I need a red pill therapist..can anyone help?

[BlueAlpha1]

This is feeling like a journal entry similar to Tenacity's "anger problems" thread. I don't know what to do anymore. The last year of my life has been tainted by the fallout I had with my BPD ex 14 months ago. I was doing OK interacting with women shortly after, but had 6-8 flakes in a row where I didn't even get a date following a number close, which left a bad taste in my mouth. Since then I've gone on dates with 3 different girls, but am doing something terribly wrong. The only sex I have had since is with two escorts.

I have killed the beta inside which is important. I will never again supplicate to and be taken advantage of by a woman and many men believe it is far better to be single/alone than be in a bad relationship. Unfortunately the pendelum has swung so much in the other direction I am scaring women off with a jadedness and standoffish approach so much that I'm shooting myself in the foot. I'm not a total d-bag in public, but I'm quiet, keep to myself, and when I do get engaged I can come off as brash. It's now gotten to a point where my mother has noticed and has thrown in two barbs recently to the effect of "it's time to find a woman, Chris." We too have a hot-cold relationship with some unresolved issues from her divorce with my dad in 2003. I have issues with her, I hated my grandmother, and have only ever loved one woman - that BPD demon. Lot of headaches from the 3 most prominent women in my life.

Back to the ex - tonight, I hurled the last two gifts I had from her down the trash chute of my apartment complex (two books.) I expected I might feel a little better, but I don't. When my father passed and my BPD left, I went into a massive slump. Quit my job, was moving into and out of relatives' homes, constant sleeping until 2 pm, bad investments (mostly cars). 20 long months later, I've finally taken some steps to get out. Got my own place again, have a salary+commission job with a middle class salary, which forces me to get up earlier. Gonna start playing hockey on Sundays in 2 weeks. But even with all the progress I've made so far, I rarely have fun anymore unless I'm traveling. I'm rigid all the time.

I'd go to therapy, but probably would flip out on the feminazi sitting across from me. Face it - therapy isn't for us. It's a circle jerk for blue pill men and vile, narcissistic women. I wish I could talk to Rollo Tomassi for 2 hours. If anyone knows him personally and could recommend a Skype session, I'd really appreciate it. I'm also begging the chest-beaters here to stay away. You know who you are. I'm looking for the guys who've gone through it, who've felt this depression - like @Tenacity , @LiveYourDream @Infern0 , @dustmuffin etc. Thanks.

 

[Infern0]

Well mate it's a long journey, ignore the chest beaters if you were unlucky to be programmed with BAD **** from the off, yeah you will be needing some help.

I fully understand not being able to shake things off after a bpd, mine is always part of me and I'm almost a year past our last split. I'll never ever forget her, but I don't regret her either, I have a lot more understanding and can look at it from a better perspective now. I don't blame her or myself.

Thing that helped me most was this routine.

1. Nofap and no porn (highly recommend to any man with "issues", I got massive benefits from this)

2. Rigid gym routine

3. Daily Journaling

4. Pete walker book: PTSD from surviving to thriving, Robert Glover book: no more mr nice guy, corey wayne book: how to be a 3% man

You have to build some momentum and keep it going. You probably have cptsd like myself

Nofap will give you focus and clear brain fog, it also will lift your mood, then get into the pete walker book.

You have to be productive with this stuff "spinning plates" isn't the answer if you have real issues, working on yourself is, but it's a grind and you have to do it day in day out.

You weren't raised right so you have to reparent yourself. You can't do that overnight.

Any questions let me know

 

[Tenacity]

Face it - therapy isn't for us. It's a circle jerk for blue pill men and vile, narcissistic women.

I agree, traditional therapy would make a guy even more crazy lol. So let's start this journal off right.


#1.) To Build Plates

* Attraction (Fix The Product)

You want your looks, personality, and finances together to where you are at least a solid 6 out of 10. This could be a 5 in Looks, 6 in Personality and 7 in Finances for example.

- Your finances are good with that job you said you got, you just want to be middle class which is making $37k in a low/average cost of living area. It includes having your own place, own car, decent clothes, etc.

- For looks, I need to see a picture of you. I don't believe anybody is totally ugly, we can all do things to fix our physical appearance.

- For personality, you just want to be able to hold a good/funny/engaging conversation with ANYBODY but with women you want to know how to add in sexual subtle lingo to start off. Eventually, you can just come right out and tell a chick you want to FVCK....but say it in a way that goes over well. It's not really about what you say, it's how you say it.


