138 pounds in the last month or so because of the depression / lack of appetite.

I don't know how else this will get better other than just using time, space, and staying busy somehow with school and hobbies.

Music is a great idea. Learn to play guitar. I have played guitar now for about 28 years. Took up a hobby of even building them. Pick your favorite artist and learn to play their songs.

 

[resilient]

I work and go to school full time, working on my credentials to be an English professor, so right now i am feeling excited to be able to divert the energy.

Excellent. "An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest." ~ Ben Franklin

I also just bought another motorcycle which is getting me back in touch with my masculine side. (along with my gym routine)

Awesome on the the bike and gym routine. I'm thinking about getting into riding (and possibly buying a motorcycle someday).

I still have moments i think about her. But knowing she is talking and most likely fvcking someone else just makes it effortless to accept that she was not for me.

The visualization hurts... yet helps to cement that it's over and she has someone else. She may not be happy or the other guy is just a distraction to get over you, but ya fvck it, who cares right? You've got your own life back.

I have decided against entering any relationship for at least a year and most likely it's going to be longer then that.

Who knows the timing? If you're not LTR hungry and you love being independent and not needy, they'll come out of the woodwork once they sense your confidence and ability to not need them = creates challenge. That worked wonders for me until I got attached to my main plate, lol... We DJs got to respect the frame... always.

...build my foundation, career, fitness, and finances. I will only increase in value.

Good stuff.

The real challenge will come someday though. She is bound to reach out at some point

Yeah stay NC, responding only resumes the hurt. If you forgave her and moved on, you'll probably safe to be cordial/amicable and then let things rest. Good luck.

 

[Stigma92]

Day 1. We had been on and off with this girl for 2 years and in the 2 years she was with me everyday and when she would meet some guy she didnt want to talk to me anymore but her relationships always fell after 2 weeks and she came back to me. She did this 4-5 times. She recently moved out from the same apartment complex where i lived and started dating a guy but we said we would remain in contact and friends through texts because we liked talking each other and there was still feelings for each other because we had been talking to each other almost 2 years everyday. 3 weeks ago i iniated no contact because i couldnt talk to her anymore so i said lets have break for a month so i can heal and then we can be fully friends again. She respected my decision but. little over 2 weeks went by and she contacted me and said she felt bad and we started talking again for 2 days and she even came to see me with her friend. But the next day she said she cant go back how we used to be and i disagreed and said we wouldn't go back how it used to be. She said she cant talk to me anymore because i affect her too much. We talked little bit more and said goodbye and take care and she said she cant say that to me because i seem to always survive faster and be happier about this than she. Its been 8 days since we talked but today i found this and i noticed those days wouldn't count because i had stalked her. I removed her from whatsapp and her number. So today day 1. I still miss her very much and i have had thoughts where i think she will regret stopping contact with me and maybe will send me and text and say hi, but i knon these kinda thoughts are part of process of parting ways with someone because you are used to them. Im still afraid that this time these goodbyes were for real and im very very very sad and hurt because i liked to talk to her but not live with her. Im just lost and between crossroads that maybe i should go and text her if she wants to talk with me someday but for me i think its better to focuse on my self and finally let go. It feels like a dream, like i have been woken up from a dream. I still cant focus on everything in my life but im making music again and finding a new job and going to a school

 

[Young_Don]

I've been NC for 38 days now, only about 7 of those days without checking her social media and that's what I'm finding to be the biggest challenge.. the curiosity, but I'm holding strong and worrying about my own shyt because I know there's a 99% chance she's been checking my fb/insta on the regular as well.
I still have dreams about her which doesn't help and they're never positive ones either. It sucks because sleep for me is an escape from reality so I don't want to have to deal with it when I'm dreaming.. and I never really have dreams either, which makes it even more annoying.

But I'm doing alright for myself now. I do miss her but it's whatever. I just don't feel like spinning plates/dating a number of girls, I don't see the point - just seems like more headaches to deal with and I don't need that crap. More so looking forward to eventually meeting a cool ass girl who I can connect with and build something worthwhile with (with the exception of making the same mistakes I did before), but all in good time I guess.

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 1. We broke up yesterday. I did it. Things was getting harder and harder with her. And last weekend she spent the night over at some friend's place with a group of friends one of which is an Ex. It did not sit well with me and despite talking numerous times about it, she refuses to distance herself from this guy. Despite a year together where I helped her a lot to get over a lot of crap in her life, it seems that she has chosen to be with an Ex rather than me. So be it. We broke up.

Feel a bit numb. Has not fully sink it yet. Despite that, I am feeling hopeful as well. In any case, this is day 1.

