Looking for different perspectives!

[beforeimgone]

Found it on Google about a year in after she was 100% convinced I was sleeping with her mother--there'd been other red flags, of course, but I was pretty naive. Stayed another year. For the most part she was an awesome gf for me--just insanely insecure from time to time, and the ending was about what you'd expect (magnificent lol). Not something I'd do again, but I was 21 when I met her and it was a great learning experience.

Eventually the Coolidge effect is probably inevitable--but it can definitely be delayed by spacing things out. Also, if you're constantly improving your SMV (i.e. not getting comfortable), your wife'll stay more motivated to keep ahead of perceived competition (and won't have to time to get 'bored' or 'unhappy' or won't have the 'security' to pursue better options). If you haven't read The Rational Male I'd highly recommend it. I don't think monogamy is a losing battle--as long as you look at it as the battle instead of something you can just relax into after you've won the girl over.

Oh you had no idea about it until you were already in too deep. well.. now you know. Lol

Rationale male is good, but it says basically the usual reef pill things.

Self improvement never stops and in order to continue improving I read and have a mantra that I repeat all the time. Inorder to keep me on track to build continually. What's yours?

 

[longbottom2006]

Men,

I have worked on eliminating my ego for the past few years in order to free my mind from myself. I would like to think that I have succeeded in part.

I'm married and am the head of my household. I have set boundaries and have set my family on a course to be great in my eyes. I believe I'm doing most things right. If anyone is interested in what I mean, feel free to post a comment.

I'm married, but I'm under no illusion that love lasts forever. it's an every day process. I would love to hear from womanizers that have their women in check. I would also love to hear from married men who keep their woman in check via disciplinary methods because, frankly, that's what I do. I would also love to hear from men who's marriage is stale, failing, dead, over, or open.

Any perspective is a great perspective and I am here to learn from you in order to evolve myself and supply you with a fresh perspective to help you evolve as well.


On your side,

-Jaimee

What is your purpose in life, man ?

 

[beforeimgone]

What is your purpose in life, man ?

That's a hard question because it's very broad but In life I strive To be happy.

What exactly are you asking?

The more specific the better

 

[longbottom2006]

Happy is your goal? What is happy? Have fun ,great time in relationship or something else?
I had lived without any goal many years ago, just go to work, sleeping, dating.... and that's all. But when I had a problem, I didn't know to solve it and many thing go inside my mind. I feel tired of, stress ..... and go to Internet, searching and searching, practice .. and finally I have known what is the reason that make me like this.

2 years. Yes , 2 years is the time I finding what I want. Goal is the key that help me overcome my problem.

Happy is your goal and what is your problem?

 

[beforeimgone]

Happy is your goal? What is happy? Have fun ,great time in relationship or something else?
I had lived without any goal many years ago, just go to work, sleeping, dating.... and that's all. But when I had a problem, I didn't know to solve it and many thing go inside my mind. I feel tired of, stress ..... and go to Internet, searching and searching, practice .. and finally I have known what is the reason that make me like this.

2 years. Yes , 2 years is the time I finding what I want. Goal is the key that help me overcome my problem.

Happy is your goal and what is your problem?

I see what you mean. There's no way to offerknowledge unless I specify what my problem is.

Happiness for me is letting my self respect lead above all else. I have a decent amount of knowledge due to many factors. Currently I have no problems. My biggest passion is self improvement which is why I'm here.

it'd be easy to state my mindset towards relationships and how I maintain control In them but my views are based on many manythings and they work but they sound like the scratching of a chalkboard to a most people.

Basically what I'm asking of everyone is their mindset while in a relationship and the success or failure of their previous mindest

 

[grayclif]

Space is the #1 most important thing imo to sustaining romance--emotional space, mental space, physical space. You need to take time away to monitor yourself, to stay connected to yourself, to make a constant effort not to lose yourself in the relationship. Prolonged exposure = familiarity. Familiarity might lead to security and intimacy but security and intimacy =/= attraction. In a lot of ways, they lead to the opposite (for you and her).

