How to Spot a Unicorn

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I worry about you being so young and on this forum. Your perspective of women is not being shaped by personal experience. It will make a difference. There is always the genuine possibility that, with your personality, demeanor, intelligence, or a myriad of other factors, you would never run into a lot/some of what is discussed on this forum. Keep an open mind as your travel along your journey.

That said, a quality female whom is looking for a quality male is going to know, without coaching, that she needs to be open to the man she is with. Open to listening, learning and understanding. It wont be a large battle, it should fall into place. There will be bumps and hiccups along the way, but for the most part there will be almost no drama, understanding on both ends, loyalty that you can really feel, and (mostly) good times.

It's not that all the women I run into are nuts like how the people here say. Quite frankly they aren't, I'd be lying if I said they were. But here is my BIGGEST issue, and it's with people in general, not just women in intimate relationships: every time I start to have good faith in them and get hopeful that maybe they actually are as good of a person as the innocent little child me thought people were, I get proven wrong in one way or another. And it's happened so often that I'm never surprised anymore when it does happen. I'm thinking maybe it's because of me feeling closer to them which may cause me to get a little soft, which truthfully is a flaw of mine that I should probably work on. I have no issue instantly hardening up with people outside of my immediate family which is a definite plus, but it's mostly the fact that I may have gotten a little bit soft in the first place that's a problem. This might sound a little crappy and depressing if you read it lol. But I've realized that true loyalty does not exist anymore except by rule of dollar. Every time I start to really think I can trust someone, they always say or do something that compromises that trust. They don't even have to have screwed me over or anything, they just say or do something that lets me know not to trust them because they aren't who I really thought they were. I'm never surprised anymore because I guess I'm more or less used to it. But that's why I might seem a bit cynical sometimes and I apologize if I seem that way.

Like I said, most of the women I run into aren't all bad (to me at least), but I still overhear some things that they say to each other about how they think towards certain guys. I realize that I cannot ever make a mistake because it will make a woman lose attraction for me no matter what. Gaining that attraction back takes so much more work than it does to lose it, and women can easily forget about what made you attracted to them but will always remember what made them unattracted to you. I believe that by opening up or relaxing slightly, they will lose attraction. And by opening up, I mean where I can act more freely almost like a little kid in a way. And women will not reciprocate unless I find that 1 in 100,000,000 or however small that number is. So why don't I just stay strong and harden up forever? Because sometimes I want to relax a little and close my eyes for a few minutes (metaphorically speaking) and know that she has my back. Maybe that's just a weakness I have to work on so that I become completely tireless. Or maybe it's a representation of a flaw within society itself. Because loyalty does not exist anymore in the younger generation, men seek women for that full trust and support, when they really should have gotten it from a large group of male friends. Women will not truly provide it.

The last thing, and this is probably the biggest reason since I've always wanted to know things like this since I was a kid, is how people deal with bad situations and why. I always tried asking how certain things worked and why people did the things they did and reacted the way they did so that I could know how to react in the future. It's because it amazed me how eloquently some people handled seemingly overwhelming situations. I probably came off as an annoying little **** lol, but I wanted to know. Most people left me in the dark because they expected someone else to eventually teach me these things. I had to learn through observations of others and every once in a while if I was persistent enough, people would tell me. I eventually started looking online about how people thought and how they handled situations so perfectly, and that even caused me to come across some of the smartest criminals and con artists in history (Charles Manson, Bernie Madoff, Jim Jones, Henry Oberlander, etc.) and then I came across this site. This was probably the biggest helping factor because it taught me what to look for in people.

I always do my best to reserve judgement because you never know how people can be helpful to you later on in the future. But that doesn't mean I won't heed the warnings of others. It is better to be aware than to not. I'd rather have a woman feel some magical sensation of 'love' over me while I understand that it's just because I placed my hand on her back a certain way or held her with a certain tightness or looked at her in a specific way rather than vice versa.

Also, women in general know that they should be open and understanding. They all know not to start drama and to be loyal and all that, I mean it should be common sense dating rules. No one should have to say them. The thing is with this is that it should be a natural occurrence. It should not be forced. It should be revealed over time, not all at once. I ramble on too much, but there's reasons why I think a certain way and ask certain things.

