The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dude99]

Yes of course brother. It's the "rose tinted" effect of looking back at the good things. Tend to gloss over her being mean, breaking dates at the last minute, leaving early etc

I hear you. Think if like a glass of milk once it is sour it will never be good again. But you can renember that glass of milk, it once was good for you and refreshing. Now its sour and poison and drinking it would make you sick.

 

[BeTheChange]

Whenever you get upset about your ex remind yourself of your ideal chick.

Ironically you'll find that the ideal is probably nothing like her.

My ideal woman is an olive skinned Mediterranean (Italian or Spanish as I love the language and accent), slim and of medium height, 25 or younger, ambitious and someone who places a healthy emphasis on her career while still possessing the type of personality that wants to go out and do things.

Case in point, my ex is a small, white, blonde, German, admittedly hot (at least an HB8) who doesn't care about a "career" but still wants the good things in life (wut??)

There are going to be days where you're nostalgic but absolutely in a year's time 99% of you will be so happy with your decision. I know I will.

 

[alex_in24]

And today is the day that i found out that my ex is officially now having a new boyfriend, she is in a relationship. 3 months exactly since the break up, and she is declaring love towards her new man on the social media. I found this spontaneously while scrolling on instagram. The neighbor that she fvcked is out of the game, and the other guy that i saw her with a month ago is also out of the game.

I feel some kind of relieved...I am not jealous nor hurt..at least for now. Dont know what to write else honestly...except prayers for the new guy, coz in time he will be soo ****ed up hhhhhhhhhhhh

Blessed to have broken up with her, dodged a bullet and changed my life completely. From time to time I miss her pu$$y and her curvy a$$ but thats it.

Saw that,conquered my emotions, maintained frame. And now it's time to get sh1t done.

I'm out.

 

[BeTheChange]

And today is the day that i found out that my ex is officially now having a new boyfriend, she is in a relationship. 3 months exactly since the break up, and she is declaring love towards her new man on the social media. I found this spontaneously while scrolling on instagram. The neighbor that she fvcked is out of the game, and the other guy that i saw her with a month ago is also out of the game.

I feel some kind of relieved...I am not jealous nor hurt..at least for now. Dont know what to write else honestly...except prayers for the new guy, coz in time he will be soo ****ed up hhhhhhhhhhhh

Blessed to have broken up with her, dodged a bullet and changed my life completely. From time to time I miss her pu$$y and her curvy a$$ but thats it.

Saw that,conquered my emotions, maintained frame. And now it's time to get sh1t done.

I'm out.

Well played bro. The confidence you develop from having the strength of will and conviction not to compromise yourself has so much value. 99% of men would never dump their girlfriends even at the point of infidelity - the level of rationalisation is incredible - most of the time the woman simply leaves them. Be proud of what you have achieved by dropping a sub standard girl.

Saw my ex today in the park. I was sat a bench reading a book. She came over to speak to me and said "it seems like we had the same idea". Without speaking I got up to leave and laughing she said "OK then... no need to get up". I sat back down and continued reading.

Some might think that came across as butthurt but honestly at this stage, there is absolutely no benefit to me speaking to her in any capacity whatsoever. What's worse is how she's acting as if she has done nothing wrong. Shocking how these chicks try and blow up your life and then act as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.

 

[BeTheChange]

Up early today to do a gym session before work.

It's easy to distract yourself during the day but when you lay your head on that pillow it's difficult to not think about her. However it took me a lot less time to get to sleep than previously. Today was the first time I woke up and didn't have that sinking feeling in my stomach immediately. It feels good. Getting there and optimistic about the future.

Plan to attend group fitness classes, salsa lessons and language exchanges (learning Spanish again - I was at a pretty good level before meeting my girlfriend)

Keeping yourself busy and rebuilding a decent social circle is key. If it hadn't been for forcing myself to work out in the morning and then do an intense cardio session in the evening I would probably be curled up in a ball somewhere in a dark room.

