The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Roober]

2 days in and all is fine. I have checked her social media but she currently has me blocked so I can only see her main photo. It's been almost 8 months since I've had any normal contact with her. It doesn't keep her from f'ing with me though. I've done 30 days NC in the past bf she wrote to me. 10 days later when I wrote her back she said f off I was drunk and I want nothing to do with you. It's like WTF?! Then she'll block me from all social media, but then she'll post some sad black and white pic of her as her main photo. ***** is crazy and just likes playing games. Really do feel sorry for her current BF. I've thought about telling him that she cheats on him but it's probably not my place and I don't need some crazy dude coming after me.

Looking at social media delays the healing process... If you can't resist, delete from your phone. Most of the crap on there is useless anyhow...

 

[Jediknight888]

Day 3. And just for the record I have done 30 days NC in the past. Honestly, after that 30 days I still wanted her. So my question is...what if I do 60 and I still want her? At what point do you say f it and go after her? At what point do you say this is the girl I want and I'll go after her forever if that is what it takes? Not that I'm going to, still committed to 60 days NC. I still have to turn the table regardless and become the alpha again, but at some point we all face that time where they contact us and we have to make the decision to either say f them forever or I'm going to let you in on my terms and go forward from there. So many guys on here move on and date other women, but it's not the woman they REALLY want. They seem fairly happy and everything seems to be OK, but who wants to live with OK? We all want to have a good relationship with that girl that we want. So my question for the other DJ's is when to say f it and go after her?

 

[5chm1dd1]

Day 3. And just for the record I have done 30 days NC in the past. Honestly, after that 30 days I still wanted her. So my question is...what if I do 60 and I still want her? At what point do you say f it and go after her? At what point do you say this is the girl I want and I'll go after her forever if that is what it takes? Not that I'm going to, still committed to 60 days NC. I still have to turn the table regardless and become the alpha again, but at some point we all face that time where they contact us and we have to make the decision to either say f them forever or I'm going to let you in on my terms and go forward from there. So many guys on here move on and date other women, but it's not the woman they REALLY want. They seem fairly happy and everything seems to be OK, but who wants to live with OK? We all want to have a good relationship with that girl that we want. So my question for the other DJ's is when to say f it and go after her?

Well, I know exactly what you are thinking.
I'm at about 95-100 days NC, and still sometimes want her.

BUT: she fvcking dumped me, so she is never again worth a second of my time. She apparently doesn't appreciate me and my qualities, so what's the point in wasting any more time with her?

Even though my NC is already pretty long, sometimes it still hits me, but it gets less, even without me spinning plates(atm, I don't want to, guess I'm still too hurt or whatever).
I think my problem is that it was my first relationship and first love, so I guess that's what makes it hard for me to move on.

If at some point I'm craving her attention or her in general, I simply ask myself a few questions:

What did she do to deserve my attention?
What makes her so special?
What can she give me, what other women can't?

Due to the fact, that the answer to the above questions is "Nothing at all.", that pretty much helps getting rid of the remaining feelings.

 

[Darrenez]

Day 10 for me. Pretty much pissing it to be honest. Chatting to 5 women at the moment who are all interested. Went on a date last night, I travelled an hour and a hour to see meet her but went out for a lovely meal and had some fun in my car. IMO shes better looking than my ex and has a better body although thats mighty close but the main thing is , she is closer to my age 35, whilst my ex was 26. Only downside is she lives 1 hour and a half away. I work at a school whilst she works at an airport so her shifts maybe a problem for us seeing each other regularly however we will give it a go.

My advice guys is try and meet new women. I'm considering coming off online dating I think now as I'm getting addicted to chatting all of these women and can't make my mind up..However it does help forget your ex. Obviously it depends how deep your feelings were for your ex of course.

 

[xstang77]

Day 10 for me. Pretty much pissing it to be honest. Chatting to 5 women at the moment who are all interested. Went on a date last night, I travelled an hour and a hour to see meet her but went out for a lovely meal and had some fun in my car. IMO shes better looking than my ex and has a better body although thats mighty close but the main thing is , she is closer to my age 35, whilst my ex was 26. Only downside is she lives 1 hour and a half away. I work at a school whilst she works at an airport so her shifts maybe a problem for us seeing each other regularly however we will give it a go.

