ex-girlfrien reemergence blues

[ubercat]

I hate to say it mate but it sounds like you originally broke the relationship. If the woman exhibited that degree of good behaviour initially it should have been possible to maintain frame in the relationship. The good news is now with the knowledge you have that will never happen again.

The bad news I still go with Doc love on this one. One chance per woman per lifetime.

 

[grayclif]

Yeah.

Wanna hear a hot one?

Since she's getting divorced she's moving into a new place. Now she wants me to help her move. My 6 year old son is looking forward to his dad helping him and his mom move into their new place. WTF?

If it was just her there'd be no confusion at all. But my son wants me there. I mean, I'd do anything for him. What am I supposed to say? Fvck that?

Fvck that!!!

 

[grayclif]

You know, there was some dude hanging around in our group of friends at the time she got pregnant. Didn't think much of it at the time. A few months aftet we split I was out with our friends. She wasn't there and no one mentioned her. But somond mentioned this dude's name and everyone got quiet. Like they said something they shouldn't have. Makes me wonder. If that's the case, she was banging this dude while pregnant with my son? I don't want to bad mouth his mom but that's disgusting, reprehensible. I get sick to my stomach just thinking about it.

And now she's f vcking with me?

Man......

There's more i can mention. Msybe later. Thanks everyone for your input.

Still confused but seeong a bit more clearly

You are not confused. You know exactly what's going in here. Leave her alone.

 

[jimjam]

Update:

Had to take my son someplace right after work yesterday. So, she invites me over for dinner before I take him. So I go. No big deal. But you know what? I just wasn't feeling it. I find her attractive still. But I suddenly felt that all of this wondering about what she's up to is just wasted energy. I don't know. I think the best thing to do for me and my son is to just walk away, stay friends and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[dude99]

Update:

Had to take my son someplace right after work yesterday. So, she invites me over for dinner before I take him. So I go. No big deal. But you know what? I just wasn't feeling it. I find her attractive still. But I suddenly felt that all of this wondering about what she's up to is just wasted energy. I don't know. I think the best thing to do for me and my son is to just walk away, stay friends and let the chips fall where they may.

That is the best mentality to have. Give zero F_cks and focus on your son only

 

[Prime_Beef]

DNA test the son? That's a tuff one to swallow but u may have been cuckholded..and your time to contest running out..

 

[jimjam]

Funny. she was being nice to me the last two months or so. Now she's acting cold again. Whatever. Like I said, I'm going to look after my son and the hell with her. She'll no doubt wind up landing some other poor guy and wrecking his life.

Incidentally, my son is the best thing that ever happened to me. So, she may be what she may be, but she did give me something I value more than anything. And she's not a cvnt about visitation or anything like that. We don't fight when it comes to our son. I think we have both reached this understanding that there is no other alternative other than to keep what's best for him as our priority. So far i's been working. He's six, but he kind of grasps the situation. He's a good kid. Well adjusted so far, despite the fvcked up situation. And I think our good relationship with one another is a primary contributing factor to his attitude

 

[jimjam]

No worries bud. I don't judge. Spining plates isnt for everyone some people do want to focus on just one. I believe spinning plates is for a guy for many reasons not just being a do juan but it also helps a guy not get used. Most of the time if a girl in your life knows she is your only option that is when they behave the worst. So i recomended spinning plates so your ex doesn't get the idea that she can just walk in and out of your life on her whim.

As for why you two broke up, if you honestly don't know, then she left you for another guy and you just weren't aware of it. She branch swung on you to " upgrade." Women will never never never leave you (unless you are abusive, not saying you are i mean a man in general,) without starting a new relationship. They are wired in their psychological make up to begin the new one before the old one is even dead.

Case in point. Is she already divorced? Or is she getting one and already working you? Is she done with her husband. Split. Living at a new place ? Has been and is 100% through with him? Or in the middle of a mess and now trying to work you?

Friend zone her. If she comes out and asks you how you feel , i recomend protecting yourself and tell her that ship sailed long ago.

Update here, but you guys were right!

I go to drop my son off at her new place tonight. Her new place that she's been in for less than two weeks. Her mother is there, and as I'm dropping him off, she's running out the door and jumping into some dude's car that's waiting for her outside, leaving her mom to watch her kids.

Now, she obviously feels comfortable enough with this dude to allow him to pick her up at her new place - and to get in a car with him. She must've been screwing around with this guy while she was married to the last one. Didn't take her long. She was only married for 3 years. Well, whatever. His funeral.

