Borderline: a matter of life and death

[BeTheChange]

@Julian

Your situation literally mirrors mine. Even to the point of having to drop the b*tch when she tried bringing other guys into the mix on the sly.

That's the main issue really. BPDs will at some point test you to the point where it's a choice between her and your self respect.

In fact the more I think about it the more I genuinely feel for the girl. I remember one time after an argument she actually went into my wallet and threatened to rip all the notes in there (around £200) unless I gave her a hug... I kid you not bro. When I told her to fvck off one by one she actually did rip those notes up. Obviously and hour later she apologised and paid me back. The poor chick was willing to pay £200 just to get a damn hug. So severe was her sense of abandonment and loneliness if things weren't peachy. Or when she'd snoop on my Facebook and see me trying to mack on other girls...damn. She'd phone me up crying telling me she "wanted to die". Now I understand the whole adornment fears from reading about BPD I see she wasn't exaggerating. In those moments she probably did feel like it. And these type of situations were a regular occurrence. I can't even be mad anymore. Damn. But like you said they'll drag you down with them. Just got to let them go and hope they sort themselves out. Like J Cole said man...you can save these h*es if they don't want to be saved.

Also, your posts on BPD are hilarious man. Keep it up!

 

[Julian]

@BeTheChange

LOL thanks man..hillarious isnt always the word i would use but hey we gotta keep a sense of humor about these things


yeah bro I can relate to actually feeling pity/sadness for these girls. They literally will go to pathetic measures. Watching my girl, a beatiful young lady otherwise, literally punch herself in the face over a fight we had, or curling up into the corner of her closet and balling her eyes out hyperventilating when i threatened to leave her for acting out. it literally takes some fked up childhood trauma to make a grown adult revert back to that pathology. so as grown professional men it is our job to try an mitigate that, and not be a little drama queen that antagonizes a mentally ill person. we have to be the stronger individual and go NC and step away because lord knows a BPD girl will continue with you until your both destroyed in all aspects.

guys like you and me have enough resolution and alpha characteristics allowed us to last through a BPD relationship and in some instances even thrive in it until things just got to the maximum level of crazy.

 

[xstang77]

Doesn't suprise me,a lot of
Guys have swallowed a bullet due to these experiences,there's also many cases of physical ailment during these relationships for the non including myself, usually nc for atleast a month and them having a solid replacement in that time(not just a **** buddy) makes them go away.

 

[Infern0]

My bpd ex has two dead exes. One killed another in a fight over her, and then when that guy got out of jail, he overdose on heroin, because he was depressed about being rejected by her.

What was her reaction to that?

The lack of concern mine has shown is probably the most disturbing thing I've witnessed.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She was living with the murderer at the time. They took him away, and she was having sex with me in about a month. He would call her from jail while she was with me, and she would of course pledge her undying love. He was Mister Badass who punched everyone in the face, and I knew he was coming for her whenever he got out. That's what made me take up mma and train for almost four years.

He only did 3.5 years, if you can believe it. Thank you, broken criminal justice system. She and I were not together at the time. They moved in together, and then over the course of the next few months, each of them got a domestic violence charge against the other one. His charge sent him back to jail. She actually did a week in jail over hers.

Then he gets out again, moves to my town to be near her, where she has since moved, and just stalks her until she starts letting him buy her dinner. She told me at the time that he grossed her out and she wouldn't have sex with him. She started cheating on him with me, he got depressed over the rejection, and drowned his sorrows in pills and heroin until he died. And I'm glad. He was a piece of sh!t. In the months before his death, he killed two other junkies by overdose with his drugs.

When she first called me to tell me he was dead, she laughed about it in a crazy, detached sort of way. Then in about an hour, the crying started, and she cried for weeks. BPD is about abandonment, and he had pulled the ultimate abandonment. She blew up facebook for weeks with her proclamations that he was the most amazing person she ever met, the love of her life.

