**** test, or is this girl so selfish beyond reality

[exhausted]

I have been seeing this girl for a little over 2 years.
Long story short, I am catholic and 38 and have always gone to church regularly.
My girl has gone to church a few times in her life.

She has gone once with me, never again.
Anyways, I am the churchgoer and hold a strong connection to my faith, she is not a churchgoer or faithfully strong. She has attended a Baptist church a few times over the years, I went with her once.

Long story short she wants me to leave my church and go search for one with her to go to. I have raised my son in my church and attend with my family. My family has a strong Godly bond, despite Catholicism having some flaws as all religions, I overlook them and take the best out of it. She even goes to say I wont leave my "mommy". This is clearly just mean and hatred behavior, I explained I truly am bonded with my church and would go to one with her but I am not leaving mine. She turns this into me never compromising anything for her, which is crazy because she is not a churchgoer....We are not married or engaged, why would I change my faith for someone who may not be here tomorrow especially when she knows how important it is to me.

I find it very unnerving that my girl wants me to leave my church and go find one with her to start.
What is worse is that she is mad at me because I will not leave my church and family to go start a new faith with her.

It is like she is controlling and wants the power over me that I will leave my faith and family for her. It is absolutely outrageous to ask this of me, if we were married then I would understand.

I asked her to start going with me consistently to see if she will take to mine, she said she doesnt want to be a Catholic and does not want to have to stand up and kneel down???

She complains saying I wont try to be a family with her because I wont switch (she doesnt even have a religion wants to go to other churches to find one) and go with her and her daughter.

I find it deeply troubling in the last, she is a bit of a nut job and portrays selfish and self centered single kid syndrome, she can be an absolute brat about anything in life.

So because of this, among many things I have bailed out as she shows no compassion for what is important to me, pretty much treats me in the love you or hate you way of treatment, and she is quite the mean person honestly.

Any thoughts on my decision are welcome.

ps, I have been very open to attending a diff church with her in the idea that I will continue to go to mine as I dont want to leave it, I can go to two makes no diff to me, she wont go with me though or give it a chance.

 

[exhausted]

You're absolutely right. she's trying to control you. she is selfish and it's a shvit test.

I would expect this from a devout christian or such, but from someone who has nothing really to do with faith or church, kinda crazy to want to take control and force someone to leave their church when she herself doesnt even have one


Women are ****iiing crazy, when I get to heaven I am expecting some answers if not an apology...haha

 

[Big dog]

2 yrs too long. run, run away fast

 

[Filter]

As an outsider and reading your post, I have no idea why you're with her...

But it's never that black and white when you're the one in the relationship. Leave her if you can. She's trying to control you.

 

[sodbuster]

She's NOT a strong believer, in anything except changing you..... drop her azz. Maybe give her a good bye f#ck and kick her to the curb

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Drop her. Nothing but pain and agony ahead for you.

-Augustus-

 

[exhausted]

Drop her. Nothing but pain and agony ahead for you.

-Augustus-

Agreed.

 

[Desdinova]

Tell her flat out that you are not discussing this issue any longer with her. It wasn't an issue when you started dating her, so it shouldn't be an issue now.

 

[CMNILS87]

do not compromise and go to a different church.... If she really enjoys being with you, she'd change for you. Which one is not going to abandon you, Church or a woman?

 

[The Duke]

This is just the beginning of a miserable life with her if you chose to stay. For now its church, if you marry her, the house won't be good enough, or the location won't be good enough, blah blah blah. It never ends.

This is controlling, manipulative, selfish behavior.

You need to read the book called Predatory Female.

http://clanrossi.org/Wordpress/lawrence-shannon-the-predatory-female.pdf

Its real sad when someone has zero respect for something that is important to you. This is not love at all. YOU need to tell her that and the sooner you realize this, the better you will be.
If you are smart, you will leave. But stick with her and come back when you gave her every thing she wanted and it still wasn't good enough.

 

[dude99]

I have been seeing this girl for a little over 2 years.
Long story short, I am catholic and 38 and have always gone to church regularly.
My girl has gone to church a few times in her life.

She has gone once with me, never again.
Anyways, I am the churchgoer and hold a strong connection to my faith, she is not a churchgoer or faithfully strong. She has attended a Baptist church a few times over the years, I went with her once.

