Observations...

[Roober]

Connection

So, had another OLD from a girl I initially contacted back in December. Went out Wednesday. Cute, I would say a strong 7, tall, great body, and fierce. Very intelligent and intellectually stimulating (i.e. knows things about things). All features I like in a woman. I like when they are a bit more engaging and have some personality. Anywho, started with happy hour, two drinks each, good convo and she moved next to me when some other women started asking about our food. was funny...

Hopped to another place that happened to have live music. I had taken a date here the week prior, but left out that detail. The bouncer seemed to recognize me though, cause I chit-chatted with him for a bit last week. That was funny... He was like "Heyyyyy".... Anyway, we sat accross at a table, but more drinks. I ignored her a couple minutes at a time and just listend to the music (great blues band). From the corner of my eye, I could see her stare at me, and sort of smile for a couple seconds, then look back at the band. I really wanted to dance, but I can't swing dance for doo doo.

Anywho, next place, just a little divey sports bar. We were there for an hour or so. I went to the restroom, came back, grabbed her and kissed her. She looked surprised but ecstatic. For the next couple minutes, I couldn't barely get her to talk, like I totally caught her off guard. Anywho, about 30 minutes later, I said I better get going cuase the last train was coming. So I wait with her for an Uber and we are just standing outside. It arrives, and we make out for a minute, and I say, "you better get going" as she walks away, she grabs my hand tightly...

The problem? I felt a connection and those silly AFC behaviors. I know she is going to the east coast for a month, so I wanted to see her Thursday too, but I refrained. She texted asking if I made it home, and I replied with YEs, I am good and then I get "glad you made it".... radio silence since.... Didn't get a "had a great time" or anything. Havent heard anything else and it is kind of bothering me... I am currently sexing two other women, and actively talking to 2 others, so abundance is not an issue.

I can't stop thinking...
-what did I do wrong?
-does she like me?
-Why didn't I get the "I had a great time" text?
-she is from DC, and only recently moved to Cali

So I have decided just to wait until she reaches out.. If not, then so be it. I figure I stayed out late and gave her 5 hours, I kissed her, and I invited her on the date, I have done my part to show interest... No response could merely mean I severely misjudged her interest? Either way, I think I need to not pursue because I feel "the feels"... She has a huge exam on Tuesday, so I may just shoot her a message on Monday saying "good luck"

Felt like I got lots of IOIs, but now nothing.... confused...

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Could be wrong, but reading the above I get the impression that you may have been a bit 'cavalier' toward her. She might be confused also wondering if you really like her. I think if you like the woman, you just show her naturally, with extended eye contact, smiles, warmth, and even holding hands for an extended time.

We often hear that if the woman wants us, they will not confuse us. But perhaps this may depend on first not confusing them. I say this because I wonder whether I did this same thing with a recent date which I thought had gone really well.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Connection

So, had another OLD from a girl I initially contacted back in December. Went out Wednesday. Cute, I would say a strong 7, tall, great body, and fierce. Very intelligent and intellectually stimulating (i.e. knows things about things). All features I like in a woman. I like when they are a bit more engaging and have some personality. Anywho, started with happy hour, two drinks each, good convo and she moved next to me when some other women started asking about our food. was funny...

Hopped to another place that happened to have live music. I had taken a date here the week prior, but left out that detail. The bouncer seemed to recognize me though, cause I chit-chatted with him for a bit last week. That was funny... He was like "Heyyyyy".... Anyway, we sat accross at a table, but more drinks. I ignored her a couple minutes at a time and just listend to the music (great blues band). From the corner of my eye, I could see her stare at me, and sort of smile for a couple seconds, then look back at the band. I really wanted to dance, but I can't swing dance for doo doo.

Anywho, next place, just a little divey sports bar. We were there for an hour or so. I went to the restroom, came back, grabbed her and kissed her. She looked surprised but ecstatic. For the next couple minutes, I couldn't barely get her to talk, like I totally caught her off guard. Anywho, about 30 minutes later, I said I better get going cuase the last train was coming. So I wait with her for an Uber and we are just standing outside. It arrives, and we make out for a minute, and I say, "you better get going" as she walks away, she grabs my hand tightly...

