The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SayWhat]

I haven't posted in this thread for a couple of months, but since many of you guys helped me (even after I completely ignored the advice), I want to tell my own experience to people who are struggling with a break up.

The main thing you have to remember and that everyone will tell and you won't believe when you just got dumped => TIME DOES HEAL. I (like all of you) went through hell, my confidence was shot, I thought I would never get out of it, etc etc... At the moment I still have a long way to go on a personal level (but not related to the ex), but I feel okay overall.

They also tell you to go completely NC, don't see her, don't text her, don't reply. I agree with this, but for me this was impossible as we were working together and I didn't want to lose my job. If you're in a situation like me, you have to go through it, don't quit your job because of her, be a man and get to work and still give the best of yourself. It's hard, I went home emotionally drained, but every day went better and better and looking back you will feel proud of yourself. You will have days you don't want to go, but these are the days that make the difference, you just f*cking go.

All in all NC is the best way though, I quit my job eventually for a new job I was long applying for. Haven't seen her for over a couple of months. Although that at the end of my working period at my previous job and where I saw her quite often, I felt I was sufficiently over it, not completely, but good enough. These last months though have completely made the difference.

Keep your heads up guys, if she dumped you she's not worth it.

 

[Matthew816]

Tonight is Night One. She dumped me over the phone 2 days ago. After 5 years. Out of the blue. All BS reasons. Ill go into more detail when I have the energy.

I have called non stop since the phone breakup. I demanded that after 5 years she owes me a face to face dumping. She had to look me in the eye and say she no longer is in love with me. (Keep in mind 5 years is no small thing). Ive been in a lot of pain.

So her response was an annoyed "Fine if you will just Fu$&ing leave me alone then, if thats what it takes to get you out of my life come down here. Ill tell you these things EVEN though its not what I feel". Hello??? WTF?!

Long story short I go down, she says its over. I cried. I loved her. My last words were I hope youre really sure.... Because Im never coming back.

I turned walked away and did not look back.

There was zero emotion in her. Literally not even a hint of a tear. She just complained.... About me, all my annoying personality traits.

This girl used me. I treated her like gold the first two years. I then lost my job for a bit (high income $250k year) and really after that, when I had to tighten the money flow, she really vanished, but kept me on the line. It got to the point where Id only see her 1-2 times a month. She lives 15 minutes away.

So Ive recently had some investments tighten up (Im a risk taker) money again tight, and WHAM. Dumped. Over the phone no less

I was so blind. I think and believe she was likely cheating. Not necessarily a boyfriend. But just affairs. Flings. Id have no way to know. Shes highly secretive. Dissapears for days and doesnt call.

Not that it matters. But Ive been reading this thread. It seems so many dumpees who go no contact eventually get calls and texts from their ex who destroyed them.

Ive never been treated so disrespectfully. Im going no contact. Am I to expect she will try to initiate contact, continue to toy with me now that all the attention I gave vanishes over night.

Im afraid of that. But also wouldnt mind just ignoring her like she did to me for so long.

Its over. Im not going back. For once I was blind, now I can see.

But... I am still heartbroken.

Thanks everyone.

 

[_Dream_]

Tonight is Night One. She dumped me over the phone 2 days ago. After 5 years. Out of the blue. All BS reasons. Ill go into more detail when I have the energy.

I have called non stop since the phone breakup. I demanded that after 5 years she owes me a face to face dumping. She had to look me in the eye and say she no longer is in love with me. (Keep in mind 5 years is no small thing). Ive been in a lot of pain.

Buckle up buddy, first 3 weeks will be living hell... Continue doing NC, start reading Dj Bible, books like The Rational man, drink that red pill, nothing helps you like good old harsh truth.
Even if you have 10000 things you would like to say to her, even if every day you think of a NEW approach , new thing you will say,thing that will "make her come to her senses", it ultimately doesnt mater WHAT you say, only that you're sending a message of lower value. Dont show her you can be threaten like garbage and then still search for her.