Plates (Sell The Product To The Market): Once the Attraction is on point, you want to play the numbers.

- Forgot what folks say on here about online dating, OLD is one of the most efficient ways to build plates....period. Use it in combination with regular approaches.

- You should be doing regular approaches where you approach 20 chicks, get 12 numbers, date 6 of them, fvck 3 of them, get into a relationship with 1 of them. With OLD your numbers will be different of course because you will note more women....but the same numbers game applies.


#2.) Red Pill Rage

This here from Reddit is the best explanation of Red Pill Rage I have found. It goes in five stages as follows:

Denial: "Women aren't like that! They're people just like everyone else! Treat them all as individuals, and you're sure to find the right one!"

Anger: "WTF! Bitches are all like this! They have no honour, no loyalty, and they don't really love anyone but themselves! ****ing ****s!"

Bargaining: "If I work real hard and learn all the pickup moves, then at least I'll get laid."

Depression: "Getting laid by shallow, obnoxious women has become dull and unrewarding. And there's no sense looking for a unicorn. Maybe I'll just be MGTOW for a while."

Acceptance: "Women aren't bad. My expectations of them, and theirs of me, were based on faulty premises. They are creatures of instinct, just like I am... but of different instincts. If I learn what those instincts are, and teach them about mine, we can develop realistic expectations of each other and get along just fine."

There's no particular order you go into these and you might bounce around between them. For example, here's been my 17 year path:

* From 2000 - 2004 I was in Denial big time but I was very "blue pill/AFC/beta" like back then.

* From 2005 - 2006 I went into Bargaining big time

* From 2007 - 2009, these were periods when I was getting my financial house in order so there wasn't a lot of activity in regards to dating.

* 2010 is when I got to the middle class and dating picked back up. 2010 - Middle 2016 were the most prosperous times in regards to dating/fvcking that I've had due to fixing my Looks, Personality, and Finances, as well as high levels of meeting new women on a consistent basis playing the numbers game. But this period included a lot of Anger and Depression Stages. There's absolutely no more Denial or Bargaining stages left within me at this point.

* Late 2016 - Going Forward, now as I'm ending 2016 going into 2017, I find myself getting into the Acceptance stage. The Anger and Depression still come up from time to time though, but I can feel them slowly leaving for good. As you can see, this has been a 17 year journey.

 

[dustmuffin]

You are right about therapy. I tried it and my female therapist wanted me to talk to her like a woman. She wanted more detail and texture. She suggested I try a male therapist. I just stopped going.

What has helped me is medication and a full time job. Routine is very helpful so you dont have time to wallow in your depression. I did the same things you did. Slept late was mentally numb. So I understand where you are coming from. I still have problems with procrastination but am much better than I was.

Start to journal. That helps.

I don't enjoy much, very little is fun. Anyway if you need someone to talk to shoot me a pm with your ph#. I talk to several of the guys on here. Sometimes its good to vent.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Well mate it's a long journey, ignore the chest beaters if you were unlucky to be programmed with BAD **** from the off, yeah you will be needing some help.

I fully understand not being able to shake things off after a bpd, mine is always part of me and I'm almost a year past our last split. I'll never ever forget her, but I don't regret her either, I have a lot more understanding and can look at it from a better perspective now. I don't blame her or myself.

Thing that helped me most was this routine.

1. Nofap and no porn (highly recommend to any man with "issues", I got massive benefits from this)

2. Rigid gym routine

3. Daily Journaling

4. Pete walker book: PTSD from surviving to thriving, Robert Glover book: no more mr nice guy, corey wayne book: how to be a 3% man

You have to build some momentum and keep it going. You probably have cptsd like myself

Nofap will give you focus and clear brain fog, it also will lift your mood, then get into the pete walker book.

You have to be productive with this stuff "spinning plates" isn't the answer if you have real issues, working on yourself is, but it's a grind and you have to do it day in day out.

You weren't raised right so you have to reparent yourself. You can't do that overnight.

Any questions let me know

I have made some progress - getting my own quality apartment and getting back to work has been a good thing. I even picked up an old hobby (ice hockey) on the weekend which starts in 2 weeks. This has lifted my mood at times but Rome wasn't build in a day.

I just moved into this new apartment complex. It's a brand new building and the gym "isn't ready." They're pissing me off really because I don't know if I need to go pay for a membership if the building gym is only a week or 2 from being done.