Long story short she wants me to leave my church and go search for one with her to go to. I have raised my son in my church and attend with my family. My family has a strong Godly bond, despite Catholicism having some flaws as all religions, I overlook them and take the best out of it. She even goes to say I wont leave my "mommy". This is clearly just mean and hatred behavior, I explained I truly am bonded with my church and would go to one with her but I am not leaving mine. She turns this into me never compromising anything for her, which is crazy because she is not a churchgoer....We are not married or engaged, why would I change my faith for someone who may not be here tomorrow especially when she knows how important it is to me.

I find it very unnerving that my girl wants me to leave my church and go find one with her to start.
What is worse is that she is mad at me because I will not leave my church and family to go start a new faith with her.

It is like she is controlling and wants the power over me that I will leave my faith and family for her. It is absolutely outrageous to ask this of me, if we were married then I would understand.

I asked her to start going with me consistently to see if she will take to mine, she said she doesnt want to be a Catholic and does not want to have to stand up and kneel down???

She complains saying I wont try to be a family with her because I wont switch (she doesnt even have a religion wants to go to other churches to find one) and go with her and her daughter.

I find it deeply troubling in the last, she is a bit of a nut job and portrays selfish and self centered single kid syndrome, she can be an absolute brat about anything in life.

So because of this, among many things I have bailed out as she shows no compassion for what is important to me, pretty much treats me in the love you or hate you way of treatment, and she is quite the mean person honestly.

Any thoughts on my decision are welcome.

ps, I have been very open to attending a diff church with her in the idea that I will continue to go to mine as I dont want to leave it, I can go to two makes no diff to me, she wont go with me though or give it a chance.

The issue isn't your church. The issue here is you have an inflexible spoiled brat on your hands that cannot handle not getting her way. The proof in that was the comment she made about your mother. She wasn't getting her way so she resorted to insulting your manhood. That right there is grounds to kick her to curb. Anytime a chick disrespects you, that shows that she doesn't love you and in a 2 year relationship she should adore the ground you walk on because you blessed her wirh being exclusive with her. She sounds like a selfish brat that can't not have her way.

2nd issue. You two are unequalled yoked in your religions point of view. This will always be a wall between you both as she proved this by wanting you to leave your church to find another one-- one of her choice.

This behaviour is why men dump chicks. Controlling, disrespectful, and insulting. Let me guess, you two don't have sex like you used to.

My advise. Put your foot down. Tell her to smarten up be a man about it. Tell her you won't tollerate bad behaviour. If she doesn't like it then kick her to the curb.

 

[ZTIME]

Religion is a personal thing for you, so don't sway to accommodate others.

A few things I get out of your post listed below:

1. It's apparently your son and not hers. You should be able to instill the belifes you believe are best for him at the church of your choosing. Are you willing to give up that right?

2. "You won't leave your mommy" is a shaming tactic used to make you feel bad about yourself. Her choice in using this verbiage implies that she doesn't have good relations with her own family. Is this really the chick you should be taking family advice from?

3. If she won't go to your church why entertain the idea of going to one with her? Stick to your guns and worship where you want. If she walks away.......you were with the wrong girl to begin with.

4. My assumption is that this is not the only control she's trying to gain. I bet if you think back you'll find that you've changed quite a few things about yourself to keep this chick around. I'd even bet that you're already starting to feel like you're losing control and unhappy.

5. Religion and church is not the issue here. Control and your own self respect is. Two things you should never put in the hands of anyone.

Be blessed and think hard on this one. The things you've posted point directly to a girl that gains full control, loses respect for you and leaves you to restart the same cycle with someone else.

Keep going down the path you're on and I fear I've already provided you with the outcome.

 

[exhausted]

This is just the beginning of a miserable life with her if you chose to stay. For now its church, if you marry her, the house won't be good enough, or the location won't be good enough, blah blah blah. It never ends.

This is controlling, manipulative, selfish behavior.

You need to read the book called Predatory Female.

http://clanrossi.org/Wordpress/lawrence-shannon-the-predatory-female.pdf

Its real sad when someone has zero respect for something that is important to you. This is not love at all. YOU need to tell her that and the sooner you realize this, the better you will be.
If you are smart, you will leave. But stick with her and come back when you gave her every thing she wanted and it still wasn't good enough.

exactly, thank you.
I said if she truly cared about me she would have compassion to something important to me.

