The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Carpathian]

Day1

We had a long-distance relationship which lasted a year. On the day before we met again, she told/wrote me about how i would be everything for her. The very next day afterwards she acted the completly opposide, asking me why i didnt like her anymore. I got totally confused and didnt know what to do in this situation. Shortly after she said she has no feelings for me and broke up. (Lets just be friends) Never in my life i felt this humiliated before. Betrayed, lied, left alone, i even lose hair to this ****...

After reading in this and other forums and especially after that "sudden swing" i noticed (hopefully this will change to "realized" soon) that i definitly have to change my way about how to treat women. For my and their sake. As a beginner in this scene, i will definitly read the basics here and test it on other women because i have to (and i want to) change my attitude Thanks for this forum and the community to be a source of information and helping me getting through this tough time for me.

Cu in a few days! - RoKKo

The most important thing is to NEVER make her the number one thing in your life, or certainly, never let her THINK she is the most important thing. Now, that doesn't mean treat her like a ****. It means maintain your own identity as a man and continue to do the things you like to do, when you like to do them and let her fit around you (within reason), NOT the other way round. As soon as she detects signals from you that you are more into her than she is into you, by being too available, too easy, not being the leader, complementing her too much, being too generous (all beta male behaviors) the relationship is ultimately doomed and you will struggle to ever get it back. Been there and got the T shirt like most others on this forum.

 

[Freedom19]

Day 3 (Again)

Went on a trip out of the country this weekend to get a change of scenery and was not able to post here. She has been messaging me the whole of last week with declarations of undying love and inability to continue living etc... Cracked on Sunday and replied. A bit of a backstory on the break up. She was moving to another city and wanted to colocate with her "guy bestfriend" who happens to be a natural. Long story short, it did not sit right with me and we parted ways on this point. So anyway, I cracked on Sunday and replied if she stops the colocation, we can rediscuss, if not, well, stop messaging me... She thanked me for my ultimatum and wished me luck. I never replied since then and she hasn't messaged either.

I feel like crap about cracking hence I restarted the NC counter from Sunday again... Anyway, started running again.. Restarted my French classes. Joining a gym today. And picking up dance class tom.

 

[MrWood]

seems you got clarity and closure from her actions...

 

[finality]

Day 7

Second longest streak in 8 months

 

[Freedom19]

Day 4

I think she is cracking. 4 messages and 1 call from her yesterday. NC still in effect as I did not reply.

She wants to have one last discussion (phone call) about her choice of appartment and breakup overall. She seems to be suffering. I feel bad about that and am thinking it will not hurt to give her closure but am not sure about this point... Any advice?

 

[MrWood]

she has a history of becoming Dr. Jekyll when she is around her friends (specifically guy friends).

this is really all you need to know... isnt it?

 

[Freedom19]

this is really all you need to know... isnt it?

I guess that is all I need to know. Thanks!

 

[RoKKo]

Day 4

Hi folks, after i told my ex to not contacting me anymore, she really didnt contact me (which i feel "okay" to "good" about). I began eating a lot more, my hair seem to grow back and after all i feel a little bit relieved. It feels like a tiny bit of a huge rock-full of stress slowly falling apart from me. I didnt start to activly change myself in my behaviour right now (like strifing to my lifetime-goals or going to the gym). But what i did in the last days was asking about my fundamental beliefe system in what is the man i want to become really like about and what do i have to change to really become that man. i bought a tiny notebook to keep track about this thought process. I finally am able to stop thinking about her non-stop and stop beating myself down in the thought process on "what can i do to make she like me more". This thinking becomes more and more self-orientated. Had casual conversations to 2 women waiting for the bus. I also began to seeing other women as sexy instead of having only eyes for Her.

Carpathians' post is definitly worth reading it and it was a little eye-opener for me. Focusing on my own life instead of making other people happy is a thing i want to change about myself (and probably comes from an imagined low-self esteem). thanks for that post.

Cu in a few Days - RoKKo

 

[finality]

Day 8.

Have a date tonight with a girl I already banged. Tomorrow I have 2 first dates, one a walk with the dog and the other out for drinks.

Doesn't make a difference though..can't stop thinking about the BPD ex. I feel so defeated. That's just real talk.

I'll go out and put on a charming mask and game new women to bed but its all fake..I just miss my ex. Feel almost suicidal. These BPD women are devils.

 

[Roober]

Day 8.

Have a date tonight with a girl I already banged. Tomorrow I have 2 first dates, one a walk with the dog and the other out for drinks.

Doesn't make a difference though..can't stop thinking about the BPD ex. I feel so defeated. That's just real talk.

I'll go out and put on a charming mask and game new women to bed but its all fake..I just miss my ex. Feel almost suicidal. These BPD women are devils.

Stay strong man, it will pass!

 

[Broken_heart83]

Day 6
Background: met this girl at work in august. Went out for about two months, where during that time i have offered her just a "no strings" attached relationship seeing how i am going to move out of town in less than a year (although i would have been happy to have a lifetime partner). She said that she wanted to move with me as she didnt really like her job anymore anyways. During that time, she dropped the L-Bomb on me. Things were going great and that resulted in me letting my guard down. After her 1 week trip, she text-dumped me saying she needed time for herself and that she wasnt ready for a long term relationship. I feel betrayed. I broke NC twice last week: first time, i wanted closure and wanted an explanation but seeing her, i didnt want any explanation and just left after making sure she was ok. Second time, my ex texted me to give me back my stuff and i ended up telling her to dump everything in the garbage.