 

[xstang77]

Man I brought this thread back from the dead, seems just for it to get ridiculed which was certainly not my intentions, was just bringing it back up in case any new guys were looking for some basic qualities and behaviors to look for in women they might consider investing in, just baselines, not trying to sell the mythical creature itself.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have to agree with almost everything BeExcellent has said here. As others have stated, I don't think of these few women as unicorns because the term, "unicorn" implies non-existent or mythological. Of course we all understand that she is using that term as a convenient way to encapsulate the qualities of the rare woman who has her sh!t together.

They are out there, guys. They are appallingly rare, but when you come across one you will know it. Most of you are invisible to them, and they to you. You are phantoms to each other.

How did I become visible to these phantoms, and how did they become visible to me? Everything one needs to know is written in these pages of SoSuave.

Perhaps the man who finds he is a phantom will become visible to the "unicorn" if he ignores the petty bickering here in these pages and instead busies himself with taking the hammer and chisel to himself and mines the gold found here.

The bickering and arguing blinds you. What would happen if you ignored the static and instead got your hands dirty and mined the gold? You would become like the sometimes arrogant Atom Smasher, formerly invisible, weak and blind, but who now sees.

 

[TheProspect]

I have to agree with almost everything BeExcellent has said here. As others have stated, I don't think of these few women as unicorns because the term, "unicorn" implies non-existent or mythological. Of course we all understand that she is using that term as a convenient way to encapsulate the qualities of the rare woman who has her sh!t together.

They are out there, guys. They are appallingly rare, but when you come across one you will know it. Most of you are invisible to them, and they to you. You are phantoms to each other.

How did I become visible to these phantoms, and how did they become visible to me? Everything one needs to know is written in these pages of SoSuave.

Perhaps the man who finds he is a phantom will become visible to the "unicorn" if he ignores the petty bickering here in these pages and instead busies himself with taking the hammer and chisel to himself and mines the gold found here.

The bickering and arguing blinds you. What would happen if you ignored the static and instead got your hands dirty and mined the gold? You would become like the sometimes arrogant Atom Smasher, formerly invisible, weak and blind, but who now sees.

I wonder how many men here either got rejected by a "unicorn" or unwittingly next'd one because she didn't spread her legs on the first few dates.

I also wonder how many men here expect to come across a "unicorn", let alone believe in one, if they are not the male equivalent of one themselves.

 

[sazc]

@ImTheDoubleGreatest! with relationships in general, all kinds, you can never really tell up front if the person is going to be trust-able. Always move slow. It's okay to open up, but only feed small chunks of non important vulnerability for a good while. Stuff that could be considered 'secret', 'confidential' but really has no consequence or impact on you if it gets out. When you do this you learn who you can trust, who is loyal, who has you back, etc. As time moves forward, the people who keep your confidence are the ones who can be 'more' trusted.

Side note, it seems that my longest lasting relationships are the ones I made in school. Most adult relationships/friendhips I form last a long while but, if I move out of the area, etc, we drift apart. My really close school friends are still close, we just all live far apart.

People deal/react to situations mostly based on their models. Parents show (model) their kids how to handle conflict anxiety, etc. That's where we learn. Be the person who is able to learn from many sources, not just your parents. Take it all in and pick and choose how YOU want to react and behave. Refine who you are so that, someday, the model you set for ohers, or your kids, is way better than the one you grew up with. Evolve beyond your roots and your rasing.

Lasty, im starting to think that all relationhips follow this traditional team formation pattern (they teach us this stuff at work, and I aso came accross it in college)
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_86.htm

it seems that all non family relationships take on this pattern to some degree. A lot of them dont make it past the Stormin stage. I'm starting to think, if they do, it might be okay to start to believe that these are the relationships that are going to root in your life.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I wonder how many men here either got rejected by a "unicorn" or unwittingly next'd one because she didn't spread her legs on the first few dates.

I also wonder how many men here expect to come across a "unicorn", let alone believe in one, if they are not the male equivalent of one themselves.

Very well-stated.

 

[devilkingx2]

or unwittingly next'd one because she didn't spread her legs on the first few dates.