My advice guys is try and meet new women. I'm considering coming off online dating I think now as I'm getting addicted to chatting all of these women and can't make my mind up..However it does help forget your ex. Obviously it depends how deep your feelings were for your ex of course.

Be careful with the distance brother,I'm
Going through a break up now after dating a single mom that was my dream woman who lived 2.5 hours away,everything was great started having her daughter look up to me etc. then the calls and text tapered off and I didn't know if she was dead or alive for 4 days then she finally texts me to dump
Me at 10 last Monday morning. Taking it kinda rough since it was out of the blue and she was great when we were together.feel like she's my "the one that got away" I feel if we lived closer I could have help Stop it from happening...sucks.

 

[Carpathian]

I'm still a little bit affected by my breakup nine months later and I am not ashamed admitting it. It gets easier and I am great at the moment and been with another woman for four months but like I said a few posts ago, sometimes it takes a long time to really flush an ex out of your system. When you know in your heart you were a kind, generous, decent man, you were not a doormat and you showed them a good time and where you did the right thing and they just dump you for absolutely no reason.... ? It really stings.

Really guys, NC is the way. There is no other way. Everyone keeps saying it for a reason and you really must do it. I myself have failed at this too but not this time. Ignored last six correspondences from her since September when she's trying to ensnare me in her BS again and another cycle of on-off.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 10 for me. Pretty much pissing it to be honest. Chatting to 5 women at the moment who are all interested. Went on a date last night, I travelled an hour and a hour to see meet her but went out for a lovely meal and had some fun in my car. IMO shes better looking than my ex and has a better body although thats mighty close but the main thing is , she is closer to my age 35, whilst my ex was 26. Only downside is she lives 1 hour and a half away. I work at a school whilst she works at an airport so her shifts maybe a problem for us seeing each other regularly however we will give it a go.

My advice guys is try and meet new women. I'm considering coming off online dating I think now as I'm getting addicted to chatting all of these women and can't make my mind up..However it does help forget your ex. Obviously it depends how deep your feelings were for your ex of course.

I'm glad you are happy at the moment and that you are finding solace with other women but much of what you describe is rebound dude. No matter what you say, if you had a serious and loving commitment with your ex, and from what you describe in your previous posts you did, then you eventually have to feel the pain of the breakup. I say that with respect to you and not to flame or goad you brother. You have to feel it to heal it....

 

[Jediknight888]

Day 4. My question today is.... what to do with social media? Do I keep her blocked or do I just unblock her and forget she ever existed? I've blocked her and her family and bf. She noticed it and blocked me back. But, we all know the truth is that if we really didn't care we wouldn't block at all.

 

[Roober]

Day 4. My question today is.... what to do with social media? Do I keep her blocked or do I just unblock her and forget she ever existed? I've blocked her and her family and bf. She noticed it and blocked me back. But, we all know the truth is that if we really didn't care we wouldn't block at all.

I would just keep her blocked. Doesn't sound like you can resist the urge to not look. To me, not blocking seems like the way to go. Because it shows her that you don't need to block her, but aren't paying attention to her any more.

On facebook, you can unfollow her and not see her posts
On snapchat, you can just not look
Don't know about IG

Since you already blocked her, unblocking will just show that your still curious. Once it's done, you have to stick with it. Just my opinion...

 

[Carpathian]

Day 4. My question today is.... what to do with social media? Do I keep her blocked or do I just unblock her and forget she ever existed? I've blocked her and her family and bf. She noticed it and blocked me back. But, we all know the truth is that if we really didn't care we wouldn't block at all.

Don't block her on Social Media but unfollow her so that her posts do not appear on your timeline whilst ostensibly you still remain as "friends". You want to make as little of this as possible. Don't make it look like you are rattled.
I suggest a book for you called "It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken". It is very American and more orientated towards women. Some of it does not translate into my Slovak language and culture very easily but I sort of understand the English. But the issues are the same for men and women. It is a good and light-hearted book but very relevant for people newly broken up. Made me laugh and understand. It is another take on No Contact.