Just wanted to acknowledge all of your advice and pronouncements. Thanks. Again, you were right

 

[dude99]

Update here, but you guys were right!

I go to drop my son off at her new place tonight. Her new place that she's been in for less than two weeks. Her mother is there, and as I'm dropping him off, she's running out the door and jumping into some dude's car that's waiting for her outside, leaving her mom to watch her kids.

Now, she obviously feels comfortable enough with this dude to allow him to pick her up at her new place - and to get in a car with him. She must've been screwing around with this guy while she was married to the last one. Didn't take her long. She was only married for 3 years. Well, whatever. His funeral.

Just wanted to acknowledge all of your advice and pronouncements. Thanks. Again, you were right

Now aren't you glad you didn't go there......

 

[YawataNoKami]

Yeah.

Wanna hear a hot one?

Since she's getting divorced she's moving into a new place. Now she wants me to help her move. My 6 year old son is looking forward to his dad helping him and his mom move into their new place. WTF?

If it was just her there'd be no confusion at all. But my son wants me there. I mean, I'd do anything for him. What am I supposed to say? Fvck that?

Exactly , she is using your son.

You: Nut Job , I am not your husband anymore. Your problems are not mine. I have a solution , moving day I will take son to the movies or a park or a fvcking Chuk e Cheese.

She: Bla,bla,bla (nut job craziness)

You: Radio Silence

 

[jimjam]

Gents, I'm bringing this up again for some new insight. I was speaking to a friend about this and, well, I think my ex may be NPD. An email i sent to my friend:

OK



As far as Petra goes, I think it’s very possible she’s narcissistic. She
was seeing someone else when we met. As soon as things began getting heavy
with us, she dumped him. This dude lived 90 miles away so I’m guessing she
was somewhat serious with him to drive all the way out there. This is in
line with what I’ve read about NPD----the hopping from one relationship to
the next. And like what I read, she showered me with gifts all the time,
took me out to dinner, wouldn’t let me pay, cleaned my apartment, ironed my
shirts, cooked for me, she liked to fvck, etc, etc. , I woke every morning
to an e-mail from her saying some kind of dopey witticism. She said my MS
was nothing but a trial that would make us stronger. She also said it was
no big deal that I had to pop pills in order to have sex.

You may say that these are merely the behaviors exhibited by anyone in the
early stages of a relationship. I thought, at the time, that I hit the
jackpot.

Things began to change once we got more serious and I moved in. I began to
notice that she would withdraw whenever I disagreed with her. Not like
My ex wife but she would take on this reserved air. She became more and more
withdrawn as the days went on. I’m about 90% certain that she fvcked some
dude when she went to California for work. And I’m fairly sure that she was
banging some other guy behind my back. Then she got pregnant and I was
gone. She became almost non-present in the three weeks leading up to this.
Even though we lived together, I never saw her. Her two main reasons for
breaking up with me were that the level of intimacy was forced because I
had to take pills and that my MS was too unpredictable to have a normal
life. Notice that these two items were no big deal in the beginning of the
relationship. I mean, it was inexplicable but makes sense looking back
through the narcissistic lens. At least according to what I’ve been reading.

So where does that leave me and how I am with her now? Don’t know. As I
once said, I’m treading very lightly, like treading on the rotten
floorboards in an abandoned house. Perhaps she learned her lesson and wants
to tread slowly as well, like you said, friends first. Perhaps once NPD
always NPD. I never felt about anyone like I did about her. It was intense,
all consuming. Healthy? I don’t know. Corny as it sounds, it feels like a
piece of me has been missing ever since that happened. Perhaps I’m only
setting myself up for another heartbreaker.

I'll add to my email that she began redecorating her last husbands house with pictures of her and her new family-----within 3 weeks of getting married. Another red flag. I said he'd be singing the blues in 3 years. I was right. They're going through a divorce.

Any thought, advice or admonishments will be gratefully accepted

Thanks

 

[dude99]

Gents, I'm bringing this up again for some new insight. I was speaking to a friend about this and, well, I think my ex may be NPD. An email i sent to my friend:

OK



As far as Petra goes, I think it’s very possible she’s narcissistic. She
was seeing someone else when we met. As soon as things began getting heavy
with us, she dumped him. This dude lived 90 miles away so I’m guessing she
was somewhat serious with him to drive all the way out there. This is in
line with what I’ve read about NPD----the hopping from one relationship to
the next. And like what I read, she showered me with gifts all the time,
took me out to dinner, wouldn’t let me pay, cleaned my apartment, ironed my
shirts, cooked for me, she liked to fvck, etc, etc. , I woke every morning
to an e-mail from her saying some kind of dopey witticism. She said my MS
was nothing but a trial that would make us stronger. She also said it was
no big deal that I had to pop pills in order to have sex.

