The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Joshm55]

A slightly different situation to normal, but I feel the need to vent anyway.

About 15 months ago I moved to London having just broken up with my girlfriend at the time and gone through 3 months of NC, I was finally pretty much over her and confident, looking good having been at the gym a lot and ready to start a new life.

Of course then what inevitably happens is the cycle begins again and within 10 days of being in London I hook up with my flat mate who happens to have a boyfriend in Ecuador. This relationship continued for over a year, with him making visits to London every 3 months for 2 weeks at a time, sometimes we'd even hook up whilst he was there!

It became a quasi-relationship, with us basically being boyfriend and girlfriend, sleeping together every night, going on trips together, she even met my family, but always was the annoying backdrop of her being in a relationship which she was unwilling to end.

It's finally over now, she's moved back to Ecuador as her time in the UK is over (she was here for a degree) and obviously the feeling fr myself isn't especially pleasant.

A horrible feeling although inevitably for the best, time for NC and, again, getting over it.

 

[Carpathian]

NC is the only way to purge yourself of these people. I'd appreciate what you guys think of this. I know the answer (NC) but interested in what you think are her motivations?

Background: Both 48 and got kids, Both divorcees. Loved and adored her, families adored each other. Her kids thought I was the best thing that had ever happened to their mom. No serious issue at all that I could see. Great sex, great times. She just dumped me. She did it three times in the previous two years. No reason at all. I think she is BPD but can't be certain. Maybe an ex in the background. I was really upset for two months. I know some of you guys are going through this now [so hang in there guys it gets better] and was helped greatly by this thread.

• So dumped in March, telling me we are 100% at the end of the road (ended badly with me telling her to fvkk off and leave me alone). Threw all her stuff she bought me over her garden hedge that night.

• Heard nothing from her for two months. She reached out end of May apologizing the way it ended.

• A few texts between us for a week, good natured, then silence.

• I started dating a new woman - a 8/10 - in June. I am still with her and am happy, wild sex, good times etc, but the ex still casts a shadow over me. I really loved her and do not mind admitting it.

• My birthday in August. She wishes me happy birthday. Ignored her. A few more texts over the course of the next few weeks. Ignored her.

• Asked me over text if I'd like some private and no commitments "sexy times" with her round her place since she missed it with me. She even sent me a picture of her vibrator. Despite being tempted I told her I have a GF and best we don't. She told me she's started Match.com but the guys are no match for me and she gets sad as it makes her think of me all the time.

• Between then (in September) and now (December) she sends me a Whatsapp commenting on my Whatsapp profile photo every couple of weeks - always complimentary comments ending with a kiss and a blowing a kiss emoticon. I replied a couple of times with a thumbs up and nothing else.

What the fvkk is she up to? Do think she wants me back? I am just ignoring her from now on. I should block her I know but part of me is amused by this...!

 

[Carpathian]

It's just hoovering to get attention I.e. narcissistic supply. Maybe she wants "it" back i.e. you as a primary source of narcissistic supply, but who cares. Do yourself and your GF a favor and block her.

Thanks for echoing pretty much exactly the thoughts I was having. It's nice to have a reality check sometimes from fellow DJ's.

 

[Roober]

NC is the only way to purge yourself of these people. I'd appreciate what you guys think of this. I know the answer (NC) but interested in what you think are her motivations?

Background: Both 48 and got kids, Both divorcees. Loved and adored her, families adored each other. Her kids thought I was the best thing that had ever happened to their mom. No serious issue at all that I could see. Great sex, great times. She just dumped me. She did it three times in the previous two years. No reason at all. I think she is BPD but can't be certain. Maybe an ex in the background. I was really upset for two months. I know some of you guys are going through this now [so hang in there guys it gets better] and was helped greatly by this thread.

• So dumped in March, telling me we are 100% at the end of the road (ended badly with me telling her to fvkk off and leave me alone). Threw all her stuff she bought me over her garden hedge that night.

• Heard nothing from her for two months. She reached out end of May apologizing the way it ended.

