The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Killakittie]

Day 7 NC and all is well.

I'm taking myself out of the dating game. My heart is just not in It, it doesn't feel right, and I can't ignore it. I don't know what's wrong with me or if there is anything wrong with me. I have no issue meeting women and setting up dates. It's just not bringing me any happiness. Knowing my wife is already talking to someone should give me all the motivation i need to date but i don't feel like i can heal that way. More women isn't the answer. I can't do what she is doing..I don't feel ready yet. Sex is meaningless to me right now. I've had chances to sleep with other women but i haven't because it doesn't feel right. I loved my wife very much. Obviously this is going to take time to heal properly from and i don't want to be like her. Just moving on to someone else like nothing ever happened. This is between me and God. Honestly i pray each night for understanding on what the best course of action is and i think it's just working on myself and not making the mistakes she is. I can't sit here and pretend i don't still love her and ignore my emotions. Dating, having sex, or getting involved with the opposite sex is going to interfere with me truly healing. I will not break NC though and i haven't been tempted to contact her. She's just too hurtful to go back to. She was a horrible wife who only chose herself and her interests always came first. I could never put myself back in that situation. I hate that i gave my heart to this woman. Been seperated a year and it still hurts. Maintaining NC and trying to live an honorable existance while becoming a man of character is all i can do atm.

I'm not going to post up on here for a while. I'm going to get off the Internet and social media and focus on other things. Like dating its become too much of a distraction.

 

[soulforge]

2 months of no contact now.. two year relationship

in general I feel pretty positive I did the right thing by nexting her..

but still get the odd day, where I start to feel some doubts about it..

I felt like there was no going back.. once she has crossed that line, and you accept and tolerate that behaviour..

things would only get much worse.. NEXTING is the only option.. let her know that you are not afraid to walk away from her BS

I regret not walking away much sooner

 

[soulforge]

Day 7 NC and all is well.

I'm taking myself out of the dating game. My heart is just not in It, it doesn't feel right, and I can't ignore it. I don't know what's wrong with me or if there is anything wrong with me. I have no issue meeting women and setting up dates. It's just not bringing me any happiness. Knowing my wife is already talking to someone should give me all the motivation i need to date but i don't feel like i can heal that way. More women isn't the answer. I can't do what she is doing..I don't feel ready yet. Sex is meaningless to me right now. I've had chances to sleep with other women but i haven't because it doesn't feel right. I loved my wife very much. Obviously this is going to take time to heal properly from and i don't want to be like her. Just moving on to someone else like nothing ever happened. This is between me and God. Honestly i pray each night for understanding on what the best course of action is and i think it's just working on myself and not making the mistakes she is. I can't sit here and pretend i don't still love her and ignore my emotions. Dating, having sex, or getting involved with the opposite sex is going to interfere with me truly healing. I will not break NC though and i haven't been tempted to contact her. She's just too hurtful to go back to. She was a horrible wife who only chose herself and her interests always came first. I could never put myself back in that situation. I hate that i gave my heart to this woman. Been seperated a year and it still hurts. Maintaining NC and trying to live an honorable existance while becoming a man of character is all i can do atm.

I'm not going to post up on here for a while. I'm going to get off the Internet and social media and focus on other things. Like dating its become too much of a distraction.

how long where you in this relationship? and how many times did you break up previously

 

[dude99]

NEVER EVER BRAKE NO CONTAC!

my story:

we dated 12 months, we broke up november last year, i went immediatelly no contact.
Beginning of April, after 4 Monaths on NC i initiated contact, we met, talked a lot, we go dancing and drinking.
Ddespite she was seeing someone new a month long i accomplieshed to bang her 2 times
This happend within 3-4 days but after the second bang she than decided to stay with this new guy.
She told me I came back in a inconvenient time, the first 3 months she missed me a lot but than the new guy came and she could finally restart with new happiness.
My comeback confused her head very much, I slept with her 2 times, we had fun, but in the end she decides to be with the new guy.
she says she feels he is her SOULMATE, it feels like she knows him very long, he makes her feel special, he is a very good guy with a good heart.
i told her i want to restart with her, but she sayd its not possible YET, she cant break up with him now just to be with me, she dont want to hurt him.
the only mistake i made is writing her ttat her decision hurt me and that i miss here.
she calls me and sayd she missed me also but she cant break up with him
i didnt cry or beg, i just say i understand her,wished her good night and hang up, today is the first day of no contact!

importnt also is the situaion as we were both clubbing and dancing i again showed her my jealousy, this was a big problem in our relationship
maybe this changed also her mind

about the guy:

we are from central EU, this guy is from albania,he barely speaks good our language.
i dont know if he has a job.
after only 3 weeks of dating my ex he is all over her, he writes her "i love you, i love you sweetheart"
i dont know if this guy is a real deal or a faker.....what do oyu guys think?
my mum told me this is a suspicious looking guy, telling "i love you" so fast, maybe he wants something from her? money?