I certainly do have some variation of PTSD. Some of the sh*t I saw with my own eyes and felt in 2012-2013, the middle two years of our relationship, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'd even say I have PTSD from my parent's divorce. But there is no therapy market to help red pill young men. I've stayed away because I'm not going to have some quack charge $150 an hour to blame me for my failed LTR and worse, blame my father for my parents' divorce. So I dealt with it all on my own.

The longest I've gone with no fap before is about a week. I noticed I was ready to fly off the wall with anxiousness and sometimes rage. Not sure if that's good or bad.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

How many other women have you been in LTRs with other than BPDs?

One common trait of cluster B men is that they only love other cluster Bs. If this is just bc you haven't been in relationships with normal women, then it's not really dispositive though. After all, one common trait of cluster B women is choosing inexperienced beta men.

I think you need to do whatever you can to avoid flaking and low interest women, which is going to give you confirmation bias on your negativity. That means absolutely -zero- online dating!

One thing too, you need to be honest with yourself. I have friends that are happily married to loving, supportive women. These women (the 1%) exist. You're going to have to invest, change, and sacrifice to even desire that, much less earn it. You're going have to, for one thing, put your carnal desires down at priority 9-10. Otherwise, you have no choice but to continue with the 99% and to understand what that means for your life.

Only 2 other LTR's/girlfriends, though I did date and do a few flings late high school/early college of course. Not a 30 year old virgin by any means, but somewhat inexperienced.

I'm not cluster B though. I have empathy and am very loyal - my family would tell you that's actually my biggest downfall. She was inititally attracted to me because she was married and I was rebuffing her advances for months, which sent her off the wall. I was actually quite alpha in the beginning - unknowingly. Eventually I succumbed and the rest is history.

Both my brother and my best friend have LTR's with quality, wife material women. It's pretty crazy that I can't even MEET one much less lock her down.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

- Your finances are good with that job you said you got, you just want to be middle class which is making $37k in a low/average cost of living area. It includes having your own place, own car, decent clothes, etc.

The job starts 9/19. I'm working a lower level job until then. But I have my own place, my own car, and 2 pairs of shoes that elicit compliments every time I wear them, lol. What kinda value do you place on a LUXURY car? I have a 12 year old car with 209k miles. It runs, but you don't wanna take a girl in there. I wonder if it's a worthy investment to get a luxury car after 2-3 of those commission checks come in. (Might have no choice when the other one inevitably breaks down)

- For looks, I need to see a picture of you. I don't believe anybody is totally ugly, we can all do things to fix our physical appearance.

Will send in PM.

- Forgot what folks say on here about online dating, OLD is one of the most efficient ways to build plates....period.

Have dabbled in it for over a year. Zero luck with it. Those girls are INSUFFERABLE.

- You should be doing regular approaches where you approach 20 chicks, get 12 numbers, date 6 of them, fvck 3 of them, get into a relationship with 1 of them. With OLD your numbers will be different of course because you will note more women....but the same numbers game applies.

I'm introverted as hell nowadays man. I don't know how to change that. When my dad died, I discovered I'd been an atheist for a while. I lost my faith. When my ex left, my views on women changed. My political views also changed. I moved sharply to the right and against the SJW narrative of feminism and patriarchy, after I realized men were the true romantics and most women were calculating and cold-blooded. Since this radical shift in my world view, I'm become much more reserved and don't know how to come out of that. I wouldn't call it "anger" anymore as I don't really have a temper, but jadedness.

#2.) Red Pill Rage

* From 2000 - 2004 I was in Denial big time but I was very "blue pill/AFC/beta" like back then.

* From 2005 - 2006 I went into Bargaining big time

* From 2007 - 2009, these were periods when I was getting my financial house in order so there wasn't a lot of activity in regards to dating.

* 2010 is when I got to the middle class and dating picked back up. 2010 - Middle 2016 were the most prosperous times in regards to dating/fvcking that I've had due to fixing my Looks, Personality, and Finances, as well as high levels of meeting new women on a consistent basis playing the numbers game. But this period included a lot of Anger and Depression Stages. There's absolutely no more Denial or Bargaining stages left within me at this point.

* Late 2016 - Going Forward, now as I'm ending 2016 going into 2017, I find myself getting into the Acceptance stage. The Anger and Depression still come up from time to time though, but I can feel them slowly leaving for good. As you can see, this has been a 17 year journey.

I guess for me it goes -

2010-2011 : Denial, big time AFC doing nice guy things and thinking a woman with serious baggage would commit to me.

