ex-girlfrien reemergence blues

MrAddiction

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The Problem at least is as always that there is no 100% proof that this girl is NPD. As Long als there is doubt as long there will be hope. And hope is the enemie in this case of Cluster Bs. Speaking from experience.

But regarding hope her not being NPD let me Quote AlexDP from another topic. And you will it does not matter:

"The thing is that BPD, NPD, ASPD don't matter. All that matters is that her behaviour is out of order and not something you should ever agree too.

Look beyond the diagnosis, people. Bad behaviour = bad woman = bad relationship."

And remember there is little chance that anybody makes significant changes in their character after 25. only possible with a Great amount of will and work. And that is not Talking about a Cluster B. Which would take a much greater amount of work on the Self.
 
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MrAddiction

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It is like a heroin addiction... "This time it is different. This time I can control it, and will not let it control my life...."
 

jimjam

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OK Then. Help me. What do I do from here? How do I get out of the "Fog?"
 

MrAddiction

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I will Repost what Saline posted elsewhere and what might be a good Point of view

----------------------------------------
I am going to share with you a little story.

The tale of Operative Conditioning by Skinner's Box.

(I may not get it exactly right but I want to boil it down in a way you'll understand.)

There is this rat. He is hungry and he likes sugary treats. He also likes water. He needs it to live. So, Henry, the rat lives in this cage. It has everything he needs to live and be comfortable. He has a lever that he can pull to eat and drink. He does, and he is happy. Henry pull the lever and he is rewarded with sweet treats. He thinks life is good.

One day Henry pulls the lever and he receives a painful electric shock. He is hurt and confused but thinks its probably just an anomaly because he has been so happy and the treats tastes so good. He forgets about it, does not think to much about it and continues being happy.

The next day Henry notices that the door to his cage has been left open. He thinks this is odd but exciting and intriguing but mostly ignores it because he is happy in his comfortable place of happiness and ease. He decides to have a treat for breakfast. Mhmmm. Delicious.

Later that day, when Henry the rat becomes hungry again he hits the lever for his treat and WHAM he is shocked, painfully again. He recoils and wonders what the heck that was. He didn't like how it felt. Yet, he thinks about the delicious treats he has always had, and remebers how delicious and satisfying the treat he had this very morning was and he salivates for it. He approaches the lever and pushes it down, a little slower this time, as he thinks maybe he has to maybe change his technique of lever pressing. He thinks after a lifelong enjoyment of treats, that maybe HE has been doing something wrong all of the sudden. Well, it couldn't hurt to try right? Must be him?

WHAM, a painful electric shock courses through his body. Now Henry is hurt and pissed. 2 shocks in a row! But he tries again. As the delicious treat rolls into his mouth, he thinks it is even more delicious than any he has ever had before. Has he been rewarded for his persistence he thinks to himself? He takes a drink of water from the other lever and just enjoys the thoughts of how delicious that treat was just now. He thinks himself a tough and smart rat because he endured such pain but still got his treat. He is already thinking about dinner time.

At dinner time Henry hits the lever. WHAM! Shocked again! And again! And Again! Three times in a row! He doesn't care. The treats are delicious, he know they are in there, he knows he will eventually get one, and he loves them so much he just doesn't care about this new routine. When he finally gets the treat it tastes amazing. After all that hard work and suffering, it even feels like he is receiving more nutrients than he thought he ever even needed because the electric shocks are wearing him out.

Now, A few short weeks later. Henry is a former shell of his old self. He has to endure 25 or more shocks per treat. Some days he doesn't even get one at all. Yet, he must try, just to stay alive. He no longer even really enjoys the treats as much as he needs them just to replace all the energy he has lost enduring the pain.

That night he wonders what happened to his world. Why is the no more joy? Why was the treats ever put there so easily at first? What can be done. He knows he is dying and is unsure how much more he can take. Yet, he needs the small energy he recieves from the treats just to be able to feel like himself enough to even think of a way out.

Then he remembers, the door of the cage! He remembers it is open. It has been open. Why did he never think of it before? He looks around his cage and thinks of all the comfortable times. The sweet treats that where given free of electric charge. He remembers how lucky he felt and powerful and smart when he had it all and it felt like it was just given to him. He realizes thats why he never considered the door of the cage being open. Beyond that door is the unknown. Where will he get treats? Where will he feel the way he felt in his cage? Henry is scared, tired, and dying, but....he would rather die then feel one more shock of pain.

