B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
This is feeling like a journal entry similar to Tenacity's "anger problems" thread. I don't know what to do anymore. The last year of my life has been tainted by the fallout I had with my BPD ex 14 months ago. I was doing OK interacting with women shortly after, but had 6-8 flakes in a row where I didn't even get a date following a number close, which left a bad taste in my mouth. Since then I've gone on dates with 3 different girls, but am doing something terribly wrong. The only sex I have had since is with two escorts.
I have killed the beta inside which is important. I will never again supplicate to and be taken advantage of by a woman and many men believe it is far better to be single/alone than be in a bad relationship. Unfortunately the pendelum has swung so much in the other direction I am scaring women off with a jadedness and standoffish approach so much that I'm shooting myself in the foot. I'm not a total d-bag in public, but I'm quiet, keep to myself, and when I do get engaged I can come off as brash. It's now gotten to a point where my mother has noticed and has thrown in two barbs recently to the effect of "it's time to find a woman, Chris." We too have a hot-cold relationship with some unresolved issues from her divorce with my dad in 2003. I have issues with her, I hated my grandmother, and have only ever loved one woman - that BPD demon. Lot of headaches from the 3 most prominent women in my life.
Back to the ex - tonight, I hurled the last two gifts I had from her down the trash chute of my apartment complex (two books.) I expected I might feel a little better, but I don't. When my father passed and my BPD left, I went into a massive slump. Quit my job, was moving into and out of relatives' homes, constant sleeping until 2 pm, bad investments (mostly cars). 20 long months later, I've finally taken some steps to get out. Got my own place again, have a salary+commission job with a middle class salary, which forces me to get up earlier. Gonna start playing hockey on Sundays in 2 weeks. But even with all the progress I've made so far, I rarely have fun anymore unless I'm traveling. I'm rigid all the time.
I'd go to therapy, but probably would flip out on the feminazi sitting across from me. Face it - therapy isn't for us. It's a circle jerk for blue pill men and vile, narcissistic women. I wish I could talk to Rollo Tomassi for 2 hours. If anyone knows him personally and could recommend a Skype session, I'd really appreciate it. I'm also begging the chest-beaters here to stay away. You know who you are. I'm looking for the guys who've gone through it, who've felt this depression - like @Tenacity , @LiveYourDream @Infern0 , @dustmuffin etc. Thanks.
I have killed the beta inside which is important. I will never again supplicate to and be taken advantage of by a woman and many men believe it is far better to be single/alone than be in a bad relationship. Unfortunately the pendelum has swung so much in the other direction I am scaring women off with a jadedness and standoffish approach so much that I'm shooting myself in the foot. I'm not a total d-bag in public, but I'm quiet, keep to myself, and when I do get engaged I can come off as brash. It's now gotten to a point where my mother has noticed and has thrown in two barbs recently to the effect of "it's time to find a woman, Chris." We too have a hot-cold relationship with some unresolved issues from her divorce with my dad in 2003. I have issues with her, I hated my grandmother, and have only ever loved one woman - that BPD demon. Lot of headaches from the 3 most prominent women in my life.
Back to the ex - tonight, I hurled the last two gifts I had from her down the trash chute of my apartment complex (two books.) I expected I might feel a little better, but I don't. When my father passed and my BPD left, I went into a massive slump. Quit my job, was moving into and out of relatives' homes, constant sleeping until 2 pm, bad investments (mostly cars). 20 long months later, I've finally taken some steps to get out. Got my own place again, have a salary+commission job with a middle class salary, which forces me to get up earlier. Gonna start playing hockey on Sundays in 2 weeks. But even with all the progress I've made so far, I rarely have fun anymore unless I'm traveling. I'm rigid all the time.
I'd go to therapy, but probably would flip out on the feminazi sitting across from me. Face it - therapy isn't for us. It's a circle jerk for blue pill men and vile, narcissistic women. I wish I could talk to Rollo Tomassi for 2 hours. If anyone knows him personally and could recommend a Skype session, I'd really appreciate it. I'm also begging the chest-beaters here to stay away. You know who you are. I'm looking for the guys who've gone through it, who've felt this depression - like @Tenacity , @LiveYourDream @Infern0 , @dustmuffin etc. Thanks.
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