 

[Fireballs]

It's been about 7 months of NC and 8 months since the break up.. The past month I've started to really get over her and feel I'm back to normal.. I work 2 weeks on 1 week off and have just started living in Indonesia on my weeks off as it's only a cheap, short flight and I'm loving it .. the surf is world class and the foreign travellers are easy lays..

On Saturday evening I hear my phone beep and I look and it's a text from her .. All I could think to myself was why are you texting me, we haven't spoken to each other in 7 months .. what could you possibly have to say..

Anyway I opened it and it read -

''Hey Fireballs! hope you're going really well merry christmas/happy new year time! I thought you might like to know that Im not coming back to (our town) after my trip over christmas... I hope you're still enjoying it here, it's a special place ''

Anyway I didn't respond and just deleted the message..

Why would she reach out when it's clear I've moved on ? Guilt ? Validation ?

 

[Darrenez]

It's been about 7 months of NC and 8 months since the break up.. The past month I've started to really get over her and feel I'm back to normal.. I work 2 weeks on 1 week off and have just started living in Indonesia on my weeks off as it's only a cheap, short flight and I'm loving it .. the surf is world class and the foreign travellers are easy lays..

On Saturday evening I hear my phone beep and I look and it's a text from her .. All I could think to myself was why are you texting me, we haven't spoken to each other in 7 months .. what could you possibly have to say..

Anyway I opened it and it read -

''Hey Fireballs! hope you're going really well merry christmas/happy new year time! I thought you might like to know that Im not coming back to (our town) after my trip over christmas... I hope you're still enjoying it here, it's a special place ''

Anyway I didn't respond and just deleted the message..

Why would she reach out when it's clear I've moved on ? Guilt ? Validation ?

To be honest, I think she is just feeding you a line to see if you would bite?..Maybe she wants some attention for you , to see if she can still have you..Anyway you done exactly the right thing and deleted her message. You will probably receive another one at Christmas, so you do the same mate.

Day 15 no contact, slept last night with a blonde stunner with giant b%$bs, met her online however I didn't use protection and now I feel worried. I mean she said she was looking for a relationship etc on the phone but met up with me (a complete stranger) with no knickers on.

I'm not usually like that at all and very responsible and careful. It does help to move on and forget about your ex. So a date Saturday night with a stunner and some action last night, I can say that I am definitely doing well after the breakup from my ex.

 

[Roober]

I'm still a little bit affected by my breakup nine months later and I am not ashamed admitting it. It gets easier and I am great at the moment and been with another woman for four months but like I said a few posts ago, sometimes it takes a long time to really flush an ex out of your system. When you know in your heart you were a kind, generous, decent man, you were not a doormat and you showed them a good time and where you did the right thing and they just dump you for absolutely no reason.... ? It really stings.

Really guys, NC is the way. There is no other way. Everyone keeps saying it for a reason and you really must do it. I myself have failed at this too but not this time. Ignored last six correspondences from her since September when she's trying to ensnare me in her BS again and another cycle of on-off.

The underlined is so true. That is what makes getting dumped so hard and why we feel lost afterward. It's like, we always had a great time together, I got the whole mother trucking package(manners, generous, in decent shape, funny, my own place, decent car, and on and on), and I treated her very well. I kept thinking., is asking to see her more than once every two weeks too much? She had me convinced of that...

Anyway, started the rational male last night and it jumps right into ONEitis. I had it bad with her. for the first couple months, she did little things for me. Things she thought was showing love. Afterward, it pretty much stopped. I should have stopped investing in the relationship when she did. That is really what ONEitis is... a one-way relationship which becomes an unhealthy obsession...

Feel like I was conned.... hard...

 

[Jediknight888]

The underlined is so true. That is what makes getting dumped so hard and why we feel lost afterward. It's like, we always had a great time together, I got the whole mother trucking package(manners, generous, in decent shape, funny, my own place, decent car, and on and on), and I treated her very well. I kept thinking., is asking to see her more than once every two weeks too much? She had me convinced of that...

Anyway, started the rational male last night and it jumps right into ONEitis. I had it bad with her. for the first couple months, she did little things for me. Things she thought was showing love. Afterward, it pretty much stopped. I should have stopped investing in the relationship when she did. That is really what ONEitis is... a one-way relationship which becomes an unhealthy obsession...

Feel like I was conned.... hard...