 

[Asmodeus]

I have to disagree Asmodeus. Sure he was weak, not every one is emotionally strong enough to get over a BPD relationship. This is some serious and dangerous ****. The last sites on the NC-thread among with nearly all BPD threads on this board show how difficult and painful a BPD-Oneitis is and how long it takes to detach/ eject, it´s simply another dimension than normal breakup! Even after my 10 year LTR I didn´t feel that down/ sad/ depressed/ damaged like I did after my BPD romance last year. It felt like I opened Pandora's box, an unimaginable secret with so much weight that I never wanted to know about but somehow got no choice.
And the longer you stay the darker it gets, the abyss becomes deeper and deeper the longer you are in theese toxic relationships.
I´m still struggling sometimes and something was definitly broken within me after that toxic rs. The connection/ bond with theese girls is so out of space, it´s like they are directly connected with the unconscious mind of the man, maybe that´s because of the emotional turmoil BPDs cause, I don´t know. What I do know is how it feels like, like emotional death. On another thread you mentioned the "Stockholm Sydrom", yes I think it has alot to do with the intense of the connection.
Yeah I know, nothing new what I write here. If anyone is to blame than only this fvcking disease (BPD) itself and western society that raises the prevalence of it.
@ Inferno
I read your threads and maybe allmost all other BPD threads here to cure my BPD-Oneitis.
Thanks for posting, although it´s really sad and I feel for the poor guy. It´s not your fault Inferno, believe me I can imagine how you feel now.
But this thread here demonstrates how important it is to stay NC forever with BPDs!
I had contact with my BPD-girl after the breakup via textgame, because I thought we could LJBF or FWB. I was so wrong. Most of the pain I suffered from came afterwards, i.e. because of her projections into me and because I realized how broken she is and how f@cked up everything is, there is nothing I could do for her.
At least maybe I saved the life of another guy at that time. He´s an Ex of her and a drug addict and therefore anything but psychologically or emotionally strong or stalbe, he lives in another town she wanted to settle in. It was if I could foresee a dark future, if she moves to him, something really bad would happen because both are emotional unstable. And I had just had this awful feeling, as she told me her plans. Creepy I know and because at this time I was somehow still part of her love-triangles I could somehow manage to manipulate her, not to settle in. Fortunatly she didn´t move. Maybe some of you can imagine how I felt at this time, I had so much responsibillity for the life of others, because I felt like only I knew the Dynamics of this horrible disease called BPD, and what could happen. Afterwards I realized the longer I stay in contact, even if it´s only textgame once in a month, it becomes worse and worse. A black hole a spiral without a bottom. As long as I stay in contact I´m part of her problems. This important guys! You must eject, there is no other way. NC forever! She just doesn´t know or realize how much damage she causes to the ones, who love her, because of her horrible disease. It´s so sad and hopless, but it´s true and reality you have to accept. She is a dead girl and the longer you stay, chances rise exponentially that you will die too, emotionally or literally. There is no Winner, everyone looses. Stay NoContact forever with BPDs and steel yourselves bros!
Peace and Love,
Polysix

Eh, that was my "bad side" showing through there. I kind of have a disdain for what I consider weakness... Splitting... And sometimes I lose my logic and understanding of things and say what would better be withheld.... But I will leave that be.

But anyway, I will say that he sounds as if he insecure and not mentally there either. I wonder as to what illness and what degree of it he suffered from.
Cluster B people do not attract normal healthy people. Normal people do not stay in such relationships. I know that people here are going to say that I am being ridiculous, but this is true. Cluster B forms a trauma bond of sorts... I bet this man had some deep seeted issues, that existed before the Cluster B experience. His experience with her was only a catalyst to the bomb. The fact that he committed suicide may have more to do with his own issues really, the fact that he became so attached to that trauma bond tells me he was troubled. It is a shame he gave into his insecurities.

But you are right on one thing... Stay no contact with BPD. In fact seek to improve yourself, seek to find peace with yourself. If you can strengthen yourself then you may be able to not fall into that trap.

 

[Polysix]

I noticed with mine she would ALWAYS circle back a little while post break up once I got my **** together. In some way they are attracted to that strength, if you recover they come back, if you stay down they don't.