Men and women were never meant to spend all day together in close proximity. That's an extremely modern (read last 50 years) phenomenon. They were never meant to do everything together. It's much easier to maintain space from Day 1 than it is to inject it into your relationship without majorly upsetting the boat. But it's absolutely necessary to maintaining the health of your relationship. Quality of time spent together is more important than quantity--and it's impossible to constantly maintain quality over a prolonged period of time without exhausting yourself.

Point taken. So why are LDR frowned so heavily upon in this forum?

 

[Desdinova]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but By emotional fluctuation I'm assuming you mean injecting drama every so often.

That's one way to do it. A lot of the things that are preached on Sosuave cause emotional fluctuation like never giving her what she wants when she wants it, keeping her guessing, never fvcking her in the same position and/or location, being occasionally spontaneous, and surprising her every now and then. It all contributes to making the relationship interesting for her which prevents her from leaving and/or cheating.

What do you mean function outside of sex? And what were her parents like?

Our sex life never took a nose dive throughout the six years I was with her. The problem was her social life was more important than maintaining her marriage and her relationship with our child.

Her parents were divorced. Her mother spoiled her with anything she wanted (and continues to do so), but her dad was a hard-ass, telling her she needs to work for what she wants.

 

[fastlife]

Point taken. So why are LDR frowned so heavily upon in this forum?

The issue with LDRs come when you stop pursuing other options with the expectation (illusion) of exclusitivity. If you're investing time and emotion there's a high probability you'll get no return on that investment and if you're not getting sex regularly it's a poor investment to begin with.

All of my plates live ~4 hours away. Arranged things that way because that's what works for me at this point in my life. Low investment (gasoline once or twice a month). Low drama. I have more time to focus on my goals; there's no distraction or convenient time wasters; and my needs get met. Depends on what you want.

 

[beforeimgone]

That's one way to do it. A lot of the things that are preached on Sosuave cause emotional fluctuation like never giving her what she wants when she wants it, keeping her guessing, never fvcking her in the same position and/or location, being occasionally spontaneous, and surprising her every now and then. It all contributes to making the relationship interesting for her which prevents her from leaving and/or cheating.



Our sex life never took a nose dive throughout the six years I was with her. The problem was her social life was more important than maintaining her marriage and her relationship with our child.

Her parents were divorced. Her mother spoiled her with anything she wanted (and continues to do so), but her dad was a hard-ass, telling her she needs to work for what she wants.

Six years is a pretty long time. NIce.


do you believe in putting her in her place. if so, what methods. if not, why not.

ex. How would you handle this situation: your woman wants to go to some event, but you don't. If you were to agree she would seem genuinely happy; however, if you decline she would appear to be genuinely sad & if you wanted sex from her and she appeared to not want it all, but was getting undressed anyway(frown on her face, and general uninterested body language such as slow and sulky movements.).


These questions are not for advice. These questions are geared towards you personally so I can measure your level of dominance and so i can get a feel for the type of person you are in a relationship.

 

[Desdinova]

do you believe in putting her in her place. if so, what methods.

Of course I believe in that, but only if I'm in a LTR with her. As for methods, it depends on the situation.

ex. How would you handle this situation: your woman wants to go to some event, but you don't. If you were to agree she would seem genuinely happy;

I don't attend things I have no interest in.

however, if you decline she would appear to be genuinely sad & if you wanted sex from her and she appeared to not want it all, but was getting undressed anyway(frown on her face, and general uninterested body language such as slow and sulky movements.).

Why would I let some event I have no interest in affect whether I get laid or not? If she doesn't want to fvck, oh well. My hand is always on the backburner.

I learned long ago to not let the achievement of sex run my life.

These questions are not for advice. These questions are geared towards you personally so I can measure your level of dominance and so i can get a feel for the type of person you are in a relationship.