I feel ya. I experienced the same thing. I was having problems with my wife (constantly fighting etc...). Finally I sat her down one day and said this has to change or you're going to lose your husband. She said get out we don't need you. So I left and got my own place. I started getting interested in my assistant at work. She was 21, gorgeous and we were already friends. I knew she was in a LT relationship so one day I just put it out there that if her and her BF ever had problems that I would like to take her out. A few weeks later I stayed late and she followed me into the darkroom to develop xrays.

Then she started coming over to my apartment for lunch, dinner etc... we were hanging out almost daily. It was obvious that i offered her a lot. I have $, im good looking, and I treated her like a princess. On a daily basis I would remind her that I didn't want to continue if she was still with her BF. I would tell her they had to be done for us to continue. Everyday she would talk **** about him. Promise me they were done. Look me in the eye and tell me how serious she was.

I was in a tough position BC I had to chose to work it out with my wife or get divorced. Honestly, I wanted to continue seeing my assistant. After her assuring me how serious she was I caught her BF posting pics of them online. I confronted her and she still denied it. She even told me to ask her family. Ha ha.... finally abut 3-4 months after very little contact she said her heart wanted him and she couldn't help it. She couldn't get over him.

It's now been 8 months later. I'm back with my wife and we've decided to have another child. When my assistant found out she emailed me to confirm that she was pregnant. I said yes. That she f'd me over and she shouldn't be suprised that I'd moved on.

Now she just acts like she hates my guts. After another month of NC. I wrote her just as a friend to say happy turkey day and she blocked me on every social media in existence. She's also totally freaked out that I'm going to tell her BF all of this went on behind his back. I'm not sure what she was thinking. She managed to hurt everyone involved. Just young and dumb I suppose. I definitely felt played. She got what she wanted and didn't care about anyone else.

 

[Jediknight888]

It's been about 7 months of NC and 8 months since the break up.. The past month I've started to really get over her and feel I'm back to normal.. I work 2 weeks on 1 week off and have just started living in Indonesia on my weeks off as it's only a cheap, short flight and I'm loving it .. the surf is world class and the foreign travellers are easy lays..

On Saturday evening I hear my phone beep and I look and it's a text from her .. All I could think to myself was why are you texting me, we haven't spoken to each other in 7 months .. what could you possibly have to say..

Anyway I opened it and it read -

''Hey Fireballs! hope you're going really well merry christmas/happy new year time! I thought you might like to know that Im not coming back to (our town) after my trip over christmas... I hope you're still enjoying it here, it's a special place ''

Anyway I didn't respond and just deleted the message..

Why would she reach out when it's clear I've moved on ? Guilt ? Validation ?

Women are different then men. Men are more focused on the here and now. We think in seconds, minutes, and days. If we don't get something RTF now we think it will never be.

Women can be casual BC they think more long term. They think in terms of months and years. They are OK just waiting and seeing how things develop.

I recently had a women play me while she had a BF the whole time. When I found out and it ended. She said I know where to find you, perhaps we'll continue this in the future. She's thinking I'm going to be sitting around for months and years just waiting for her.

It's almost like time goes by quickly for a man and much much slower for a woman. They seem to be more OK just letting time go by. Just my experience.

So she's obviously throwing you a hook and seeing if you'll bite. They want attention. At all costs! Attention is like air to women. I think you're in a great position BC you aren't emotionally involved. So now you can decide if you want this woman in your life or not. That's the only real question.

 

[Roober]

Women are different then men. Men are more focused on the here and now. We think in seconds, minutes, and days. If we don't get something RTF now we think it will never be.

Women can be casual BC they think more long term. They think in terms of months and years. They are OK just waiting and seeing how things develop.

I recently had a women play me while she had a BF the whole time. When I found out and it ended. She said I know where to find you, perhaps we'll continue this in the future. She's thinking I'm going to be sitting around for months and years just waiting for her.

It's almost like time goes by quickly for a man and much much slower for a woman. They seem to be more OK just letting time go by. Just my experience.

So she's obviously throwing you a hook and seeing if you'll bite. They want attention. At all costs! Attention is like air to women. I think you're in a great position BC you aren't emotionally involved. So now you can decide if you want this woman in your life or not. That's the only real question.