So now on day 6 of NC. This morning was really hard waking up. So currently sharing my experience

Another issue is that i have ordered a custom made non-refundable winter coat for my ex. I hate wasting $$$: i would have thrown it out upon reception if it didnt cost me 400$. Planning on dropping it at her door the day i receive without any note or anything. Is that appropriate in a situation of NC?

 

[Roober]

Day 6
Background: met this girl at work in august. Went out for about two months, where during that time i have offered her just a "no strings" attached relationship seeing how i am going to move out of town in less than a year (although i would have been happy to have a lifetime partner). She said that she wanted to move with me as she didnt really like her job anymore anyways. During that time, she dropped the L-Bomb on me. Things were going great and that resulted in me letting my guard down. After her 1 week trip, she text-dumped me saying she needed time for herself and that she wasnt ready for a long term relationship. I feel betrayed. I broke NC twice last week: first time, i wanted closure and wanted an explanation but seeing her, i didnt want any explanation and just left after making sure she was ok. Second time, my ex texted me to give me back my stuff and i ended up telling her to dump everything in the garbage.

So now on day 6 of NC. This morning was really hard waking up. So currently sharing my experience

Another issue is that i have ordered a custom made non-refundable winter coat for my ex. I hate wasting $$$: i would have thrown it out upon reception if it didnt cost me 400$. Planning on dropping it at her door the day i receive without any note or anything. Is that appropriate in a situation of NC?

$400 gift after two months? eesh... got a family member or friend that wants it? Maybe donate it? Hold onto it for another girl?

Do not give it to her, that is totally breaking NC

 

[Broken_heart83]

Wintercoat was custom made to her measurements. Guess i could give it to another friend. Just need to find the fit but i woulda like to avoid the constant reminder of my ex when i see the coat. At worse, i can shove it in a drawer until the NC period has passed, and she asks for her other stuff back and leave it to her then

 

[Roober]

Day 1

Broke up last night. The seriousness of our relationship scared her, which to me says she still wants to get around. Pretty confident she won't reach out. Been making a list of things which I should not have ignored. I can look back at this when I feel the urge to break no contact.

-She starts work at 7am, and would call me at 715, "running late" regularly - illustrates crappy work ethic
-This may sound stupid, but she is wildly inefficient... probably helps explain why she always feels busy...
-She doesn't cook or clean - I cook a lot and keep my shizz clean...
-When she stays over, she lays in bed till 11am... I am an 8-9am guy... I don't mind being lazy, but jeez....
-Parenting wise? My ex-wife used to drive me crazy because she wouldn't spend time with the boys cause of "projects". This girl doesn't spend time with her kid because of herself
-She is 29: lives with parents, expects them to help with her kid, they are giving her a car, charge very little for rent, don't give her any chores, etc... spoiled!
-She has zero credit - i got her her first credit card 3 months ago (mine is at 840, so this is important)
-She's a single mom, who got dumped with a 4-month old. What kind of woman gets dumped with a 4-month old?
-She is "highly independent" and likes alone time... a lot of it, so she....
-she watches TV and reads
-No hobbies or anything interesting
-She doesn't exercise, eat well, or take care of herself. It is amazing how slim she is...
-She is not growing. I got irked when she gave me crap for watching TED Talks, and reading training books (I work in corporate training and development)
-She almost always seems either moody or tired
-Constantly something wrong with her, gassy, bloated, upset stomach, etc.
-We had a pregnancy scare after two months, and she was really upset when it didn't happen.... EESH!
-She had sex with her ex when he was married about 2 years ago (they have been split up for 5 years)... maybe less?
-She has had what I guess to be 30-40 partners...

/end rant

On the plus side, this was a fantastic learning experience. She communicated with me, and allowed me to identify the problems with myself. While it does hurt, I will be so much better for it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

$400 gift after two months? eesh... got a family member or friend that wants it? Maybe donate it? Hold onto it for another girl?

Do not give it to her, that is totally breaking NC

The gifts are stupid, unless she's spending money like that on you. There is no gain in it in a majority of todays women. They will respect you LESS for being generous.

 

[Broken_heart83]

The gifts are stupid, unless she's spending money like that on you. There is no gain in it in a majority of todays women. They will respect you LESS for being generous.

Good point. Will probably give it to a friend of mine. Will not break NC for that, not keep the coat until NC is over. I love my ex and believe she has her own reason for letting go, and giving her the coat will not be easy on me nor her

 

[Carpathian]

Day 6
<snip>
Another issue is that i have ordered a custom made non-refundable winter coat for my ex. I hate wasting $$$: i would have thrown it out upon reception if it didnt cost me 400$. Planning on dropping it at her door the day i receive without any note or anything. Is that appropriate in a situation of NC?

WTF? Are you insane? That will make you look a pathetic, weasly wuss.... You should rather see it in the trash than give it to HER. Please tell us you did not give it to her?

 

[Carpathian]

They will respect you LESS for being generous.

100% correct. Being overly generous makes you look pathetic and weak, like you are having to be generous to cover up for some serious lack in your character elsewhere or you feel that in buying her things you are, infact, buying HER. This is laughably wrong and a lot of guys make this mistake (me included in my AFC days...). You buy gifts and presents for your serious and long term partner and even then ONLY IF SHE RECIPROCATES.

 

[BeTheChange]

Happy Birthday b*tch!

 

[Broken_heart83]

Mmm. Thought this was a support group. There are ways to say things upfront without making people feel like ****. And no, i did not give her the coat