 

[S. Aureus]

After more than a year that all this happen I've never felt better, just yesterday was kind of weird. I deleted her from all my social media, and seem she too. Yesterday she followed me in all like a crazy act but I didn't followed her back, I don't want to know her things. I think is better this way.
Btw in the dating world, I asked my crush for 2 dates and pretty good so far, only thing that concern me is that she doesn''t start the conversation. Something that usually at this point the girl do in my case, to find out if I'm doing something o some **** like that. It's weird but at the same time interesting because its something new for me.
Hopefully you guys get better, I know you can

 

[Carpathian]

Day 1. We broke up yesterday. I did it. Things was getting harder and harder with her. And last weekend she spent the night over at some friend's place with a group of friends one of which is an Ex. It did not sit well with me and despite talking numerous times about it, she refuses to distance herself from this guy. Despite a year together where I helped her a lot to get over a lot of crap in her life, it seems that she has chosen to be with an Ex rather than me. So be it. We broke up.

Feel a bit numb. Has not fully sink it yet. Despite that, I am feeling hopeful as well. In any case, this is day 1.

Dude, you did the correct thing. A man should not tolerate that sort of BS. Things will get better and you will find a woman who will not subject you to sh1t like that.

 

[Lion1985]

NEVER EVER BRAKE NO CONTAC!

my story:

we dated 12 months, we broke up november last year, i went immediatelly no contact.
Beginning of April, after 4 Monaths on NC i initiated contact, we met, talked a lot, we go dancing and drinking.
Ddespite she was seeing someone new a month long i accomplieshed to bang her 2 times
This happend within 3-4 days but after the second bang she than decided to stay with this new guy.
She told me I came back in a inconvenient time, the first 3 months she missed me a lot but than the new guy came and she could finally restart with new happiness.
My comeback confused her head very much, I slept with her 2 times, we had fun, but in the end she decides to be with the new guy.
she says she feels he is her SOULMATE, it feels like she knows him very long, he makes her feel special, he is a very good guy with a good heart.
i told her i want to restart with her, but she sayd its not possible YET, she cant break up with him now just to be with me, she dont want to hurt him.
the only mistake i made is writing her ttat her decision hurt me and that i miss here.
she calls me and sayd she missed me also but she cant break up with him
i didnt cry or beg, i just say i understand her,wished her good night and hang up, today is the first day of no contact!

importnt also is the situaion as we were both clubbing and dancing i again showed her my jealousy, this was a big problem in our relationship
maybe this changed also her mind

about the guy:

we are from central EU, this guy is from albania,he barely speaks good our language.
i dont know if he has a job.
after only 3 weeks of dating my ex he is all over her, he writes her "i love you, i love you sweetheart"
i dont know if this guy is a real deal or a faker.....what do oyu guys think?
my mum told me this is a suspicious looking guy, telling "i love you" so fast, maybe he wants something from her? money?

Question to experts:

is it possible to win my ex back and how? what should i exactly do?
i know she is now in the honeymoon phase (new love feelings), and in the firts 3-4 months i have absolutely zero chances to chang her mind.
my first reaction is again no contact, left her alone, hoping she will someday starting missing me....
what do you guys think about this guy?

 

[soulforge]

So i decided finally to join the NC thread as things are getting a little tough now..

So how best to handle NC if you did the dumping?

In my case, there where various incidents or rudeness and disrespect.. Two of those quite major ones!

I made it known to her, this kinda chit will not be tolerated.. but this woman just cannot help fuking up again.. and saying or doing the wrong thing!

Sometimes imature, inconsiderate, rudeness..

The last incident, i called her on the phone, told her she needs to think about her behaviour, as she had been behaving unreasonably towards me..

She claimed it to be just a joke.. gas lighting.. i told her she needs to think about her jokes, as sometimes they are not funny!

She then she cut me off the phone mid sentence.. didn't turn up for our date.. then i didn't hear back from her in 4 days.. possible power play here!

I felt there was no going back after this level of disrespect.. so i straight dumped her ass!!

She called, but i ignored the call.. then she sent a text agreeing with the break up, and claimed it was ME who was treating her like chit.. WTF

Blocked her on every level.. changed my sim card, so she can't call..

2 months of NC now.. its been hard as fuk man.. but i am trying to save myself from years of possible misery ahead..

For all I know she could be texting me, begging for me to talk to her.. but i dare not check my sim card, incase it takes my healing process back to square one!!

I think there is no going back with this one.. also going back rarely ever works with chicks like this..

Do you think keeping her blocked is the best thing? What of one day she realises the errors of her way.???

 

[Killakittie]

So i decided finally to join the NC thread as things are getting a little tough now..

So how best to handle NC if you did the dumping?

In my case, there where various incidents or rudeness and disrespect.. Two of those quite major ones!

I made it known to her, this kinda chit will not be tolerated.. but this woman just cannot help fuking up again.. and saying or doing the wrong thing!

Sometimes imature, inconsiderate, rudeness..