Question to experts:

is it possible to win my ex back and how? what should i exactly do?
i know she is now in the honeymoon phase (new love feelings), and in the firts 3-4 months i have absolutely zero chances to chang her mind.
my first reaction is again no contact, left her alone, hoping she will someday starting missing me....
what do you guys think about this guy?

Think of it this way.

She views the new guy as her soulmate and she doesn't want to hurt him.

But she didn't mind cheating on new guy by having sex with you.........do you think he would be ok knowing his girl cheated on him with an ex? Or would this hurt him?

She isn't loyal. Why would you want an unfaith girl in your life ?

New perception on this for you. She did you a favour by showing she is disloyal. Now next her and find a loyal girl.

 

[Lion1985]

Think of it this way.

She views the new guy as her soulmate and she doesn't want to hurt him.

But she didn't mind cheating on new guy by having sex with you.........do you think he would be ok knowing his girl cheated on him with an ex? Or would this hurt him?

She isn't loyal. Why would you want an unfaith girl in your life ?

New perception on this for you. She did you a favour by showing she is disloyal. Now next her and find a loyal girl.

thanks for your time and your reply dude99, you are completetely right.
even if I would win her back, who guarantee me she would not do the same things behind my back.

as i wrote above, My ex wrote me yesterday a sms at 3 oclock am! to join her at a party despite she is dating her "soulmate"
as told, she will not break up with him becasue he is such a good person.
I ignored the sms and of course never showed up at the party....

now my logical brain is fvcking with me:

"what if I had went to the party"?
"what if we had a great time, showed her how much fun she can have with me, she would sleep with me again and we would wake up nextday happily"
"maybe than she would eventually choose me over him?"
"now the chances are gone because I dont went at the party and ignore her"
"now she is again all over him"

but I know my mind is playing games with me right?
She must feel my abscence....

 

[Killakittie]

how long where you in this relationship? and how many times did you break up previously

Three years before the last time i asked her to leave which was Jan of 16. This entire last year she's been trying to get me back and I was holding out hope she might "wake up" and start putting real effort into her marriage. So there was alot of back and forth during that time.

 

[soulforge]

you guys ever feel like, you won't find a better chick again..

here is the thing, when I split up with my last ex.. I felt like I lost my fukin dream girl.. was devastated man.

then 6 months later I met my recent ex.. at first I wasn't much into her, then later I caught the feels for her.. and didn't even give my previous ex a second thought.

now I am thinking this one is the best I could have had.. I hope to be proven wrong in time again.

 

[dude99]

thanks for your time and your reply dude99, you are completetely right.
even if I would win her back, who guarantee me she would not do the same things behind my back.

as i wrote above, My ex wrote me yesterday a sms at 3 oclock am! to join her at a party despite she is dating her "soulmate"
as told, she will not break up with him becasue he is such a good person.
I ignored the sms and of course never showed up at the party....

now my logical brain is fvcking with me:

"what if I had went to the party"?
"what if we had a great time, showed her how much fun she can have with me, she would sleep with me again and we would wake up nextday happily"
"maybe than she would eventually choose me over him?"
"now the chances are gone because I dont went at the party and ignore her"
"now she is again all over him"

but I know my mind is playing games with me right?
She must feel my abscence....

She wants to know she still has you on a string. She won't break up with soulmate but she will f^ck around with you behind his back. Why? You are entertainment for her. And her soulmate really means nothing to her.

What if you went to the party. You would stroke her ego.

What if she had a good time with you? She was partying anyways. Why were you even invited? Was soulmate busy? If soulmate was there would you even have received an invite? Probably not.

Would she have had sechs with you again? Maybe. You may be one of many at the moment. You are at least sharing her with soulmate. Maybe more.

Would she have chosen you over soulmate? If so she would have already done it. By telling you she won't break up with him but will f^ck around with you tells you she is only using you for her own entrainment.

Besides soul mate may find out she is cheating on him and dump her. Then she will call you and sob on your shoulder. Until the next guy comes along.

