**** test, or is this girl so selfish beyond reality

[ChristopherColumbus]

The church situation just came up, which is odd because like i said i am the churchgoer she is not. oh for sure, she can be a lot of fun and very caring, or a mean *****. I dont deal with it. why have i stayed in it? i have no intention of ever getting married, did that once and it didnt work out, wont ever waste that money again or give that trust out again. so i guess i have dealt with it as i am now seeing myself as a serial ltr guy. have a companion around until it doesnt work anymore then i guess find a new one. I have given up hope on a reliable, valuable partner in this life.

It may be hard to find that reliable valuable partner... but you can never give up hope... hope being an integral part of your life as a church-goer. Keep your standards high, and stay super-selective.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It may be hard to find that reliable valuable partner... but you can never give up hope... hope being an integral part of your life as a church-goer. Keep your standards high, and stay super-selective.

His reliable partner may be in his church of choice. Join the churches single group.

 

[exhausted]

Oh wow, I find that absolutely bizarre that she wants you to leave the Church. She should appreciate the loyalty and devotion you have shown to something over the course of your life, and then thank her lucky stars that she could be part of that [you have the character capable of loyalty and devotion!]. Is this girl capable of gratitude?

Is she stuck in her head, and ideologically opposed to your religion? This is a huge red flag in my opinion, and will give you no end of trouble in an LLTR.

These kind of people spend their lives 'church-hopping', end up being disillusioned, and more often than not get divorced.

Consider the meaning of religio = bind. Most people are obsessed with freedom today, and that does not bode too well for a LLTR/ marriage.

You made the right decision.

I agree and find it odd she who has never had any religious drive or faith is keen on getting me to go with her somewhere else even if it is every other time. Especially since I am the one rooted in religion and faith. I am not a crazed Catholic, there are things I dont agree with but at this age I just overlook the negative and take the positive to be the best person and christian I can be, where as she never goes to church and is not a Godly person like I am. So why so keen on getting me to leave my church even half the time and go w her somewhere else, somewhere where she doesnt even know or have? Control that is why, making a snarky comment saying I wont leave my mommy is disturbing. I told her one time, see my dad died a few years ago, he was my best friend, well I told her he is no longer here, my son and I always met my parents at church, anyways I told her my dad is gone but now I stand in his place for the family and in faith in my church to honor him. So she turns that around saying i wont leave my mommy. I think it is pretty awful and disturbing. Like she is controlling and jealous.......

 

[dude99]

good point.
talking to her today now she is at the point that she thinks things should be "fair" for her to go with me to mine and then me go with her to hers taking turns. I said first off if you dont have a church why not give mine a shot, she refuses with no good points at all except she doesnt want to be Catholic, i said fine, dont be, my buddy and his wife go and she is not Catholic but goes anyway. She refuses, I think its odd i should be switching every week to help her find and look for a faith she wants. if you want me forever why not compromise to my church since i have 30 years of consistency and she has none? her response is that it should be even , fair....she just doesnt get it. if she was already rooted in her religion I would understand taking turns back and forth but she isnt.
this is nothing more than control and selfishness, but in a very abrupt way, not like all her other little hidden controlled nuances that subtly came out.

She wanted to move in yet said she would only pay 100$ to cover two utilites.
I said not fair, move in and we will split everything down the middle. She said that is not fair because she didnt pick out my house so she shouldnt have to pay for it...haha.. wtf
i said if you live somewhere u should pay half, she says no . i said what happens if we go out to eat and a movie, who pays and she said i should i am the man. i said so i am suppose to pay for everything and then when we go out pay for that too? and u think that wont cause problems or resentment.
in a marriage i think you put money tog, but to just live with someone who can bail at any notice no way, not getting killed like that again.
This girl is a nutjob

This girl isn't interested in fair. She is interestednin winning. She wants to fight and argue about fighting and arguing. You are using logic and she just wants to win.

I admire your patients because i would have kicked her to the curb long ago.

 

[grayclif]

I have been seeing this girl for a little over 2 years.
Long story short, I am catholic and 38 and have always gone to church regularly.
My girl has gone to church a few times in her life.

She has gone once with me, never again.
Anyways, I am the churchgoer and hold a strong connection to my faith, she is not a churchgoer or faithfully strong. She has attended a Baptist church a few times over the years, I went with her once.