• A few texts between us for a week, good natured, then silence.

• I started dating a new woman - a 8/10 - in June. I am still with her and am happy, wild sex, good times etc, but the ex still casts a shadow over me. I really loved her and do not mind admitting it.

• My birthday in August. She wishes me happy birthday. Ignored her. A few more texts over the course of the next few weeks. Ignored her.

• Asked me over text if I'd like some private and no commitments "sexy times" with her round her place since she missed it with me. She even sent me a picture of her vibrator. Despite being tempted I told her I have a GF and best we don't. She told me she's started Match.com but the guys are no match for me and she gets sad as it makes her think of me all the time.

• Between then (in September) and now (December) she sends me a Whatsapp commenting on my Whatsapp profile photo every couple of weeks - always complimentary comments ending with a kiss and a blowing a kiss emoticon. I replied a couple of times with a thumbs up and nothing else.

What the fvkk is she up to? Do think she wants me back? I am just ignoring her from now on. I should block her I know but part of me is amused by this...!

Agreed! sounds like her branch swinging didn't work out. Didn't realize you guys broke up 3 times before that. At least your past the point of no return. Not sure I could resist my ex if she reached out. Fortunately, I don't think she will...

 

[Darrenez]

Day 7...No Contact. OK so I've done 7 days, not a problem at all seeing as I have done 90+ days in the past with someone I was with for 7 years. I am chatting to several different women online and travelling nearly an hour and a half for date with this beautiful girl and I mean beautiful. Don't mind travelling that far for someone that is worth my time,hopefully. Just don't wanna be a simp and buy her flowers haha.

 

[Carpathian]

Agreed! sounds like her branch swinging didn't work out. Didn't realize you guys broke up 3 times before that. At least your past the point of no return. Not sure I could resist my ex if she reached out. Fortunately, I don't think she will...

She will if you remain NC. Rest assured. Don't be tempted to think of that as a good thing either. They can't stand it when you ignore them - it fazes them and triggers something deep inside their psyche "What, he doesn't want me anymore?". And they chase you. If you fall for it (like I did twice with the ex) it returns to getting dumped again eventually. Nearly always.

 

[Jason887]

So my wife told me it was over a little over 3 weeks ago. I lost my job and am on the hunt for another. Got interviews lined up all next week. To her I must look pathetic. I did what I should not have done (begged, made promises ect) its like this woman decided I was a stranger overnight. We have been together 9 years married for 7. No contact rule is not really an option as I don't have the means to leave yet. Is there anyway I can turn this around?

 

[Roober]

So my wife told me it was over a little over 3 weeks ago. I lost my job and am on the hunt for another. Got interviews lined up all next week. To her I must look pathetic. I did what I should not have done (begged, made promises ect) its like this woman decided I was a stranger overnight. We have been together 9 years married for 7. No contact rule is not really an option as I don't have the means to leave yet. Is there anyway I can turn this around?

Since your married, I would always say try to work it out. communication is soooooo important, and it falters so many times. Try talking it out, and seeing what is going on? As bad as this may sound, if it was unexpected and her behavior has changed dramatically overnight, there is probably someone else in the picture.

If you were being totally beta, you can't completely change gears, you need to ease into frame. This is a much bigger topic that a message board or nayone here can probably answer.

 

[Jediknight888]

DAY 1

She's back with her her scumbag x-con bf. I'm a good looking doctor. It's like wtf?! Yet I'm still hung up on her. Tonight I missed her so I snuck over to her apartment and left a rose on her car. As I drove off I felt like such a piece of s**t. She's probably up there f'ing him and here I am putting a rose on her car. I'm such a douche. So day 1 starts tomorrow and will have 59 days of no contact following it. Thanks everyone.

 

[Jason887]

Since your married, I would always say try to work it out. communication is soooooo important, and it falters so many times. Try talking it out, and seeing what is going on? As bad as this may sound, if it was unexpected and her behavior has changed dramatically overnight, there is probably someone else in the picture.