He musters what little energy he has left and walks towards the open door. On his way out he sees his shiny lever that used to give him so much enjoyment. He thinks, maybe one more treat. One more delicious taste for old times sake. Heck, maybe even the shocks are gone forever? Maybe the shock have run out and there only treats left from now on? Maybe, he doesn't have to leave at all. Maybe this whole nightmare phase is over for good?

Henry wants to try it. He feels like even if it is a shock this time, hes still a tough and smart rat and he could handle it. Maybe if he does survive the shock, then that will be the last one.

Henry then hears what he think is voices? He thinks maybe he is losing his mind because he hasn't heard any voices in years. He tries to listen close. At first he cant make out what they are saying, it sounds like gibberish? Then he hears a word. LEAVE. He shakes his head. He tells himself he is not ready. He cries out "I cant. I am not ready. I am too weak" He sobs and loses more energy as he doubts himself. The voices get louder and more clear. He hears his name. "Henry, LEAVE!" He hears the voices loud and clear now just loud enough to hear over his crying.

"HENRY!!!!! LEAVE the CAGE!!!!!
 

MrAddiction

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He takes one last look at the lever of pleasure and pain....and runs, as fast as he can and throws himself through the door of the open cage with the last energy he has left in his frail and broken frame.

He plummets, falling. It is dark as he falls and he it feels like slow motion. He remembers lots of things, good, bad, everything in between. Strangely he thinks to himself over and over. "I am Henry"

Henry lands gently into an embrace. The one who caught him is named SoSuave. Sosuave asks Henry if he is okay. Sosuave tells Henry he will be. Sosuave tells Henry to look around. Henry is weak but he his so glad he has someone there with him. As Henry looks around he sees cages all around. Cages that look just like his. But, Henry sees no movement. He hears nothing? He looks at Sosuave. Then he looks back at the cages.

He realizes he can see lifeless forms of rats in various stages of rigor mortis. And then, in his weakened condition, the smell hits him.

"They are all dead?" He asks? So suave answers "Yes". And Henry knows immediately. One more pull on that lever and he would have died.

Sosuave carries Henry across the floor and through a small hole in the wall. While Sosuave is dragging Henry, he tells him that he has been calling for him for a while now.

On the other side of the whole in the wall Henry is blinded by the lights and sounds of a life and environment he never knew existed. He passes out.

When Henry wakes up the first thing he thinks is about treats. And, then, how they almost killed him. He leaves the room where he is and notices a mirror. He never really saw his own reflection before, at least not that he remembers. He peers into it and he is blown away.

"What have I become!?"

He hears the voice of Sosuave. "You have taken the first step to becoming you" "Its not very nice right now. But Henry, you are alive!" "Alive enough to even look into the mirror that many never will" "And that, Henry, is all you need"

And then Henry asks something he knows is even stupider than it sounded in his head. "What about the treats?"

Sosuave laughs. He takes Henry to the window. As SoSuave pulls back the shade Henry sees a mountain. It looks just like a giant treat. Henry exclaims. "Nooooo. Waayyyy!" "Yep" Says Sosuave. "There are hills and mountains out there, full of treats." Henry asks" Well how do I get there!? It seems so far away."

Sosuave says to him. "You can have all the treats in the world Henry. You just got to stop thinking about the old ones." "Ill help you get healthy. You just have to train your body, read literature about emotional and mental health, and get into something just as much as you were into treats....THAT IS NOT TREATS! Not yet."

Henry agrees. He cant wait. He is so happy to be alive and have a friend that cares. He is so happy that he can hear his voice now. Henry most of all cant wait for a time were he doesn't even think about treats as much as he used to.

"Hey Henry!" Sosuave calls him over. "You ready to get started" Henry says, "Yeah, I think so" Sosuave says "Okay. I just want to show you something first. Come here."

Sosuave opens a draw and Henry pinches his nose at a foul smell as he cranes his neck to look over Sosuaves shoulder into the draw. Henry says. "Dude, WTF is that, sh!t?" Sosuave tells him. " I grabbed a treat for you on the way out. Just in case you ever wanted just one more taste." Henry laughs. But then he realizes. In his memory he recalls. Thats exactly what his old treats looked like. Sosauve tells him.

