The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

You're right. It's just. I want to move on, I want to forget that ****ing ***** for treating me like garbage. But to be honest, inside, I really wish we still were together. But again, you're all right. I'll have to forget about her. But does this 60 months challenge really work? If I delete her off everything, don't contact her. Many people can't get over a heartbreak after two months, many of my friends took 6-12 months. It hella sucks I have to work with her.

Do not stress yourself to much. For sure you wish you were still together. But you wish to he together with the girl you knew and had fun with. This person does bot exist anymore. It is only an illusion you keep within yourself. It's like remembering your good days as a kid, but we both know these days won't come back. Same with the ex you remember in glorious colours.

Important and the thing about NC is that you get to know as less as possible about her life. Best nothing. Everything you get to know about her will make your mind Spin and Open up old wounds. Guy believe me I know what I am talking about. Due to the fact you have to work with her, keep any communiction only business related. Cut any talking immediately off, if she is trying to Talk about personal stuff.

That having said, let this be a warning to all other readers not to **** where you eat. If things went south, NC and moving on will be all the harder.

 

[MrAddiction]

I struggle with sometimes secretly wanting her back. But i remind myself the reality of who she is and not what my mind wants her to be. The sad thing is i feel so lost sometimes and i don't know what to do so i just go with the motions until it passes. I have good days and off days and right when i feel myself getting my self back she starts popping up again! That's where I've always made the mistake of reciprocating. Then it feels like all my progress is erased and i got to start over.

Going through this with her has got my sense of self confidence and self esteem thrown off. I still love her and i hate myself for it. If she could change, stop bringing other men into our marriage, stop lying, stop being disrespectful i would welcome her back but i know my mind is fooling itself. That person never existed, i was in denial, and now i need to figure out how to break these damn chains. It doesn't change the fact that i still feel that way, and I'm left wondering how i allowed myself to fall into this trap .

I'm going on day two of NC but this is pretty routine for her. I expect she'll try to reach out by the end of the week. That's when i need to be ready.

Man I can feel you. It is exactly the way I feel. My mind is not willing to see her as one person, it's either the good or the bad site. Unfortunately even that is normal if you were involved with a Cluster B. And I am out now 10 month. First I thought I would be strong enough. But the more I knew about her, she kept contacting me every Second week, the worse my Situation got or I startet my recovery at Point zero.
I went NC since end of November. Did not reply to anything over the holidays only and had to Break NC three weeks ago, to tell her calling 15times per day is not an option.
What I am trying to say, I know where you are emotionaly right now and tell you that NC is definately helping. I am doing way better now. What you Must learn is to gain some willpower against yourself, your urige to contact her. Next Time, you think contacting her, you First post on here, we will set your head straigth!

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Do not stress yourself to much. For sure you wish you were still together. But you wish to he together with the girl you knew and had fun with. This person does bot exist anymore. It is only an illusion you keep within yourself. It's like remembering your good days as a kid, but we both know these days won't come back. Same with the ex you remember in glorious colours.

Important and the thing about NC is that you get to know as less as possible about her life. Best nothing. Everything you get to know about her will make your mind Spin and Open up old wounds. Guy believe me I know what I am talking about. Due to the fact you have to work with her, keep any communiction only business related. Cut any talking immediately off, if she is trying to Talk about personal stuff.

That having said, let this be a warning to all other readers not to **** where you eat. If things went south, NC and moving on will be all the harder.

You're absolutely right. As my friend earlier told me today "I'm sure that for the most of the time, she is very sweet and very caring.. but it's the tough times, you get to see the true personality of people." Exactly. She IS sweet and she IS very caring. But like you said, that was during the times she we were in love. We just recently got a new waiter (he's a guy and he's the only waiter who's a dude at work). She hasn't really spoken to him since a staff meeting last monday. Yesterday or today, it looks like she added him on Facebook. Sure, it could be work related, but why the hell didn't she do it earlier then? I know she hates me now because of the brainwashing that Francesco dude has been giving her.. but I don't know how to handle seeing her laugh and having fun with the new waiter, if that happens? Because she laughs a lot. And I know, she will try to make me jealous. The new waiter isn't ugly at all, he looks like a real f*ckboy. Should I tell him out of respect for me, that he shouldn't flirt or try anything with my ex, when a time comes?

