The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jrbak7]

Day 56

That will come and go. You won't wish ill on her in a few weeks or months. I'm mad and angry today. It's so frustrating to hear everyone validate my feelings and opinions. And then to realize I was still allowing her to disrespect me. I've been doing better since about the day 35 mark, but for the first time I'm experiencing a significant backslide. I almost broke no contact to respond to her text, but my logic beat out my heart. Plus, what would it look like if I replied a week after she texted me. Clearly I was ignoring you, but also I was clearly still thinking about it. I currently hold all the power, and in order for us to remain in a healthy stature, that's something I must hold on. ... She's so awful, I'm not certain I want to be friends with her ever again. But I might one day. I'm anxious to see how her immediate rebound plays out. She met this guy 2 weeks after moving away, according to her friend. And yeah, that is quite the way to remember 18 months. Oh well.

Things I'm grateful for: my dog, my parents, my friends, my job, my vacation coming up, and a bunch of other things that I need to focus my attention on.

Almost Saturday, which is day 60!

 

[Lozboss]

She's so awful, I'm not certain I want to be friends with her ever again. But I might one day. I'm anxious to see how her immediate rebound plays out. She met this guy 2 weeks after moving away, according to her friend. And yeah, that is quite the way to remember 18 months. Oh well.

Things I'm grateful for: my dog, my parents, my friends, my job, my vacation coming up, and a bunch of other things that I need to focus my attention on.

Almost Saturday, which is day 60!

Great Progress

You don't want to be friends- she doesn't deserve you as a friend. You deserve better. She is DEAD to you now.

You don't want to see how it works out because you DONT care. You are better than that. Her pitiful existence isn't worth your time thinking about it.

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Day 19
I want to forget about her but i can't please help. I do not want her to exist anymore even though she was a rare for me and it seems hard for me to get something better or similar.

 

[MrRebornMan]

Day 10

Day 19
I want to forget about her but i can't please help. I do not want her to exist anymore even though she was a rare for me and it seems hard for me to get something better or similar.

Same with my girl. Listen, you need to grieve. Cry, punch a pillow, scream, do whatever it is you need to do. You need to think of all of the negatives you AND her have done and use those as your strengths in moving forward. Don't become a different version, work towards completing yourself as a whole. Fill in those gaps that caused the separation in the first place. If you are feeling that way, then I can't help but assume that you're still holding on to her in hopes that she'll come back. After a lot of alone time and thinking on my part, I went from I want her back(day 4) to I can't even be around her anymore.

 

[Cejay]

Hey Shootin,

I was like that, too. It got better around day 26. It comes and goes.

Sounds like you might not be busy enough. Make some goals, get your a$$ to the gym, learn something new, new hobby? You get the picture.

CJ

 

[Cejay]

Broke NC - My story

I'm feeling pretty proud of myself and thought this might help some of you. I also didn't know where else to post it. I broke NC after my 60 days, some of you will too. Here's my story, hope it helps you in some way.


Around 90 days I noticed the ex back on Match and couldn't get her off my mind so I blocked her and called her to make amends. Apologizing for some of the stupid **** I'd done had been on my mind for a while and I felt I had to do it.

I set it up via text, called, apologized, and we had a pleasant conversation afterwards, it was nice to catch up. I had solid frame and game. Turns out we were both dating other people. I felt better, sort of. I had to do the amends but she haunted me for a while after, maybe a week or two. Oh well. I hoped not to hear from her again.
In the end I don't think the pain was worth the closure I received.


She texted me about 2-3 wks later having found some tax related paperwork I might need. Short convo, got her to text me pics of it and destroy. No haunting.


Maybe a week after that I get a "I just saw you" text, turns out that as I was going through airport security she was coming out of the secure area. Short convo, I got haunted a bit for a few hours, but handled it. Super busy work trip.


I get back a week later and get a "Can we talk, I have questions" text, so I text back "about what" - turns out she has some stupid questions about her as a girlfriend. Sounded made up, but I think she really had those questions.
I say "OK" and we had a text conversation later that day for a bit, just general chatter. I'm getting annoyed (really don't want to hear from her) so we make a date to chat on phone the next day for me to answer the questions.

Next day we chat at the time set and asks her stupid questions. I tell her I have 2 for her, first, and ask about something that had bugged me during the relationship, (figured might as well), she answers. Different answer yet-again. Could be true, maybe not. Oh well.

Second is that I ask her to not contact me again. I tell her that I'm seeing someone, and chatting with the Ex isn't making me feel good. She is also seeing someone, and says she understands so then I say ok, ask your questions. I answer them and then I wish her all the luck in the world and say goodbye.


About 4 hrs later she texts she has "one more question." So I say fine. She calls and asks it, and we end up talking for about 40 mins, more catch up. I feel chemistry, but pointless.
She tells me she wants to be friends and she's friends with most of her Exes. I tell her no thanks, thats not on the table. I tell her I don't want to be her "friend" and that it doesn't make me feel great to talk to her.

I ask that she not contact me again, at all, and that I will contact her "when I'm ready" which is polite CJ-talk for never.

As I write this, I briefly wondered how many guys she's converted to orbiters and how many orbiters she actually had during our (and other?) relationships.

That night and following day she haunted me pretty badly, its like we'd broken up freshly, all over again but I got a handle on it.