Your heart will heal, ive been together for 6 years spending every single day together for last few years, then i got dump without having an slightest idea something was wrong. It took me a month to get myself again.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

You have to understand that it's over. Some of us got some lame text, some got walls begging to come back. So what. Does it matter? No. What matters here is that you get over her and get your emotions in your hands again.
It's completly over. She did not wanted to see you for months, that's the reason she didn't have any single emotion when you saw her. They are like that, they finish the relationship long after the breakup, so they are over it when they tell you. She looks like a ***** that was using you for the money, so I would say it's not a big loss.

Go NoContact, focus on yourself and meet some new b!itches along the way. But forget about her, don't expect her to text or call you. I know that's what you want, even if it's only for your ego and not for coming back. But it in the end it doesn't matter, what matters is you healing your mind and emotions.

As _Dream_ said, read about gender dynamics and learn all you can so you are not hurt like this again. Good luck mate, keep us informed.

 

[_Dream_]

Day 1
I had to reset since i stalked her on the forum she goes yesterday. So i made sure that never happens and used some addons to block every webpage that she visits.
That will stop me from impulsively clicking on it
Im feeling really good today. Im highly motivated and i manage to stop myself from thinking about any good memories of my ex ( they exist only to hurt me). Life feels good

So the funniest thing happened. I was searching for a girl on facebook and it offered me my ex as first choice when i typed the first letter. I was really confused on why that was happening since she blocked me 40 days ago when she dumped me. So i clicked on her name. I could see her profile.. It didnt touch me emotionally but i was confused...
Then it came to me, she unblocked me so she can stalk me. Thats spying bastard, even though she dumped me she still wants to see what im up to.
Aint that messed up?
Anyways i guess this is a good chance for me to block her now! oooh how sweet it will be, what do ya say?

 

[Glumix]

That's why I am not on FB anymore. And I do not miss a thing. When I go NC the only way they can reach me is phone or crying at the front door.

They do not see anything of my life anymore so they can just spend their nights wondering what I am up to. And sometimes they will see a few pics of me doing things with girls they are friends with.

And getting rid of FB taught me to stop exposing my life and to live it for myself not to soothe my narcissism.

Win-win-win

 

[Airstryke]

Day 22 since the breakup and Day 16 since NC. It's crazy how this ebbs and flows. One day I'm doing great and I couldn't care less that she's gone and the next day, I'm miserable and constantly comparing her to others/my plates. Since I work with her, I always see her car outside and have seen her twice since I went NC. Both times neither of us said anything and both times we were in the parking lot (but it was a gut-punch on both occasions). I've been trying to straight up avoid seeing her where possible and thankfully, she's on a different floor than I am.

I've been on two dates since and neither one was worth pursuing. The thing that is killing me is that this whole thing was only 3 months long. How the hell am I still having issues? I've been in much longer relationships in the past but this one just felt different. I'm on my way to getting over her but the blindside breakup really is the worst. I've never been through anything like this before. Not sure if I mentioned this in my past posts but she admitted to being a "commitment-phobe" thanks to her failed marriage (she got married at 19 and divorced at 23; she's 25 now). Has anyone been with a girl like that and what was your experience like? It's almost like they're a lost cause and there's nothing you can do to get through to them that you're not like their past, sh*tty boyfriend/husband/whatever.

None of this really matters now, though. Maybe one of these plates will match up and help me get my mind off of her...

 

[Glumix]

Seems to me that you are trying to replace bad with worse. You perhaps need to find yourself in the process. To upgrade your ex you have to upgrade yourself first.

 

[Airstryke]

You're probably right. I think I'm subconsciously trying to fill the hole (no pun intended) that she left. I've definitely been trying to better myself since she left. Been going to the gym 4 days a week and feel better about myself than I have in a while. I think I need to fly solo for a while, if only to prove to myself that life can be great when you don't have anyone that you're attached to just as much as when you do. I plan to buy a house in the next few months so maybe I'll just focus on work and getting the funds laid out for that rather than focusing on a girl right now.