2012-2013 : Bargaining - I thought I could save my oneitis despite the fact my life was a DOWNWARD SPIRAL. Not concentrating at work, school, taking drugs. All I wanted was to be with her.

2014-2015 : Anger - My father passed away before I could help him straighten out his life. I started treating my ex like the liability she was, ignoring her, using condoms again and not giving a damn how she felt. Then she left and the anger got worse.

2016: Depression/jadedness - Have passed through both of these phases and they're not the same. Jadedness is almost a darker word for acceptance. Some days I feel like I'm there, but I just went through a 2 month period in summer where I moved back into my dad's old house and was in a pretty dark place. Now you can see my progress, but it doesn't fix the void overnight.

Hopefully by spring 2017, I'm a whole new man. Goal is to be racking in 5k a month, driving a quality car, and 20 pounds lighter. The confidence gained from those things would make everything else fall into place.[/QUOTE]

 

[BlueAlpha1]

You are right about therapy. I tried it and my female therapist wanted me to talk to her like a woman. She wanted more detail and texture. She suggested I try a male therapist. I just stopped going.

There are very, very few women who can relate. Karen Straughan for example is a female men's rights activist. I'd pay $200 an hour to talk to her if I could, though I doubt she'd take it. It would really be something to get an honest woman's perspective on game. Red pill women are literally 1 in a million I feel. Red pill male therapists might be a bit more common, but I'd still say the vast majority of them will be full-time jesters for the feminine imperative, and it would disgust me to pay them.

What has helped me is medication and a full time job. Routine is very helpful so you dont have time to wallow in your depression. I did the same things you did. Slept late was mentally numb. So I understand where you are coming from. I still have problems with procrastination but am much better than I was.

I'm terrified of prescription meds. I take Benadryl and melatonin to go to sleep at night and they both work. They're generally non-habit forming. You're right, being back to work for a couple weeks has helped immensely. I'm tired and irritable at times no doubt, but I'm not wallowing in a hole.

Start to journal. That helps.

I started a blog and wrote a few e-books. It helped for a time but it wore off. Am currently writing another e-book about the SJW narrative, but what I usually do is go hard for 1-2 days then take a week off. If the words aren't coming you can't force yourself, and I have to be in the mood.

I don't enjoy much, very little is fun.

I have found a passion in world travel bro, and staying at youth hostels. I've gone in dates with girls from Germany, New Zealand, and the Czech Republic. Met the coolest guys you'd ever wanna meet from Switzerland, England, and several other places. It's great to talk to people from all over the world, and the youth hostel allows you to do it alone because that's what most other travelers there are doing. THIS brings me joy, adrenaline and makes me feel masculine. But it costs money and goes by simply how much time you can get off, unless you're self employed.

I also enjoy team sports. I think playing hockey every Sunday night will be a lot of fun.

Anyway if you need someone to talk to shoot me a pm with your ph#. I talk to several of the guys on here. Sometimes its good to vent.

I will do so. Thanks.[/quote]

 

[Infern0]

I have made some progress - getting my own quality apartment and getting back to work has been a good thing. I even picked up an old hobby (ice hockey) on the weekend which starts in 2 weeks. This has lifted my mood at times but Rome wasn't build in a day.

I just moved into this new apartment complex. It's a brand new building and the gym "isn't ready." They're pissing me off really because I don't know if I need to go pay for a membership if the building gym is only a week or 2 from being done.

I certainly do have some variation of PTSD. Some of the sh*t I saw with my own eyes and felt in 2012-2013, the middle two years of our relationship, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'd even say I have PTSD from my parent's divorce. But there is no therapy market to help red pill young men. I've stayed away because I'm not going to have some quack charge $150 an hour to blame me for my failed LTR and worse, blame my father for my parents' divorce. So I dealt with it all on my own.

The longest I've gone with no fap before is about a week. I noticed I was ready to fly off the wall with anxiousness and sometimes rage. Not sure if that's good or bad.

What that tells me is that you have a porn addiction (which i suspected)

It's gotta go man

 

[Tenacity]

The job starts 9/19. I'm working a lower level job until then. But I have my own place, my own car, and 2 pairs of shoes that elicit compliments every time I wear them, lol. What kinda value do you place on a LUXURY car? I have a 12 year old car with 209k miles. It runs, but you don't wanna take a girl in there. I wonder if it's a worthy investment to get a luxury car after 2-3 of those commission checks come in. (Might have no choice when the other one inevitably breaks down)

A luxury car is one that I would say is at least $45,000 at 2 years old (which means new it's about $60,000). You don't need a luxury car but you should get a car that's PRESENTABLE. I don't believe in car notes per say, how about you save up let's say $7,000 and get a solid looking used car with that? It should be clean, no more than 7 years old, no more than 60,000 miles on it.

