Borderline: a matter of life and death

[skinnyguy]

I went out with an HB 8.5 this weekend. BPD. I can see how guys get hooked on to these types of women. The old me would have been captain save a Ho.....but man, so many red flags with this girl. I just want to pump and dump but I think it would be more complicated than that. This girl parties all the time and doesn't take any responsibility for her actions..and she's in her 30's.

 

[xstang77]

Mine gave me the same sob stories,she even moved to all different states with one ex and eventually left him in another state claiming he beat her etc, I asked a mutual friend of ours about it and he said he didn't know,can just imagine what they say about us. Mine made me have an anxiety attack/breakdown the last time she left,I was good though. I would take on projects for her fixing up a car for her then I'd ask her how the car was doing and she would tell me the wheel almost came off etc, so I'd be concerned all day and bring home tools to fix it then when I get home shed tell me it's fine and she was joking. Now she seems to be off all happy living life with the new guy...still wondering if she'll be the same with him or not.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I went out with an HB 8.5 this weekend. BPD. I can see how guys get hooked on to these types of women. The old me would have been captain save a Ho.....but man, so many red flags with this girl. I just want to pump and dump but I think it would be more complicated than that. This girl parties all the time and doesn't take any responsibility for her actions..and she's in her 30's.

That lack of accountability trait is not very attractive is it?

 

[Twodogs]

She was the common culprit in each of these situations. Probably made those guys this way.

I'm absolutely sure she did.
Mr Unfaithful is now happily married and doing well.
Mr Suicide was their neighbor while she was living with Mr Abusive (who was helping her raise Mr Unfaithfuls child).
I wouldn't be surprised if she was fvcking Mr Suicide behind Mr Abusives back and that's what destroyed both families.
Mr Unfaithful grabbed his kid and fvcked off out of town when the **** went down. Smart move.

The truth had become quite clear about the same time the honeymoon started heading towards crazytown.
So Mr Twodogs laced up his running shoes....

 

[FinallyFree]

Every part of the "wake of destruction" a BPD leaves behind them is attractive the first time you meet one.

-Wow, she hates everyone else. Maybe she likes special guys like me.
-Wow, these guys all sound like insane losers. This should be easy.
-I need to rescue her. My whole life has built up to this moment.
-I'll feel so proud when she's finally mine, knowing she destroyed all those lesser men.

EX: Suicidal alcoholic who abused, lied to, cheated on and slandered her. Convinced me to send him nude photographs of his own sister. Turned out she was still in contact with him, telling him I was a stalker/ex-pedophile and she was being raped, so he could "rescue" her in the future.

EX: She thought she liked him, but when he moved across the country to be with her (like I did) she changed her mind. I asked if she dropped any hints. She went into a rage episode and kept changing the story from "It ended well he has a wife now" to "He was insane and last I heard he killed himself".

EX: From "I wish he would drop dead. Never mention him." to "Can you kiss me on the forehead like he did? He was the only man who was ever nice to me." within a couple hours.

Crush: Tells me one day wants to stay monogamous, but we should talk about crushes. Cute nice guy at work. I'm hurt. She scolds me for being hurt, tells me maybe we should "take a break" until I become less controlling. Turns out the guy has a girlfriend. Has a rage episode and wishes they would both drop dead. I'm never allowed to ask about it ever again.

Weird male friend: Some bisexual punk-rocker guy who nicknamed her "bipolar wh0re". They would just sit on Skype vulgarly insulting each other for 3 hours a day. Meanwhile if I left the soap slightly askew in its tray or forgot to tell her a bedtime story, I had to sleep on the couch for a week.

Her own brother: Sociopath drug addict (probably true, her family was very ****ed up). When he died she didn't react at all. I found her crying a couple days later and started telling her I'm sorry for her loss. She lashed out at me and told me I haven't had rough sex with her in 2 days, didn't care about her "stupid brother".