Appreciate the insight, Glumix.

 

[Armourhead]

Time heals all wounds Airstryke. Give it time. Focus on yourself and learn ways to make yourself happy for the next little bit.

 

[Lozboss]

I think I need to fly solo for a while, if only to prove to myself that life can be great when you don't have anyone that you're attached to just as much as when you do. I plan to buy a house in the next few months so maybe I'll just focus on work and getting the funds laid out for that rather than focusing on a girl right now.

100%. You need to be a complete man and you want to look for a complete woman. You should never be 'filling a hole' or looking for someone to 'complete you'.

Some say spin plates- if you can find some f*ckbuddies then go for it, but just keep it emotionless. I suggest a complete Monk Mode where you focus on yourself.

 

[Airstryke]

Thanks, fellas. I turn 32 in January, never been married/no kids, have a great job, and hopefully will own my own place here shortly. There's a lot of good going on in my life. I agree with all that you're saying that I should just Monk Mode it for a while and see what happens from there. This place was a great find to voice my frustrations/issues with the breakup. Do work, bros!

 

[_Dream_]

Day 2 ( after reset )

Im writing here because i have a lot of bottled emotions and i think is better to write them here than to let them eat me inside. It has been 42 days since the break up.

After reading a lot of stuff about the right frame now I see that I had no CHANCE to see this coming. Not without the knowledge I have now...

When we started dating I didn’t feel much for her, but she was nice to me and very cute, so I continued with it. As years went by I started loving her more and more.

I became the center of her world, I was everything she talked about. She got into my every hobby, watched every movie I loved. She would call me every day and wanted to talk for hours. She would miss lectured and spend money just to come and see me. She would blow me for hours at time expecting nothing in return. She never wore sexy clothes outside since those were reserved just for me.
She would kiss and hug me for hours refusing to ever let me go. That girl was mad in love with me and everybody knew that. All of her friends were even bored out how much she talked about me.
So in that state of mind, after 5 years of being happy, I gave her a hint that I want to marry her.

But then everything changed 6 months ago, she started spending all her free time on forums and skype group chats. I was super busy with work so I couldn’t join her. We had different sleep scedules and i was very tired. But she kept on telling me she loves me every day, she would send me audio track of her singing love songs to me. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT BECAME A LIE?

(after break up she admitted she was telling me that stuff for last few months because she "wanted it to be true" )

My mistake was being in the mental state where I would even forgive her cheating on me as long as we would work on fixing it. I saw her sending too much affection to other people but I was so blidly in love I couldn’t even get mad at her properly. All those years of being loved took down all my defences.


What im trying to say is. YOU CAN NEVER RELAX. 5 years full of love from a sweetest girl you know means NOTHING if you don’t see signals and react on them on time. You loving her more than ever means nothing, its only how she feels, and she WILL LIE about her feelings. Only thing you can do is look at her actions…

I am really scared, I know there are girls in my town that are mad in love with me, but even that means nothing, frame cant ever be broken.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Day 2 ( after reset )

Im writing here because i have a lot of bottled emotions and i think is better to write them here than to let them eat me inside. It has been 42 days since the break up.

After reading a lot of stuff about the right frame now I see that I had no CHANCE to see this coming. Not without the knowledge I have now...

When we started dating I didn’t feel much for her, but she was nice to me and very cute, so I continued with it. As years went by I started loving her more and more.

I became the center of her world, I was everything she talked about. She got into my every hobby, watched every movie I loved. She would call me every day and wanted to talk for hours. She would miss lectured and spend money just to come and see me. She would blow me for hours at time expecting nothing in return. She never wore sexy clothes outside since those were reserved just for me.
She would kiss and hug me for hours refusing to ever let me go. That girl was mad in love with me and everybody knew that. All of her friends were even bored out how much she talked about me.
So in that state of mind, after 5 years of being happy, I gave her a hint that I want to marry her.

