The talk...
Still hasn't come. My main plate is head over heels for me. Like, she just stares at me sometimes with major googly eyes. I don't think she understands dating or anything. Her sexual history... LTR through HS and college, marriage, 2 year LTR, me. She is very naive on so many things to relationships, and I think she assumes we are BF/GF, but still no talk or even question of it. She did say one time a month ago, looked at me, and said "you know I don't want anyone else, and I just want you. You know that I love you and want to be with you." Maybe that was her subtle way of saying... are we exclusive? Women and their covert communications. Needless to say, haven't done anything with other women in the two months, as OLD has been pretty quiet (and disappointing) and life has picked up quite a bit (boys activities, work, fitness).
She is a bit of a love bomber, but also seems to know when I am busy, and just pings me, it is weird. Been about 2 months since we have seen each other more regularly, so I imagine that tapers a bit, or she begins showing some negative behaviors... I will just keep motoring along for now. She is still one of the most giving people I have ever met, buys me gifts frequently...
Work is going very well, and we have a great time together. I got completely blindsided yesterday with papers from my ex saying she wants full custody (we have 50/50 now).... that fvcking *****! Probably tired of paying child support, while I am confident nothing changes, it has me shaken... I just can't fvcking believe she wants to take them.... Had main girl over when I read it, so it took me some time to shake it off.... definitely not easy to maintain frame when you get hit by a freight train. Fortunately, I called mom and talked about it, didn't share with girl...
Insecurities
I have noticed I have a desire for attention when my main girl is busy or isn't texting. I went to therapy for this for a little bit, and think I may need to resume. I feel like that is the time when I log into OLD or look for other things. Realizing I still need to work on some inner game... I think if things were to end, I may just take it easy on women for a couple months to get it out of my system... that neediness is still there... I have zero reason to doubt her, but if I don't here from her all day, then I begin to question... this tells me I still have insecurities I need to handle... Not going to lie, I do care about her a lot, but I can't have these behaviors. Don't feel I have slipped frame at all, but I need to watch myself closely.... Reminds me of what Pook talks about where people get afraid of being alone... I think that demon is still deep inside me...