"Thats right Henry. You were eating sh!t this whole time. You just didn't know it, because you never knew what anything else could taste like. You lived in a cage."

MORAL:

The cage is your habits. You fear to grow. DO THE WORK. The harder it feels the better it is for you. Work out. See a therapist. Get a hobby and work longer hrs for awhile. LEAVE THE CAGE. Be smarter than a rat.

Treats are cluster B girlfriends (or and incompatible person you tolerate because you are fat, lazy, unmotivated and too nice. Stop it. Be a man. Stop eating sh!t.

Sosuave and its resources are your friend. Listen to the voices. Ignore your own sometimes if you have too. Im not just talking about the advice here either. Im talking about the thousands of links and books that have been shared. READ THEM you A$$holes. They might literally save your life. If you are tolerating sh!t behavior from anyone in your life more than 3 times. You suck. Stop. Read the literal manuals on how to stop sucking so bad.

The mountains of treats are all the different experiences in life, and woman of course as well, that you are not tasting because you are too busying enjoying eating **** and electric shocks to your brain sh!ty people are giving you.

This story has basis in actual psychology experiments. Look it up.

Also, from my own experiences.

In a way its not your fault. Yet, once you have been told by people smarter or at least more clear headed than you, and you continue, NOW, it is your fault. Take the help you are given.

-Saline
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http://www.sosuave.net/forum/thread...girlfriend-not-your-usual-story.211597/page-2
 

MrAddiction

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OK Then. Help me. What do I do from here? How do I get out of the "Fog?"
What might help is to read als much as you can on Cluster B and NPD. Than compare it to your former relationship.

Google: cluster B site:sosuave.net

Go to shrink4men.com and read the topics in the archive
http://shrink4men.com/index/ And Read any Artikel that might supply to your relationship.

And then the hard part. If you are quit sure that your relationship was abusive/with a Cluster B - then you have to outsmart your Heart with your intellect/ with what you have read and found truth. That is very difficult. But stepping back and looking at what has happend to you before in the relationship through the lense of the articles and what you have read here might help to come to the conclusion that your intellect in right and Thatcherismus Heart/feelings were only tricked by the women. And that this at least is not Love but an addiction like I said above nothing less then compareable to heroin.

I will at a quote from another poster that states the addiction part quite well.
The_411

"
Relationship with Cluster B = Chasing the dragon. Cluster B's are relationship heroin. You're always chasing the initial high from the excitement, the chase, the crazy sex etc. Problem is that that's the best it gets and it's all downhill from there with some smaller peaks mixed in ... Hell, I'd even bet that one's brain chemistry would mimic that of a heroin addict when comparing a heroin addict with a BPD/cluster B addict.

They're master manipulators and world class con artists and you can't beat someone with mental games when they operate on a different set of rules."
 
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jimjam

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Build yourself a sick castle..
Chill in castle..
Bitches come and go as they please.

Like really all these girls are ****ing talk.
If they are not with you in bed everynight begging to suck you off theyre just fishing for emotions at your expense.

And fellas.. "emotions are for faggots"
- da poon

Would lil wayne be hurt his girl aint comin back :( no

Would trump be mad if his wife fckd your dad, no :(

Would george clooney be upset his gurl.aint puttin out.. no :(

Would a lil chode on an internet forum be sad his lil girlfran with her loose stretched out pregnancy ***** with severe stretch marks dont wanna come back and be house mom :(.....

Mostly talking to myself lol

Really? Lil Wayne? George Clooney? Donald Trump? Chode? W what are you? 14? Talk to me when you move out of mommy and daddy's house, have a job, get locked up, have a drug habjt. An kick it, have kids, lose it all 2x, even 1/32 of the sh!t I besn through

Punk
 

Chev.Chelios

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"Now------am I playing with fire, making too much of this. Truth be told, I feel like heading out to the local strip club, getting blasted and have those ladies rub all over me just so I can forget all about this."

From this...

To this.
.

Talk to me when you move out of mommy and daddy's house, have a job, get locked up, have a drug habjt. An kick it, have kids, lose it all 2x, even 1/32 of the sh!t I besn through

Hahahha talk when you actually get on a grip on yourself.

Faggot.
 
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