But then everything changed 6 months ago, she started spending all her free time on forums and skype group chats. I was super busy with work so I couldn’t join her. We had different sleep scedules and i was very tired. But she kept on telling me she loves me every day, she would send me audio track of her singing love songs to me. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT BECAME A LIE?

(after break up she admitted she was telling me that stuff for last few months because she "wanted it to be true" )

My mistake was being in the mental state where I would even forgive her cheating on me as long as we would work on fixing it. I saw her sending too much affection to other people but I was so blidly in love I couldn’t even get mad at her properly. All those years of being loved took down all my defences.


What im trying to say is. YOU CAN NEVER RELAX. 5 years full of love from a sweetest girl you know means NOTHING if you don’t see signals and react on them on time. You loving her more than ever means nothing, its only how she feels, and she WILL LIE about her feelings. Only thing you can do is look at her actions…

I am really scared, I know there are girls in my town that are mad in love with me, but even that means nothing, frame cant ever be broken.

She didn't start cheating until the last 6 months? Or this was being done the entire time?

 

[_Dream_]

She didn't start cheating until the last 6 months? Or this was being done the entire time?

She started talking more and more to one guy in the skype group. At the beggining it was nothing, but after few months i guess they got close. Few days before the break up, she went to meet him to see how she feels.
She kissed him and called me that its over for us.
They havent met in person before that, they dont even live in the same country

 

[mrgoodstuff]

She started talking more and more to one guy in the skype group. At the beggining it was nothing, but after few months i guess they got close. Few days before the break up, she went to meet him to see how she feels.
She kissed him and called me that its over for us.
They havent met in person before that, they dont even live in the same country

This all started because you didn't have enough time and your sleeping schedules were no longer matched?

 

[Glumix]

I became the center of her world, I was everything she talked about. She got into my every hobby, watched every movie I loved. She would call me every day and wanted to talk for hours. She would miss lectured and spend money just to come and see me. She would blow me for hours at time expecting nothing in return. She never wore sexy clothes outside since those were reserved just for me.
She would kiss and hug me for hours refusing to ever let me go. That girl was mad in love with me and everybody knew that. All of her friends were even bored out how much she talked about me.

Sorry man, perhaps it will sound harsh but that's not love to me.
To me that sounds like a girl with no life whatsoever. That's a damn red flag over her head. Empty girls are full of disorders.

Never let your girl into your every hobby. That's your life, not hers.

If a girl blow you for hours and you didn't tickle her Gina before, that's no good at all. That means she tries to "buy" the relationship with sex. You can thanks her for that but be realy aware of the fact that it is not love.

She also lied to herself about her feelings. She was excited by the chase but the day you talked about marrying her she knew the chase was over. Why did you worry about marrying her? Marriage is for women not men. She would have asked you or hinted you toward marriage if she wanted to marry you.

Real love is a complement of an already well built life you need to share with someone for both betterment.

 

[_Dream_]

Sorry man, perhaps it will sound harsh but that's not love to me.
To me that sounds like a girl with no life whatsoever. That's a damn red flag over her head. Empty girls are full of disorders.

Never let your girl into your every hobby. That's your life, not hers.

If a girl blow you for hours and you didn't tickle her Gina before, that's no good at all. That means she tries to "buy" the relationship with sex. You can thanks her for that but be realy aware of the fact that it is not love.

She also lied to herself about her feelings. She was excited by the chase but the day you talked about marrying her she knew the chase was over. Why did you worry about marrying her? Marriage is for women not men. She would have asked you or hinted you toward marriage if she wanted to marry you.

Real love is a complement of an already well built life you need to share with someone for both betterment.

Thank you man, you really seem to know what you are talking about.

Im just saying that itss impossible for an average chump to see those as bad signs. Especially when youre bombarded with messages of love, and her actions only amplify it.
Grills getting interested in your every hoby? Sweet,
Girl willing to blow you for hours just so youre happy? She must love me
I honestly didn’t want to marry just yet, but we were supposed to move in together and her parents wouldn’t allow it without marriage. Manny of our friends were getting married. It was social pressure and the next logical step. I felt like a jerk for not asking earlier, plus I didn’t see anything bad with it, I really liked her and would mind spending my life with her.

