The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

And missing her now has more of turned into missing having someone to talk to, confide in, talk about my day, or just BS with, not the emotional dependence I can feel slipping away... It is like I miss the companionship... I think dating other women will put the nail in our relationship coffin...

This is it mate. Very hard to replace the companionship and this is what drives a lot of men to continue chasing their ex to the point of betadom.

Just put all that energy into finding a new more psychologically healthy chick and you'll miss her a lot less. Ultimately time is the biggest healer. Eventually you'll get used to walking alone again.

 

[Adz--]

Day 60+\lost count

Things have gotten a lot better now. Don't think of her and when I do it's only memories and hardly of any emotions attached to them. I Haven't heard from her since I last posted on here. I Do still get dreams from time to time but I can manage with them a lot better. I've just been focusing on my studies, going gym and fixing myself and moving forward with life no matter how small of a step I take. As long as I'm moving forward that is all that matters.

To all the guys on here. She will reach out to you. You will feel like crap, you will feel worthless but In The end you will win and you will be happier without her. Keep on going, all of you can do this. Keep it up djs!

Adz--

 

[BeTheChange]

It's also important to forgive your ex in time and also to forgive yourself for either your bad behaviour or for allowing yourself to get played. It's all part of the learning experience.

I've forgiven myself for what I did to my ex and know that when I meet a girl worthy of being in an LTR with me I will treat her like a queen. That isn't to say that I will become a snivelling beta. Merely that I will appreciate the value she has and treat her accordingly, while still acknowledging she has flaws and is a woman, which by their very nature tends them towards duplicity, selfishness and solopsism. For me, this is the best way to integrate red pill knowledge into a respect for women based on loving them for who they are, not what you want them to be. And of course being aware that should they give into their darker natures there is a contingency plan in place.

I've forgiven my ex for what she did to me also and wish her the best. I think it's necessary for my future growth to say this. And honestly im thankful because I am now on a much more positive trajectory in life that mat have not taken place if not for the catalyst that was the breakup. Leaving the past.

 

[Roober]

It's also important to forgive your ex in time and also to forgive yourself for either your bad behaviour or for allowing yourself to get played. It's all part of the learning experience.

I've forgiven myself for what I did to my ex and know that when I meet a girl worthy of being in an LTR with me I will treat her like a queen. That isn't to say that I will become a snivelling beta. Merely that I will appreciate the value she has and treat her accordingly, while still acknowledging she has flaws and is a woman, which by their very nature tends them towards duplicity, selfishness and solopsism. For me, this is the best way to integrate red pill knowledge into a respect for women based on loving them for who they are, not what you want them to be. And of course being aware that should they give into their darker natures there is a contingency plan in place.

I've forgiven my ex for what she did to me also and wish her the best. I think it's necessary for my future growth to say this. And honestly im thankful because I am now on a much more positive trajectory in life that mat have not taken place if not for the catalyst that was the breakup. Leaving the past.

I think that is part of the reason that I have a hard time with the breakup. Neither of us did anything to hurt one another. I feel like she basically just gave up on us because her own insecurities, the distance started, then my insecurities started showing up more... I don't feel angry, just disappointed, like she let me down

 

[BeTheChange]

I think that is part of the reason that I have a hard time with the breakup. Neither of us did anything to hurt one another. I feel like she basically just gave up on us because her own insecurities, the distance started, then my insecurities started showing up more... I don't feel angry, just disappointed, like she let me down

She still dumped you and is probably fvcking another guy as we speak. There's always something you can forgive her for.

Either way it's unimportant. She's no longer in your life. I guarantee she has moved on. So should you.

 

[Carpathian]

She still dumped you and is probably fvcking another guy as we speak. There's always something you can forgive her for.

Either way it's unimportant. She's no longer in your life. I guarantee she has moved on. So should you.