You may say that these are merely the behaviors exhibited by anyone in the
early stages of a relationship. I thought, at the time, that I hit the
jackpot.

Things began to change once we got more serious and I moved in. I began to
notice that she would withdraw whenever I disagreed with her. Not like
My ex wife but she would take on this reserved air. She became more and more
withdrawn as the days went on. I’m about 90% certain that she fvcked some
dude when she went to California for work. And I’m fairly sure that she was
banging some other guy behind my back. Then she got pregnant and I was
gone. She became almost non-present in the three weeks leading up to this.
Even though we lived together, I never saw her. Her two main reasons for
breaking up with me were that the level of intimacy was forced because I
had to take pills and that my MS was too unpredictable to have a normal
life. Notice that these two items were no big deal in the beginning of the
relationship. I mean, it was inexplicable but makes sense looking back
through the narcissistic lens. At least according to what I’ve been reading.

So where does that leave me and how I am with her now? Don’t know. As I
once said, I’m treading very lightly, like treading on the rotten
floorboards in an abandoned house. Perhaps she learned her lesson and wants
to tread slowly as well, like you said, friends first. Perhaps once NPD
always NPD. I never felt about anyone like I did about her. It was intense,
all consuming. Healthy? I don’t know. Corny as it sounds, it feels like a
piece of me has been missing ever since that happened. Perhaps I’m only
setting myself up for another heartbreaker.

I'll add to my email that she began redecorating her last husbands house with pictures of her and her new family-----within 3 weeks of getting married. Another red flag. I said he'd be singing the blues in 3 years. I was right. They're going through a divorce.

Any thought, advice or admonishments will be gratefully accepted

Thanks

Once a cluster b always a cluster b.

Sorry dude there is no cure for sociopathy, or narcissism.

Run. Do not walk away. Run away. Do not allow her back in

 

[jimjam]

Yeah, of course.

But she is my son's mother. It's impossible for me to run away or even avoid seeing her. And she's being super nice toward me lately. Makes me dinner. Takes me and my son out. Won't allow me to pay. It's killing me....all this supplication?

I'm fvckef, aren't I?

HELPPP!!!!!

 

[wolf]

Yeah, of course.

But she is my son's mother. It's impossible for me to run away or even avoid seeing her. And she's being super nice toward me lately. Makes me dinner. Takes me and my son out. Won't allow me to pay. It's killing me....all this supplication?

I'm fvckef, aren't I?

HELPPP!!!!!

love bombing at its finest.

She hasn't changed, she has just 'recycled' you or is at least trying to and using your Son as an emotional weapon of sorts because she knows how much you love him.

If you don't assert firm boundaries now then i fear she will use him against you once more and not in any way good.

It is always easier to go back to an old source of narcissistic supply than to seek out a new one. She knows your soft spots (your love for your Son) and that is what she is using against you. Ask yourself this.. If your Son didn't exist then would you have contemplated ever getting back with her or sticking around in any way?

 

[Roober]

Yeah, of course.

But she is my son's mother. It's impossible for me to run away or even avoid seeing her. And she's being super nice toward me lately. Makes me dinner. Takes me and my son out. Won't allow me to pay. It's killing me....all this supplication?

I'm fvckef, aren't I?

HELPPP!!!!!

Exes when you have kids are tough. I had to start ignoring everything she sends that does not relate to the kids. Keep your convos concise. If you are worried about sounding rude, then send it to a friend before you send it to her. My ex is still not used to it and accuses me of being rude, but I just ignore that too. Why? because it doesn't relate to our kids...

 

[dude99]

Yeah, of course.

But she is my son's mother. It's impossible for me to run away or even avoid seeing her. And she's being super nice toward me lately. Makes me dinner. Takes me and my son out. Won't allow me to pay. It's killing me....all this supplication?

I'm fvckef, aren't I?

HELPPP!!!!!

You can emotionally run away. Treat her with indifference. Any time she has come out if the woodwork the end result has never been good. Why would this time be any different?

 

[jimjam]

love bombing at its finest.

She hasn't changed, she has just 'recycled' you or is at least trying to and using your Son as an emotional weapon of sorts because she knows how much you love him.