Yup! Men just fall in love much faster than women. If she falls in love quickly, WATCH OUT!

To add on, if my ex contacts me 8 months from now, I would treat her like a potential plate - little investment and hopefully good secks. It is a win-win, well, unless you get emotionally involved again...

 

[Jediknight888]

Day 5 - I feel like I'm physically addicted to this woman I can't wait to break the f ING addiction! I feel the need to contact her and when I do I feel fine for a 3-5 days and then the desire grows. It's getting harder to not contact her as days go by not easier. My brain continually thinks of stuff to say to her or reasons to write to her. She was my assistant at work and so when she dumped me (through text) I lost my assistant as well. Even though it's been 8 months my daughter who is 3 asked today why she doesn't come in to work any more. I thought she had forgotten about her.

I also find myself being hurt still by the whole situation. I still can't believe that it ended as horribly as it did and that even to this day she has continued to be a ***** and won't talk to me. Instead she keeps me blocked on all social media or if she does unblock me it's BC she posts something about her having sex with her boyfriend. Like positions she likes or how she loves it when he grabs her vagina in public.

When she has responded it's always something like I was over you as soon as I left now go away. Obviously she's not and she's still hurting based on her behavior, blocking me, and how she posts these sad black and white pics online.

I've never met anyone as mean and vicious as this woman and it's left me wanting to contact her mainly BC I have a hard time believing that the woman I fell for is really the same person. It's like I keep searching for the woman that I knew and she keeps reminding me that there is only hatred left. I guess I keep looking for closure and she refuses to give any. The whole situation has been so awkward. Determined to keep up the NC.

 

[Roober]

Day 5 - I feel like I'm physically addicted to this woman I can't wait to break the f ING addiction! I feel the need to contact her and when I do I feel fine for a 3-5 days and then the desire grows. It's getting harder to not contact her as days go by not easier. My brain continually thinks of stuff to say to her or reasons to write to her. She was my assistant at work and so when she dumped me (through text) I lost my assistant as well. Even though it's been 8 months my daughter who is 3 asked today why she doesn't come in to work any more. I thought she had forgotten about her.

I also find myself being hurt still by the whole situation. I still can't believe that it ended as horribly as it did and that even to this day she has continued to be a ***** and won't talk to me. Instead she keeps me blocked on all social media or if she does unblock me it's BC she posts something about her having sex with her boyfriend. Like positions she likes or how she loves it when he grabs her vagina in public.

When she has responded it's always something like I was over you as soon as I left now go away. Obviously she's not and she's still hurting based on her behavior, blocking me, and how she posts these sad black and white pics online.

I've never met anyone as mean and vicious as this woman and it's left me wanting to contact her mainly BC I have a hard time believing that the woman I fell for is really the same person. It's like I keep searching for the woman that I knew and she keeps reminding me that there is only hatred left. I guess I keep looking for closure and she refuses to give any. The whole situation has been so awkward. Determined to keep up the NC.

Just let it all out man, even if that means crying yourself to sleep. I didn't start to feel different till week 3 or so. When I started talking to other women, it took the amount I care wayyyyyy down...

 

[Jediknight888]

Just let it all out man, even if that means crying yourself to sleep. I didn't start to feel different till week 3 or so. When I started talking to other women, it took the amount I care wayyyyyy down...

Ha ha no crying. I did when it first happened and I found out she had been f'ing her BF the whole time behind my back. Honestly, I'm not sure what I miss now? I think it's just that lack of closure and the pure hatred toward me that's f'd me. I'm not sure where any of it is coming from so I've wanted to find out. Apparently I'll never get the answer. Moving on. Tomorrow NC day 6. Thx.

 

[Roober]

Ha ha no crying. I did when it first happened and I found out she had been f'ing her BF the whole time behind my back. Honestly, I'm not sure what I miss now? I think it's just that lack of closure and the pure hatred toward me that's f'd me. I'm not sure where any of it is coming from so I've wanted to find out. Apparently I'll never get the answer. Moving on. Tomorrow NC day 6. Thx.

It's the companionship; having someone to talk to at night, talk to about a bad day at work, talk about something great you did, all that stuff... That's how @Carpathian explained it to me, and it really makes a lot of sense. It becomes a security blanket...