It's a catch 22 though because nobody well adjusted is going to stay for too long with them, once devaluation begins they will be out

I know exactly what you mean. One day I woke up with a big smile on my face because I thought she was out of my head/ mind finally. Later the same day I walked into town looking and feeling like a BOSS and suddenly I saw her. I thought she moved to the guy in another town till that moment. I hugged her and talked to her. She was very insecure and somehow a comletey different girl to the one I loved once. Yet in the beginning of our rs and after the rs I did research about the disease, because she told me about it on our first date, I didn´t want to hurt her. One of the few things she was honest about, as BPDs are pathlogic liars. But I in the beginnig I really had no clue what i was getting into. I often read that BPDs are like chameleons, that is absolutely true. She was so surprised to see me at this day and I got the feeling she couldn´t switch fast enough. In order not to let her know, what she did to me and how she hurt me after our breakup, I played her like Blue Phoenix describes on page 8 of the official BPD Thread here on this board by instinct: innocent yet emotionally untouchable. While we are talking she realized my strength and that she didn´t broke me down completely. So sad, isn´t it? But it is like that, they want to see you suffer in pain because their dysfunctional brain. Big Neil said in one thread "hurt people hurt people". They process their childhood trauma by instigating it again and again with every rs they start, but this time they are in control.
Back on topic: Out of nowhere she asks me for a date. That was scary as hell, it was if her unconscious was talking to me, not she as a human being with it´s own will. In this moment I realized how sad it really is how the symptoms of this awful disease dominate her behaviour, how broken she is. Even more sad for me was, that I realized all my love for this girl, was given to an illusion. I felt my love was worth nothing. I hope you guys can understand what I mean because English isn´t my native language. Because she is so hot for a second I thought maybe we could be FWB, but my emotional bond is and will always be to strong with this girl in a way that I felt with no other girl ever before. But no matter how hot she is and how great the six with this girl was, I would hate myself and couldn´t if look in the mirror again, if I would exploit her disease. I mean I loved this cute girl with a great heart inside and somehow I still love her in my own way. I want to be a man with pride and dignity, therfore NC is the only way for me to show my love to her, if this makes any sense, at least for me it does. And yes i know my own resposibillity and my own issues even more because this girl showed them unconsciously to me. I´am so thankful for this experience. God, whichever, bless her and the ones who love her.

 

[Polysix]

Eh, that was my "bad side" showing through there. I kind of have a disdain for what I consider weakness... Splitting... And sometimes I lose my logic and understanding of things and say what would better be withheld.... But I will leave that be.

No problem man. That´s just what I thought as I read your comment, because I know your other posts on the BPD topic and found it really helpfull to know your point of you, to get some information from the "other side". Esp. how hard it is to reflect, that if you have some kind of PD, to confess that you actually do damage to others and in what form...

But anyway, I will say that he sounds as if he insecure and not mentally there either. I wonder as to what illness and what degree of it he suffered from.
Cluster B people do not attract normal healthy people. Normal people do not stay in such relationships. I know that people here are going to say that I am being ridiculous, but this is true. Cluster B forms a trauma bond of sorts... I bet this man had some deep seeted issues, that existed before the Cluster B experience. His experience with her was only a catalyst to the bomb. The fact that he committed suicide may have more to do with his own issues really, the fact that he became so attached to that trauma bond tells me he was troubled. It is a shame he gave into his insecurities.

Sure may it be NPD like many DJs suffer from or maybe some kind of DPD like in my case.
But not everybody is strong enough to reflect, to get help here or even in therapy or to eject early enough, as this thread shows.

But you are right on one thing... Stay no contact with BPD. In fact seek to improve yourself, seek to find peace with yourself. If you can strengthen yourself then you may be able to not fall into that trap.

Co-sign. And also find peace with her, because BPDs are just ill, it´s not their fault, any form of blame or venegeance or even the thought of it is not manly at all.
At least that´s my point of view, life is to short.