Long story short she wants me to leave my church and go search for one with her to go to. I have raised my son in my church and attend with my family. My family has a strong Godly bond, despite Catholicism having some flaws as all religions, I overlook them and take the best out of it. She even goes to say I wont leave my "mommy". This is clearly just mean and hatred behavior, I explained I truly am bonded with my church and would go to one with her but I am not leaving mine. She turns this into me never compromising anything for her, which is crazy because she is not a churchgoer....We are not married or engaged, why would I change my faith for someone who may not be here tomorrow especially when she knows how important it is to me.

I find it very unnerving that my girl wants me to leave my church and go find one with her to start.
What is worse is that she is mad at me because I will not leave my church and family to go start a new faith with her.

It is like she is controlling and wants the power over me that I will leave my faith and family for her. It is absolutely outrageous to ask this of me, if we were married then I would understand.

I asked her to start going with me consistently to see if she will take to mine, she said she doesnt want to be a Catholic and does not want to have to stand up and kneel down???

She complains saying I wont try to be a family with her because I wont switch (she doesnt even have a religion wants to go to other churches to find one) and go with her and her daughter.

I find it deeply troubling in the last, she is a bit of a nut job and portrays selfish and self centered single kid syndrome, she can be an absolute brat about anything in life.

So because of this, among many things I have bailed out as she shows no compassion for what is important to me, pretty much treats me in the love you or hate you way of treatment, and she is quite the mean person honestly.

Any thoughts on my decision are welcome.

ps, I have been very open to attending a diff church with her in the idea that I will continue to go to mine as I dont want to leave it, I can go to two makes no diff to me, she wont go with me though or give it a chance.

OP. My general feeling is this. A woman is to become a part of the world her man create's. If she won't join you in your church going or at the very least accept your devoutness she doesn't belong with you.

I think this is a little more than a shyt test. A line has been drawn in the sand.

 

[exhausted]

Oh wow, I find that absolutely bizarre that she wants you to leave the Church. She should appreciate the loyalty and devotion you have shown to something over the course of your life, and then thank her lucky stars that she could be part of that [you have the character capable of loyalty and devotion!]. Is this girl capable of gratitude?

Is she stuck in her head, and ideologically opposed to your religion? This is a huge red flag in my opinion, and will give you no end of trouble in an LLTR.

These kind of people spend their lives 'church-hopping', end up being disillusioned, and more often than not get divorced.

Consider the meaning of religio = bind. Most people are obsessed with freedom today, and that does not bode too well for a LLTR/ marriage.

You made the right decision.

OP. My general feeling is this. A woman is to become a part of the world her man create's. If she won't join you in your church going or at the very least accept your devoutness she doesn't belong with you.

I think this is a little more than a shyt test. A line has been drawn in the sand.

I agree, I think it is about control and being the boss. I have been rooted in my belief in God since she has known me, her not so much. I an avid churchgoer, her finds an excuse not to go.
She has shown other signs of control, she spends her money on whatever and I dont say a word, if I spend my money on things she complains. Like what the hell?
Last year she bought a four wheeler, than a few months later I bought mine, she complained about me buying one...WTF? btw I make more money than her and always have money, a great savings as well, she makes good money but has so many bills that even living with her parents she only has a few hundred dollars in her account after bills each month. How does someone who screwed up with money give someone like me a tough time when i have managed mine very well. I have no debt besides my house or car. I want something I buy it outright.

I guess looking back there are tons of RED flags, I knew there are.
I truly love this girl and I like her, but when she goes manic or bipolar she is unbearable........As that is what I am diagnosing her with.

 

[exhausted]

The issue isn't your church. The issue here is you have an inflexible spoiled brat on your hands that cannot handle not getting her way. The proof in that was the comment she made about your mother. She wasn't getting her way so she resorted to insulting your manhood. That right there is grounds to kick her to curb. Anytime a chick disrespects you, that shows that she doesn't love you and in a 2 year relationship she should adore the ground you walk on because you blessed her wirh being exclusive with her. She sounds like a selfish brat that can't not have her way.

2nd issue. You two are unequalled yoked in your religions point of view. This will always be a wall between you both as she proved this by wanting you to leave your church to find another one-- one of her choice.

This behaviour is why men dump chicks. Controlling, disrespectful, and insulting. Let me guess, you two don't have sex like you used to.