Generally I wouldn't say that not having sex with you is a quality you should look for in a woman...

Especially considering that most guys that find their special girl who never puts out before month 2/date 6/whatever end up getting tricked by some bar slvt.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

@ImTheDoubleGreatest! with relationships in general, all kinds, you can never really tell up front if the person is going to be trust-able. Always move slow. It's okay to open up, but only feed small chunks of non important vulnerability for a good while. Stuff that could be considered 'secret', 'confidential' but really has no consequence or impact on you if it gets out. When you do this you learn who you can trust, who is loyal, who has you back, etc. As time moves forward, the people who keep your confidence are the ones who can be 'more' trusted.

I've been subconsciously doing this for years lol. Some more recent psychoanalysis work has made believe that I may just have too much to unload though because I remember way too much though. This is still good advice nonetheless.

Side note, it seems that my longest lasting relationships are the ones I made in school. Most adult relationships/friendhips I form last a long while but, if I move out of the area, etc, we drift apart. My really close school friends are still close, we just all live far apart.

People deal/react to situations mostly based on their models. Parents show (model) their kids how to handle conflict anxiety, etc. That's where we learn. Be the person who is able to learn from many sources, not just your parents. Take it all in and pick and choose how YOU want to react and behave. Refine who you are so that, someday, the model you set for ohers, or your kids, is way better than the one you grew up with. Evolve beyond your roots and your rasing.

Lasty, im starting to think that all relationhips follow this traditional team formation pattern (they teach us this stuff at work, and I aso came accross it in college)
[URL]https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_86.htm[/URL]

it [I]seems[/I] that all non family relationships take on this pattern to some degree. A lot of them dont make it past the Stormin stage. I'm starting to think, if they do, it might be okay to start to believe that these are the relationships that are going to root in your life.

Because you are older. If I see any of my old friends or if they see me, they say hello and we do a little bit of catching up, but we don't really hang out. Most of my good buddies go to separate colleges right now, they might transfer over here to my uni after a year though.

And I already model after people. I am no longer a direct byproduct of my parents because I realized how they affected me, my personality, habits, feelings, etc. when I was 12 so I figured that because I know how they affected me, I no longer have an excuse to sit and sulk anymore. The traits Inhave developed from them were simply a means of dealing with them, and they stayed. I remember a lot of the mistakes they did and how it affected me and my siblings. And because of that, I know how to raise my kids better (or at least how NOT to raise them) when I do decide to have kids one day.

Also, why does there HAVE to be a storming stage? I understand that for married couples, it's basically midlife crisis more or less. But why does there HAVE to be one? Like it's inevitable? I don't believe that. The storming stage in the case of couples can last for years on end, maybe even decades. And if it lasts that long, there definitely is stuff that you can micromanage to help build attraction again and keep each other from getting sick of one another. Like that other thread, I think to continue dating your spouse after marriage is a GREAT idea and probably one of the reasons why marriages fail. I never really thought of that before tbh. Maybe that can be one way to help stop a storming stage from ever starting. Obviously there are other things that can help too, but the question still remains why there MUST be a storming stage.

 

[sazc]

I've been subconsciously doing this for years lol. Some more recent psychoanalysis work has made believe that I may just have too much to unload though because I remember way too much though. This is still good advice nonetheless.
also, why does there HAVE to be a storming stage? I understand that for married couples, it's basically midlife crisis more or less. But why does there HAVE to be one? Like it's inevitable? I don't believe that. The storming stage in the case of couples can last for years on end, maybe even decades. And if it lasts that long, there definitely is stuff that you can micromanage to help build attraction again and keep each other from getting sick of one another..

I dk if there HAS to be a storming stage. I would imagine that it varies greatly depending on the couple and their specific interpersonal dynamics. For some couples it doesn't even register. I think it is a way that couples can learn to fight well, and, in some respects, if they make it through the stage, it seems that loyalty and trust may end up stronger. The bond will be stronger.

It Is my belief that if this stage lasts longer than about 4 to 6 months, the match is not a good one, and the relationship should end. People need to be able to resolve issues fairly quickly if they don't want to live in drama and turmoil. If you are with someone who doesn't know how to compromise to resolve an issue, or someone who wants to fight, you need to leave, especially if you are looking for someone to be peaceful with.