One of the reasons I found it so difficult to dump my gf was because she ended up being my main source of intimacy and one of my few real friends. I came to rely on her too much. Without realising it I gave up a lot of hobbies and interests and allowed my social circle to dwindle as I gave way to the complacency of an LTR. That's my fault and I take full responsibility for it. Will never let that happen again.

 

[Carpathian]

Up early today to do a gym session before work.

It's easy to distract yourself during the day but when you lay your head on that pillow it's difficult to not think about her. However it took me a lot less time to get to sleep than previously. Today was the first time I woke up and didn't have that sinking feeling in my stomach immediately. It feels good. Getting there and optimistic about the future.

Plan to attend group fitness classes, salsa lessons and language exchanges (learning Spanish again - I was at a pretty good level before meeting my girlfriend)

Keeping yourself busy and rebuilding a decent social circle is key. If it hadn't been for forcing myself to work out in the morning and then do an intense cardio session in the evening I would probably be curled up in a ball somewhere in a dark room.

One of the reasons I found it so difficult to dump my gf was because she ended up being my main source of intimacy and one of my few real friends. I came to rely on her too much. Without realising it I gave up a lot of hobbies and interests and allowed my social circle to dwindle as I gave way to the complacency of an LTR. That's my fault and I take full responsibility for it. Will never let that happen again.

I think my of us fall into that habit of making her too much the focus of our lives. But then, she is your PARTNER!!!!!! Surely, the whole purpose of a romantic partner is that THEY DO occupy a key position in your life. I think the danger is that some guys become SO focused on her that all other things in their life take a back seat. I was guilty of this oftentimes; do I go cycling tonight and not see her or do I take her for a few drinks, stay at her place and get physical sexytime later? It is hard not to choose the later, especially if you really love the girl like I did with mine - I adored her. But I think we all need to get a sense of balance.

 

[BeTheChange]

I think my of us fall into that habit of making her too much the focus of our lives. But then, she is your PARTNER!!!!!! Surely, the whole purpose of a romantic partner is that THEY DO occupy a key position in your life. I think the danger is that some guys become SO focused on her that all other things in their life take a back seat. I was guilty of this oftentimes; do I go cycling tonight and not see her or do I take her for a few drinks, stay at her place and get physical sexytime later? It is hard not to choose the later, especially if you really love the girl like I did with mine - I adored her. But I think we all need to get a sense of balance.

I agree. Balance is key and what distinguishes a healthy relationship based on mutual respect from one of oneitis and thus dependence.

Coming home late and tired after work, faced between the choice of cuddling together with your gf watching game of thrones or facing the elements to get to that next Salsa class it's much more easier to choose the first one. But I think this is to the detriment of your long term growth as a man. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your gf. I think the major problem is the proportion of time spent together and the lack of alternative areas through which one can build themselves and grow, whether that be socially, spiritually or otherwise. Lesson learnt.

 

[Carpathian]

I agree. Balance is key and what distinguishes a healthy relationship based on mutual respect from one of oneitis and thus dependence.

Coming home late and tired after work, faced between the choice of cuddling together with your gf watching game of thrones or facing the elements to get to that next Salsa class it's much more to choose the first one. But I think this is to the detriment of your long term growth as a man. There is nothing wrong with spending time with your gf. I think the major problem is the proportion of time spent together and the lack of alternative areas through which one can build themselves and grow, whether that be socially, spiritually or otherwise. Lesson learnt.

In English I think you say "could not have said it better with my own mouth" or something like that?! I agree completely. Yes, totally.

 

[BeTheChange]

You have to go cold turkey or find a replacement.

Scientific vindication for NC:

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 4

Last night was crazy. Over the day I text one of my hot students (I run a education and career consultancy outside of work) just to catch up. Conversation moved in a positive direction so I invited her out for drinks "some time". She said she was actually free tonight and that she had recently broken up with her ex too. I saw the signs so took the opportunity and I invited her to one of my favourite ****tail bars in the city.