If you were being totally beta, you can't completely change gears, you need to ease into frame. This is a much bigger topic that a message board or nayone here can probably answer.

Ive been here once before. Last time I had a place to go. We still **** around which is nice. But whenever I try to talk to her Its like speaking with a wall. Maybe its for the best. Hard to let good ***** go. I do love her or whatnot, but this seems to happen every three years or so. It just sucks that I don't have the option to not be here.

 

[Roober]

DAY 1

She's back with her her scumbag x-con bf. I'm a good looking doctor. It's like wtf?! Yet I'm still hung up on her. Tonight I missed her so I snuck over to her apartment and left a rose on her car. As I drove off I felt like such a piece of s**t. She's probably up there f'ing him and here I am putting a rose on her car. I'm such a douche. So day 1 starts tomorrow and will have 59 days of no contact following it. Thanks everyone.

read the bible, work on yourself! sorry to hear man!

 

[5chm1dd1]

DAY 1

She's back with her her scumbag x-con bf. I'm a good looking doctor. It's like wtf?! Yet I'm still hung up on her. Tonight I missed her so I snuck over to her apartment and left a rose on her car. As I drove off I felt like such a piece of s**t. She's probably up there f'ing him and here I am putting a rose on her car. I'm such a douche. So day 1 starts tomorrow and will have 59 days of no contact following it. Thanks everyone.

Stay strong dude!
And for your own health, stop doing things like that, it only increases your pain and makes her ego blow through the roof.
She decided to let you (the price!!) go, so fvck her.
She had her chance, she blew it.

Read the Bible, improve yourself and you'll see that down the line, you'll meet a cool woman who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

[Carpathian]

DAY 1

She's back with her her scumbag x-con bf. I'm a good looking doctor. It's like wtf?! Yet I'm still hung up on her. Tonight I missed her so I snuck over to her apartment and left a rose on her car. As I drove off I felt like such a piece of s**t. She's probably up there f'ing him and here I am putting a rose on her car. I'm such a douche. So day 1 starts tomorrow and will have 59 days of no contact following it. Thanks everyone.

Dude, you gotta stop doing things like that brother, it makes you look weak and pathetic and I am sure you are neither of those things. But it makes you look sad and desperate to her and you are digging a deeper hole. Stop doing it right now and move into NC immediately. Absolutely 100% no contact, stalking, viewing FB, "accidentally" bumping into her or anything else. ZERO. Right NOW.

Stay strong brother and hang in there - it will get better. I am also a doctor - cardiologist - and good looking, fit, muscular and successful too. Truth be told, I am still hung up on my ex a little too. WTF she just dumped me out of the blue for I do not know, her kids and family loved me and we had great times. Just dumped completely out of the blue. There is no logic for it at all. I have another GF now and doing good - as indeed you will - but ex casts a long shadow this last few weeks for some reason. The biatch keeps texting me saying she wants me and so I recently blocked her. I think the season of Christmas is bringing it home to us guys in our subconscious. All of us must hang in there.

 

[Roober]

Day 30

craziest thing happened yesterday, didn't realize it till the train home. I didn't miss the ex at all during the day or really even think about her...

Going on the date last Monday, and talking to other women has helped big time this week. The biggest thing is you begin to realize a) there are much better women out there, and b) I can take most of them home... While I haven't yet, understanding relationship dynamics is invaluable.

 

[Jason887]

Dude, you gotta stop doing things like that brother, it makes you look weak and pathetic and I am sure you are neither of those things. But it makes you look sad and desperate to her and you are digging a deeper hole. Stop doing it right now and move into NC immediately. Absolutely 100% no contact, stalking, viewing FB, "accidentally" bumping into her or anything else. ZERO. Right NOW.

Stay strong brother and hang in there - it will get better. I am also a doctor - cardiologist - and good looking, fit, muscular and successful too. Truth be told, I am still hung up on my ex a little too. WTF she just dumped me out of the blue for I do not know, her kids and family loved me and we had great times. Just dumped completely out of the blue. There is no logic for it at all. I have another GF now and doing good - as indeed you will - but ex casts a long shadow this last few weeks for some reason. The biatch keeps texting me saying she wants me and so I recently blocked her. I think the season of Christmas is bringing it home to us guys in our subconscious. All of us must hang in there.

