Observations...

[Roober]

Well, as a newly single man who is trying to work on self-esteem and growth, I figured I would chronicle some observations and be interested in others as well... observations of people as I go through this change...

-Took my boys to a play area today and in two different situations was playing with them near a couple. Both couples were probably mid 20s and the women were both cute. With both, they looked at me and began laughing at me playing with my boys. In both situations, their BFs put their arm around them a gave them PDA. coincidence? beta behavior?

-Been out 3 times this week, and I am tired as h3ll. Just more people watching, not really approaching yet. Had multiple (like make eye contact, then look away, repeat 5 mins later) wicked stares from probably 3 or 4 different women, being gamed by other men. What do I do? Signal them to come over?

 

[Roober]

Random made-up BS to spark interest?

-Talked to some random cashier the other day... was buying jello and pie crusts. Not sure how it ended up there, but I had her convinced I was making Jello pies in the pie crust, she was totally playing along. Gave her this huge grin, like "I am totally fvcking with you", and she was busting up. Definitely some interest, but didn't go for the number... Just practicing my social skills are realizing how the most random thoughts can turn into the funniest experiences. She was gleaming when I walked away....

 

[Roober]

They want the red pill and don't even realize it

Had a conversation with my cousin the other day and it was the funniest thing. We are really close and share quite a bit. Somehow, I always seem to get attention from women when we go out....

She is one of those, I am tough, don't need a man, feminist types. I briefly mentioned this message board in concept, not name, and i immediately hear things like douchebag, pig, arrogant, conceited, whatever... Anyway, I went on about how it is a matter of living life for you, then she goes on with all of the blue pill crap. So later, we start talking about one of her recent exes who she was madly in love with. She still misses him to this day (a relationship over 6 years ago). And guess what? She basically described ver batim, so many concepts from the DJ bible that he displayed. He was aloof, didn't make a lot of time for her, sex was great, made her feel special when they were together, etc. etc.

She spouts off about blue pill stuff regularly (gifts, being open, blah blah blah), but doesn't even realize that she really wants the red pill. I just had to smile at her and think of you guys.

 

[Roober]

Small mistakes are forgiven, consistent mistakes are not...

I can't get over how the last couple weeks before we split, I just couldn't get anything right. Been beating myself up that if I would have done this and that better, I could have salvaged it. I looked at my FB private entries, which I use as a journal. My first entry was August 9th where I began to feel the distance in my gut. "kisses were hollow". "her actions don't say she loves me" and several more entries through the course of August. This was probably my last opportunity to salvage the relationship. I even told myself "dont care, act indifferent, stop stop stop" I couldn't listen to the words I was typing. I kept losing it. So through the rest of August, then September and October, the insecurity continued to resurface. She continually gave me chances, she was patient with me, and I kept making the same mistake over and over and over... I knew what I needed to do, but just.... could... not... do... it...

I think this is where the DJ bible comes in as serving as great guidelines for self-improvement, especially Pook's book. I should have started the things I am beginning to understand now... Also realized the infatuation with her was heavily centered around the qualities my exwife did not possess... grass is greener mentality...

 

[sodbuster]

You need to figure out who the he11 you are before you look for someone to compliment your life.... unless you are just looking to bump uglies....

 

[Roober]

You need to figure out who the he11 you are before you look for someone to compliment your life.... unless you are just looking to bump uglies....

Agreed! I could say that I haven't been single since 17 and I am 34 now. I fully intend to stay single and just put myself out there. My exwife even tells me I need to work on myself, maybe for a year or more...

 

[Roober]

Gauging interest

In line at the grocery store, turned around and said "Hello, how are you?" She smiled back and said "good and you". We then talked about food and other random things for 5 minutes. I know the cashier pretty well, so when my turn came up, I was messing with him and I could hear her listening in and giggling at everything. I wasn't incredibly interested in her looks wise, but I still should have went for it anyway. Would a "I would like to see you again. Can I get your number?" before I left be sufficient?

Have to keep telling myself...
rejection is better than regret, rejection is better than regret, rejection is better than regret.....