We had a few drinks ended up at my place and I don't need to tell you the rest! Feels good to have that affirmation that you still have it. Been out the game for a while. My ex has seen this girl a few times and hated her (she was threatened by her attractiveness). I never did anything and was completely professional while she was my student but it's a sweet irony that I have now banged her.

Sleeping with another woman isn't going to automatically stop you missing your ex. As I write this post on the train to work I still feel a pang of sadness about the whole situation. I miss my ex and of course would trade last night's experience for the old version of my ex - before she was revealed to be a plate spinning manipulator - but that's wishing for something that doesn't exist.

Fully committed to this NC and know that I will look back on this and 100 per cent be happy with my decision. I'm fact once the emotions have cleared I'll probably be thoroughly ashamed of the things I tolerated and the extent to which I compromised my pride as a man. Never again.

 

[finality]

day 1

 

[Carpathian]

day 1

A journey of a million miles starts with a single step. You've made your first step. Good luck my friend.

 

[Carpathian]

I'm fact once the emotions have cleared I'll probably be thoroughly ashamed of the things I tolerated and the extent to which I compromised my pride as a man. Never again.

Me too. I should never have put up with the BS I had to tolerate from her. I took her back after two prior dumpings and she was still mean to me. I would never tolerate this in any other aspect of my life. Why should we from someone we are supposed to be in love with?!!!!

 

[S. Aureus]

So maybe I won't get any response but I need to write down here
In a party I talk to her (It was awkward at first, I was talking to some friends and she came out to say hi. My good friends left me with her alone), and it was good, feeling right. After 10 minutes I said to her that we better find our friends. I left her with her and I went with mine.
After that I tried to made out with one of her friend but she didn't do it. Even though she continued to dance body to body with me and teasing me.
At the end I found out that she didn't want to made out because my ex liked me and didn't want me to do it.
I haven't felt this confused in months. So first thing I do was to threw the last thing that I had from her, a photo with her in a frame that she gave me when we still were friends.
I don't know what to do
-Write her and do something
-nothing
-pick up that photo (I can pick it up like in the next 16 hours, after that it will be gone forever)

PD: When I was dancing with some girl friends, she appeared out of nowhere just to pat my head, smile and gone)

 

[Carpathian]

@S Aureus.
Others may disagree but I say do nothing. If she is serious let her make the effort to get you back, especially if she is the one who dumped you. Think about it.... she must be serious about you because even her friend you were dancing with knows this so you ex must have been discussing this endlessly with her friends. It is counter-intuitive but doing nothing is the most powerful thing you can do and the power shifts to you. Sure, part of you wants to try and make something happen but by you doing nothing the situation will be going round and round in her head until she gets to a point she reaches out.
Forget the photo, that is nothing.
Writing letters is the worst thing to do. A gushing, emotional letter/text will cause her to back off again, I guarantee it. I know this from experience.

Remember, by doing nothing you will make no mistakes.

Do you want this ex back? This is a question you need to fathom in your mind?

 

[alex_in24]

day 1

What happened ?
Again day 1 ?

 

[S. Aureus]

@S Aureus.
Others may disagree but I say do nothing. If she is serious let her make the effort to get you back, especially if she is the one who dumped you. Think about it.... she must be serious about you because even her friend you were dancing with knows this so you ex must have been discussing this endlessly with her friends. It is counter-intuitive but doing nothing is the most powerful thing you can do and the power shifts to you. Sure, part of you wants to try and make something happen but by you doing nothing the situation will be going round and round in her head until she gets to a point she reaches out.
Forget the photo, that is nothing.
Writing letters is the worst thing to do. A gushing, emotional letter/text will cause her to back off again, I guarantee it. I know this from experience.

Remember, by doing nothing you will make no mistakes.

Do you want this ex back? This is a question you need to fathom in your mind?

Thanks, I needed this. I feel much better now, actually want to see a HB7 in my way to the college and try to work with her. In this days she look way better that I remembered

 

[alex_in24]

I've just seen my ex, literally just 10 mins ago walk by the bar i was sitting in. I am going to lie to u if i told u that i didnt feel anything. Had that burn in my chest but didnt last long, maybe a minute or two. And literally 5 mins before that,I gamed a milf, and she agreed to come over at my place for a "private party". So guess what situation of those 2 gave me more chills and excitement ?? You're right baby

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 5

Fvcking hell. All I can say is it that this is bottom and it can only get better from here.