The last incident, i called her on the phone, told her she needs to think about her behaviour, as she had been behaving unreasonably towards me..

She claimed it to be just a joke.. gas lighting.. i told her she needs to think about her jokes, as sometimes they are not funny!

She then she cut me off the phone mid sentence.. didn't turn up for our date.. then i didn't hear back from her in 4 days.. possible power play here!

I felt there was no going back after this level of disrespect.. so i straight dumped her ass!!

She called, but i ignored the call.. then she sent a text agreeing with the break up, and claimed it was ME who was treating her like chit.. WTF

Blocked her on every level.. changed my sim card, so she can't call..

2 months of NC now.. its been hard as fuk man.. but i am trying to save myself from years of possible misery ahead..

For all I know she could be texting me, begging for me to talk to her.. but i dare not check my sim card, incase it takes my healing process back to square one!!

I think there is no going back with this one.. also going back rarely ever works with chicks like this..

Do you think keeping her blocked is the best thing? What of one day she realises the errors of her way.???

We have very similar stories. I also ended the relationship with my wife due to disrespect, cheating, and deception. I kicked her out and blocked her like you did. I also made the mistake of taking her back about 30 times because i wanted her and my marriage to work.

Here's what it got me. With each consecutive time i took her back she learned she could get away with disrespectful behavior towards me. She always said she was trying to change but in the end she never did and it was a huge waste of time that eroded my self esteem.

Then when she realized i wasn't going to just shut up and be a good door mat she started blaming me for her behavior, tried gaslighting, and starting talking to other dudes.

Unfortunately guys like us who put our girls in check and leave them for bad behavior have to deal with this. You did the right thing. Don't throw it all away because your in a moment of weakness. You stood up for yourself and if you contact her you will give all that away and have to start over from square one. You will feel like **** if you contact her, you know it, so do anything to keep your mind off it.

 

[soulforge]

Yeah if you're the dumper, the same rules of NC apply. The theory is simple:

CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

In practice that's much easier said than done: but it's absolutely vital that you stop thinking about your ex. Every time you think about her, is a setback for your healing and recovery.

Just a couple thoughts:

DO NOT CHECK HER SOCIAL MEDIA. You are NOT going to like what you see, and doing this will set your healing back incredibly. Mentally disordered women have a knack for being able to switch from one sexual partner to another like a pair of socks.. this is how they deal with their mental problems. Checking her social media is even worse than calling her or bumping into her, because it will give you a false puffed up version of what her life is really like. She will seem happy, beautiful, and loving life. She will be totally enamoured with her replacement of you. But he is just a rebound. Her core mental problems never leave her, deep down she will always be unhappy. She is destined to ruin every relationship she ever gets in; and the longer her relationships last, the more damage she will inflict on her partner. If you check her social media YOU WILL BE TRAUMATIZED. So don't do it.

Another thing, sometimes the more time that goes by, the more you will miss her and want to contact her. But don't fall for this. As people we tend to forget the painful memories and stick to the good ones after enough time has passed (why do you think women keep giving birth after the first one) and the sense of loss and cold realization of finality begins to sink in.

But stay strong: don't waver now. You are on the road to recovery, and giving in now will only increase and prolong your agony.

Stay strict NC. Allow yourself to heal from this extremely traumatic event. She is broken, damaged beyond repair. She cannot be fixed. You need to save yourself.

You are right man.. i cut this woman out completely.. blocked her on every fukin level...

My aim is to heal, till one day her poison leaves me and i can smile again..

There are days where i revert back to wanting her in my life, but I know this is a BIG mistake...

She maybe banging other guys.. or she may not... if I don't look or check, then I will never know... this is why cutting her out completely is the only way.. it's better just to not know man!

This much I do know.. she was defo not a good partner.. each day goes by and i begin to realise dumping her was the best and only option..

So many red flags i ignored.. she was ex bar girl and this is at the age of 50... In another 5 years her vagina will be all dried up and ready for the waste bin.. This girl couldn't suck dik to save her life, even her tits where beginning to sag!

nearly every dude she was dating before me, was on a casual basis..

Or he disappeared on her, or it fizzled out.. truth is she was a divorcee who got burned by her husband of 25 years, he left her for another woman..

These woman then hit the bars with there new found freedom.. and they are pretty damaged inside.. and should only be used for sex.. Do not wife them up!

This is one concelation I have.. she is fuking old.. so her sexual market value is in the decrease..

Man I hope I have the strength to keep 100% no contact, and recover from this chit.

 

[soulforge]

We have very similar stories. I also ended the relationship with my wife due to disrespect, cheating, and deception. I kicked her out and blocked her like you did. I also made the mistake of taking her back about 30 times because i wanted her and my marriage to work.