 

[Roober]

Different women look at you differently...

Met with exwife yesterday to talk about kids and get a bite. We get along well. Exwife is a 5 or 6. Told her GF (who is a strong 7) and I broke up, basically told her I was weak, so she ended it. She starts telling me how she always admired my resolve and strength and blah blah blah. I get dumped for being weak, but then my exwife thought I was strong. Maybe I was different with each of them? Or maybe I was the same and their perspectives are different based on their options? Exwife said she said I should have stood up for myself more during our marriage, but it never really bothered her

 

[Roober]

Meeting women does change perspective, but you have to do it when YOU are ready...

Got an OLD dating date yesterday. Really surprised how it went down. She is cute (could probably clean up to a strong 7, but seems like a low maintenance gal) and has a good little body, not as big of a booty as I like, but it's firm. Plus, I got a thing for that exotic middle eastern look. We had a great time, but I had trouble gauging interest. Maybe it was the small touching (playful kino?), leaning in closer, and not doing anything when I put my hand on her back? We made out for a while at the end, and she invited me to do something Saturday.

Anywho, point for this post is that I didn't once bring up the ex, although almost slipped a couple times, when talking about traveling. While she wasn't quite as cute, she has wayyyy more personality. Meeting other women and spending time with them really gives perspective on what your ex was maybe how that was never really good for you. For example, this girl loves many different food types, is a pretty damn good bowler, and exercises regularly. I also see how the "abundance" mentality can begin to take shape. I hope to turn this one into a plate and start going after 7+ women.

Also got a number from another women (another 6... sigh) that is now blowing up my phone. Texted 7 times while I was out with the other girl. I have been talking to a lot more women, but not cold approaching like I should. For example, I saw this cutie in line at Ross, but she was pretty far in front, so I wrote it off. As I am walking out, I walk right by her standing by her car.... I didn't say a peep... sigh...

 

[Roober]

I just realized... since I was 17, I have had 3 LTRs (2.5 years, 14 years, 7 months) and 1 date...

That is truly f**king pathetic. My one date was last night. How could I possibly expect to find a good woman with so little filtering. I went from my high school girlfriend to my exwife to my recent exgf. While I would say my exwife was a quality woman, we did not share the same outlook on life in general. I don't know how else to describe it. I have thought to myself that I meet a lot of women and that serves as filtering, but it really doesn't do anything because you are not sharing ample time together, nor are you being intimate with that individual. Secks and dating is required for proper filtering of the woman that works for you.

For example, got this woman's number, she denied my date, did not make a counter, and now blows up my phone with clusters of texts. I haven't gone a date yet, but I can certainly filter her out...

 

[logicallefty]

@Roober I dont think thats pathetic . if you were with one for 14 years cut yourself some slack. I was in a kind of similar boat. Was with my ex wife for 12 years. By age 30 I had only had sex with her and one other. Two women under my belt, age 30. Lucky between 30 and 42 I have made up for it. Still, I thought that was pathetic at first but shoot I hooked up with her when I was 18 so really wasn't all that bad. I was faithful the whole time.

 

[Roober]

Gauging attraction is really not that hard if you are paying attention...

Have been on 2 more new dates and second date with first girl and...

Claudia, HB8, latina, 26, great booty with a big booty - attraction was low at first, then it escalated after about an hour. Nerves or maybe just not interested? When I asked for check, she gave me a "were done?" look. Based on the end of the date, I don't expect to hear from her again. Attraction was likely not there, but she just relaxed a bit and decided to have fun. That is my guess. One week and no peep from her.

Sunnie, HB6-7, pakistani, 27, great body, second date - showed up 45 minutes late, and she sat at a table! grrr! DO NOT SIT AT TABLES ON first couple dates. I don't like it one bit. I almost always grab a table at the bar, when I can position myself close, or sit at the bar, where I can sit even closer! She got a bit distant over the weekend, so I have really backed off. Texted her a bit saturday and sunday. She sent me a text last night asking how am I doing? Attraction still there for sure, but need to watch it, since I don't feel like second date went as well as first

Sydney, HB7, great body, white, 37, 5-year old son - date went two hours, but overall went very well. Much more aggressive than other two women. I do hugs in the beginning of dates to gauge where they are at. She gave a very firm hug, made great eye contact the whole date, and faced me the whole time.