 

[sazc]

I even come from a heritage that still sometimes has arranged marriages, and it has been attempted that I get talked in to one.

OMG pm me if this happens so I can give you my address, I want an invitation to that wedding!!!

 

[BeExcellent]

@deesade I'd buy you a beer & call it good.

Cheers

 

[BeExcellent]

Bump for newer members and to avoid retyping everything.

Cheers

 

[zekko]

Guys. You can't hold the view that women who won't have sex on the first few dates are NEXT! material and also hold the view that women who do have sex very early are by default not high quality if you ever expect to find a quality woman.

I've always considered that a bit of hypocrisy and contradiction from PUA theorists. A guy can't expect a girl to fall right into bed with him or else she gets nexted, and then turn around and complain that all girls are hoes.

The caveat I see is that if the girl is high interest, she will want to have sex with you. Guys tend to have blinders on. They want to think that they are the exception, that he is the type of high quality guy that a girl will make an exception for. He wants to think she will reject other males but be unable to resist him. Of course, usually this is self deluding crap.

 

[SW15]

I don't next someone for not putting out fast. Within 5 dates, I'll either have sex with women or one of us will have ended the interaction. If I end an interaction, it is for reasons other than the speed at which she offers sex.

 

[bat soup]

I agree with the OP on one point. A lot of guys on here call women that have a lot of sex sluts and low quality, whilst wanting to have lots of sex themselves. So who are they going to have sex with if they don't want women to be having sex? Each other?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Unicorn is a euphemism for "One of the 2% of women who are relatively well-adjusted and sane, and who has exceptionally good looks".

I've got one in my stable. Rare as hens' teeth but they do exist.

 

[zekko]

A lot of guys on here call women that have a lot of sex sluts and low quality, whilst wanting to have lots of sex themselves. So who are they going to have sex with if they don't want women to be having sex? Each other?

This is another bit of hypocrisy from the PUA world. To a lot of men, there are two kinds of women: The girls you have sex with, and the girl you settle down with. The party girl and the nice girl. You don't marry the party girl. Of course these days, you practically can't even marry the nice girl, but you get the point.

It's the male equivalent of Alpha Fvcks, Beta Bucks. But it's almost a mirror image of it, because guys will see more value in the long term girl (generally speaking). Whereas girls see more value in the short term guy (according to PUA Theory anyway, which is rather suspect because it's self serving. Of course the short term guy is going to say the short term guy is more desirable).

 

[Happy2020]

^I have never honestly encountered such a woman... I am trying to consider all the women I have encountered in my existence on earth, not a single one fits such criteria.

Again, where is this mythical woman?

I ask the men of SoSuave, and I may ask this elsewhere... Have you met such a woman?

Anybody? Anybody?

Hi, new to this forum. I know this is an old thread, but definitely my* gal is high quality, ticks all on the list. Parents divorced but had a stepfather from young.
They exist, and for sure other friends are with other women that fit the bill. The problem is there are alot of values being compromised on due to various factors from family structures changing to the internet

 

[BadBoy89]

There Is no such thing as a “unicorn.’ Such a women does not exist. It was created by Disney so a man keeps working away for something that is unattainable. That way he is a slave to the system and doesn’t challenge status quo.

All women will do what benefits them at all times. They will adapt accordingly to get what they want. A man only helps them achieve their goal. If he is useful to her, she will stick around. If he is not, she will kick him to the curb. That’s all there is to it.

A man‘s job is to have sex with a hot girl. He should not try to emotionally connect, fall in love, or save the hot girl. Why? Because the laws and public opinion are structured that if the hot girl is not getting her emotional needs met, or is not getting served, or is not happy, she should disregard him and ask for a monetary penalty along with giving him emotional grief.

So men, don’t go looking for unicorns to bond with. Go look for hot girls to have sex with. The rest is up to her.

 

[TheProspect]

Bump for newer members.

Here's another bump.

A lot of newer members here in the last 3+ months might be interested in this topic.

This thread is a good read whether one agrees or disagrees. Perhaps we'll get some more good discussion going between each sides to add to what's been said already.