Do not reward a bad quality girl with your attention or your thoughts. Next.

 

[resilient]

Day 7 NC and all is well. I'm taking myself out of the dating game. My heart is just not in It, it doesn't feel right, and I can't ignore it.

Good job man. That's more self-control than I've had lately with the breakup I just went through last week.

This is between me and God. Honestly i pray each night for understanding on what the best course of action is...

I know religion is a controversal topic on this forum, yet I think it's great that you are seeking God first for help daily. He'll help mend the wounded heart and over time you'll feel peace and direction in your prayer time.

Dating, having sex, or getting involved with the opposite sex is going to interfere with me truly healing.

Yes. I learned that hard lesson recently with my breakup last weekend. I may have mentioned it in this thread or another one, yet I thought after 1.5 years since my marital separation (divorced late last summer) that I would be ready to casually date after taking over a year off of dating. I got close to my recent main plate and I imploaded. I picked up on similiar toxic traits in this woman that my ex inheritatedly had. I ignored dozens of red flags at my own peril. I played into the gaslighting games and psychological intimidation that it began to erode my self-esteem and cloud my judgment that affected my productivity at work and continuing education. Better to take time to heal. Previously you wrote that you were on the mend focusing on yourself and getting better... keep progressing.

She's just too hurtful to go back to. She was a horrible wife who only chose herself and her interests always came first. I could never put myself back in that situation.

You may be struggling with moving on completely because of the hurt, betrayal, and disappointment. Eventually, you'll get to a place where you seek God for forgiveness and for acceptance of past events. You don't have to forget what happen. The forgiveness is necessary for you to heal and move on with your life.

I hate that i gave my heart to this woman. Been separated a year and it still hurts.

Again, don't give into the negativity trap. Be compassionate with yourself. You did your best to make that marriage work and you two just didn't work out. Don't blame yourself for loving someone who checked out of the marriage. I don't know all the events surrounding the end, yet it sounds like you tried.

I'm not going to post up on here for a while. I'm going to get off the Internet and social media and focus on other things. Like dating its become too much of a distraction.

I'm there right now too. Take as much time off as you need. This forum has helped me regain a perspective that I had put her needs first while ignoring my own. Deleting her of social media is one of the best things I did as well. You don't want to wonder what she's up to or who she's with now. As @bradd80 wrote above, checking her social media sets back your healing. Ex's tend to also glorify how much fun they are having now that they are single too. Often, it's just an act to show the world how happy and better she is now, when on the inside, she could feel sad, lost, angry, regret, who knows. You got your space and your life back -- so stay focused on that. You'll heal if you do the work and when you're ready, you'll be ready to get back in the game.

Beyond prayer time, these guided meditations are helping me to stop overthinking about her and focus on letting her go:

Surrender Meditation | A Spoken guided visualization (Letting go of control)

Hypnosis for Releasing Anger and Resentment with Guided Forgiveness

Heal Your Past & Let Go Of Your Pain - Sleep Hypnosis Session - By Thomas Hall

Sleep Hypnosis for Letting Go of Past Relationships
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzOj3jq14d0

 

[QuadDeuces]

Seeing BPD ex on tinder yesterday really took me down today. Been writing and deleting texts I want to send her in Iphone notes. I know I should not send anything and I wont. But feel a dark black pit in my gut.
Got me thinking back realising I was a selfish assh*le too. I want to talk it out, get validation, mutual respect, a hug.
I even gaslight myself.
Thanks for this forum it helped a lot today.
She's probably plowed through a dozen guys already so she should be dead to me.
Damn what a day.

 

[soulforge]

Three years before the last time i asked her to leave which was Jan of 16. This entire last year she's been trying to get me back and I was holding out hope she might "wake up" and start putting real effort into her marriage. So there was alot of back and forth during that time.

Thats quite abit of history man.. mine was 2 years, but not that much going back and forth..

Do you think you would had been better off walking away way back then??

 

[soulforge]

The fact that she is on tinder only shows how desperate she has become for attention, validation, and companionship. Tinder is the absolute worst, most degrading, most time wasting social app a woman can possibly find herself on. The men there will only waste her time and look to use her, which is probably the only thing she is good for.

To break free from a relationship with a toxic woman is one of the hardest things to accomplish in life - the toll on you both mentally and emotionally will be great.....

but the peace in your life once it is over will be greater.

Don't let yourself get sucked back in. Stay NC and eliminate this toxic fvcked up woman from your life!