The attraction curve, which I do not yet understand...

Claudia - the line started low, went high (I felt like it anyway), then dropped at the end. Maybe cause I cut the date short and she felt I wasn't interested enough? It was weird, in the beginning, little eye contact, faced me only a little, convo generally light. I induced some thought provoking questions, and she seemed to relax, ordered another drink, turned towards me, made much more eye contact. When I asked for bill, we were back to square one. Awkward hug at end, "It was nice to meet you" finished on a down note, not good... 2.5 hour date
Initial interest - 20%?
Final interest - 40%?

Sunnie - This was more of a quadratic curve. Started low, then interest seemed to increase exponentially. Kino gradually escalated from shoulder touches, leg touches, to high fives to kiss/makeout close. Did the 3 bar (location) bounce. 5 hour date.
Initial interest - 30%
Final interest - 80%

Sydney - This was more of a linear line. I felt like it started at a higher level and gradually grew as date went on. 2 hour date
Initial interest - >50%
Final interest - 70%

Of the 3, I would think all could work, some just take more work. If I didn't have a second date with Sunnie, I could have bounced Claudia to a bar and worked it more. Would have had to apply myself more though, may be a crazy latina thing? Or an age/maturity thing? Claudia is totally still in "party girl" mode...

 

[Roober]

Women... time to ease up...

I found that dating mutliple women and going on several dates per week seemed to make me feel worse about my ex. I found myself measuring them up and comparing. I realized that I have been trying to fill the void with the affections of other women. When those affections aren't there, I felt a bit empty and alone. I have since dialed back and will stick to warm/cold approaches. Asked for a number last night and got the "I have a boyfriend", but ya know, it didn't really bother me at all. I know I would have been more bothered if I didn't do it. With that, I don't intend to go out of my way for women at all. I am going to focus on myself, taking care of things I need to, and just play off the random interactions I have with strangers. If I can gauge interest, I will ask for the number...

 

[Dingo]

Interesting read...

 

[Roober]

you're really healing from two things:

1. Emotional damage to self-image

2. Oneitis

The funny thing is some of my exes were of very poor quality overall due to high negatives, yet they had some incredible positive traits that are extremely difficult to replace. You are not going find anyone with equally incredible(different or similar) traits for some time, so all you are doing is "triggering" oneitis mindset by dating trash. Similarly, you're not training yourself to be happy alone which is absolutely crucial going forward in making sure you select higher quality and/or live a happy and productive life alone(meaning no LTR) without any crutch.

Having said that, its difficult to heal from oneitis itself without finding a great new partner. So you need a balanced approach if possible but healing the emotional damage to self image must come first and come from within.

Agreed! my ex had some great qualities, but overall I am beginning to realize a lot of it was a front. My oneitis was pretty bad, and the fact of not being alone for over 15 years likely escalates the weak self image. I certainly feel a bit better each week, so it is probably something that just needs some time? I know I don't want an LTR for sure for a long while... getting comfortable with oneself is tricky though.... I think I need to start doing more things alone (golf, bars, dinner, dancing, etc.), not to meet women, but to get comfortable with doing things alone.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

Similarly, you're not training yourself to be happy alone which is absolutely crucial going forward in making sure you select higher quality and/or live a happy and productive life alone(meaning no LTR) without any crutch.

How would you train yourself to do that? I was lone wolf with very little social needs for whole my life but there was always place in my head that could be only filled with woman.

 

[ubercat]

Because you were a lone wolf. To interact with people you have to filter your thoughts. If you don't practice doing that your internal conversation is going to get pretty weird. So train yourself to be weird or train yourself to be normalish.

 

[Roober]

Reigniting a fire?