Here's what it got me. With each consecutive time i took her back she learned she could get away with disrespectful behavior towards me. She always said she was trying to change but in the end she never did and it was a huge waste of time that eroded my self esteem.

Then when she realized i wasn't going to just shut up and be a good door mat she started blaming me for her behavior, tried gaslighting, and starting talking to other dudes.

Unfortunately guys like us who put our girls in check and leave them for bad behavior have to deal with this. You did the right thing. Don't throw it all away because your in a moment of weakness. You stood up for yourself and if you contact her you will give all that away and have to start over from square one. You will feel like **** if you contact her, you know it, so do anything to keep your mind off it.

Hey man we have similar stories.. in my case i always voiced my opinion and called that b@ch out when she got out of line..

I Dumped her 3 months into the relationship, for disrespect.. and now I have dumped her for the last and final time... NEVER going back..

These woman cannot change.. my ex is a terrible communicater.. she is passive aggressive, also has narcissist traights..

She can be absolutely fine for a couple of months, then WHAM she will drop some disrespect on you... and then defend her actions..

Infact she will blame you... no man we don't need chit like this in our lives...

Whenever a woman show disrespect, give her just ONE opportunity, if it happens again, then immediately DUMP, because chit will get worse, and you will be more emotionally attached..

Its usually when you catch the feels, that there behaviour gets worse...

Dump, heal and then move on to a nicer woman!!

You know what, my ex wasn't even that hot.. she was 50 man.. mutton dressed up as lamb..

Why I even took any chit from her I don't know..

 

[QuadDeuces]

Fvcking Hell.
Just saw her on Tinder, she looked so hot, (obviously she posted only good pictures) just what the fvck I needed, damn. I Thought I was 90% over her hung out with 5 other sloots in the last 6 weeks, bedded 3 of them.
But this shot me in the heart, aches.
My first impulse was to text and go full on beta, but I refrained.
Off to the gym, I feel like squatting right now.

 

[Lion1985]

Fvcking Hell.
Just saw her on Tinder, she looked so hot, (obviously she posted only good pictures) just what the fvck I needed, damn. I Thought I was 90% over her hung out with 5 other sloots in the last 6 weeks, bedded 3 of them.
But this shot me in the heart, aches.
My first impulse was to text and go full on beta, but I refrained.
Off to the gym, I feel like squatting right now.

I know what you are feeling bro, stay NC no matter what your heart/emotions are telling you.
If you break NC you will regret it like hell, believe me, been there, done that, you will feel much worse than before!
Stop looking at her tinder/pics/facebook...., you will never heal! Believe me!
-----

My ex wrote me a sms at 3 oclock am! to join her at a party despite she is dating already a new guy since 5 weeks...
Some days ago we landed in bed 3 times, but she decided she cant break up with him,i told her friendship is not possible....
I ignored her sms..
I hope I did the right thing.....

 

[QuadDeuces]

I know what you are feeling bro, stay NC no matter what your heart/emotions are telling you.
If you break NC you will regret it like hell, believe me, been there, done that, you will feel much worse than before!
Stop looking at her tinder/pics/facebook...., you will never heal! Believe me!
-----

My ex wrote me a sms at 3 oclock am! to join her at a party despite she is dating already a new guy since 5 weeks...
Some days ago we landed in bed 3 times, but she decided she cant break up with him,i told her friendship is not possible....
I ignored her sms..
I hope I did the right thing.....

Yes you did the right thing bro, dont be a part in her triangulating scheme to have 2 men competing over her to inflate her ego.

I feel refreshed as fvck, absolutely ripped it in the gym. Talked to a few hot bishes, "One more chance" by Biggie in my headphones. Turning negative emotions into positivity.

 

[Reboot2017]

Dude, you did the correct thing. A man should not tolerate that sort of BS. Things will get better and you will find a woman who will not subject you to sh1t like that.

Thanks Carpathian. I was starting to doubt my decision but it helps to hear another opinion.

Day 3 of no contact. She messaged me on Friday but I deleted it and did not reply. Things are starting to sink in. I am feeling really weak at the moment. Mind is starting to come to terms with the loss. I will not contact her. Have started working out. Been dancing over the weekend. Distractions help and fingers crossed, the emotions will stabilize.

 

[Young_Don]

I've been 41 days NC so far, managed to stop checking her social media. But do any of you think that it's weird that she hasn't reached out to me yet? Considering the time we spent together was awesome and I know that she loved me, probably me more so than her.

Should I expect her to contact me eventualy if ever?

I had a few drinks the other night and had the biggest urge to text her saying "I miss you" but I controlled myself. The fact that I know that she's been out drinking with friends and hasn't contacted me first helped me to not text her.

It just seems odd to me that a lot of us are going through the same thing here and most of you are hearing back from them, yet I'm not and me and her invested time and effort into each other on a daily basis for 4 months.