The list goes on. In my eyes she was so incredibly gorgeous, a mid-20s supermodel with barely any sexual experience and this extremely young girly personality. I would pretend to believe all of this bull**** day after day until I no longer trusted my own memories.

 

[QuadDeuces]

It has been years since I've been on this site.
But here I am back again, last week I met a damaged goods girl (probably on the cluster B spectrum) through Tinder, heavy smoker, occasional recreational drug use, daddy issues, pierced nipples, tattoos, extreme good lays, she let me slap her face and spit in her mouth she licked my Azz on the first date, had great sex 4 times in 1 week.
This morning my phone went mental with texts about how she (thinks she) loves me, how I should be her future, how masculine I am, how I was the best lay, the usual BPD idolisation.
I decided to eject, sent her the typical, "It's not you it's me" text.
She's going crazy as we speak, I had to put my phone on flight mode to get a rest.
It seems I dodged a bullet here.
Next time I'll eject after the first lay.
They're just not worth it.
Oh and trust your gut, your gut will cramp when you're dealing with a BPD.

 

[wolf]

Good advice but i

It has been years since I've been on this site.
But here I am back again, last week I met a damaged goods girl (probably on the cluster B spectrum) through Tinder, heavy smoker, occasional recreational drug use, daddy issues, pierced nipples, tattoos, extreme good lays, she let me slap her face and spit in her mouth she licked my Azz on the first date, had great sex 4 times in 1 week.
This morning my phone went mental with texts about how she (thinks she) loves me, how I should be her future, how masculine I am, how I was the best lay, the usual BPD idolisation.
I decided to eject, sent her the typical, "It's not you it's me" text.
She's going crazy as we speak, I had to put my phone on flight mode to get a rest.
It seems I dodged a bullet here.
Next time I'll eject after the first lay.
They're just not worth it.
Oh and trust your gut, your gut will cramp when you're dealing with a BPD.[/QUOTE

I had that cramping feeling in my gut during a first date once.
4 months later i was depressed and thinking of suicide...

Personally i wouldn't even go for the first lay. Mine was NPD/BPD and gave me PTSD.

 

[Billtx49]

If she'scoming at you that hard and fast, she's a low functioning maxed out BPD. Had an experience with a high functioning one in the past, but it didn't really show until attachment kicked in.

 

[LoveSunSet]

Just of curiosity guys, from these symptons of BPD written below, my ex suffered from numbers 2, 3, 7, and 9. Would you qualify that as BPD or just as some sort of insecurity?

• 1- An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
• 2- A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
• 3- Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
• 4- Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
• 5- Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
• 6- Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
• 7- Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
• 8- Ongoing feelings of emptiness
• 9- Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

I suspect my ex has similar traits. How its all been so far? Im lost myself with what to do. we have kids and I just not sure how to deal with it.

 

[MrAddiction]

until post breakup when bpd seemed to fit a lot better, she was acting in textbook bpd ways, it was actually disturbing I'd read something online and she'd do/say that exact thing. It become predictable

Fcuk. Same with Mine. I just felt as if I could look into the future.

 

[MrAddiction]

However I do think how badly you are willing to lose yourself in a BPD relationship depends in some part on your self esteem and goals in life. For example I know for a fact I would never have allowed the following no matter the degree of emotional manipulation:

• Marriage
• Carrying her financially to my disadvantage
• Sacrificing my career to make her "happy"
• And "oops" pregnancy

I was acutely aware of the fact that everything we did had to be to my advantage.

Even when you're knee deep in, it's still possible to maintain a healthy sense of self. In fact six months before the relationship ended I was actively looking for jobs in a particular sector and was exploring international options to widen my chances. I didn't care whether she came along, nor the fact that she had moved from Germany and paid to study here in the UK just to be with me.And yet here I am a month post break up and obviously I still miss her at times, so you can still love a BPD and not be destroyed by the end of a relationship.

Your spot on. But now imagine somebody getting involved with such a chick who has not been redpill beforehand like us! I would say good luck and good night.