 

[5chm1dd1]

In the last week I've landed three dates and had two more set up that fell through. For the most part the longer I'm away from her the better i feel. It's when she starts coming around when i have the issues. Most times i do pretty good ignoring her. It's when I'm horney or just missing what i thought we had is when i respond. I also still feel guilty for seeing other women even though she's cheated and lied to me since I've known her. I've had some pretty damn cool dates so far though and looking forward to more. I just want to take things in moderation and try to heal from the damage she caused.

The feeling of guilt is normal, I had that too.
Trust me, it'll pass with time.

You just go on with your life in the speed you decide is right. Nobody has the right to tell you how fast you move on, how fast you heal and how fast you get another girl.

Do what you want, it's your life. In my eyes, that's the true definition of being an "Alpha": do only what you think is right without giving a sh#t about what others think.
And this includes your healing. In my opinion, the more time it takes you, the better and more profound your healing and personal closure will be.
Maybe some will disagree, and I don't say that it's the truth for everybody, but that's what I've been going through.
The more somebody told me, or even tried to convince me to move on, the worse it got.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

Just one thing to this post:

DON'T LET YOUR PAST TAKE AWAY THAT MUCH FROM YOUR PRESENT.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Easier said than done, but you're right. It just keeps swallowing me up inside right now.
The past - What could I had done different, this or that, this or that.
The Future - The plans we had made together, dates, summer, vacation, this and that, this and that.

Can't wait for Thursday, I just need to let her go asap and go NC.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Easier said than done, but you're right. It just keeps swallowing me up inside right now.
The past - What could I had done different, this or that, this or that.
The Future - The plans we had made together, dates, summer, vacation, this and that, this and that.

Can't wait for Thursday, I just need to let her go asap and go NC.

I know, and as I said before: no stress.
It's still very fresh, so it's alright and more than normal.

The past- What if, what if, what if... F#ck this, honestly, can you change it? No. So why torture yourself any further?
Again, those thoughts are normal, and they will fade with time, don't worry.

The future- it's YOURS! you decide what happens, and with whom it happens, so there's no reason to freak out about neither.

Hit us/me up on Thursday on how it all went, and prepare yourself appropriately. You can do it, as we've all been able to do it, one way or another.

 

[dude99]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

A little heads up for your future relationships

The chick must care more than you do. It keeps things in your frame and it keeps them trying because you present a challenge. As soon as you care more than they do, it defeats challenge and they lose interest.

 

[5chm1dd1]

The chick must care more than you do. It keeps things in your frame and it keeps them trying because you present a challenge. As soon as you care more than they do, it defeats challenge and they lose interest.

This.

One of the hardest lessons to learn, but also one of the most important.

 

[MrAddiction]

The Future - The plans we had made together, dates, summer, vacation, this and that, this and that.

No that is not your future. Your future plans with her belong to your past now. Something that will never happen and only was another nice illussion.
It is hard to realize but it is done.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

The hard cold truth, yes.

You guys have been very helpful. I've spent these days talking with family and friends. I'm not making the mistake of keeping it inside of myself. I'm very much into weight training and gym. I had a perfect 3 week cut so far. Last week was week 4, and honestly, since all that **** happened friday, week 4 has been bad. I really, REALLY, have to eat around 2300 kcal right now, but it's rough. I have no appetite and I feel like throwing up all the time. The last few days, I've eaten like 1200 kcal a day. F.uck that ***** for ruining my concentration and cut.

But yeah, I'm very glad I ran into this forum.

 

[MrAddiction]

But yeah, I'm very glad I ran into this forum.

Give it a few month and you will see that alone was worth the hole shyt you are going through now.