 

[exhausted]

The issue isn't your church. The issue here is you have an inflexible spoiled brat on your hands that cannot handle not getting her way. The proof in that was the comment she made about your mother. She wasn't getting her way so she resorted to insulting your manhood. That right there is grounds to kick her to curb. Anytime a chick disrespects you, that shows that she doesn't love you and in a 2 year relationship she should adore the ground you walk on because you blessed her wirh being exclusive with her. She sounds like a selfish brat that can't not have her way.
agreed

2nd issue. You two are unequalled yoked in your religions point of view. This will always be a wall between you both as she proved this by wanting you to leave your church to find another one-- one of her choice.
exactly, I am the churchgoer, she is not, she should tag along as i am the constant christian for 38 years and she is for none. she says i wont compromise for her....i said why am i obligated to leave my religion as a compromise? and viewed wrong if i dont?

This behaviour is why men dump chicks. Controlling, disrespectful, and insulting. Let me guess, you two don't have sex like you used to. the sex is really good, i taught her well, but we dont spend as much time anymore because she is unhappy i havent married her. she has no money to contribute but wants to move in and me take care of her and her kid. not fair for me to lose all my money and not her

My advise. Put your foot down. Tell her to smarten up be a man about it. Tell her you won't tollerate bad behaviour. If she doesn't like it then kick her to the curb.

 

[exhausted]

Thanks for all the replies

She admits in the past to being a control freak.

I dont take **** from her which is why we dont get along, as long as she is the boss in control of everything she is happy. if not she is crazy and mean

like i told her, im not a little ***** like her ex bfs, so i do what i want, respectfully, but she cant handle it and its always a problem

I am out for good, nobody controls my faith and makes me leave my church.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

This has obviously been an issue since before you just now posted this here on SS. Why the hell would you tolerate someone for 2 years who does this crap? You need to kick her butt to the curb yesterday and do a little introspection as to why you would put up with that for so long. To me, it says a lot more about you.

 

[exhausted]

This has obviously been an issue since before you just now posted this here on SS. Why the hell would you tolerate someone for 2 years who does this crap? You need to kick her butt to the curb yesterday and do a little introspection as to why you would put up with that for so long. To me, it says a lot more about you.

The church situation just came up, which is odd because like i said i am the churchgoer she is not. oh for sure, she can be a lot of fun and very caring, or a mean *****. I dont deal with it. why have i stayed in it? i have no intention of ever getting married, did that once and it didnt work out, wont ever waste that money again or give that trust out again. so i guess i have dealt with it as i am now seeing myself as a serial ltr guy. have a companion around until it doesnt work anymore then i guess find a new one. I have given up hope on a reliable, valuable partner in this life.

 

[exhausted]

All relationships are time-limited, anything else is fairy land.

You should keep a woman's neurotic nonsense at arm's length until you do your due diligence.

Your faith should have been a creaking door with this woman that slammed shut upon her lack of obedience. It should never get to the point where she is using smarmyness on you.

We live and learn though, mate. No problem

Just start distancing yourself from her.

good point.
talking to her today now she is at the point that she thinks things should be "fair" for her to go with me to mine and then me go with her to hers taking turns. I said first off if you dont have a church why not give mine a shot, she refuses with no good points at all except she doesnt want to be Catholic, i said fine, dont be, my buddy and his wife go and she is not Catholic but goes anyway. She refuses, I think its odd i should be switching every week to help her find and look for a faith she wants. if you want me forever why not compromise to my church since i have 30 years of consistency and she has none? her response is that it should be even , fair....she just doesnt get it. if she was already rooted in her religion I would understand taking turns back and forth but she isnt.
this is nothing more than control and selfishness, but in a very abrupt way, not like all her other little hidden controlled nuances that subtly came out.

She wanted to move in yet said she would only pay 100$ to cover two utilites.
I said not fair, move in and we will split everything down the middle. She said that is not fair because she didnt pick out my house so she shouldnt have to pay for it...haha.. wtf
i said if you live somewhere u should pay half, she says no . i said what happens if we go out to eat and a movie, who pays and she said i should i am the man. i said so i am suppose to pay for everything and then when we go out pay for that too? and u think that wont cause problems or resentment.
in a marriage i think you put money tog, but to just live with someone who can bail at any notice no way, not getting killed like that again.
This girl is a nutjob

 

[BetterCallSaul]

The church situation just came up, which is odd because like i said i am the churchgoer she is not. oh for sure, she can be a lot of fun and very caring, or a mean *****. I dont deal with it. why have i stayed in it? i have no intention of ever getting married, did that once and it didnt work out, wont ever waste that money again or give that trust out again. so i guess i have dealt with it as i am now seeing myself as a serial ltr guy. have a companion around until it doesnt work anymore then i guess find a new one. I have given up hope on a reliable, valuable partner in this life.

