Looking for different perspectives!

[beforeimgone]

Men,

I have worked on eliminating my ego for the past few years in order to free my mind from myself. I would like to think that I have succeeded in part.

I'm married and am the head of my household. I have set boundaries and have set my family on a course to be great in my eyes. I believe I'm doing most things right. If anyone is interested in what I mean, feel free to post a comment.

I'm married, but I'm under no illusion that love lasts forever. it's an every day process. I would love to hear from womanizers that have their women in check. I would also love to hear from married men who keep their woman in check via disciplinary methods because, frankly, that's what I do. I would also love to hear from men who's marriage is stale, failing, dead, over, or open.

Any perspective is a great perspective and I am here to learn from you in order to evolve myself and supply you with a fresh perspective to help you evolve as well.


On your side,

-Jaimee

 

[dustmuffin]

Go over to married red pill. You will have better luck there.

 

[beforeimgone]

Where is that?

Also, any perspective is worth possible consideration

 

[Desdinova]

I'd like to think that I did pretty good at keeping my now ex-wife attracted during our marriage by injecting emotional fluctuation into our relationship. However, the woman was damaged from many different angles. One of them was her faulty morals of how to behave in a committed relationship. If a woman's core is rotten, then all you really have is sex and no companionship. When I'd had enough of trying to make the marriage actually functional outside of sex, I quit putting effort into it and allowed her to do as she pleased. She cheated on me shortly after that.

 

[beforeimgone]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but By emotional fluctuation I'm assuming you mean injecting drama every so often.

What do you mean function outside of sex? And what were her parents like?

 

[dustmuffin]

Where is that?

Also, any perspective is worth possible consideration

Marriedredpill.com ltr and married red pill perspective

 

[beforeimgone]

Thanks, I found them and most of those men are too far down the wrong path (bitter or beta) to offer any knowledge. Men on this site are more likely to know something that I don't, ya know?

How do you view ltrs whether it be harem management or monogamy?

 

[dustmuffin]

Thanks, I found them and most of those men are too far down the wrong path (bitter or beta) to offer any knowledge. Men on this site are more likely to know something that I don't, ya know?

How do you view ltrs whether it be harem management or monogamy?

I like them. I was dumped a few months ago and it brought me here. I am learning a lot. I don't have much insight into them at the moment. You might read ant dumps machine in the dj bible. It is stickied in the mature man section on this site. I am still a novice at this.

 

[beforeimgone]

Anti dump machine is a great recommendation. I don't mean to pry but would you mind describing your behavior(before the break), thoughts towards her(love you felt before it ended), and your reaction after he end of your relationship?

-Jaimee

 

[dustmuffin]

Sure...I really didn't care about the relationship until she dumped me. Then i went full on beta. I didnt love her it was the rejection that got me. I also wasnt taking my meds so that contributed to my downfall. I am still pulling myself back up. It was a mental meltdown. I lost about 35 pounds deep depression. Read my journal in health and here if you want to know more.

 

[beforeimgone]

It sucks that that happened to you but sure I'll give it a read. What did you do when she got out of line or when she tested you

-Jaimee

 

[dustmuffin]

It sucks that that happened to you but sure I'll give it a read. What did you do when she got out of line or when she tested you

-Jaimee

Ignore or spank. She was submissive naturally. She didn't press my buttons often. It was an ldr about 90 mins away. That contributed a lot to the demise plus at the end I wasn't leading. I was in a state of depression and didn't care. She also wanted to get married no ty

 

[beforeimgone]

Ignore or spank. She was submissive naturally. She didn't press my buttons often. It was an ldr about 90 mins away. That contributed a lot to the demise plus at the end I wasn't leading. I was in a state of depression and didn't care. She also wanted to get married no ty

Oh ok just sounds like you guys ran your course

 

[dustmuffin]

Oh ok just sounds like you guys ran your course

Yes that is my take too.

 

[beforeimgone]

main thing is lots of sex and being objectively desirable, but women get bored of both and also have dramatically different reactions to your "player" vibe (luckily, not sleeping with you is not one of them). I agree with anti-dump, you "buy" a relationship, not "build" one. You can do your best but nothing can prepare them for sickness,unemployment, toxic external influence, or boredom.

I agree. It's like you find one that's not bad to start with and help shape her into what you want

 

[fastlife]

Space is the #1 most important thing imo to sustaining romance--emotional space, mental space, physical space. You need to take time away to monitor yourself, to stay connected to yourself, to make a constant effort not to lose yourself in the relationship. Prolonged exposure = familiarity. Familiarity might lead to security and intimacy but security and intimacy =/= attraction. In a lot of ways, they lead to the opposite (for you and her).