The problem? I felt a connection and those silly AFC behaviors. I know she is going to the east coast for a month, so I wanted to see her Thursday too, but I refrained. She texted asking if I made it home, and I replied with YEs, I am good and then I get "glad you made it".... radio silence since.... Didn't get a "had a great time" or anything. Havent heard anything else and it is kind of bothering me... I am currently sexing two other women, and actively talking to 2 others, so abundance is not an issue.

I can't stop thinking...
-what did I do wrong?
-does she like me?
-Why didn't I get the "I had a great time" text?
-she is from DC, and only recently moved to Cali

So I have decided just to wait until she reaches out.. If not, then so be it. I figure I stayed out late and gave her 5 hours, I kissed her, and I invited her on the date, I have done my part to show interest... No response could merely mean I severely misjudged her interest? Either way, I think I need to not pursue because I feel "the feels"... She has a huge exam on Tuesday, so I may just shoot her a message on Monday saying "good luck"

Felt like I got lots of IOIs, but now nothing.... confused...

So you spend five hours with the girl, suck face for a minute, and think she doesn't like you, so you don't call her.

<FACE PALM> I don't know how some of you men function in society. Call/text her and ask for the date.

 

[Roober]

So you spend five hours with the girl, suck face for a minute, and think she doesn't like you, so you don't call her.

<FACE PALM> I don't know how some of you men function in society. Call/text her and ask for the date.

The issue is that I'm booked until she leaves, so if anything, it would just be some text chat. My impression is that since she hasn't reached out, maybe it didn't go as well as I thought it did...?

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

The issue is that I'm booked until she leaves, so if anything, it would just be some text chat. My impression is that since she hasn't reached out, maybe it didn't go as well as I thought it did...?

Some girls will not reach out to you irrespective of how high their IL is. In my experience, those with high IL who don't reach out have greater self-control, and are, thus, better LTR prospects.

 

[Roober]

Some girls will not reach out to you irrespective of how high their IL is. In my experience, those with high IL who don't reach out have greater self-control, and are, thus, better LTR prospects.

Ah gotcha. I texted her this morning and got almost an immediate response. My text game is aweful though... never sure how to respond, what is too frequent or too much. Just seems like random chit chat and kind of pointless. I suppose at this point I should limit texts to setting up dates.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Ah gotcha. I texted her this morning and got almost an immediate response. My text game is aweful though... never sure how to respond, what is too frequent or too much. Just seems like random chit chat and kind of pointless. I suppose at this point I should limit texts to setting up dates.

I text when I want to, which is usually only when I want to see them. I don't have time or desire for chit-chat nonsense otherwise.

 

[Roober]

I text when I want to, which is usually only when I want to see them. I don't have time or desire for chit-chat nonsense otherwise.

That makes sense, I guess I should have waited till tomorrow to setup a Tuesday date.

 

[Roober]

Need more social experience to handle different personalities

So, had a first date with a HB7 (26) yesterday. Texted her at 715 for a 730 date, "grab a seat at the bar when you get there". Then I get "OMG. I FORGOT. I am home already. I am soooo sorry. I can be there in 30 minutes. I want to see you." I know the area she lives in, and was already parked at our original location. So, I picked a place near her house (~15 mins away) and said "Ill see you at XXX. omw. drinks are on you! =)". So the date starts at 815 or so...

She is certainly a cutie, but she just looks downright exhausted from the outset. So, she grabs a bite and a drink, and I get a drink. Convo good at times, and quiet at times. I told her let's leave and go to another spot. We walk around a bit, chat, light kino, at one point she puts her hands on my shoulders to give me a massage. Get to second place, I order a drink, and she doesn't want anything. So I say, "let's call it a night. I will walk you to your car." So, it's a decent walk and she has no problem walking roundabout to her car which we passed by. I go in for the kiss, she turns, and says "No Roober, not on the first date". Give her a hug and say "text me when you get home"...