Your follow-up posts are nothing but female bull$hit drama. She adds nothing of value at the core of what you hold sacred in your life and obviously does not respect you. There is zero reason to keep her around unless you too enjoy the drama.

Allow me to share a short story about a couple I am friends with at my church. I've known them about 5 years now and they're just a few years older than myself. Him, I'd rate about a 5, she's a 4 at best. Anyway I recall a conversation his wife and my wife were having one day years ago when they got on the topic of how they met, etc. This guy's wife is a very nice person but is also very direct and doesn't do any sort of PC crap nor does she tend to do any of the usual female antics we've all here on SS come to expect. They dont have a lot of money either, but she did specifically mention that when they first got married though. She said that she just loved her husband as simple as that, and when he asked her to get married, it was a natural thing for her and their relationship. She described it as how she didn't feel complete without him. When her husband talked about immigrating here to the U.S., she told him at the time she didn't care what he wanted to do so long as she could be with him.

At that moment just listening to how she described it, it wasn't some Disney fluffed up princessy love BS answer, it was very simple and forward. She was also acknowledging her submission to her husband and helping him as the leader of their family. To me, at that moment, it was beautiful to listen to.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I have been seeing this girl for a little over 2 years.
Long story short, I am catholic and 38 and have always gone to church regularly.
My girl has gone to church a few times in her life.

She has gone once with me, never again.
Anyways, I am the churchgoer and hold a strong connection to my faith, she is not a churchgoer or faithfully strong. She has attended a Baptist church a few times over the years, I went with her once.

Long story short she wants me to leave my church and go search for one with her to go to. I have raised my son in my church and attend with my family. My family has a strong Godly bond, despite Catholicism having some flaws as all religions, I overlook them and take the best out of it. She even goes to say I wont leave my "mommy". This is clearly just mean and hatred behavior, I explained I truly am bonded with my church and would go to one with her but I am not leaving mine. She turns this into me never compromising anything for her, which is crazy because she is not a churchgoer....We are not married or engaged, why would I change my faith for someone who may not be here tomorrow especially when she knows how important it is to me.

I find it very unnerving that my girl wants me to leave my church and go find one with her to start.
What is worse is that she is mad at me because I will not leave my church and family to go start a new faith with her.

It is like she is controlling and wants the power over me that I will leave my faith and family for her. It is absolutely outrageous to ask this of me, if we were married then I would understand.

I asked her to start going with me consistently to see if she will take to mine, she said she doesnt want to be a Catholic and does not want to have to stand up and kneel down???

She complains saying I wont try to be a family with her because I wont switch (she doesnt even have a religion wants to go to other churches to find one) and go with her and her daughter.

I find it deeply troubling in the last, she is a bit of a nut job and portrays selfish and self centered single kid syndrome, she can be an absolute brat about anything in life.

So because of this, among many things I have bailed out as she shows no compassion for what is important to me, pretty much treats me in the love you or hate you way of treatment, and she is quite the mean person honestly.

Any thoughts on my decision are welcome.

ps, I have been very open to attending a diff church with her in the idea that I will continue to go to mine as I dont want to leave it, I can go to two makes no diff to me, she wont go with me though or give it a chance.

Oh wow, I find that absolutely bizarre that she wants you to leave the Church. She should appreciate the loyalty and devotion you have shown to something over the course of your life, and then thank her lucky stars that she could be part of that [you have the character capable of loyalty and devotion!]. Is this girl capable of gratitude?

Is she stuck in her head, and ideologically opposed to your religion? This is a huge red flag in my opinion, and will give you no end of trouble in an LLTR.

These kind of people spend their lives 'church-hopping', end up being disillusioned, and more often than not get divorced.

Consider the meaning of religio = bind. Most people are obsessed with freedom today, and that does not bode too well for a LLTR/ marriage.

You made the right decision.