I'm introverted as hell nowadays man. I don't know how to change that.

For Your Personality

I don't know if you are introverted, you don't seem like that on the forum (even though yes, I know it might be easier to communicate via the internet). Now you might not have a natural OUTSPOKEN/WILD personality like I do, but I believe when "comfortable" you have no issue communicating.

The only way this level of comfort will take place is for you to be in a position where you have to communicate with new people on a daily basis. The new sales job will help a lot with this, but to continue the practice join a local association, church, social circle, etc., where you are FORCED to communicate with people you don't know.

Eventually you will become more comfortable in talking to new people. That new comfort will carry over when you talk to women, which you will talk to just like you do anybody else, but you will add in some c0cky/funny, flirty, convo on top of it.


Your Looks, Personality, and Finances Measurement

In terms of my Looks, Personality, and Finances measurement, again I have to see what you Look like.

- But your Finances are getting fixed but at this VERY moment (with the car included), it appears as though your Finances might be a 3.

- Your Personality might be a 3 due to you being introverted.

- I don't know how you look to judge the Looks but I'm going to assume you haven't fixed your Looks up yet and you might also be a 3 there as well.

So that's 3 out of 10, which means you are NOT going to do well in terms of the market and acquiring plates, especially online. You have to get this up to at least a 6 out of 10 to be competitive in the sexual market value, which again just includes:

Finances: Start that new sales job and kick a.ss! Update the car to one that's more presentable for $7k - $10k out of pocket. I can help you pick out a nice looking car and throw some accessories on that bad boy as well. I would PREFER if you had your own place, it's just more privacy to bring girls back and have them spend the night/hang out. But the new job and better car will take you from a 3 to a 6 in Finances.

Personality: See my recommendations above. Within 6 months you should go from a 3 to a solid 6 (at least) in Personality.

Looks: I have to see a picture. I estimate you are about a 3. I can get you to a 6 at least within 6 months.

From there, you will now be ready to go out and play the numbers game online, in person, etc. to acquire plates. Right now, your "product" is not fixed yet to acquire a consistent, decent, and efficient quantity of plates.

In terms of my own personal ratings, I would say:

Finances: I'm about an 8 due to my net worth, degrees, knowledge of business, nice car, nice apartment, etc.

Personality: I'm at least a 7

Looks: I'm at least a 7.5 but I could be as high as an 8 now due to the 6 pack, but I will keep it at 7.5

This puts me at about a 7.5 out of 10. I've been here since about 2010 and that explains why starting in 2010 I began having the SURGE in new dates, new lays, new women with a solid number of those women at HB7 and higher in looks. I still have to play the numbers game though, it's not like women THROW themselves at me. I don't think women will THROW themselves at any guy unless he's a celebrity or something.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

A luxury car is one that I would say is at least $45,000 at 2 years old (which means new it's about $60,000). You don't need a luxury car but you should get a car that's PRESENTABLE. I don't believe in car notes per say, how about you save up let's say $7,000 and get a solid looking used car with that? It should be clean, no more than 7 years old, no more than 60,000 miles on it.

Well, I'm certainly not talking about a $45,000 car. Not even close. For $7,000, you can get a 7 year old BMW or Mercedes Benz with around 100,000 miles on it. Seems hard to believe but they do depreciate pretty quickly. 7 years is not new anymore.

Now I know that's a lot of miles for a used car, but you might be able to purchase an extended warranty for those expensive repairs. The only way you're getting a car with 60,000 miles or less for under 8k is if it's an economy car like a Hyundai Elantra or Nissan Sentra. They're presentable, but they don't scream alpha.

Your Looks, Personality, and Finances Measurement

In terms of my Looks, Personality, and Finances measurement, again I have to see what you Look like.

- But your Finances are getting fixed but at this VERY moment (with the car included), it appears as though your Finances might be a 3.

I have over 30k stashed away in the bank, but it can easily be negated by my $29,000 student loan. That puts me at a "net worth" of 0, even though I have access to a ton of disposable cash. My open lines of available credit exceed $12,500 with about a 700 credit score. My monthly expenses amount to about $1,350 a month in bills (before food and gas). If I take on a $250 monthly car payment, we're over $1,600 and getting into some high responsibility for a single guy. I'm not going to upgrade the car while the one I have runs, OR unless by the 3rd commission check (December) I'm racking in 5k a month. So I MAY have the car by Xmas, if the current one goes or my job exceeds expectations.