So, a couple things...
-Weird comments: "All creepers in San Jose, except one. Oh see. I just gave you a compliment." - this was weird. Why did she have to point it out?
-Negs: Got the "your not much for tech"... I said "oh, I got podcasts"... she responded with "I don't know about that. It is for old people". A couple other little ones as well, and I completely ignored it, and continued on... I am no good with comebacks
-She seems like a trainwreck: no daddy in picture, has "anxiety", raved hard in her early 20's to "find herself", keeps telling me I need to try E (never have)
-said she is good at reading people, but "I can't read you..." Is this where we want to be?

But, from this...
-I realized I need to get out more to be better at convo... I don't practice enough on a daily basis. Am considering changing jobs/careers...
-Girls that are interested make convo easy. It was easy at times, not at others...
-Don't feel like I handled the negs properly
-If a girl doesn't confirm at least 1 hour before, I will shoot a text out...
-I felt like I should have cancelled when she forgot about the date., but for now, I would like to see how these things play out

 

[Roober]

Time to make some adjustments...

I have noticed a couple things since beginning on this journey, which has been fun, but I still have an immense amount of learning to do...

1. Stop taking out women that I am not completely attracted to... Not sure how to explain it, but some women hit my core. It's like "dayum, I want to ..." You catch my drift. I have been out with 11 different women so far, kiss closed 8 of them, sexed 2 of them. Of the 11, I would say I wanted to fvck 3 of them; my current plate, a girl that left town for a month (and that will probably die out), and one I messed up. I went out last night and while the girl was sweet, smart, and pretty fun overall, I just really don't have that burning desire to pursue. I didn't even attempt to kiss close. And I really don't feel like contacting her again... I am pretty confident I could bed this one by date 3, but I just really don't want to... I think it revolves around physical attraction and "chemistry", someone that makes my p3nis tingle!

What do I need to do?
-Need to start being more selective! My time is much more valuable than spending time with women that don't do it for me. Sex is nice, but not really that important...
-Get off OLD... I believe this is a big part of the problem as a woman I cold approach, I know "I want your number cause I want to fvck you". 2 of the 11 were cold approaches...

2. Need to adjust my texting game... two of the women I have gone out with texted afterward and the convos/interactions just seemed to completely die after that. I am going to try more interaction between dates. I have noticed that by trying to appear too aloof just seems to kill off any interaction. Not sure if this is where I am doing things wrong, but I am going to adjust and try communicating a bit more through text. I haven't really gone out with any floozies yet, or bar rats, or women just DTF. Most of these women are college-educated (usually master's degrees) and I feel tend to be a bit more emotionally strong (or maybe hardened). These women are definitely my type as I need to enjoy spending time with them. I want plates that I actually enjoy spending time with... Maybe I need to break them down a little bit? Maybe I need to rock their core somehow? It is certainly not as easy as an unintelligent women, which I struggle with...

3. Have to adjust my vibe a little bit... I believe I give off the confident, funny, intelligent party guy vibe... What I need to do is give off the confident, funny, intelligent party guy she wants to fvck vibe... Maybe I talk too much? Maybe I am not sexual enough? Maybe my dates are boring? So many opportunities to learn and see what works best...

TLDR:
1. Stop taking out women that don't make my p3nis tingle
2. Work on text game
3. Work on "sexual" vibe

 

[RalphaWreck]

Gauging attraction is really not that hard if you are paying attention...

Have been on 2 more new dates and second date with first girl and...

Claudia, HB8, latina, 26, great booty with a big booty - attraction was low at first, then it escalated after about an hour. Nerves or maybe just not interested? When I asked for check, she gave me a "were done?" look. Based on the end of the date, I don't expect to hear from her again. Attraction was likely not there, but she just relaxed a bit and decided to have fun. That is my guess. One week and no peep from her.