My advise. Put your foot down. Tell her to smarten up be a man about it. Tell her you won't tollerate bad behaviour. If she doesn't like it then kick her to the curb.

I reread this again and it hits home. Its hard to let someone go but when they are so unwilling it really shows i have no choice.
This girl has a 5 year old who loves me and im wonderful to, even help parent yet she wont compromise anything for me its always about compromiaing for her.

 

[sodbuster]

She wants your money to spend the way she wants..... What she makes is hers, what you make is "ours" aka "hers" . That's a bigger red flag than what hangs over the local stadium....

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

We face a fork in the road; do we just accept that this is the way woman are, and correlate our behavior accordingly to the mass of woman out there, or....

maintain our standards and look for those diamonds in the rough. Screening, quality control, hard work, and patience are called for here as they are hard to find. But that comes as no surprise as we all know that what is valuable is scarce. Next, when you do find that diamond in the rough, you set about polishing it!

Actually, half of the problem turns out to be ourselves. A culture of instant gratification has so weakened us these days that we often lack the inner qualities that make for the character of a true Don Juan.

 

[exhausted]

Is this another rationalization for why it takes you 5 dates to kiss a woman on the lips?



Aye. It just sounds worse and worse.

She is walking all over you, OP.

You really need to get rid of her ASAP.



And you are raising her kid too? It's your house?

What a bad situation. And there is nobody to blame but yourself.

Don't blame her. You should have stood up for yourself.

It doesn't seem like you have boundaries or restrictions - just compromise after compromise.

Sorry I was not clear, we do not live tog and she only has her kid 50% of the time, but when I am around her I assist as a parent, which is very helpful to her. Just something I would think she would appreciate, yet she doesnt, there is always a problem.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Is this another rationalization for why it takes you 5 dates to kiss a woman on the lips?

You exaggerate. I said 3.

 

[exhausted]

You have compromised until you have finally had enough.

This woman will suck you dry (not in the good way), if you allow her to. And, when she finally dumps you (nothing lasts forever), you will be a shell of yourself.

Get rid of her ASAP. And have strong boundaries with women in future.

What church you go to, and how you spend your money, shouldn't even be up for discussion.

I agree, thanks.

She is the typical woman of today, spoiled brat who wants to control everything, has a say in anything I do or money I spend but she is not allowed to be questioned.

Thing is, she admits being a bossy brat, she just cant help it and is not able to stray from her **** programming.

She has said many times she is her own worst enemy and that she makes bad choices, yet doesnt listen to any advice and declines learning or growing.

It is a very shame, she does not know what she is in for as I am gone, because once she starts dating someone else and they kick her kid around it will kill her heart and soul knowing she screwed up with me.

My absence will be deafening.

 

[exhausted]

This is just the beginning of a miserable life with her if you chose to stay. For now its church, if you marry her, the house won't be good enough, or the location won't be good enough, blah blah blah. It never ends.

This is controlling, manipulative, selfish behavior.

You need to read the book called Predatory Female.

http://clanrossi.org/Wordpress/lawrence-shannon-the-predatory-female.pdf

Its real sad when someone has zero respect for something that is important to you. This is not love at all. YOU need to tell her that and the sooner you realize this, the better you will be.
If you are smart, you will leave. But stick with her and come back when you gave her every thing she wanted and it still wasn't good enough.

thanks for the link, my God so much spot on.
you are right, she is never happy there will always be a problem and usually over nothing.
One time on a Saturday, She asked me to run an errand for her, I was busy as **** all day and told her I didnt have time, she got mad at me calling me an ******* while yelling at me and hanging up on me, all because i didnt have time to run an errand for her she herself did not want to run....wtf...its not like i was at the bar, i was in the middle of working on my house. that was the first time her true ******* self came out, about 7 months into the relationship. i didnt talk to her for 2 days after that. thinking back this girls behavior is truly terrible, such a mouth.

 

[dude99]

I reread this again and it hits home. Its hard to let someone go but when they are so unwilling it really shows i have no choice.
This girl has a 5 year old who loves me and im wonderful to, even help parent yet she wont compromise anything for me its always about compromiaing for her.

This is a perfect example of a selfish self centered inflexible woman who puts her wants and demands ahead of her child and her mans.