What would you rate that financial situation 1-10 as per your average 27 year old male?

- Your Personality might be a 3 due to you being introverted.

You might be right on that. It's probably my worst "feature" right now.

- I don't know how you look to judge the Looks but I'm going to assume you haven't fixed your Looks up yet and you might also be a 3 there as well.

Sending you 2 pics right after this post. I put myself at around a 5 in looks. If I put on a suit and groom myself for an occasion, I can pull off a 7+. But I need to lose about 20 pounds. It's not a lot, but it's a pesky little number I haven't been able to work down which is seriously affecting my confidence.

I would PREFER if you had your own place, it's just more privacy to bring girls back and have them spend the night/hang out. But the new job and better car will take you from a 3 to a 6 in Finances.

I have my own place, and it's a QUALITY apartment. I pay $799 just for my half. It's clean, the place has updated amenities and we have a 60 inch TV, and a 3rd story balcony overlooking the pool. It's a nice place to bring a girl back to.

In terms of my own personal ratings, I would say:

Finances: I'm about an 8 due to my net worth, degrees, knowledge of business, nice car, nice apartment, etc.

I have the degree, business sense, and nice apartment. Don't yet have the nice car or an astounding net worth. And looks need work.

 

[dustmuffin]

why are you scared of taking medication? Do you think you are weak if you can't pull yourself up without it?
You want to fix yourself? Use everything available to you including medication. Give it a try. I use fetzima. It is the best thing that has happened to me. For sleep Quetiapine. When I go every month for my appointment I call it going to the crazy doctor. I am crazy. But what would be more crazy is not utilizing something that could help you because of pride and stubbornness. Fix your head and the rest will follow.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

why are you scared of taking medication? Do you think you are weak if you can't pull yourself up without it?
You want to fix yourself? Use everything available to you including medication. Give it a try. I use fetzima. It is the best thing that has happened to me. For sleep Quetiapine. When I go every month for my appointment I call it going to the crazy doctor. I am crazy. But what would be more crazy is not utilizing something that could help you because of pride and stubbornness. Fix your head and the rest will follow.

If they're habit forming it's not a matter of will power - it's a matter of biology. Good on you for keeping a sense of moderation, but some people CAN'T get off them once they start.

That said, when I start my new job I'll have health insurance again. I'll go to the doctor and inquire.

 

[BeExcellent]

Keep moving forward. That is the best thing you can do, and you are making good progress. You know there exist women like you eventually want because you see examples in your inner circle. It is going to be a process to retrain yourself from the toxicity of the closest women relationships in your life. That awareness is a tremendous portion of the battle. You have to retain hope (not in a Pollyanna way) and you have to keep building yourself to become the man you know you are capable of being.

The details on the woman front will largely settle themselves out as you become manifest in who you are becoming because the traits you value from an intrinsic place are going to evolve and clarify as you evolve. I will explain why at the end of this post.

It is very difficult to take this on faith when you are slogging along. I know this because I have gone through it myself, and emerged on the other side.

My mother is NPD/BPD. She is emotionally cold, extremely manipulative, never accepts responsibility for her actions and is dangerously crazy in a scary smart calculating way. Fortunately I knew this early on and knew she was not an example to follow. I actually cut her out of my life about 7 years ago. She started crazy-making with my then husband (picking fights for no reason, putting him in positions where whatever answer he gave was met with a hostile response, etc.) She at one point told my husband he was no longer welcome in her home (after starting drama over something idiotic.) I said "Fine". We left her home and never looked back.

If my husband is not welcome in my mother's home, then neither is his family (e.g. me, his wife, and our children -her grandkids-). I cannot express to you the amount of drama that was removed from our lives collectively when I made that decision to honor my husband and family instead of my crazy mother. I know you had a thread about your mom recently. I started to post on it but I didn't. Cutting a parent out of your life is not a decision to take lightly but you cannot associate with toxic people because they are just that, toxic. I still see my mom at family get togethers once a year or so. She always singles me out and acts as though nothing ever happened. She asks inappropriate prying questions and makes every attempt to try and upset me or put me in a position where I am portrayed poorly in front of other family members. But I recognize the behavior and am unflappable.