If was too much in love to be ready to walk away on her bull****. Well lessons learned

 

[Peterholm]

32 days NC

Hey guys, bit of backstory we broke up 6 months ago but was a bit on and of and we had sex last time 4 months ago. But I was acting weaker and she lost attraction more and more.

She met someone new 3 months ago and contacted me and asked me out for a dinner to tell me this and said she respects me and cares "so much" about me and asked if im seeing someone else etc. After this I went very low contact.

We kept running into eachother and she saw me with another girl and started texting me and I was drunk that evening and I stupidly enough responded directly, ditched the girl and started making out with my ex touching her etc like good old days and she said she really cares about me and looked at me with loving eyes. A week after this I saw her and asked if she wanted to grab drinks and she blew me off completely and I started NC since then.

At day 32 now, I went out on friday and saw her at the club. She ignored me and walked past with her friends pretending she didnt see me and I didnt try to make contact. Was enjoying my evening and I saw her speaking with some of our mutual friends and on her way out she didnt even look at me and walked past. I tried make eye contact and smile but nothing.

Im not intending on doing any contact at all at this point, ive been a doormat/safetynet for her and shes disrespected me more than enough. I know she is still seeing the same guy, think they have been dating for 3 months now and she seems to like him although she was extremely jealous when she saw me with another girl and she was ok with me kissing her.

Best part of NC is though that it truly helps, even if I wont get her back the oneitis I had is starting to fade away slowly, im dating a new girl now and even though I know I wont fall in love with her the same way as it was with my ex, the sex is good and the amount of respect/appreciation im recieving is exactly the way my ex USED to treat me before I became weak and emotional. Its really an EGOboost knowing that there is alot of girls out there ready to treat you like a MAN and not giving you all the bs and treat u like dirt.

I can understand my past actions been needy and ive allowed my ex to treat me like dirt by being too caring, and after she dumped me I should have moved on INSTANTLY and making it hard for her to get me back but what is done is done. My main problem with my ex is that she knew she could always have me...

With the girl I am seeing now im COMPLETELY indiffrent since im still thinking about my ex and I think this is something important. INDIFFRENCE, I need to reach the point with my ex where im COMPLETELY indiffrent and im not there yet but im slowly getting there.

28 days more to go, I have one question though.

If I would run into my ex at the gym, or on the street how do you guys suggest I should act at this point? Just ignore her and walk by not even saying hi, wave and say hi and move on or smile and say hi? Remember I "chased" her on our last contact and she blew me off completely. So im not interested in putting a conversation, she doesnt deserve it anymore and she made it clear shes moving on although I would love to have her back I want to do whats best for my healing but ALSO whats best to get her back.

I realised now that its all just a game, there is no such thing as loyalty and honor when it comes to women, its all about their emotions and feelings and they dont give a **** about our feelings unless its for their own winning unfortunately. I cant blaim women purely though since its human behaviour, we always put ourselves first but men are atleast somewhat logical.

Anyway, hanging in there, nice to reflect a bit and will be back after another month of NC and hopefully my oneitis is completely gone by then

Still been as close to absolute NC with this girl, 4 months in now.

Good news, ive slowly moving on but I still see her sometimes and I just wave hi but she barely does any effort at all and at this point.

Bad news, I started seeing her around my area lately and a few days ago I saw my ex in the same block that I live, I said hi etc and she just responded quick and walked by. I noticed now that she moved into the same block that I live, I checked her facebook profile and just a few days ago she updated it to "in a relationship".

So shes not interested in rekindling, she moved to the same block as me and her new boyfriend lives just a few blocks away. Would be so much easier to move on if they just went somewhere else and let me move on freely with my life... im still together with my girlfriend (7 months in) but I dont have the same feelings for her that I had for my ex, I dont feel this chemical love/addiction (oneitis I guess) that I had with my ex girlfriend and this bothers or worries me alot.