 

[MrAddiction]

Your situation literally mirrors mine. Even to the point of having to drop the b*tch when she tried bringing other guys into the mix on the sly.

That's the main issue really. BPDs will at some point test you to the point where it's a choice between her and your self respect.

That was exactly my situation. Weird how it all works the same.

 

[MrAddiction]

, usually nc for atleast a month and them having a solid replacement in that time(not just a **** buddy) makes them go away.

Do not count on that. Break up more than a half year ago. She replaced je immediately and had the new one move in. NC nearly 3month now. She still is trying to make contact on a regular basis. Nearly exactly all Four weeks.

 

[Juanto]

I suspect my ex has similar traits. How its all been so far? Im lost myself with what to do. we have kids and I just not sure how to deal with it.

Well, as I said, she is an ex, so its not going on anymore, thankfully.

 

[Billtx49]

Do not count on that. Break up more than a half year ago. She replaced je immediately and had the new one move in. NC nearly 3month now. She still is trying to make contact on a regular basis. Nearly exactly all Four weeks.

Know what you mean. Mine used my grown daughter and husband to covertly spy on me for a year. She was living with the new guy in his house at about their three year mark when it started.
They are highly manipulative to Anyone in their path. I could tell my daughter had switched sides while it was happening.

 

[xstang77]

Do not count on that. Break up more than a half year ago. She replaced je immediately and had the new one move in. NC nearly 3month now. She still is trying to make contact on a regular basis. Nearly exactly all Four weeks.

I didn't mean she would go away indefinitely just a little while of her not trying to love bomb you to try and Come back since she's out occupied projecting a sense of happiness with the newest victim. Mines currently on my couch as I type
This,we broke up last May lol.shes trying to convince me to get with her again but I'm as emotionally unavailable as a rock and broken so that's not happening I know better lol.

 

[btownbuck2012]

If she'scoming at you that hard and fast, she's a low functioning maxed out BPD. Had an experience with a high functioning one in the past, but it didn't really show until attachment kicked in.

I had a high functioning one, too. It's incredible how they know the exact moment when you start to fall for them or become attached and then the bottom falls out. Doesn't matter if it's been months, years, etc.

And a quick glance at her instagram she's hitting the clubs tonight.

Next victim please.....

The callous disregard for what they've done is truly inhuman. I honestly think if guys haven't experienced it, there's no way they can wrap their minds around how depraved and cruel it is.

 

[Infern0]

I didn't mean she would go away indefinitely just a little while of her not trying to love bomb you to try and Come back since she's out occupied projecting a sense of happiness with the newest victim. Mines currently on my couch as I type
This,we broke up last May lol.shes trying to convince me to get with her again but I'm as emotionally unavailable as a rock and broken so that's not happening I know better lol.

The thing is, if you get away from them and survive it, usually there is a huge upgrade in yourself, at least there was for me. I really got my **** together after it, that makes them want you back. It's a catch 22. If you are strong enough to survive them and come out of it stronger, they get real attracted to that.

The flip side is they utterly destroy you and you become super cuck, then they want nothing to do with you.

 

[Infern0]

I had a high functioning one, too. It's incredible how they know the exact moment when you start to fall for them or become attached and then the bottom falls out. Doesn't matter if it's been months, years, etc.



The callous disregard for what they've done is truly inhuman. I honestly think if guys haven't experienced it, there's no way they can wrap their minds around how depraved and cruel it is.

Long term you'll see that it's actually just childish and predictable and it won't bother you anymore. You have that to look forward to.

 

[Billtx49]

Long term you'll see that it's actually just childish and predictable and it won't bother you anymore. You have that to look forward to.

Yes it is. Their emotional development stopped at some point in their earlier years before becoming an adult.
It's a lot like dealing with a child or teenager on an emotional level.

Find out enough about her formative years to know about when the damage occurred, and then you will actually know more about who you are dealing with.