See u KNOW this is a BAD idea.I gotta be nuts. I don't know what the fvck I'm doing
She is manipulative.
Trying to get u back to have a Provider.
That is all.
**** that. Find a good girl not this.
See u KNOW this is a BAD idea.I gotta be nuts. I don't know what the fvck I'm doing
That sounds like the typical BPD thing: out of sight - out of mind.Hey everyone....
Then she had to go away for work. I take her to the airport. She kissed me. OK. That night she texts me that she feels as though I've been able to forgive her for a lot of her sh!t. I told her the past is over. That was a week ago. Since then all communication originating from her has virtually ceased.
My ex and I work very hard to be on really good terms, for the sake of the relationship we want to model for our children. People always ask us why we got divorced, since it appears we get along so well. The short answer (which I never tell them because it's too heavy) is that - since my ex and I dont have to try and support any emotional relationship between ourselves (fulfill emotional needs, be there in any way for each other, follow thru, sex, etc) we are free from those resentments and have moved forward to simply being friends and focusing on the children. What I tell these people that we get along much better now that we are no longer together.
When people 'get back together' after being apart (remarry or a relationship) it's because they have had enough distance from the (failed) emotional aspect of the relationship that they wonder "what was so bad about this person"? Not acknowledging what was actually wrong IN the relationship, and trying to fix that as a part or getting back together, is sure to re open all old wounds and you will get the same, tragic result.
Two points I'm trying to make
1) You can be nice to your ex, go to outings with her and social events that have your child in common (sports, Christmas, Halloween,holidays, etc) but have no intention on getting back with her. The goal is to model the best behavior between yourselves for the sake of the children.
2) You absolutely cannot re enter a relationship without being blunt and honest about your needs and what went wrong last time, and have chance in he11 that it's going to work. I'm willing to bet, if you sat down with your ex, and both of you started to talk about what went wrong, and what you need, in a very honest manner, the whole thing would blow up. If the whole thing blows up, you guys STILL cant communicate well and you are doomed.
People who are not introspective are hard pressed to change. I think you should take her being nice from the vantage point of my #1 up there, model the best relationship you can for the sake if the kids, leave it be between you and she, and move along.
She just got back. Fact, she texted me as soon as the plane hit the ground. She told me that I can relax now that she's back.That sounds like the typical BPD thing: out of sight - out of mind.
Those Girls are like fcuking heroin.
... and that might be the exact situation you might feel in - like a heroin addict going cold turkey.
How Long is she gone for work? Did she move away for work? What about the kid?
MrAddict
Sounds she wants to own you...She just got back. Fact, she texted me as soon as the plane hit the ground. She told me that I can relax now that she's back.
Sounds like a mindgame! "I wanted you on your toes, so I did not text you while away. I knew you would wonder why i do not reply. I wanted you guessing. But now I am back - now you can relax!"Sounds she wants to own you...
I think you know deep down that it will end with you being heart broken again. Your gut is telling you to stay away but your "hope" is telling you to hang in there.Think I just answered my own question
As I slap myself in the face
I suppose you're right.I think you know deep down that it will end with you being heart broken again. Your gut is telling you to stay away but your "hope" is telling you to hang in there.
Honestly bud im not going to gang up on you because you know deep down you should listento your gut. You know she will betray you again.
You just need to accept that and not give her any more chances with your heart
I know exactly what you mean. Been there, Done that and it ended badly. As everybody here always says.Say what you will. I'm fully aware of what may be at stake here. I'm prepared to shield myself. I know what can happen. But i feel like I have to take the risk and go for it. If nothing happens, okay. But at least I tried
My advice (for what it is worth,) keep her at arms length. Be friendly but professional for the sake of your son. If she gets flirty and looks for validation do not reciprocate.I suppose you're right.