I give her photos of her grandchildren as they grow up. She is now trying to worm her way into their young lives by sending letters to them addressed to their schools, and asking them baiting questions when she calls for birthdays. It is not fun to have to sit down your kids and explain to them how someone so close is a toxic person and is not to be trusted. But my mother's actions speak so loudly even my children see. Last month I cut off her phone privileges with the children due to her recent behavior toward them. I was met with a seething scorn that can only be categorized as evil. Then I hung up and went about my day.

I'm telling you all this because you are not alone in what you are going through. Things that foster self discipline and self improvement will retrain your mind that you are GOING to accomplish the things you set before you.

@Tenacity gives you some good play by play pointers what to do, and nuts & bolts; my advise is to never lose the bigger picture when you are out in the weeds that are the details. You have to stay focused. The hockey playing will help with this. So will a regular workout routine. The job will help too.

The woman thing will settle itself in time because as you become the man you want to be you are going to have no patience for people who don't suit your needs. You will learn, as @guru1000 and others suggest here to NEXT ruthlessly based upon criteria (whatever they are) that are deal breakers for you.

In doing this you will also NOT pedestalize women who do make the cut because you will understand that value you bring to the table and you will appreciate your own worth in an authentic and genuine way. You will notice that you seek people who are different than your BPD ex because the BPD type will lose its luster for you. It will not be easy. It is the struggle that makes the man. Embrace the struggle.

I consider myself a red-pill woman. You can PM if you like, I will respond but have a pretty busy week coming up so it may not be immediate.

Seek out social opportunities in group settings with your brother and your friend who have good girls. Good girls know other good girls. I disagree with Ten about OLD. I think you are better off interacting IRL and that you should polish your conversational chops everywhere (line at the store, on an airplane, at a hockey game, everywhere and with anyone.) Smile, say how's it going and let the other person chat to you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You fvcker! I wish I still lived down there so I could come beat some love of Jesus into your Atheist ass.

I have never agreed with you about anything (ok, except Kaperdouch the 49ers QB)...but you are still one of my favorite people on this web site. Please keep posting.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

You fvcker! I wish I still lived down there so I could come beat some love of Jesus into your Atheist ass.

I have never agreed with you about anything (ok, except Kaperdouch the 49ers QB)...but you are still one of my favorite people on this web site. Please keep posting.

I was going to make a post recently that the thing I liked best about this forum is it's a lot like Fight Club. You and I were throwing haymakers in the religious thread to the point I thought you might block me, and then talking about the neighborhood of USF two weeks later. Same thing with cola. We don't agree on anything, but he's a stand-up dude.

That's the thing about men. Drama and backstabbing doesn't serve a purpose. We have a disagreement, we go outside, we throw down and then drink a beer an hour later.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Keep moving forward. That is the best thing you can do, and you are making good progress. You know there exist women like you eventually want because you see examples in your inner circle. It is going to be a process to retrain yourself from the toxicity of the closest women relationships in your life. That awareness is a tremendous portion of the battle. You have to retain hope (not in a Pollyanna way) and you have to keep building yourself to become the man you know you are capable of being.

The progress has been ever so slow, but it has finally begun moving in the right direction. It has been a VERY long and unproductive 20 months which brought my confidence to 0. But I REALLY don't have to go back that far to remember success. In September of 2014, two calendar years ago today, I was 10 pounds leaner, had two LTR's going on at once, and banked $2,100 in commission that month. That was the year I started traveling, which became a passion of mine, and the year I was trying new things for the first time like whitewater rafting. Life wasn't perfect, but damn it I was a body in motion.

My mother is NPD/BPD. She is emotionally cold, extremely manipulative, never accepts responsibility for her actions and is dangerously crazy in a scary smart calculating way. Fortunately I knew this early on and knew she was not an example to follow. I actually cut her out of my life about 7 years ago. She started crazy-making with my then husband (picking fights for no reason, putting him in positions where whatever answer he gave was met with a hostile response, etc.) She at one point told my husband he was no longer welcome in her home (after starting drama over something idiotic.) I said "Fine". We left her home and never looked back.

You are describing my deceased grandmother to a tee. When I was a little boy, she was a kind, loving provider. Once I became a teenager, I got to know the deeply troubled woman. My life has been objectively less stressful without her in it. In 2016, my mother is a watered down version of her mother. Not nearly as bad, but you can see the family resemblance. She's bad enough there have been days I thought about cutting her off, but I could NEVER pull the trigger. It would kill her and I would get no joy out of depriving her of her grandkids. Trust me when I tell you my mother has paid for her sins ten-fold with the deck she was dealt. For that, I could never punish her further.