I partly agree. And, yes, you should move on. But, it is not guaranteed that she is ramming some other dude now; people and life are more complex than that. Possible for sure but not always. She could just be fvkked up and does not know what she wants. However, for sure, she does not want Roober. At least at the moment. But she will. Almost certainly. It is what you do THEN, when the phone call comes, that matters. And I'd counsel Roober to walk away from her. In my experience going back never works. Something is broken for them to have split up with you even the one time.

 

[Roober]

Day 20

Did not have a good weekend, thought about her a ton. Thoughts I cannot change, but only learn from...
-I could have saved it if I recognized the problem earlier...
-Our last conversation and how I had so much more I wanted to say...
-I can't get over the feeling that she was a good one that I pushed away, even though the stupid BS things I didn't like about her...

Had a couple sleepless nights. My mom was in town all week, so we talked quite a bit, but didn't seem to help. She's a bit negative, so I think that fed into it a little bit. Had two situations with interest, one with a bartender I had seen the week before and another with a waitress, didn't notice anything outside of that. Didn't approach anyone as I was with my mom most of the time, sounds bad, but I was ready for her to leave. Didn't really get any alone time in the last week and I feel like it was just draining me...

Realized I want to get into things I have always wanted to do to keep myself busy, so for December I found a free salsa class, I intend to look for piano lessons and start playing basketball at the gym for cardio. Also going to focus on wasting less time, no more TV, sports, social media, and others. Got a little crazy on the bar hopping the past couple weeks, so will have to keep it cheap for December.

My exwife knows something is up and keeps prying with, "what is wrong with you?" BS.... beginning to believe I might have some deep-seeded issues that I need more professional insight on, or maybe this is just the beginning of acceptance that it is over?

 

[BeTheChange]

I partly agree. And, yes, you should move on. But, it is not guaranteed that she is ramming some other dude now; people and life are more complex than that. Possible for sure but not always. She could just be fvkked up and does not know what she wants. However, for sure, she does not want Roober. At least at the moment. But she will. Almost certainly. It is what you do THEN, when the phone call comes, that matters. And I'd counsel Roober to walk away from her. In my experience going back never works. Something is broken for them to have split up with you even the one time.

Your post is essentially a variant of "Not all women are like that" (NAWALT). Women crave security and this is amplified tenfold during the post break up period. Furthermore women very rarely initiate break ups unless they have some kind of parachute ready.

It is highly likely she already had/has another man satisfying her needs. To think otherwise, is an act of fantasy.

 

[Roober]

Incredibly high probability she cheated on you fyi...mad yet?

I believe she started talking to someone the last month or so of our relationship as she started to get more distant. Wouldn't be surprised if she hooked up the weekend before she ended it as I didn't hear from her all weekend.

Your post is essentially a variant of "Not all women are like that" (NAWALT). Women crave security and this is amplified tenfold during the post break up period. Furthermore women very rarely initiate break ups unless they have some kind of parachute ready.

It is highly likely she already had/has another man satisfying her needs. To think otherwise, is an act of fantasy.

Agreed! If they didn't have a parachute, they would miss their ex and reach out. Complete radio silence speaks volumes... either way, I need to move on.

 

[Roober]

I've actually witnessed in some Social Circles where the women are incestuous and bounce around from man to man... if the men can manage to stay loyal to each other they can often compare notes about when the girl is texting each of them..."she stopped texting me" "oh she just texted me" like clockwork, it's a zero sum game. Modern women can't be alone for 5 seconds, which is why if you dump them before the have a backup in place you well get a deluge of communication. Actually someone did a study on this here once.

It's just human nature, both sexes do it.

She likely won't miss me until that guy drops her or dates around a bit and realizes she what she had. Hopefully that doesn't happen anytime soon because I may not be strong enough yet to resist. It's weird... I dated a girl when I was 20 and she dumped me after 9 months of dating for another dude (same weak needy BS). I let her back in after 3 months, and we stayed together for 2 years until I broke up with her for my exwife... After we had gotten back together from the split, she was wayyyyyy more invested in the relationship than I was. However, looking back, I should have stayed single for a while...

