I understand if you take a pass on this. I have more questions and am looking for greater understanding. Anything you are willing to offer would be appreciated.
A woman will enjoy the things and people (or person) currently in her life that brings her pleasure and emotional fluctuation. If the pleasure and emotional fluctuation stop even temporarily, she will no longer enjoy it and go looking for something else.
Please bear with me here. I am not judging. I am not saying it's not true. I am just trying to figure out where this fits in my own experience. I am trying to understand. Please be patient with me.
I've read this concept in other posts as well, the idea to create emotional fluctuation to maintain a woman's attraction or interest.
I don't get what a man intentionally does to do this. Without having any idea, what I can say is the concept sounds exhausting. The idea that somehow as a man, you have to pre-consider a woman's emotional state and what you can intentionally do to alter it. You do this on an ongoing basis? Wow!?!?! Is it something you do once a day, a few times a week, only when you are in her company or is it something you are always aware of?
It's a full time experience being responsible for my own thoughts, emotions and attitude. I can't fathom trying to also consciously manage someone else's experience. I love giving gifts or doing special things or creating special experiences for my man. I do that from love and giving and enjoying his joy. For me that is fun and joyful. Is that what you are talking about. I get the sense it's not, because it always sounds effortful or like work mostly. The posts make it sound like ups and down emotions of all kinds are the goal. I couldn't imagine trying to manage another's emotions for a day, let alone a week, a month, a year or a decade. It would be exhausting and a total P.I.T.A., to me. Maybe it's because I have no idea what it is you are really up to and what it is like for you. Help, please..?
It brings up other thoughts as well. =) When then, do you as a man then get to just "let go" and "be," without having to "be on" (managing the woman's emotional experience) in the relationship? I am in awe. On some level I am hoping I have misunderstood you, because it sounds like way too much effort, or should I say misdirected effort, to me. I am not a man. I have no idea what your take on it is?
For me, where is the space for each to be self responsible for your own emotions, thoughts, and internal experience and come together (in relationship, not pump&dump) and enjoy one another without all the posturing? Does that never happen for men? Are you forever gaming the women even in LTR? What I am missing, and maybe it's a given?
I as a woman am there for -- ok maybe I am getting it! I am there for
how I feel in his presence--Ah Ha! (surprised myself
) Maybe that is what you are talking about? I enjoy sharing vulnerability, connection and loving. When a man inspires my respect, admiration, and appreciation...love flows massively inside me. As I overflow with love for him, I feel the love inside myself and it reconnects me with the love that is my nature. When both of us experience that, with one another, and in our lives, it's amazing.
(I know I am getting into that love stuff, bear with me.) For me the beauty and gift is when we inspire one another in our loving. For me this is a place of giving and authenticity. Loving isn't about getting.
Loving is authenticity and unconditionality. It's loving the whole package. (That is another topic, I know.)
I guess what I find hard to conceive of, is how a relationship of managing a woman's emotions works for you? The idea still baffles me.
In my best version, two people come together in authenticity. Safety and connection allow greater and greater depths of expression and connection. Repeat, go deeper and into new territory. I am not into surface connection. I want to know someone's heart and soul. Love is loving it all, for me.
Ok, let me wrap this up with another question, observation. I was shocked at the idea that you feel if you do not maintain emotional fluctuations for a woman, that she will become bored and leave. Is a woman with you because she loves the authentic heart and soul of you? (I realize that question although heartfelt from me will take a bashing on this website.) How about ever? Have you shown that depth of yourself to her? Is that even in your consideration?
Or on the other hand, are you more or less interacting around feelings or experiences shared, events attended together, etc, that are more outward and not really about the depth of one another's authenticity?
A woman will enjoy the things and people (or person) currently in her life that brings her pleasure and emotional fluctuation. If the pleasure and emotional fluctuation stop even temporarily, she will no longer enjoy it and go looking for something else. This is why couples break up when the man is going through some sort of difficult time in his life. In his state, he isn't concerned with making time with her pleasurable or interesting, but is instead concerned about his own situation. He focuses on that and works at figuring out how to fix it. In the meantime, her time with him becomes boring, uneventful, and even annoying. She then feels as if she's fallen "out of love" with him and moves onto someone else.
It baffles me that your expectation/experience is that it is standard practice for women to abandon men they love, when he is in the depths of a growth process. Maybe that is common. It sure is awful. Is that really about male/female in your opinion or is that more individuals who lack caring attributes or was the relationship not truly deeply based in love and supporting one another's well-being? I am just trying to understand the male experience/perspective I hope you do not mind. I am just looking to understand, if you could/would help??? Please...