If you don't assert firm boundaries now then i fear she will use him against you once more and not in any way good.

It is always easier to go back to an old source of narcissistic supply than to seek out a new one. She knows your soft spots (your love for your Son) and that is what she is using against you. Ask yourself this.. If your Son didn't exist then would you have contemplated ever getting back with her or sticking around in any way?

What you're saying is that she invites me over under the pretense of seeing my son. While there she cooks for me, waits on me, etc, all in an attempt to size me up to see if I'd be a good source of supply again. She'll slowly chip away at me until I'm propping her up again. Then....
Bango!

She drops the hammer. I will no longer be around and my absence will be a blow to my son. But for my son's edification, she'll project her insecurities on me

???????

Janey Mack!!!!

I am VERY confused about this. I love my son and i want him to see his mom and i have a good relationship

 

[jimjam]

By the way, I love my son more than anything or anyone else, including her. I'd take a bullet for him. To quote Jack Nicholson, "I'd do anything for him. Any fvcking thing."

 

[Atlasoh]

By the way, I love my son more than anything or anyone else, including her. I'd take a bullet for him. To quote Jack Nicholson, "I'd do anything for him. Any fvcking thing."

I read the entire thread, and from what you have written, your ex is not someone you date seriously.

I am 31, quite experienced with women, and there is no way I would take your ex seriously based on what you have written. Obviously there are emotional ties that are making things linger and fester in your mind, but this is a situation where the data is right in front of you, and appropriate conclusions can be unequivocally drawn. Deep down, based on what you written, you know what those conclusions are.

If you love the emotional roller-coaster, entertain her advances. If you want sanity, focus on your son only, and your interactions with her should be fairly neutral and kept at a very healthy distance. Loving your son and not letting her screw up your life are not mutually exclusive goals.

 

[exhausted]

From another Website:

Is she a crazy *****?
This isn ’t a rhetorical question. If you’ve asked yourself more than once, “Is my girlfriend/wife/fiancee a crazy *****?” as a clinical psychologist, I’m here to tell you the answer is, “Yes. Diagnostically speaking, she may very well be a crazy *****.”

Here’s a quiz to find out if your wife, girlfriend or ex is an abuser:

• Does she fly into rages without warning over relatively trivial matters like a web page loading too slowly?
• Are you always the scapegoat/bad guy whenever she’s frustrated, disappointed or just plain bored?
• Do her friends (that is, if she has any) describe her as a “drama queen?”
• Does she describe herself as a drama queen? If so, congrats. You found one with a modicum of self-awareness.
• Is her lipstick a little too red? Is it applied like theater makeup and a tad crooked?
• Did sex begin with an earth shattering bang and fizzle into infrequent, transactional and conditional sex?
• Is she a black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinker?
• Do you lie to your family, friends and colleagues about what goes on at home?
• Do you find yourself making excuses to your family, friends and colleagues for her inexcusable behavior?
• Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around her?
• Does she hate your friends and family and become angry or tearful when you spend time with them?
• Is she pathologically jealous?
• Does she project her feelings onto you? For example, she’s yelling and raging and then accuses you of being angry.
• Does focus solely on her emotional experience while exhibiting little or no empathy for yours?
• Have you distanced yourself from friends and family because of your relationship?
• Does she place you on a pedestal one day only to tear you down the next day? “I’ve never known anyone like you before. You’re so wonderful!” Next day: “You’re the devil! You’re the most selfish bastard I’ve ever met! You don’t love me!”
• Did she change her identity after she landed you? For example, when you first met her she was a sexy, adventurous, sweet ballbuster; now, she’s afraid of her own shadow, has no outside interests and goes ballistic if she has to do anything without you.
• Does she put you into “no win” situations in which nothing you do is good enough and you’re guaranteed to fail?
• Does she exhibit stalker behaviors? This usually occurs during the courtship phase or when she senses you’re about to make a break for it. For instance: Calling and hanging up? Calling over and over and over until you answer the phone? Does she wait outside your home, uninvited, until you arrive? Does she show up at places she know you’ll be, also uninvited? Has she tried to get close to your friends in inappropriate ways?

If you answered “yes” to more than two of these questions, you may be involved with a female abuser. You’re not alone. They’re everywhere.

Yes to ALL but 1 of those.

So glad I'm free.

Know i stayed too long because I genuinely felt bad for her being bipolar. Like watching a roller coaster run off the tracks. The coaster cant help the tracks aren't alligned properly.
At least that is what i told myself