Branch swinging does not fix the problems within... my emotional dependence on women is frightening and I need to fix that... part of the reason I am so torn about even meeting women right now...

 

[BeTheChange]

It's just human nature, both sexes do it.

She likely won't miss me until that guy drops her or dates around a bit and realizes she what she had. Hopefully that doesn't happen anytime soon because I may not be strong enough yet to resist. It's weird... I dated a girl when I was 20 and she dumped me after 9 months of dating for another dude (same weak needy BS). I let her back in after 3 months, and we stayed together for 2 years until I broke up with her for my exwife... After we had gotten back together from the split, she was wayyyyyy more invested in the relationship than I was. However, looking back, I should have stayed single for a while...

Branch swinging does not fix the problems within... my emotional dependence on women is frightening and I need to fix that... part of the reason I am so torn about even meeting women right now...

It's great that you recognize this. A breakup really lets you realise how weak you've become.

I wouldn't necessarily stay away from dating entirely though since the process of becoming a better man takes place over time. For example I'm enjoying the single life while also actively working on dealing with whatever inner demons contributed to the negative aspects of my previous relationship.

It doesn't need to be one or the other as long as you have the emotional maturity to not take these girls seriously. If you think you are simply in danger of falling headfirst into a new relationship then, yes dating wouldn't be the best idea.

 

[Roober]

It's great that you recognize this. A breakup really lets you realise how weak you've become.

I wouldn't necessarily stay away from dating entirely though since the process of becoming a better man takes place over time. For example I'm enjoying the single life while also actively working on dealing with whatever inner demons contributed to the negative aspects of my previous relationship.

It doesn't need to be one or the other as long as you have the emotional maturity to not take these girls seriously. If you think you are simply in danger of falling headfirst into a new relationship then, yes dating wouldn't be the best idea.

That is my exact fear, probably has to do with my mommy issues... sigh...

I am not going to close doors to opportunities, but I just need to tread very carefully.

 

[Firestar786]

6 days

Another 54 days left.

 

[Roober]

6 days

Another 54 days left.

Keep on keeping on. Those first couple weeks are rough. Why only 54 days?

 

[RoKKo]

Day 30

Am I learning the knowledge of becoming an DJ out of revenge? To meet her again in maybe half a year of later, just to revenge**** and dump her? Just to make her feel what i felt at the moment of the breakup and especially the time after? Why do i feel hate about her and myself for something that could be the best thing in my life? What a scary nightmare... thinking about having her married of even children with her and being in this situation too.
Every post about cheating still aches and makes me think about the past (like: when exactly could ... i lost control in my relationship). I know she is definitly not worth having so much pain and trouble, yet i dont seem to fully comprehend this yet.

All in all i am way too dependent from women. If i would meet a new woman, I would definitly try to possess her, to make her mine and probably would do anything for her (making the same mistakes over and over again; stop going to the gym etc)... I probably shouldnt even try dating at all and start working on a much healthier mindset.

Are these thoughts and questions a sign of healing or a hint that i develope myself on a good direction? Did any of you got similar thought processes after a breakup?

 

[Darrenez]

Hi guys,


I’ll just summarise and would appreciate your advice guys although I know No Contact is the way to go. Me and my ex broke up on Saturday although I stupidly went out with her last night for a meal even though she said she wanted to be friends, I thought I could change her mind.


We had only been together 4 months, I’m 35, she is 26. I done a lot for her and compared to her exs who had both cheated on her , I treated her very well. Brought her things, took her to London, gave advice etc all the usual things a guy does for his GF and thought I should treat her well and look after her since she has been messed around by her exs.


Anyway, went out for this meal last night and we had another row again quite a big one when I gave her some home truths on how she made me feel during the 4 months we were together. For example being cold towards me, not informing me when she was over an hour late for a home cooked meal I had made for her etc.