My ex was also similar to what you described above, but it was far more dangerous when you add the sexual element/fatal attraction to it. The last year without her the silence has been deafening. I became addicted to the pain.

The woman thing will settle itself in time because as you become the man you want to be you are going to have no patience for people who don't suit your needs. You will learn, as @guru1000 and others suggest here to NEXT ruthlessly based upon criteria (whatever they are) that are deal breakers for you.

In doing this you will also NOT pedestalize women who do make the cut because you will understand that value you bring to the table and you will appreciate your own worth in an authentic and genuine way. You will notice that you seek people who are different than your BPD ex because the BPD type will lose its luster for you. It will not be easy. It is the struggle that makes the man. Embrace the struggle.

I believe with 6 months of hard work I can be a different man. Perhaps I will report back to this thread regularly on my progress.

Seek out social opportunities in group settings with your brother and your friend who have good girls. Good girls know other good girls. I disagree with Ten about OLD. I think you are better off interacting IRL and that you should polish your conversational chops everywhere (line at the store, on an airplane, at a hockey game, everywhere and with anyone.) Smile, say how's it going and let the other person chat to you.

My brother and my friend both live in different states. I have a couple friends here in Florida (2 to be exact) and neither are good with girls. I'm pretty much on my own right now in terms of game. Maybe hockey and the job will help me meet quality male friends who can attract quality women.

Thanks for an outstanding post. I really appreciate the effort you put into it.

 

[womensview]

Well mate it's a long journey, ignore the chest beaters if you were unlucky to be programmed with BAD **** from the off, yeah you will be needing some help.

I fully understand not being able to shake things off after a bpd, mine is always part of me and I'm almost a year past our last split. I'll never ever forget her, but I don't regret her either, I have a lot more understanding and can look at it from a better perspective now. I don't blame her or myself.

Thing that helped me most was this routine.

1. Nofap and no porn (highly recommend to any man with "issues", I got massive benefits from this)

2. Rigid gym routine

3. Daily Journaling

4. Pete walker book: PTSD from surviving to thriving, Robert Glover book: no more mr nice guy, corey wayne book: how to be a 3% man

You have to build some momentum and keep it going. You probably have cptsd like myself

Nofap will give you focus and clear brain fog, it also will lift your mood, then get into the pete walker book.

You have to be productive with this stuff "spinning plates" isn't the answer if you have real issues, working on yourself is, but it's a grind and you have to do it day in day out.

You weren't raised right so you have to reparent yourself. You can't do that overnight.

Any questions let me know

 

[womensview]

As a woman who has dealt with this disorder, its simple u have been traumatized from this. They hon in on certain types of people and drive them crazy with the disorder. I got ptsd from it. Yes traditional therapy with a trauma therapist is the best. Find a man therapist and yes u need to get it out to understand it. You have a fear of living it again. Trust me I know first hand about this. So, the main thing is time and talk to a therapist who gets it. The ordinary person is not going to comprehend it or ptsd. They have knew treatments for ptsd with EMDR, it worked on me. So, stop measuring yourself and wondering what is wrong. You have been traumatized and this takes time. You need to learn the red flags on these personality disorder so u don't get sucked back in.

 

[Steady Eddie]

The excellent contributions by Tenacity and BeExcellent may have obscured the equally brilliant advice from InfernO, about 'reparenting yourself'. Subconsciously I've been doing this for the last few months. I'm glad someone understands this and can provide a lexicon for it.
Simply put, you have to unlearn some lessons from your upbringing (extremely difficult) and codify something to take it's place.
Blue, I'm 11 years older than you. I always knew I'd been raised wrong, but I didn't know how to change the effects this had on me and my life.
Until now that is. This is patronising, but I mean no malice when I say the level of introspection required to analyse yourself thoroughly, won't be available to you at your age.
There's an ego investment in ourselves that doesn't fade until we reach our 30's.

I can only contribute to the weight loss aspect of your post.
You are what you eat. Buy *hit, you eat *hit. I learnt this the hard way.
The fastest way to lose that 20lb is to cut all processed sugar and salt from your diet. Also a natural blood cleaner is Burdock Root. When I took this the stubborn fat I had for nearly a decade, fell off me within 2 weeks.

You will find the physical aspect of your depression will recede, once the dietary changes have been made.
Eat peaches and pears instead of chocolate. It's not as difficult as you think it is.