You got some sound points there and you know what direction you want to go in all of this and it sounds like you're going with your gut instinct.Strong secure men give value to other because they have so much value in themselves to give. Alpha men don't need to suck value from other people. This is what I need help on the most, and this is what I need to help myself on the most. I need to become a strong man. I need to accept that I have deep rooted insecurities and that they are affecting my actions in a negative way.
You're right about the secure men thing you wrote, but also remember that secure men know when to stop giving value and to walk away in some cases. Not because you're a jerk, selfish or what ever other bs. It's because you have to realise when the other person is starting to take advantage\ take the p1ss out of that fact.
When you stop or walk away that's you keeping your best interests and doing you\ maintaining your frame.
That's one thing I didn't do and learnt from with my past deep rooted insecurities, that I then projected on to my BPD ex. As you can guess it left me in a similar predicament as yourself.
But keep on going man, it sounds like you're heading in the right direction to sort these issues out and you're thinking about them logically. One thing I will say is from past errors Is don't tell your current GF too much about your ex cos they can dig that 5hit up and turn it on you. Feel it out and keep it brief and short where need be.
Keep going man.
Adz--