Cut a long story short, I dropped her off last night at her flat and also threw her roses and chocolates out of the car when she got out. I brought these as I felt bad for several arguments we had the week before and thought it was a nice thing to do. Early this morning she sent me a message saying she was sorry for the argument and that should have tolerated me more during the relationship…I haven’t replied and I’ m assuming I shouldn’t? …What kind of message will send out to her? I think the last few weeks I have definitely come across as a little needy and insecure. This is because of the way I let her make me feel. So should I reply back to her sorry message, I also had a missed call from her.

 

[Darrenez]

Also to add to above...She has since messaged me 3 times. She has said hello? i hope you don't hate me. and she apologised again...Advice guys, I feel bad not replying esp when she has apologised a few times...i mean I did throw chocolates and roses out of the car towards her.. But over the months she has frustrated me a number of times and made me feel like I wasn't important to her at all.

 

[BeTheChange]

@Darrenez

Your ex (rightly) sees you as a b*tch in this relationship. The best thing you could do for yourself is to grab your balls back (they're probably inside your ex's counter somewhere), remove this woman from your life, get through 60 days NC and actually try and absorb the philosophy of this website.

You've been here since 2014 so I'm struggling to understand how you can't see what a pvssy you've been. I'm all for woman bashing when it's justified but frankly your ex doesn't seem to be the problem here. It's you. Grow a backbone. Why are you regurgitating your emotions on to your gf? If you feel like you need to get it out do it here or with a trusted friend. NEVER to your gf. All that achieves is the drying up of her vag*na walls and if she doesn't dump you there, then she will later use this against you. It's a no win situation.

If she makes you feeeeeel bad then either work on your inner game or dump her. You're talking like a woman. It's unseemly.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Hi guys,


I’ll just summarise and would appreciate your advice guys although I know No Contact is the way to go. Me and my ex broke up on Saturday although I stupidly went out with her last night for a meal even though she said she wanted to be friends, I thought I could change her mind.


We had only been together 4 months, I’m 35, she is 26. I done a lot for her and compared to her exs who had both cheated on her , I treated her very well. Brought her things, took her to London, gave advice etc all the usual things a guy does for his GF and thought I should treat her well and look after her since she has been messed around by her exs.


Anyway, went out for this meal last night and we had another row again quite a big one when I gave her some home truths on how she made me feel during the 4 months we were together. For example being cold towards me, not informing me when she was over an hour late for a home cooked meal I had made for her etc.


Cut a long story short, I dropped her off last night at her flat and also threw her roses and chocolates out of the car when she got out. I brought these as I felt bad for several arguments we had the week before and thought it was a nice thing to do. Early this morning she sent me a message saying she was sorry for the argument and that should have tolerated me more during the relationship…I haven’t replied and I’ m assuming I shouldn’t? …What kind of message will send out to her? I think the last few weeks I have definitely come across as a little needy and insecure. This is because of the way I let her make me feel. So should I reply back to her sorry message, I also had a missed call from her.

You was kinda her "daddy"... Hey I been in the same position and they take it for granted and take advantage of it. They wanna play with their peers and they will be sneeking behind you.

You did way too much for her. We have to be smarter about balancing how much we give with how much they are giving. I don't know if your wrecked, but I do know she's not taking you serious. Perhaps she needs to know you have other babes or feel it. Also stop doing some of the stuff for her.

 

[Darrenez]

Hi Mrgoodstuff and Bethechange...

Yes I have done 90 days No contact before so I know I can do 30 days no problem. Just wanted reassurance to let me know I was doing exactly the right thing in ignoring her. I don't have really strong feelings for her so I know it won't be a problem.Maybe she just wants me to text her or apologise to ease her conscience, which I won't do. I def have been a bit of a bi%$h the last few weeks and I am annoyed with myself for letting myself be this way recently. It does feel good to have the upper hand now and will not text back.I even said last night...don't worry I won't text you ever again so I need to keep to this promise. Haha...Its definelty her loss.