Men and women were never meant to spend all day together in close proximity. That's an extremely modern (read last 50 years) phenomenon. They were never meant to do everything together. It's much easier to maintain space from Day 1 than it is to inject it into your relationship without majorly upsetting the boat. But it's absolutely necessary to maintaining the health of your relationship. Quality of time spent together is more important than quantity--and it's impossible to constantly maintain quality over a prolonged period of time without exhausting yourself.

 

[beforeimgone]

Space is the #1 most important thing imo to sustaining romance--emotional space, mental space, physical space. You need to take time away to monitor yourself, to stay connected to yourself, to make a constant effort not to lose yourself in the relationship. Prolonged exposure = familiarity. Familiarity might lead to security and intimacy but security and intimacy =/= attraction. In a lot of ways, they lead to the opposite (for you and her).

Men and women were never meant to spend all day together in close proximity. That's an extremely modern (read last 50 years) phenomenon. They were never meant to do everything together. It's much easier to maintain space from Day 1 than it is to inject it into your relationship without majorly upsetting the boat. But it's absolutely necessary to maintaining the health of your relationship. Quality of time spent together is more important than quantity--and it's impossible to constantly maintain quality over a prolonged period of time without exhausting yourself.

I see.

When do you begin to notice the signs of too Much familiarity setting in? Also, how do you (in your relationships) keep space when you cohabit?

 

[fastlife]

I see.

When do you begin to notice the signs of too Much familiarity setting in? Also, how do you (in your relationships) keep space when you cohabit?

Only girl I've lived with for any period of time--the relationship worked when I was in school full time and working 60 hours a week; as soon as I graduated and had more time things fell apart with the quickness (she was also BPD, so far less margin for error; you can take from that what you will). But I've also observed it in my friends' gf's and wives; the ones that've come on to me a little too strongly are the ones who do everything together.

But then when you're spinning plates you can see a girl once or twice a month with a text or two inbetween and she's ripping your clothes off every time and responding to your texts within seconds.

I think the first sign of over-familiarity is when sex drops off a little and you really don't care (look up Coolidge effect). I'd say the second sign would be the small fights or her being 'distant.' Jealousy is another big one. If you're getting jealous, then you don't have enough options (or potential to generate them quickly). If she's getting jealous, you've probably given her too much control and predictability. If a girl never feels like she 100% has you then instead of bitching you out for not texting her back quick enough she'll be trying to **** you or be super nice to not give you any reason to leave. If I were to get in another exclusive LTR, my work, my passions, my physical health, my friends would all take priority over my partner. I would make sure to take care of my own happiness first, and to set things up so that I'd be excited to see her, present in all of our interactions, and never allow myself to feel 'comfortable.'

 

[beforeimgone]

Only girl I've lived with for any period of time--the relationship worked when I was in school full time and working 60 hours a week; as soon as I graduated and had more time things fell apart with the quickness (she was also BPD, so far less margin for error; you can take from that what you will). But I've also observed it in my friends' gf's and wives; the ones that've come on to me a little too strongly are the ones who do everything together.

But then when you're spinning plates you can see a girl once or twice a month with a text or two inbetween and she's ripping your clothes off every time and responding to your texts within seconds.

I think the first sign of over-familiarity is when sex drops off a little and you really don't care (look up Coolidge effect). I'd say the second sign would be the small fights or her being 'distant.' Jealousy is another big one. If you're getting jealous, then you don't have enough options (or potential to generate them quickly). If she's getting jealous, you've probably given her too much control and predictability. If a girl never feels like she 100% has you then instead of *****ing you out for not texting her back quick enough she'll be trying to **** you or be super nice to not give you any reason to leave. If I were to get in another exclusive LTR, my work, my passions, my physical health, my friends would all take priority over my partner. I would make sure to take care of my own happiness first, and to set things up so that I'd be excited to see her, present in all of our interactions, and never allow myself to feel 'comfortable.'

Bpd women have low market value to begin with for many reasons. How and when did you identify it?

Coolidge effect sounds impossible to beat mainly because you would be battling human nature or more specifically human tendency. Being that you have had time to reflect, what solution(s) did you find? Aside from putting your passions and what not first

 

[fastlife]

Found it on Google about a year in after she was 100% convinced I was sleeping with her mother--there'd been other red flags, of course, but I was pretty naive. Stayed another year. For the most part she was an awesome gf for me--just insanely insecure from time to time, and the ending was about what you'd expect (magnificent lol). Not something I'd do again, but I was 21 when I met her and it was a great learning experience.

Eventually the Coolidge effect is probably inevitable--but it can definitely be delayed by spacing things out. Also, if you're constantly improving your SMV (i.e. not getting comfortable), your wife'll stay more motivated to keep ahead of perceived competition (and won't have to time to get 'bored' or 'unhappy' or won't have the 'security' to pursue better options). If you haven't read The Rational Male I'd highly recommend it. I don't think monogamy is a losing battle--as long as you look at it as the battle instead of something you can just relax into after you've won the girl over.