Bradd80 whats your perspective on the healing processes if it was me who did the dumping? Even tho it was some what a forced dumping.. offcourse I would have preferred for things to have worked out with her.

And dumping someone you love is hard as fuk man!

As the dumper should it be a little easier to move on? Than the dude how got treated like chit by a toxic woman, then for her to dump him too on top of that.

Isn't that a much bigger blow to take on? I mean i dumped, walked away, no begging, pleading, wanting to talk etc..

Blocked, and walked the **** away..

 

[Lion1985]

Did anyone change the mobile number to get over the ex?
Changing the number to kill the last hope she will eventually reach out , thus to heal faster?

 

[soulforge]

Did anyone change the mobile number to get over the ex?
Changing the number to kill the last hope she will eventually reach out , thus to heal faster?

I have done exactly that man... changed my mobile sim card.. she cannot call, text, nothing!!

Its a hard fuking thing to do man.. for all i know she could be texting me, begging etc..

But i feel i have no choice but to cut this woman out forever.. otherwise she will mentally destroy me!

Going back to her does not seem an option anymore.. i do not trust her any longer, i do not believe she has my interests at heart... so why the fuk hold on..

Why sit there watching my phone, holding on to hope!

 

[Roober]

Did anyone change the mobile number to get over the ex?
Changing the number to kill the last hope she will eventually reach out , thus to heal faster?

You can also block her number. Texts will not go through and she can leave a voicemail, but that is unlikely because on her end, it will ring once and the line goes dead for a while tll VM picks up.

 

[soulforge]

One thing i am learning from this experience.. never ever over look red flags..

Never put up with any bad behaviour.. dump and walk away sooner... rather than a year or two down the line!

Longer you stay with a toxic woman.. bigger price you will pay..

When I look back now.. it was crystal clear, I should have dumped her 3 months into the relationship.. instead I carried on with her for nearly 2 years!!

 

[soulforge]

Toxic women are lots of fun......... for a short time.

You can help them fill the first few months together with lots of hot sex, but sticking around after that is dangerous territory. After a month or two tops, it's time to GTFO. Slam and dash is the only way to go with these women, sticking around any longer than the first few months and you open yourself up to all kinds of insanity, humiliation, degradation, and colossal mindfvcking on scale you could not believe was possible.

Amen to this.. at first it won't be so obvious, especially if she is quite successful.. good job, house car..

You might think you landed on a good one here.. few months in, you will notice something is wrong..

Within a few months I knew her behaviour was not right.. on several occasions i felt like pulling the plug on the relationship, but held on in the hope things MAY get better..

But she is who she is.. you can't fix how she behaves..

Just get out, as soon as you sense something is wrong.. don't let the sex and her pretty face fool you

 

[Billtx49]

Amen to this.. at first it won't be so obvious, especially if she is quite successful.. good job, house car..

You might think you landed on a good one here.. few months in, you will notice something is wrong..

Within a few months I knew her behaviour was not right.. on several occasions i felt like pulling the plug on the relationship, but held on in the hope things MAY get better..

But she is who she is.. you can't fix how she behaves..

Just get out, as soon as you sense something is wrong.. don't let the sex and her pretty face fool you

Amen again. If she triangulates on you and she branches to the new guy, he just earned best friend status by taking her off your hands.

 

[soulforge]

Amen again. If she triangulates on you and she branches to the new guy, he just earned best friend status by taking her off your hands.

Well this is how I am beginning to see things now man, she is someone elses problem!

At first when I ended it, i felt fuking devestated.. she agreed with the break up, and i felt even fuking worse..

but seriously looking back now the fog is clearing somewhat..

what the fuk did this chick really have to offer me??

01. Long distance relationship
02. Sex once a week sometimes once a fortnight
03. Rudeness
04. Embarrassed me infront of her friend & family a couple of times
05. No long term future or living together, no marriage
06. She is 50 fuking years old
07. She never apologises or aknowledges the things she does wrong
08. She was a bar girl at the age of 50, regular in and out of bars in her city.. so big risk factor there
09. We lived together for 4 months, and she walked out as soon as things got a little tough.
10. A big loss in trust her, after the last break up
11. She is very imature for her age, dresses like a 25 year old, constantly in high heels
12. Passive Agressive drama every so often

Why the hell do I gain in holding onto a woman like this.. she has NOTHING to offer me!

 

[soulforge]

lolwat?

Yes there is nothing much for positive in that list at all lol