Been pretty quiet last week, and one date the week before. Last night, I went out on a third date with a girl I haven't seen in 3 weeks, and only talked to very little in texts every couple days. Met at a bar and maybe I was tired or just out of it for a bit. Just not the same comfort level as end of previous date. Anyway, we get some drinks going, start loosening up, but I was thinking it wasn't going to happen, but had nothing to lose. She wanted to see a movie, thankfully showtimes weren't till much later. So we went to a pool hall near her place. I was like "score, I am in". At the pool hall, she tells me she lives with 3 roommates and they don't bring guys home. wah wah wah.... anyway, we play pool for a bit, lots of kino, touching, another drink... Let me tell you guys, you want a way to get in soooo many dirty jokes??? go play pool/billliards...

Then out the of the blue... "let's go out to your car and have some fun"... I had to pause cause it caught me off guard. Asked about her place again, no go. So I basically told her how much better it will be if I can spread her out and toss her around (playfully ofcourse). Next thing I know she is looking at her phone, so I just kept playing pool. Then she says, "I got us a room at a hotel down the street"... I smiled, we paid and left... the rest is history...

Reminds me of the retention learning curve. Interest may have dipped slightly after not seeing her for 3 weeks and very little communication, but I certainly didn't do anything to ruin it. However, then it skyrocketed when she got reminded of what a dope mutha fvcka I am

 

[Roober]

Don't know what they don't know...

Second date with a girl last night. She's a HB6-7 (I am working on better, I know) and a 38. Start with quick bite, then salsa lessons, then live jazz. So dinner was good and she paid for most of the night.

Salsa lessons were good, stayed for an hour or so... situation didn't play out like I would have liked.. listed in next observation

Coffee - went to little boutique coffee place, she paid again

Live Jazz - 20 minute drive. Got one drink at the place, I paid, and I love me some live jazz. So we sat, chatted for a bit, and listened to the music for about an hour

My place - 1130pm - plan was to put in a frozen pizza, watch a movie (she bought for me, lol). Got into the kitchen, made us drinks, then I just picked her up, put her on the counter, and went for it. She was floored. Needless to say, we moved from there to the dining room table, to the couch... then my roommate came home.. FVCKKK.. we scurried upstairs and resumed on my bed until about 130am... Not many women can keep up for that amount of time... we talked for 20 mins, then went at it again till 245 or so...

Anywho, onto the observations, I am guessing she has had 5-10 partners...
-She said I was "gigantic", which made me LOL... I know I got good size, but average overall... i.e. she has been with vietnamese men predominantly... you guys know what I am getting at... I near cried laughing...
-She has never had a man go down on her... oh my... what the fvck is wrong with guys these days?
-She tripped out how rough I was, was like "I love the way you handle me"... had the girl from Monday tell me this too, and my exgf... I don't mean super rough, but... may assertive is a better word! I like to pick women up, move them around, etc.
-I am a fvcking pro at foreplay and teasing and it DRIVES WOMEN MAD with lust! This is the third woman that went straight for taking off my pants. I stopped her, looked her in the eye, and said "your don't get that yet". Typically, I will get a woman completely naked and only have my shirt off
-Going to the gym has women rubbing my chest constantly!!!

So, in the end, this woman is 38 and has not experienced so many things in life... How many other people miss out on so much? It is sad really....

 

[Roober]

Have to constantly watch your frame…

I felt like this needed it’s own…

This was at salsa lessons the other night at a night club with my date from above: Salsa lessons were good too, but you switch partners, so we only were together in the beginning. Not a big deal, but I am not very good, and I got a bit insecure dancing with different women clumsily. I know they probably didn't care, so that is something I need to work on. So, after an hour, I took a seat at the bar. Girl came over, chatted for a minute, and asked "are you okay?" Eesh... I felt like I slipped frame a little bit and it was outwardly noticeable. So, I responded with "Just kicking back for a minute, feeling parched" and "I like to watch the good dancers and learn from that"... I know I was noticably out of sorts though. So I said, let's get out of here. I knew I could get back in it, just needed to change environments...

While walking to next spot, I felt frame coming back...