Sunnie, HB6-7, pakistani, 27, great body, second date - showed up 45 minutes late, and she sat at a table! grrr! DO NOT SIT AT TABLES ON first couple dates. I don't like it one bit. I almost always grab a table at the bar, when I can position myself close, or sit at the bar, where I can sit even closer! She got a bit distant over the weekend, so I have really backed off. Texted her a bit saturday and sunday. She sent me a text last night asking how am I doing? Attraction still there for sure, but need to watch it, since I don't feel like second date went as well as first

Sydney, HB7, great body, white, 37, 5-year old son - date went two hours, but overall went very well. Much more aggressive than other two women. I do hugs in the beginning of dates to gauge where they are at. She gave a very firm hug, made great eye contact the whole date, and faced me the whole time.


The attraction curve, which I do not yet understand...

Claudia - the line started low, went high (I felt like it anyway), then dropped at the end. Maybe cause I cut the date short and she felt I wasn't interested enough? It was weird, in the beginning, little eye contact, faced me only a little, convo generally light. I induced some thought provoking questions, and she seemed to relax, ordered another drink, turned towards me, made much more eye contact. When I asked for bill, we were back to square one. Awkward hug at end, "It was nice to meet you" finished on a down note, not good... 2.5 hour date
Initial interest - 20%?
Final interest - 40%?

Sunnie - This was more of a quadratic curve. Started low, then interest seemed to increase exponentially. Kino gradually escalated from shoulder touches, leg touches, to high fives to kiss/makeout close. Did the 3 bar (location) bounce. 5 hour date.
Initial interest - 30%
Final interest - 80%

Sydney - This was more of a linear line. I felt like it started at a higher level and gradually grew as date went on. 2 hour date
Initial interest - >50%
Final interest - 70%

Of the 3, I would think all could work, some just take more work. If I didn't have a second date with Sunnie, I could have bounced Claudia to a bar and worked it more. Would have had to apply myself more though, may be a crazy latina thing? Or an age/maturity thing? Claudia is totally still in "party girl" mode...

You can't be serious with all this bro... You've put way too much thought into all this. One tip you mrntioned above is is correct. Always sit close and never across.

Talk, laugh, tell stories, kino and go for a kiss mid date. After that you should be able to guage what will happen next. When the date is over kiss close go about your business. If she contacts you again setup another date. If she doesn't contact you then there is low interest and you don't want her anyway.

 

[Roober]

Weekend with a plate...

Just a long journal entry here, but sharing my experience..

41 year old single mom, HB7. Went to Reno and planned to go to the snow on Saturday. Ended up staying up late, and pretty much being in bed till 1pm on Saturday. Went out and did random stuff (comedy show) on Saturday, but drove back on Sunday...

So a couple of observations and some potential flags..
1. Sex is pretty fvcking spectacular. She bought 3 different outfits to roleplay, some other toys and things brand new in package. She is completely submissive.
2. Has big social circle and about half of friends have been divorced... common theme of these women leaving their men for another man, and the other common theme... "oh this guy was soooo nice and sweet and..."
3. I paid for hotel, and she pretty much paid for everything while we were there. I think I spent $20 while there. She paid for all food, drinks, entertainment, etc.
4. Tends to be an emotional tampon for men. Has a friend going through a divorce who is incredibly wealthy. Goes to show the money doesn't really mean that much if you are weak.
5. We got pretty wasted Saturday night and she got a little too friendly with some guys we met. Wasn't specific towards either one of them, but I just felt like it was a but much. I didn't lose my cool, but was a bit irritated. I didn't know how to respond, so when we got back to the room, I told her "I was disappointed": and pretty much left it at that. Her mind went crazy and she apologized like crazy and even brought it up again on the drive home and apologized more...
-Mind you, we got brunch on your way home and she illustrates similar behaviors with an 80-year old man at the restaurant. She is the type that makes friends wherever she goes...
6. When we got back, went for another round of sex, and she asks me... "can I call you mine".... I looked at her and said "what do you mean?" then completely distracted her with sex.
7. We talked quite a bit (6 hour drive each way), and I get the impression she has low mileage. I am thinking between 3-5 partners. She dated a crazy guy for 1.5 years, was married for 14 years, and in an 8 year LTR before that. Never done OLD, never been into casual dating. Her lack of experience on many things would support this.
8. Constant PDA. She would constantly hold my hand, touch me, give me googly eyes, kiss me out of the blue
9. She constantly puts others in front of herself. I have seen more self-sacrifice from this woman in the past 3 months than I have witnessed with most people in their life... She just genuinely cares about helping people.