I am a former CV tech going through the same thing coincidence? Or does cardiac imaging turn girls off lol?

 

[Carpathian]

I am a former CV tech going through the same thing coincidence? Or does cardiac imaging turn girls off lol?

It certainly make you wonder...... Maybe these women think we are "heartless" working with people with heart problems all the time!

 

[Carpathian]

Day 30

craziest thing happened yesterday, didn't realize it till the train home. I didn't miss the ex at all during the day or really even think about her...

Going on the date last Monday, and talking to other women has helped big time this week. The biggest thing is you begin to realize a) there are much better women out there, and b) I can take most of them home... While I haven't yet, understanding relationship dynamics is invaluable.

As soon as you come to the realization that your ex is not a "one off" or "special" and in actual fact there are a gazillion women better than her, the better you start to feel. However, it takes a few months to come to that realization and in the meantime we become obsessed with the ex. We are all the same, it is natural in the first few weeks when the carpet has been yanked from under us....

 

[Firestar786]

The dumb ho realised what she lost and now wants to come back. Lol pathetic.

NC is the only way to purge yourself of these people. I'd appreciate what you guys think of this. I know the answer (NC) but interested in what you think are her motivations?

Background: Both 48 and got kids, Both divorcees. Loved and adored her, families adored each other. Her kids thought I was the best thing that had ever happened to their mom. No serious issue at all that I could see. Great sex, great times. She just dumped me. She did it three times in the previous two years. No reason at all. I think she is BPD but can't be certain. Maybe an ex in the background. I was really upset for two months. I know some of you guys are going through this now [so hang in there guys it gets better] and was helped greatly by this thread.

• So dumped in March, telling me we are 100% at the end of the road (ended badly with me telling her to fvkk off and leave me alone). Threw all her stuff she bought me over her garden hedge that night.

• Heard nothing from her for two months. She reached out end of May apologizing the way it ended.

• A few texts between us for a week, good natured, then silence.

• I started dating a new woman - a 8/10 - in June. I am still with her and am happy, wild sex, good times etc, but the ex still casts a shadow over me. I really loved her and do not mind admitting it.

• My birthday in August. She wishes me happy birthday. Ignored her. A few more texts over the course of the next few weeks. Ignored her.

• Asked me over text if I'd like some private and no commitments "sexy times" with her round her place since she missed it with me. She even sent me a picture of her vibrator. Despite being tempted I told her I have a GF and best we don't. She told me she's started Match.com but the guys are no match for me and she gets sad as it makes her think of me all the time.

• Between then (in September) and now (December) she sends me a Whatsapp commenting on my Whatsapp profile photo every couple of weeks - always complimentary comments ending with a kiss and a blowing a kiss emoticon. I replied a couple of times with a thumbs up and nothing else.

What the fvkk is she up to? Do think she wants me back? I am just ignoring her from now on. I should block her I know but part of me is amused by this...!

 

[Firestar786]

19 days in so far.
Been two weeks dieting.
Business has picked up as it does.
And both of my ex's I dated at the same time have added me back to whatsapp - when is if they're both just going to **** off.

 

[Jediknight888]

2 days in and all is fine. I have checked her social media but she currently has me blocked so I can only see her main photo. It's been almost 8 months since I've had any normal contact with her. It doesn't keep her from f'ing with me though. I've done 30 days NC in the past bf she wrote to me. 10 days later when I wrote her back she said f off I was drunk and I want nothing to do with you. It's like WTF?! Then she'll block me from all social media, but then she'll post some sad black and white pic of her as her main photo. ***** is crazy and just likes playing games. Really do feel sorry for her current BF. I've thought about telling him that she cheats on him but it's probably not my place and I don't need some crazy dude coming after me.