I took a new girl out and the entire time I was comparing her to my X. I actually talked about my X most of the night. She was a 6 at best and her personality was boring. Basically I just wanted crawl back to my oneitis like an afc.
What are some suggestions from the DJs. Should I take some time off to "heal" or should I force myself to see other women even when I'm pinning.
In my opinion you should take some time off to heal. When you come out of a relationship like that....your emotions are all over the place. You're like a drunk driver behind the wheel of a car. It's an accident waiting to happen. Give yourself the space and time to process what's happened. Keep busy and be social with friends and family. Spend time/reconnect with male friends. You need to find that sense of being comfortable being single. You need to find that sense of independence. You need to build a happy single life that's so full and interesting that you reach a point where you say to yourself..."damn, where would I have the time to fit a woman into my life!!" When you feel this way, you'll find all of that neediness will have disolved by the wayside......like the sand slowly falling down the hour glass. The hour glass that represents TIME.....which is what it takes. The time will pass anyway, best use it to your advantage and grow.....
Bear in mind that no woman wants to be your psychiatrist nor your mother. You must build up your self-control and cease talking about your ex and the past to other women. You do not have this luxury. You'll be viewed as weak and boring by women. A woman is the one who can be emotional in a relationship. You cannot, you must be the rational one. You must be the island and she the emotional waves bashing against you. You must be the strong one during the storm. It may seem unfair but that's the way it is. Two emotional people in a relationship and it'll fall to ****e. Furthermore, she won't respect you for being the weak one; and if she can't respect you, she can never love you.
Comparing other women to your ex can last a long time....if you don't change your perspective. You must learn to live in the present moment. If you're sitting there with another human being and in your head you're making a comparison to your ex (who is now just an entity of the past....in essence, a ghost) you're not completely there in the present. Ask yourself constantly, "what am I doing?" In sitting her with another person.....be there present....involve yourself in the conversation. "what am I doing?" I'm doing the washing up....be there present.....feel the water on your hand......smell the soap....be there........if you're not there in the present you're like the living dead. Away with the fairies. Be there now.
You can view women like wine. People often ask me "do you prefer red or white wine?". Their vision is so limited. There's such a vast array of wine to choose from. It depends on what I'm eating. It depends on the season. It depends on my mood. I know people who always choose the same wine. Over and over again. They'll say, "I know I like this one". But you have a world of wine to choose from! How can you know what you truly enjoy unless you have sampled many! Comparing other women to your ex is like comparing every bottle of wine that you taste to a bottle of Malbec that you had on a trip to Argentina five years ago!!!! You cannot truly enjoy the wine today because in your mind you're conjuring up the image of that wonderful bottle of Malbec you had five years ago! Lamenting to yourself you pine...."well this Saint-Emilion, is not bad.....but it's not like that amazing Malbec" How can it be!!!! It's nothing like the Malbec! It's a different grape damn it!!!!! Well it's three different grapes, but anyway....
There are others that will have a different opinion. That you should throw yourself back out there asap. I've been there and done that. Went on a fvck fest. It didn't help. Sooner or later you have to process that ****e or else it has a tendency to come back out when you least expect it. That ****e leaks out of you in your next relationship if you haven't processed it. Process it and change your mentality before allowing anyone else in.