Some things I do have a question about...

1. Guy pushing something... so the guys that bought us a shot.. they asked her something and she must have said "boyfriend" or something like that. Then, he asks me, and I say, "oh were good friends"... then he goes, "wait she says BF, you say friend. What is that? Which is it?" He kept pushing and that is when I chose to leave. How would you guys react??? In my head, I was thinking, "you are such a fvcking little ***** right now and I want to break your fvcking drunk nose" How does one deal with this?

2. The flirty thing really confuses me. She is very friendly with almost everyone, and I am unsure if alcohol was influencing my perception. Based on above, she obviously told the guys I was her BF or something of the sort. Maybe I am overthinking kino and touching? Maybe the guys opened to it cause I said "were just friends"? As soon as we say goodbye to them, she puts her arm around me and kisses me...

I had considered maybe entering a relationship with this girl in a couple months, but I think she sealed her fate. It kind of sucks because a) I really enjoy spending time with her and b) I have a feeling she is falling hard for me.

A lesson for me... flags do reveal themselves over time... several friends who left their bf/husbands for other men, gets really flirty when drunk, has male orbiters...

 

[ubercat]

Great work. Unfortunately what u c is what u get. Never ignore your instincts.

 

[Roober]

Double headers do work! Still working on gauging interest

1. (first date) 700pm in San Mateo - Peruvian, Senior Accountant Partner, HB7 from CMB. Definitely seem to get better women on this app than the others. Couldn't tell interest. She was open to kino, but didn't really reciprocate. Eye contact was good at times, non existent at others, constantly put hair down, then put hair up, etc. Learned from last double header, I told her a couple minutes prior, "I hate to do this, but I have to work early, and I got to jet." Walked her to the car, and kiss closed. Kissed back aggressively, and bit my lip (drives me crazy!). Got good text when she got home. hopefully date 2 next week. She is going to be fun!

2. (second date) 915pm in San Fran - Caucasian, Physician assistant, HB7 from CMB - Haven't seen her in about 45 days, she was gone for a month. Same thing, had trouble gauging interest. Tried something I read in PUA material that worked wonderfully. We were about 20 mins from her house, bar closes at 12. Thought that might be it, but she wanted to hang some more. Went to another nearby bar, no bueno. So, I suggested a place really close to her place. I had my car, so I offered to drive. Closed that bar, offered to drive her home. Made out outside for a bit, and I almost thought I wouldn't get the invite, but I was patient, after about 10 minutes... "want to come in for a night cap?"... the rest would have been history if I didn't have to go to work.... took a bit to get back to her room, got her nekkid, checked the time... and I have to leave for work... sigh...

So lessons...
-Better communication, especially when I have to cut short. I really struggle at getting my thoughts accross in just about everything. My communication skills do need work.
-Always push sex and limits bordering on sex, then work backwards. I may have been able to get further with date 1 if I didn't have to go double header. Date 2 didn't say anything about not having sex, but I could feel some hesitation
-Move locations!!! and get closer to your house or hers

 

[guru1000]

Double headers do work!

Guru approves of this message.

 

[Roober]

I would have treated them as AMOG's, and given off anti-social vibes from the beginning.

They caused you unnecessary sh*t, which is to be expected.

Who were they? And why are they so involved in your set?

I kind of started talking to the dude about the sports game. I tend to randomly talk to people. When I went to the restroom, I guess he talked some sob story about his family bailed on him in Reno. She was like "I feel so bad, his brother was mean to him"

This girl is very naive. She didn't know what blue balls, brazilian wax, and so many other things before we met 3 months ago. I had to ease back on sarcasm cause she literally thought I meant everything, lol. I could say jump, and she will ask "how high?" I told her about anal, and she came back to me, and told me how she read up on it and bought a syringe to .... ya know... and bought 3 different lubes to "try".... I nearly fell on the floor laughing

So, she goes over to them, flirts, and then they start buying you guys drinks?

lol. I would not have been comfortable with that.