When I see my ex, I see her car, belongings and think about the memories we shared, even her facebook profile the old feelings come back and there is alot of "What if I did this, that, things would have been diffrent". I was even coming to a point where I thought of becoming friendly with my ex and ask her out for a coffee and maybe that way my "obsession" would be removed.

But for now I will keep NC, I need to stay strong and move on, im considering even unfriending/block her from facebook however now its a long time ago and maybe it would look extremely silly.

Anyone has advice in this situation? meetings are unavoidable at this point, but to rekindle an somewhat friendship is just out of the question here?

And about my current girlfriend, anyone felt similar? Should I break up and stop wasting her time or should I keep going since shes helping me alot to move on. I think if I was single I would go MENTAL at this stage, having my ex and her new guy that she dumped me for in the same building where I live...

My current girlfriend is my best friend, we get along well and shes the perfect girlfriend but im simply not in love and its more a best friend than a lover. That said, shes quite an attractive girl but I simply dont feel it. Very confused at this point, my life was going well and I was strict with NC and moving on and it did work, at some point my oneitis was almost completely gone and I couldnt give a **** about my ex it wasnt until I stalked her facebook and saw "in a relationship" and when I noticed shes in my same building the old feelings of "trauma" came back. God it feels wierd, only been a day now though since I saw the fb profile, this is why its recommended to delete it completely or NEVER look I guess. I got too curious when I found out she lives here.

Anyway, stay strong my friends.

Thanks

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Still been as close to absolute NC with this girl, 4 months in now.

Good news, ive slowly moving on but I still see her sometimes and I just wave hi but she barely does any effort at all and at this point.

Bad news, I started seeing her around my area lately and a few days ago I saw my ex in the same block that I live, I said hi etc and she just responded quick and walked by. I noticed now that she moved into the same block that I live, I checked her facebook profile and just a few days ago she updated it to "in a relationship".

So shes not interested in rekindling, she moved to the same block as me and her new boyfriend lives just a few blocks away. Would be so much easier to move on if they just went somewhere else and let me move on freely with my life... im still together with my girlfriend (7 months in) but I dont have the same feelings for her that I had for my ex, I dont feel this chemical love/addiction (oneitis I guess) that I had with my ex girlfriend and this bothers or worries me alot.

When I see my ex, I see her car, belongings and think about the memories we shared, even her facebook profile the old feelings come back and there is alot of "What if I did this, that, things would have been diffrent". I was even coming to a point where I thought of becoming friendly with my ex and ask her out for a coffee and maybe that way my "obsession" would be removed.

But for now I will keep NC, I need to stay strong and move on, im considering even unfriending/block her from facebook however now its a long time ago and maybe it would look extremely silly.

Anyone has advice in this situation? meetings are unavoidable at this point, but to rekindle an somewhat friendship is just out of the question here?

And about my current girlfriend, anyone felt similar? Should I break up and stop wasting her time or should I keep going since shes helping me alot to move on. I think if I was single I would go MENTAL at this stage, having my ex and her new guy that she dumped me for in the same building where I live...

My current girlfriend is my best friend, we get along well and shes the perfect girlfriend but im simply not in love and its more a best friend than a lover. That said, shes quite an attractive girl but I simply dont feel it. Very confused at this point, my life was going well and I was strict with NC and moving on and it did work, at some point my oneitis was almost completely gone and I couldnt give a **** about my ex it wasnt until I stalked her facebook and saw "in a relationship" and when I noticed shes in my same building the old feelings of "trauma" came back. God it feels wierd, only been a day now though since I saw the fb profile, this is why its recommended to delete it completely or NEVER look I guess. I got too curious when I found out she lives here.

Anyway, stay strong my friends.

Thanks

Females need "feelings", men can have loyalty. I'm sure you can get those "feelings" back or she can get them back for you if she cheat on you with someone else.