It may be hard on you i get it you don't want to hurt the kid, but she will take advantage of your feelings for her kid to manipulate you. She will use her kid and your feelings as leverage against you to win.

This is the selfish biatch trap. Beware of this before she moves in and has you paying her bills and supporting her kid only to divorce (legally married or commo law. Either way you are screwed.) And talkes half your life savings and demands support payments.

When they are more interested in winning than the feelings of who they effect, you must walk away.

Inflexable = undatable. Don't reward bad quality women with your attention/affection/relationship.

 

[dude99]

I agree, thanks.

She is the typical woman of today, spoiled brat who wants to control everything, has a say in anything I do or money I spend but she is not allowed to be questioned.

Thing is, she admits being a bossy brat, she just cant help it and is not able to stray from her **** programming.

She has said many times she is her own worst enemy and that she makes bad choices, yet doesnt listen to any advice and declines learning or growing.

It is a very shame, she does not know what she is in for as I am gone, because once she starts dating someone else and they kick her kid around it will kill her heart and soul knowing she screwed up with me.

My absence will be deafening.

So she admits she is rhe problem but refuses to learn or change.

You can't dump this one fast enough dude

 

[exhausted]

Try not to fall into the mindset of punishing her - think only about your own health and happiness.

She needs dumping.

Usually I slow-fade. I would not suggest that you do this, because this woman has become abusive.

I suggest you cut her out of your life quickly and effectively. Get your things, give her belongings back. Tell her it's done, and then ignore any communication.

Do not let her lure you with anything, or try to manipulate your emotions.

Each woman is practice for the next, and you should have learnt a lesson here about having boundaries.

Onwards and upwards, mate

Good points. Positive energy not negative. Thx.

 

[dude99]

Good points. Positive energy not negative. Thx.

The best thing to do is tell her it is over and your decision is final.

Do not get into "why" because then she will try to manuipulate you by giving you counter reasons and bargining with you. The "ill change," or " what if i promose not to ----, anymore?" Behaviour will come out.

Do not get into why. Only "its over. My decision is final and that is all you need to know."

Also dump her at her place. This way you can leave. Do not dump her at your place. Then she won't leave.

 

[exhausted]

The best thing to do is tell her it is over and your decision is final.

Do not get into "why" because then she will try to manuipulate you by giving you counter reasons and bargining with you. The "ill change," or " what if i promose not to ----, anymore?" Behaviour will come out.

Do not get into why. Only "its over. My decision is final and that is all you need to know."

Also dump her at her place. This way you can leave. Do not dump her at your place. Then she won't leave.

Did it on the phone tonight, everything is just over her head as she is so selfish she does not have the ability to even comprehend how her actions, terrible behavior have resulted in this situation. Her complaint is that she wants more, my complaint is that I dont move to the next step with someone who is so unreliable, mad and causing trouble all the time. Of course she blames it all on me and acts like I am the guilty party, I just stayed composed and just took it to get off the phone. Last thing she said to me was she will not be talking to me anymore, then five mins later I get two fb messages in which I will not read. Good God, what does it take to find a good woman these days? I put myself through college while raising my son alone, am successful professionally and have wonderful friends and family, but cant find a quality woman to save my life.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Did it on the phone tonight, everything is just over her head as she is so selfish she does not have the ability to even comprehend how her actions, terrible behavior have resulted in this situation. Her complaint is that she wants more, my complaint is that I dont move to the next step with someone who is so unreliable, mad and causing trouble all the time. Of course she blames it all on me and acts like I am the guilty party, I just stayed composed and just took it to get off the phone. Last thing she said to me was she will not be talking to me anymore, then five mins later I get two fb messages in which I will not read. Good God, what does it take to find a good woman these days? I put myself through college while raising my son alone, am successful professionally and have wonderful friends and family, but cant find a quality woman to save my life.

You can find a good woman. She will be a little heavier, less makeup, less fashion. She will be smarter, more logical and actually help you.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

You can find a good woman. She will be a little heavier, less makeup, less fashion. She will be smarter, more logical and actually help you.

Yes, it is interesting what makes for attraction. I'm sure there is an inverse ratio at work, when the appreciation of personality comes into play, which can make women wildly different in appearances equally attractive.

No scratch that, this doesn't work. The personality ALWAYS trumps the appearances, whether that appearance be stunning or average.