After I came back,, we were talking with the dude, and he was like "you guys want a shot of patron?" I wasn't going to say no... maybe I was digging my own grave? lol

"Sealed fate" is a bit too ominous.

Keep enjoying spending time with her. Just don't do it exclusively. Don't allow this one woman to control you, and hold you back.

I probably would steer away from taking her to pubs again though.

Agreed! That is where I am at now.

Had a double header last night, and
the first was a Peruvian... sexy as hell... kiss closed
second I was about to lay (she was naked and I was half naked)... but looked at my watch and had to go to work... sigh...... I thought about just wearing the same clothes to work, would have bought me another hour.

She's making dinner for me tonight at her place, which means I will have made out and sexed 3 women within 24 hours? I hate gloating, but this is my own thread, so who cares! =D

 

[EmotionalGeek]

Double headers do work

What is double header?

 

[Roober]

What is double header?

Have two dates in one night. Had one at 7pm, one at 9pm. Maybe not the right term

 

[Roober]

The feels...

ruh roh... I can feel it coming. My current plate dropped the love bomb on me. Fortunately, it was during sex, so I can sort of write it off as ******** for "I love the way you are fvcking me". However, she still said it.... I suppose it is that magic 3-month mark that I have heard about on here where she begins to cross the threshold of feelings. She is crazy about me.

I have to say I do care about her. She is a lot of fun to spend time with, the most giving person I have ever met, and has all her priorities straight. I still only see her 1-2 times per week and I try to distract myself with other women to keep the feels at bay, but the way she looks at me and treats me is like she is in awe of me. I haven't met many people with the energy and life that she possesses. It is certainly a rare quality ... (although I know that shizz is temporary)... She is luring me in and I really don't know how I feel about it, that is the main point of this entry... Trying to process what it is doing to my head...

I suppose in the meantime, I will keep spinning other plates. I have this peruvian who is totally into me who I will see again tonight (date 3, have only made out). Also had a date last night with a woman I met through a mutual friend, although don't think that will work as she is a pothead.

 

[Roober]

Love...

So, my main plate dropped it on me and has now moved those 3 little words into telling me and texting about once a day. I don't respond. I just tell her I care about her and I enjoy spending time with her. It has been going on for about a week now. We went to Portland last weekend and had a great frigging time. Wine tasting, horseback riding, hiking to waterfalls, a couple edibles, loads of sex, shopping, dancing just to name a bit. She came up to me on Sunday while getting ready and sat on my lap, put her hand on my face, looked me in the eye, and said "I just love you so much"... All I could do was smile, but didn't respond... We have been talking for about 4 months, fvcking for 3

I know with my exgf and exwife, I said it too soon... my exgf said it said it the first time when we were butt nekkid and about to have sex the first time... I panicked and said it too, I had dough brain and one thing on my mind, it had been 4 months since I got laid... I did care about her, but believe it was more of infatuation... With my exwife, I said it after 4 months or so on a drive to Southern California... Not sure I felt it yet either... don't want to make that mistake again

She would be broken if I cut things off because the fear of commitment. She is a single mom of 2, who ended the marriage amicably after they basically both gave up on the relationship. If I had to guess, it was the stress of young children and the dad focused more on work than family. I am still not certain there isn't something else there and I guess that is my main hesitation with anything. That, and I feel like I have only been single for 5 months... While dating has been fun, it has been mostly unproductive... To me, spinning plates is for screening, not just for getting laid... I would argue that I need a bit of a connection with a woman to be intimate. I get turned off pretty easily...

I suppose another reason for hesitation is my experience... my exgf adored me for the first 3 months, then just got distant and dropped the affection level substantially... It is like I am waiting for this girl to do that, so I can make an escape... Her affections have increased over the last 3 months, not decreased at all...

TLDR: my main plate loves me and I don't know what to do... I suppose I will just keep on going and enjoy the ride for now...