 

[Juanto]

Just of curiosity guys, from these symptons of BPD written below, my ex suffered from numbers 2, 3, 7, and 9. Would you qualify that as BPD or just as some sort of insecurity?

• 1- An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
• 2- A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
• 3- Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
• 4- Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
• 5- Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
• 6- Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
• 7- Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
• 8- Ongoing feelings of emptiness
• 9- Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

 

[Infern0]

Just of curiosity guys, from these symptons of BPD written below, my ex suffered from numbers 2, 3, 7, and 9. Would you qualify that as BPD or just as some sort of insecurity?

• 1- An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
• 2- A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
• 3- Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
• 4- Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours
• 5- Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or drug abuse, or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship
• 6- Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection
• 7- Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety
• 8- Ongoing feelings of emptiness
• 9- Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights

Number 1 is the main dynamic so without that she's not bpd

 

[GoodOne123]

I laugh at the guys who are foolish enough to think these types of girls are just normal and it is the guy who is "beta" for letting her be the way she is.

There is no "letting" or "allowing" of their behaviour, they will still try to wreak chaos into your life regardless of how stoic or "alpha" you are.

The immediate "NEXT" that you usually may initiate with girls who behave this way may not come so easily with the cluster B. They dig deep into your soul and infect you with the most amazing soul-mate love/sex you always craved. They ruthlessly manipulate you into feeling sorry for their dysfunction, that it is out of their control, that they really love you, and that they are a nice person deep down (big lie).

Yes, they can be extremely dangerous. They can put you in jail by making a false claim, or injure you in a fit of rage or revenge.

That being said, I think guys who get involved with these types of girls need to take a look at themselves. If it was their first time with a crazy, or they had no idea what to look out for, then they deserve less criticism.

However, if the guy got involved with a crazy again, or overlooked red flags he already knew about, then he deserves to get criticised more. This type of guy usually needs to fix himself, since it reveals a dysfunction inside themselves when they willingly choose to get involved with these types.

In general I do believe they need to be avoided like the plague, but if a guy can handle them and be happy with them, then he is a very rare case.

 

[FinallyFree]

She didn't feel sad at all. It always seemed a bit farfetched to me since they weren't even together for that long so for me it's either an example of her compulsive lying or her psychopathic tendencies.

I was with mine for 2 years. In that 2 years I experienced more intense feelings than I have in the rest of my life combined. Most of those feelings were in the first few WEEKS.

When someone is just telling you everything you want to hear, when their own inner pain/refusal to get treatment has destroyed their conscience and they just keep drowning you in fake affection, it doesn't take long.

 

[FinallyFree]

The immediate "NEXT" that you usually may initiate with girls who behave this way may not come so easily with the cluster B. They dig deep into your soul and infect you with the most amazing soul-mate love/sex you always craved. They ruthlessly manipulate you into feeling sorry for their dysfunction, that it is out of their control, that they really love you, and that they are a nice person deep down (big lie).
.

I don't believe that they're bad deep down because since I found out my traumatizing ex had BPD, I've talked to BPD patients who got therapy. They feel really bad about all the **** they did, and 1 in 10 commit suicide.

I think they're just diseased people. As soon as you forget you're talking to a disease that's taken over someone's mind, you start falling for their tricks. "Evil" can be sexy and mysterious. Diseased is never sexy. Always remember you are talking to someone who doesn't even really know you're there because of their brain disease. Just like Alzheimers. No sane guy would hook up with a girl who has extreme Alzheimers and forgets who he is every few days but when we hook up with BPD girls that's basically what we are doing.

Their actual self could be good or bad. It doesn't really matter because it's in a coma. All BPDs seem to act exactly the same.

 

[GoodOne123]

I don't believe that they're bad deep down because since I found out my traumatizing ex had BPD, I've talked to BPD patients who got therapy. They feel really bad about all the **** they did, and 1 in 10 commit suicide.

I think they're just diseased people. As soon as you forget you're talking to a disease that's taken over someone's mind, you start falling for their tricks. "Evil" can be sexy and mysterious. Diseased is never sexy. Always remember you are talking to someone who doesn't even really know your there because of their brain disease.