Why the fvck should you care about my dominance? I'm not taking you to bed.

 

[beforeimgone]

Why the fvck should you care about my dominance?

Because that's the area i'm inquiring about.

I'm not taking you to bed.

It's impossible to have a discussion if my questions offend you. In the future, indicate the areas that are sensitive to you before responding with anger.

 

[Desdinova]

It's impossible to have a discussion if my questions offend you. In the future, indicate the areas that are sensitive to you before responding with anger.

You're an odd one, since you're saying that the questions aren't for your benefit. You make it sound as if you've got a solution for my problems. I'm waiting for you to come out any minute and ask me if I've discovered the love of Jesus Christ.

 

[beforeimgone]

You're an odd one, since you're saying that the questions aren't for your benefit. You make it sound as if you've got a solution for my problems. I'm waiting for you to come out any minute and ask me if I've discovered the love of Jesus Christ.

I can understand where you are coming from and your opinions have been taken into consideration. Thank you for your time.



To anyone else reading, I am open to your perspective as well. Feel free to voice them as I am looking for fresh perspectives in order to build upon myself.

 

[Desdinova]

There's no way to offerknowledge unless I specify what my problem is.

These questions are not for advice.

I am looking for fresh perspectives in order to build upon myself.

Currently I have no problems.

You're contradicting the 5hit out of yourself. If you have no problems, then there is no purpose for you to be here. The impression I'm getting from you is the equivalence of "my life is perfect, but I'm reading a book on how to quit being an alcoholic for the general knowledge"

 

[beforeimgone]

You're contradicting the 5hit out of yourself. If you have no problems, then there is no purpose for you to be here. The impression I'm getting from you is the equivalence of "my life is perfect, but I'm reading a book on how to quit being an alcoholic for the general knowledge"

It's true that i know a lot, but I am here because I am looking for fresh perspectives. If you read through my other posts you will see that i have talked about myself as little as possible because i believe i can't learn different perspectives if i am discussing mine. I created this thread in order to discuss the perspectives of everyone that replies and feels as if they have a degree of knowledge to offer that the general population here can't comprehend. I have plenty of knowledge that i can offer, but I have humbled myself in order to listen to whatever perspective that is supplied to me. I'm basically just soaking in more knowledge and in order to do that I am applying a child-like curiosity to what i am reading.



I have a wife that keeps me happy due to my constant need to learn and apply useful knowledge. as you speak I am trying to put myself in your shoes and learn more from your perspective, but in order to do that i will need to sorta be inside your head which I can't do unless you are able to answer the questions i ask as thoroughly and honestly as possible. Keep in mind that at any time if my questions become too personal then let me know. I'm not here to offend, but adsorb. As of now, my area of interest is dominance. If my questions were too personal then let me know, so i know that it is a touchy subject or that you are unable to supply me with any information in that area. If you were to ask me any questions, I would answer but keep in mind that this thread is mainly for everyone else to talk about themselves and have someone(me) listen and learn from their success or mistakes.



I feel as if you have a problem with the way i am conducting myself. That's fine, but an argument isn't the point of this thread. I have acknowledged and attempted to understand why you would be offended yet you continue to reply. Why? Are you trying to exacerbate the problem, do you feel as if my motives are unclear. I won't be able to understand unless you tell me. If you are unwilling or unable to offer any wisdom/insight to me then please give someone else a chance to reply and share their perspective with someone(me) that is interested in what they feel is the correct way to conduct their relationships

 

[Desdinova]

If you read through my other posts you will see that i have talked about myself as little as possible because i believe i can't learn different perspectives if i am discussing mine.

That's a pile of horse5hit. I came here with the perspective that women should be treated as princesses in order to keep them happy. My current perspective is that women need to be treated as property and they're the most content when they're NOT 100% happy. The moral of the story is you can modify your own perspective if you're willing to go outside your comfort zone and try something different.