I said she almost went ghost on me since she went away for work. She's been kind of distant with me since she got back, but still flirty. She keeps touching me when I see her which is at least 3x a week because of our son. And just to draw parralells, this is where the trouble began when we were together. She went away to this city for work, came back and graduallt began to withdraw. I remember I confronted her about her apparant change in attitude and behavior and she said I'll only make the inevitable happen if I worry about it. And she was all over me before this. It was inexplicable. Then I found out she may have banged this dude when she was out there. Well, over now but her behavior now is similar to her behavior then.
I'm keeping my heart guarded this time. Really, I'd like to jump in head first and the hell with the consequences. I get the feeling that she's waiting for me to take this leap. I also get the feeling that she's guarding her own heart.
Quite frankly, I'm a mess about this whole thing. I have forgiven her but I can't forget. I'd really like for things to work that way between us. Fact, I'm afraid. I've had a handful of superfcial physical relationships since we split. I can't take them seriously. I don't want that. I really get nothing out of this kind of interaction. With her I feel it. Call mechump, AFC, fool, whatever. Like I said. I want it to work between us. As far as Petra's concerned, I think she wants to proceed as slowly as I. She'll let me know when she feels more comfortable. I'm not pushing anything. Say what you will. I'm fully aware of what may be at stake here. I'm prepared to shield myself. I know what can happen. But i feel like I have to take the risk and go for it. If nothing happens, okay. But at least I tried.
Thanks for the input. I appreciate it and I am mulling over what you say.I know exactly what you mean. Been there, Done that and it ended badly. As everybody here always says.
The thing is you can guard yourself and watch out and you will be much easier to end the thing as soon as you sniff any bull**** - but what you can not protect yourself against is the following heartbreak and grief after the once again breakup. One of my biggest mistakes was to give it another try, like you are going to. I knew the advice on here but like you I thought I had to give it a try. Maybe my girl is different than the AWALT they Talk about here. And at least i tried. What shall Happen? I know what can happen and so I am well prepared and guarded for worse case. But do not underestimate Hope and the resulting grief it produces if the ship Gomes havoc. I am still recovering.
And what you Tell about that Special conection you think you have with this special girl might at least be nothing more than another sign that she is cluster B and you addicted - like ist was me.
If you really want to get back together ask yourself These questions:
Do you think you can ever trust this Woman again.
Do you Expect her to change in any way compared to the behavior she in the First realtionship with you?
How much are you willing to sacrifice for her?
Do you have some things that are now in opposite to the former relationship alsolut nogos that Arme not compromissable?
What Do you Do if she pushes those borders?
Are you then willing to Walk away?
I am asking because in my case my Girl fcuked up the relationship in the first time. I gave her a second chance- biggest mistakes I made apart from moving in together beforehand - and expected her to meet me at least have way with some changed behavior. She on the other hand thougt she could go on like before - at least After some lovebombing and never kept promises in the beginning of the rebound round.
There are the Iron rules of Rollo Tomassi. They are there for a good reason.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/
Consider wisely what you do.
Wish you the best - whatever way you take.
Without hearing any details, usually you can pretty much imagine how a relationship was going back multiple years, AND how it'll continue to pan out in the future simply by how long these globs of text are from the AFC's posting these ex threads.Dude if this is even within the realm of possibility you're better off cutting your **** off rather than spending one more second with her
This is classic NPD blameshifting btw
Pretty much. He'll get burned again by this chick, no question about it. But he'll just have to swallow the red pill on his own time, go through the phases, and come out the other side. This was a 3+ year process for me to truly internalize.It's because no amount of sage advice can change the structural issues in the game or our person
I barely read anything after the first post. But if this has gone 4+ pages, and the posts are still long-winded, he's warped. He's still under the spell of a very dangerous woman and he has to pull himself out. I assure you he's not processing the replies. The details of the story don't even matter, that's why I'm not reading them. Only Cluster B women can hook you like this, and from there you know this doesn't end well.Took me a while myself to understand the cluster B in particular. The Narcs are difficult to spot but easy to detach from unless you have severe lack of options. I understand OP has MS and I'm sorry about that but the stress of a narc is the worst thing to add to that mess