Their actual self could be good or bad. It doesn't really matter because it's in a coma. All BPDs seem to act exactly the same.

Interesting insight into a bpds mentality.

I was quoting my bpd ex when i said that. I did not give it much thought as to if it applies to all BPDs. She used that lie to lure me back in after she treated me in a disrespectful way when we were together. But who knows, like you said she may deep down be nice, and be telling the truth.

But I believe we make assumptions, and rightfully so, to protect ourselves. When someone consistently hurts us or others, we label them as bad people, in order to avoid them and protect ourselves. It makes the separation from someone toxic that much easier. If i had told myself my ex may be deep down good and had a conscience, I would have stayed with her much longer in the chaos that was our relationship. Although my assumption might not be accurate, it saved me tons of pain and stress, and most likely anyone else that encounters a bpd.

 

[MrOctober]

My last ex I actually posted about just within the past month was a total mind fk dude.

Ill describe me dealing with her and her **** tests like this..

When we started off I had an alpha arsenal such as an AK47, complete with a grenade launcher, a set of grenades off the hip, two sidearms, a bulletproof vest and and combat gear.

Few weeks in I didn't have my grenades anymore...
Few weeks later I realized my nade launcher wasn't working anymore..
Few weeks later I was stripped of my sidearms...
Time passes and I'm firing blanks from the ak dude like the thing doesn't work anymore I'm fkd.
Next thing I know my combat gear and vest is gone too and I'm standing there buck naked.

They're man eaters. This pretty lil thing leeched onto me and sucked the blood out of me dude.

 

[Juanto]

My last ex I actually posted about just within the past month was a total mind fk dude.

Ill describe me dealing with her and her **** tests like this..

When we started off I had an alpha arsenal such as an AK47, complete with a grenade launcher, a set of grenades off the hip, two sidearms, a bulletproof vest and and combat gear.

Few weeks in I didn't have my grenades anymore...
Few weeks later I realized my nade launcher wasn't working anymore..
Few weeks later I was stripped of my sidearms...
Time passes and I'm firing blanks from the ak dude like the thing doesn't work anymore I'm fkd.
Next thing I know my combat gear and vest is gone too and I'm standing there buck naked.

They're man eaters. This pretty lil thing leeched onto me and sucked the blood out of me dude.

let me guess, kept bringing up arguments with you for no big reason and making a big fuss about it? It can wear a man down....

 

[MrOctober]

let me guess, kept bringing up arguments with you for no big reason and making a big fuss about it? It can wear a man down....

It was a mess bro. She wasn't like an acting out argument bpd.. She was a quiet passive aggressive bpd who would just drop a bomb for reaction. But it didn't stop it just kept going until I'd threaten to end it but she started calling my bluff and I didn't go nc before she finally lost attraction.

 

[FinallyFree]

All women test you with lil arguments. A BPD chick will flat out announce she's cheating right before you go to work, let you contemplate suicide all day, tell you she was JK when you get home then make you rub her feet. Run. The. ****. Away.

 

[Twodogs]

Not a surprising outcome Infern0.

Mine had a tale of an ex that went into full blown mental breakdown and attempted to off himself.
She also had an unfaithful ex and another that was extremely abusive.

Of course she told me all this on our first date and framed it in a way that she was the victim, poor girl had "been through A LOT"

I was like: "There, there sweetheart. Captain Save a Hoes here now. I'll protect you from those bad bad men."

Ha ha, what a naive dumbarse I was back then.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Not a surprising outcome Infern0.

Mine had a tale of an ex that went into full blown mental breakdown and attempted to off himself.
She also had an unfaithful ex and another that was extremely abusive.

Of course she told me all this on our first date and framed it in a way that she was the victim, poor girl had "been through A LOT"

I was like: "There, there sweetheart. Captain Save a Hoes here now. I'll protect you from those bad bad men."

Ha ha, what a naive dumbarse I was back then.

She was the common culprit in each of these situations. Probably made those guys this way.