My gut feeling is that you came here looking to solve the problem of how to dominate your wife, but you're not discussing your situation because you don't want other members here telling you that your wife is a controlling cvnt.

Also, WTF are you doing being married at age 22? That's the age where a woman should be getting married, not a man.

 

[beforeimgone]

That's a pile of horse5hit. I came here with the perspective that women should be treated as princesses in order to keep them happy. My current perspective is that women need to be treated as property and they're the most content when they're NOT 100% happy. The moral of the story is you can modify your own perspective if you're willing to go outside your comfort zone and try something different.

My gut feeling is that you came here looking to solve the problem of how to dominate your wife, but you're not discussing your situation because you don't want other members here telling you that your wife is a controlling cvnt.

Also, WTF are you doing being married at age 22? That's the age where a woman should be getting married, not a man.

First off, I am an adult and i will do as i please. You have no say in how i conduct my life.


I've never had a problem with women so i see no hatred for them because i am able to understand why they have such a bad rep. Their feelings rule their mind. They aren't property. They just treated you like a peasant because you allowed them to due to the fact that you didn't know any better. You know a little more now than you did before, but you are still a bit misguided to the point of almost being a misogynist. Women act how you allow them to.Your reality is their reality. You have a lot of learning to do. The sooner you learn and understand, the sooner you will learn to be less bitter.


I'm happy with my wife. She is feminine demure and polite. She is that way due to the fact that i take no **** and continually put her in her place. I'd be happy to let you know how. I expect her to do as i say when i say with a smile on her face. If not, there will be consequences. I have no problems dominating my wife. I know a lot, but I know there are some more people out there that know more than i do and they are more likely to teach me something that i don't know. Honestly, you don't appear to have much knowledge in the area that I'm inquiring about.


You can't be happy if you have only a tiny bit of knowledge. Read a little more and get a better grasp on your emotions so that we can have a proper conversation or just drop your ego and ask a question or two if i say something that you don't understand.

 

[Desdinova]

First off, I am an adult and i will do as i please.

Yup, you're 22 years old alright. You're a know-it-all just like I was at age 22.

I've never had a problem with women so i see no hatred for them because i am able to understand why they have such a bad rep.

Please go into detail as to why they have a bad rep.

Their feelings rule their mind.

I know this. I understand this. I use it to my advantage. I understand why women do the dumb 5hit that they do.

They aren't property.

The laws and society in general prevent them from being property (at least in this country). Men and women would be more satisfied in relationships if they were treated like property.

They just treated you like a peasant because you allowed them to due to the fact that you didn't know any better.

Again, I know this.

You know a little more now than you did before, but you are still a bit misguided to the point of almost being a misogynist.

I'm glad you know me so well. Please tell me what type of vehicle I drive and the colour to prove your knowledge.

Women act how you allow them to.

Women base their actions on how they feel in their current moment in time. If she feels like fvcking another guy she just met while you're not around, she's going to do it. She will also justify it to stop her emotions from splashing around too much.

Your reality is their reality.

This is dependent on their interest in you. If their interest is high, they'll do everything you want to do and believe everything you believe. If they lose interest or feel like making the relationship less boring, then they'll do things that piss you off.

You have a lot of learning to do.

I always have more learning to do, unlike you

The sooner you learn and understand, the sooner you will learn to be less bitter.

Since you know so much about me, please tell me what I'm bitter about...

I'm happy with my wife. She is feminine demure and polite. She is that way due to the fact that i take no **** and continually put her in her place. I'd be happy to let you know how.

Write up a post and put it in the "tips" section so others can read your magic formula. If it's really good, it might end up in the DJ Bible.

Honestly, you don't appear to have much knowledge in the area that I'm inquiring about.

Again, if you know everything, then why the hell are you here?

You can't be happy if you have only a tiny bit of knowledge.

