When you say you will be teaching your son "work ethic" i'm assuming you mean teach him that you need to work for what you have?
Correct. I am teaching this to all my children. My dad gave me a college education and a good upbringing. Nothing more. I have had to work & earn everything I have on my own (as those familiar with my story know).
Ok this is long & kind of all over the place. It's the extra "X" chromosome....
What echoes in my mind from my teen years is: "You better make grades & learn discipline. When you turn 18 or graduate high school, whichever comes later, you can go to college or you can go to work BUT YOU CAN'T LIVE HERE".
All 4 siblings at my house got the message and got educated & able to support ourselves. And do or can if necessary.
My parents did not mean shack up with some dude either. How embarrassing for yourself and your family was the message. Dependence is embarrassing.
It was a powerful message that I am teaching my kids too but I'm casting it in a more positive light. It was that message that reverberated that I would be REQUIRED to be on my own, so I better plan accordingly.
My mom hated being dependent on my Dad financially and held him in contempt over it until she divorced him for cheating with my step-mom (of 30+ years now).
So I have to filter out the garbage part of my Mom's message and take out her bitter spin. She is bitter and bitter is bad.
I'm the oldest. When I went to college my Dad said "Look. You got 4 years. In two years the next sibling will start college...the 3rd sibling 2 years after that. I can't afford 3 of you in university at once. Study and get done on time or finish on your dime. Graduate school or professional school is YOUR financial responsibility"
I looked down on the "MRS" degree seeking women in college. You know, the ones who were there on the family dime to find a good husband? Some of those girls, looking back were very marriageable. More so than I was in fact. Many were raised in traditional homes and taught what it meant to be a good wife.
I got some of that messaging from my grandmother (happily married 24 years, widowed, again happily married later for 28 years, widowed once again) but I didn't see how important her wisdom was until much later.
I got both a BS and a BA in 4 years. Went to summer school every year. Carried at times 18 or 21 hours. And worked. And was in student government and was a VP in my sorority my junior & senior years. I graduated with both degrees the August that sibling #3 started university (exactly 4 years after I started). And the Monday after I graduated college? I went to work full time at the place where I had earned an internship my senior year. Graduated Saturday, full time to work on the following Monday.
From there I built my career & my businesses.
That is work ethic.
I teach my children independence, work ethic, and personal responsibility.
From independence springs interdependence. Steven Covey & others have written about interdependence.
Interdependence is only possible between two independent people, meaning two people who can stand alone but CHOOSE to enter an interdependent relationship. Such relationships are healthy because the two people in them are healthy. Trouble is there are fewer and fewer healthy independent women out there. Probably fewer independent men too as parents remain willing to spoil their offspring well into adulthood.
I cringe when parents spoil their children this way (allowing a cushy lifestyle on Mom & Dad's -usually Dad's- dime) because it keeps the children dependent and doesn't force personal accountability or responsibility to develop. It's a great disservice to one's children.
But I digress.
I'm raising my kids to be independent responsible adults. And I'm trying to guide them through all the choices that come with growing up...or put them in situations where they get proper guidance.
I saw an interview of Trump where he talks about embarrassing his daughters in front of their dates to never get drunk; that drunk women get taken advantage of. My Dad used to reload shotgun shells, work on gunstocks, or Bleu a rifle barrel when my dates would pick me up. Dates were scared to death of my Dad & so I didn't date much.
There ARE women like me and families raising responsible young people out there. You aren't going to find them, by & large, in an alcohol fueled bar driven environment. And they will get taken off the market young in many cases.
So I can completely understand the jaded attitude about women here. The good ones are largely paired off until death do us part already (the ones who take til death do us part seriously.)
You have to have standards and apply your standards. You are better to be single than to settle. This also I am teaching my children.
And you better be a worthwhile partner. Geared to lead in my son's case; geared to support in my daughter's cases. But in any case able to stand alone and handle one's own life independent of anyone else.
If I can manage that I'll call it good & die satisfied.