Late for a salsa class so jogging to the lesson. As I turn the road I see my ex (she isn't facing me) looking like she is waiting for the bus. I think about being a bit cheeky and tapping her on the ass as I jog by. However she waves to a guy who is crossing the road. But my hand is already out as I process the information and she still gets a light tap on the bum as I run by.

I run to the next bus stop and wait for the bus. She walks towards the bus stop with this guy hand in hand. I couldn't fvcking believe it. The reason I ended the relationship on Saturday was basically because I had major suspicions - there had been changes in her behaviour and she was becoming way more self conscious about her appearance as if she was trying to impress someone. I won't go into too much detail but I managed to trap her in a lie which basically resulted in me saying that she needs to show me her phone or I know that she has been shifty. She refused and I told her if she left then it was over and she did leave.

Fast forward to today and clearly my gut instinct was right. On the one hand I'm happy because at least I was the one who ended things - I stuck to my principles and maintained my dignity. I could have been like so many guys and just swiped it under the carpet. Then once she'd been able to build up things with this sideguy maybe she would have left my ass in two months anyway. Then I'd would truly have been rolling round on the floor clutching the floor. At least I got to walk away on my feet and not on my face. I never lived on my knees.

But it does not end there. This guy is pretty "ghetto". He has trousers on which look like they have paint on and is wearing his hood up, even though it's not raining. As they approach I get that fight or flight adrenaline rush. She is completely unfazed (does not give a fvck) and I watch him walk by and he watches me - eye to eye. Then he says "Eh what you looking at bruv?". "I'm looking at you", I say. She then gets involved and basically accuses me of punching her in the back and telling me she could get police involved. I tell her that it was meant as a joke and I ask her who the hell this guy is. He starts getting verbally aggressive with me and so does she. She says "Come on let's just go" and they both walk away hand in hand. My ex lives 30 seconds from my flat (I know..ffs her choice not mine) so I know they are clearly going to his. She is probably banging right now..

What shocks me the most is how fvcking brazen this women is. Erm! H0e you just got exposed as having been a cheating slvt and you have the audacity to act brave. I was utterly shocked. I could not believe how ruthless this woman is. How the fvck could you do that to someone who was meant to be your best friend, someone you'd been with for 3 goddamn years.

What shocks me the most is literally how this girl DOES NOT CARE ANYMORE. Guy you claimed to love for 3 years? "Nah not important now" Scorched earth or what! And what's funny is this guy seems like a gangster - probably one of the trainers at her gym. He's tall but honestly I think as far as SMV is concerned I'm a better catch than he is. I told my friends about the situation and they said I handled it pretty well. Once they walked away I didn't shout back or anything. I just left it.

My best friend came over tonight and we talked it over. Honestly I'm pretty floored. I was doing so well as far as recovering is concerned and it is so ironic that today was the first day since the break up where I actually missed her and spent 95% of the day just thinking about her. The only solace I can take is that it cannot get any worse than this. My suspicions have been confirmed and I've seen what every guy doing NC hopes never to see - their ex with another guy. It's just a shame it had to come so soon into NC. I think in the long run this will be better as I have thrown away any hope of us getting back together. I was honestly planning to use this as a period of self reflection and then after two or three months reach out but fvck...if that's how you can treat people who you supposedly care about...just wow.

Tonight is tough and I doubt I'm going to sleep much if at all (work tomorrow too eeeeugh!) but I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. Leaning on friends and family, making sure I am out the house every night of the week and meeting new women.

I am literally floored right now. Probably one of the lowest moments of my life.The only way is up. PS At least I got to fvck her in the ass (small victories!)

 

[finality]

What happened ?
Again day 1 ?

Ran into each other.. that lead to coffee..that lead to drinks.. that lead to sleeping together.