Oh, you mean unlike you? The happy know-it-all 22 year old?

get a better grasp on your emotions

I grasp my emotions just fine, thanks. When I don't, I open myself up to fixing that part of my personality. You don't seem willing to open yourself up for repairs because you know everything and aren't open to criticism. You probably have all kinds of 5hit broken with your personality, emotions, how you handle yourself, your habits, etc etc. At age 22, I didn't even BEGIN to fix all the stuff that was wrong with me. That changed when I came here and got multiple swift kicks in the arse from the well-seasoned members here. After that, I was on a roll with self-improvement, and I'm still doing it to this day.

Since you've closed up shop on self-repair and criticism, I hope you enjoy spinning in the rut that you're stuck in. You can't fix the problems you can't see if you don't let others point them out.

 

[beforeimgone]

Yup, you're 22 years old alright. You're a know-it-all just like I was at age 22.



Please go into detail as to why they have a bad rep.



I know this. I understand this. I use it to my advantage. I understand why women do the dumb 5hit that they do.



The laws and society in general prevent them from being property (at least in this country). Men and women would be more satisfied in relationships if they were treated like property.



Again, I know this.



I'm glad you know me so well. Please tell me what type of vehicle I drive and the colour to prove your knowledge.



Women base their actions on how they feel in their current moment in time. If she feels like fvcking another guy she just met while you're not around, she's going to do it. She will also justify it to stop her emotions from splashing around too much.



This is dependent on their interest in you. If their interest is high, they'll do everything you want to do and believe everything you believe. If they lose interest or feel like making the relationship less boring, then they'll do things that piss you off.



I always have more learning to do, unlike you



Since you know so much about me, please tell me what I'm bitter about...



Write up a post and put it in the "tips" section so others can read your magic formula. If it's really good, it might end up in the DJ Bible.



Again, if you know everything, then why the hell are you here?



Oh, you mean unlike you? The happy know-it-all 22 year old?



I grasp my emotions just fine, thanks. When I don't, I open myself up to fixing that part of my personality. You don't seem willing to open yourself up for repairs because you know everything and aren't open to criticism. You probably have all kinds of 5hit broken with your personality, emotions, how you handle yourself, your habits, etc etc. At age 22, I didn't even BEGIN to fix all the stuff that was wrong with me. That changed when I came here and got multiple swift kicks in the arse from the well-seasoned members here. After that, I was on a roll with self-improvement, and I'm still doing it to this day.

Since you've closed up shop on self-repair and criticism, I hope you enjoy spinning in the rut that you're stuck in. You can't fix the problems you can't see if you don't let others point them out.

You say that i'm not open to criticism, yet you have yet to ask me a serious question. Every question you ask is laced with sarcasm, although it's evident that you are a little curious to say the least.


You claim that i assume to know everything. You can't see through your ego.


Based off of how you are responding to me,I'd say you are middle aged(above 30) and divorced. You probably feel as if life is going to kick me in the face and 'humble' me. I'm sure you are decently educated based off of how you respond. You weren't the valedictorian of your class and you weren't academically gifted, but you 'kept your head down'(seems like a phrase you'd use) and pushed through until you achieved graduation. Life kicked you in the face a couple of times i'm sure due to the fact that you're trying to project unto me. Your wiser than thou perspective makes you believe that everything i'm saying is invalid due to the fact that i am not old enough to have had any life experiences. That's another projection by the way. You believe that no pissant 22 year old is wise enough to know much about women; however, if you were to take my age out of the equation, you'd see that this isn't just me 'pissing in the wind' (another phrase i feel like you'd say). that's what our conversation has told me about you.


Have You ever talked to anyone below twenty five that you felt was competent? Drop the ego, yo(a phrase i'd expect you to feel as if i'd say)


Also although your comment about the dj bible appeared to be laced with sarcasm(i don't think you can help it at this point because that's how you talk to 'children'), it seems as though you are interested in what i have to say. I'll do it

 

[parkthebus]

I would say to both of you: neither of you are benefiting from this interaction. This is an ego standoff and it will only do you harm.