 

[Young_Don]

A little heads up for your future relationships

The chick must care more than you do. It keeps things in your frame and it keeps them trying because you present a challenge. As soon as you care more than they do, it defeats challenge and they lose interest.

So true, but how sad is it to think that you can never truly and fully express complete love to a woman without running the risk of them eventually losing interest. It's hard having to hold back sometimes but that's just how things are I guess, woman aren't ever going to change.

 

[resilient]

So true, but how sad is it to think that you can never truly and fully express complete love to a woman without running the risk of them eventually losing interest. It's hard having to hold back sometimes but that's just how things are I guess, woman aren't ever going to change.

One of the hardest things to do besides just holding back what you say in person, social media, email, or text is that once they sense they have you, they have you. In other words, watch your nonverbal communication in your tone, posture, and body language. If you try to lower your interest level in her, you can still subconsciously vibing your real interest level. Eyes are another doorway to the soul. Sometimes you give them the puppy dog look and they know they have you.

Day 0
After plate spinning and nexting the less interested ones for a main plate too early, I'm falling on my own axe after 2+ months. I made a few AFC moves because I was LTR hungry when she wanted to keep it casual.

Now my plate has significantly dropped off in the lovebombing from the initial dating phase. This morning she text me giving me an excuse why she had to break a planned date tonight. I counteroffer something more casual/low key and she rejects that idea but proposes a "rain check". F that. Her interest level is 60% if that and probably lower. It's amazing how a majority of women don't want a LTR. I realize if I was a better catch or my SMV was higher, they would be more likely to pursuit

I'm nexting this one early with no fallback plates before she says she wants to stop seeing me....I've learned too much from this forum to accept lower standards, push/pull, hot/cold tactics from her.

I deleted the phone number, texts, photos and blocked her on social media.

I hope to be productive with my NC and stick to it. I'm going to get my grades back on track since they slipped into B+ territory.

 

[Carpathian]

Hehe yes, I meant 60 days. Honestly, I loved her unconditionally, more than she loved me. It's also my first time going through this. I did three mistakes when I went to her house saturday. I begged, cried for a second chance. I told her I'd do anything to change myself for her. And the last mistake was sending a message to her mother and apologizing.
I wish I had read about those things sooner. It made her lose all respect for me and I lost respect for myself too, as a man. I was desperate because I knew I was up against time and Francesco. Those two had already talked all day, the day before I went to her house. I will never go down this ****ing road again, and this will make me so much stronger. I will do as you guys say and end it on Thursday, forever. I'll be back, thank you guys.

Don't feel bad and beat yourself up about this. You are human, have a heart, and make mistakes. We all have and continue to do. But learn from it and do not do it again. You are a man, she should be begging you. Go completely no contact on this woman now. You need to be away from this woman.

 

[dude99]

So true, but how sad is it to think that you can never truly and fully express complete love to a woman without running the risk of them eventually losing interest. It's hard having to hold back sometimes but that's just how things are I guess, woman aren't ever going to change.

That they won't unless they are forced to change. Right now all advantages are in their basket.

They don't have to face rejection. The man does.
They get to pick and choose from the crop of men that orbit them like shopping for a new purse.
They don't have to pay for the courting stages.
If she cheates on you. It's your fault. Society is doing its best to create a faultless image for women. If she abuses you, it's your fault.
Should they become pregnant ( if they name you the father and you don't contest this in the very small window the law gives men) and the child isn't even your, you could be financially responsible anyways.
If she decides she wants to move in with another guy you can still be financially responsible for her and the kids even whe she is riding the new guy.
If you live together after a duration of time, half your assets can be hers even of she decides to cheat/leave/abuse you. And the law condones this.

Why would they change when they have every advantage in the relationship world. They will only change when forced to change.

How do we force this change. Make them care more. Make them chase you. Put your foot down on dates. If after 3 dates she hasn’t offered to pay once next her. She is a gold digger.

If you two are dating, and she shuts off the sexual tap. Dump her. Women use sex as manipulation tool to control men.

If she brings up the idea of living together, make her sign a prenup that your assets are yours and hers are hers. If she balks this dump her. My personal opinion never live with a girl. Don't give her the chance to take half your assets.

Once she agrees to the prenup contract, the ask her what she had in mind for her share of the expenses. If she think giving you some ***** once or twice a month is good enough and you cover the bills, dump her. She is a gold digger.

If she brings up marriage then you present a brand new prenup stating that if she choses to sever the marriage down the road that you are not responsible for her, emotionally, physically or financially the instant she walks out the door. If she choses to branch swing or cheat then you are off the hook and it is goodbye for good.

Give all girls ONE chance per lifetime. If they know they screw up you are history they will attempt to behave better.

If they balk at any of this give them the guy they deserve. None.

 

[Carpathian]

@dude99 So true. So true.
Society has conditioned women to think this way. Look at all the chick-flick BS that girls watch on TV such as "Friends". All the guys are bumbling, chasing idiots whilst the girls have the power on those shows. Women think they want a man like those clowns. But when they are actually with such a guy they quickly dump them because women are not biologically programmed at a deep level to be the leader like those shows portray - the man should be the leader. The man MUST BE THE LEADER. Girls MUST FOLLOW THE MAN for a lasting, happy relationship, not the other way round. This is not sexism at all. Men and women are equals, with equal rights and equal opportunities. However, as soon as the man starts to chase he will be dumped soon after. This is the reality.

 

[Carpathian]

I disagree, if your value is high enough no matter what you express to her she will hardly believe it.

To tell a woman you love her is fine. Nothing at all wrong with that and you should be saying that to someone where you truly feel that and you KNOW the feeling is mutual. However, she must be reciprocating in spades. And this is where guys go wrong and I'd venture, albeit without any evidence, that this accounts for many relationship breakdowns..... Guys chase and tell them they love them 1000 times a day without regard to what SHE is doing and saying. They are blinded by them and the sex and get completely dopey and blindsided and fail to notice their declining interest.

 

[dude99]

@dude99 So true. So true.
Society has conditioned women to think this way. Look at all the chick-flick BS that girls watch on TV such as "Friends". All the guys are bumbling, chasing idiots whilst the girls have the power on those shows. Women think they want a man like those clowns. But when are actually with such a guy they quickly dump them because women are not biologically programmed at a deep level to be the leader like those shows portray - the man should be the leader. The man MUST BE THE LEADER. Girls MUST FOLLOW THE MAN for a lasting, happy relationship, not the other way round. This is not sexism at all. Men and women are equals, with equal rights and equal opportunities. However, as soon as the man starts to chase he will be dumped soon after. This is the reality.

Agreed. The man has to be the leader. He has to be alpha. He has to care less than she does. He has to take charge.

Women are hard wired to follow a natural leader and pick the strongest mate to mate with. Like you said, it isn't sexist. It is just a fact of life.

If a man isn't leading, she will view him as weak. If likes her too much, she no longer has to conquer challenge. If he is too nice she sees him as weak. You are correct in saying it isn't sexism. At the turn of the century in the year 1900, men were the head of the household. They lead. Women followed. Most marriages succeeded. Very few divorced.

100 years later society has been doing its best to destroy and beat down men to the point of treating us as nothing but sperm doners and atm's in the war on men., that now women have received what they want nad guess what? They aren't happy.

Women wanted submissive men. They got it. And now women are in a delema. They found out too late WHAT THEY WANT, THEY AREN'T ATTRACTED TO.

affairs are up in women. Women leaving families to chase other men, looking for that take charge dominant man once again and last most marriages are failing because society has told women " hey you don't ever have to accept responsibility. "

You are 100% correct.

 

[Killakittie]

Woke up today feeling awesome! Going on day 3 NC.. Just out and about and getting alot of female attention feels damn good. A cute blonde gave me her number this morning lol

Fvck yeah