I'm very proud of myself for telling her to get lost. I rejected her LJBF. I'm not sure if that gives me the power but I don't care. No way am I gonna be her orbiter door mat. Don't be your exe's either.

CJ

 

[Jrbak7]

Day 60

Holy he!!, I survived. Would you look at that! Just look at it! It's Saturday, I work M-F, it's college football game day, and I am up at 7:30. Gonna take the dog for a run, hit some weights, and spin some plates. I'm in a choch mood.

So I've got plans to watch the game with one of my plates. She's actually a near perfect female for me. Great career, great age, great looks, similar interests and goals. I feel like this was my 500 days of summer and I'm meeting autumn, roll credits!

Thanks for all the support guys. I'll be sticking around intermittently for awhile, as some of the guys before me did. It helps to help.

If I could sum up my experience it would be something like this:
Mind fugged - she reached out twice. My friends wouldn't stop updating me. Etc, her friends are keeping tabs on me for her. Blah blah blah. I'm better than this HS drama bull. I'm in my late 20s. I might write her a letter to eleviate some of my guilt from ignoring her.
Enlightening - I've learned so much about relationships, psychology, and emotional intelligence. Yesterday was rough, but I think it's maybe bc I knew today was on its way.
Overwhelming - the emotions will always come and go. I'm not healed yet, but I know how to handle my demons better.

The number one thing I need to change: codependent and white knight mentality. I fixed codependency in my last serious breakup. This one taught me that you can't save crazy. She moved on and by every right should have. But putting someone else's well being before your own is dangerous. I had semi homicidal and suicidal thoughts the first week.... Really dangerous! So. White knight mentality reignited my codependency and I rediscovered a lot of early life relationship issues. In order for it to work, you must be compatible (which we were), have similar goals (which we did), must both be secure and stable (which she wasn't) and you must be willing to compromise (which we weren't.)

Stay strong my beaten brethren! There's a woman out there that will make you forget this silly wench. And remember, you are all complete as you are, you don't need someone to make you feel better about yourself.

 

[Cejay]

Hey JRBak,

Congratulations man. Glad you made it!

CJ

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

It has been over 3 weeks it will be a month on thursday. I am making it a vow internally to join the Dark Side. I am making a promise to myself to NEVER listen to women, do what the hell I want, if she wants to talk about any issues of her or tell me bull**** I am going to say i can't I am busy or lets have fun and not talk about that. If she tries to break up with me I will say "I was actually thinking the exact same thing peace out" or if she wants to talk (dreaded breakup) I will say I am breaking up with you take care. If she tries to test me or make me jealous I am not going to give a **** and say ahh cool thats great or something. ALso I want to only see them once a week and I will sometimse blow them off on purpose and just say I am busy we will reschedule. I WILL NOT TALK TO THEM ON THE PHONE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE A DATE THAT IS IT ONLY TALK IN PERSON AFTER FIRST MEETUP. I am going to try to learn as MUCH witty humor James Bond or anything Corey Wayne AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE and get this **** INGRAINED IN MY DAMN HEAD SO I CAN ****ING FORGET THESE *****ES AND NOT GIVE A **** **** YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Peterholm]

32 days NC

Hey guys, bit of backstory we broke up 6 months ago but was a bit on and of and we had sex last time 4 months ago. But I was acting weaker and she lost attraction more and more.

She met someone new 3 months ago and contacted me and asked me out for a dinner to tell me this and said she respects me and cares "so much" about me and asked if im seeing someone else etc. After this I went very low contact.

We kept running into eachother and she saw me with another girl and started texting me and I was drunk that evening and I stupidly enough responded directly, ditched the girl and started making out with my ex touching her etc like good old days and she said she really cares about me and looked at me with loving eyes. A week after this I saw her and asked if she wanted to grab drinks and she blew me off completely and I started NC since then.

At day 32 now, I went out on friday and saw her at the club. She ignored me and walked past with her friends pretending she didnt see me and I didnt try to make contact. Was enjoying my evening and I saw her speaking with some of our mutual friends and on her way out she didnt even look at me and walked past. I tried make eye contact and smile but nothing.

Im not intending on doing any contact at all at this point, ive been a doormat/safetynet for her and shes disrespected me more than enough. I know she is still seeing the same guy, think they have been dating for 3 months now and she seems to like him although she was extremely jealous when she saw me with another girl and she was ok with me kissing her.

Best part of NC is though that it truly helps, even if I wont get her back the oneitis I had is starting to fade away slowly, im dating a new girl now and even though I know I wont fall in love with her the same way as it was with my ex, the sex is good and the amount of respect/appreciation im recieving is exactly the way my ex USED to treat me before I became weak and emotional. Its really an EGOboost knowing that there is alot of girls out there ready to treat you like a MAN and not giving you all the bs and treat u like dirt.

I can understand my past actions been needy and ive allowed my ex to treat me like dirt by being too caring, and after she dumped me I should have moved on INSTANTLY and making it hard for her to get me back but what is done is done. My main problem with my ex is that she knew she could always have me...

With the girl I am seeing now im COMPLETELY indiffrent since im still thinking about my ex and I think this is something important. INDIFFRENCE, I need to reach the point with my ex where im COMPLETELY indiffrent and im not there yet but im slowly getting there.

28 days more to go, I have one question though.

If I would run into my ex at the gym, or on the street how do you guys suggest I should act at this point? Just ignore her and walk by not even saying hi, wave and say hi and move on or smile and say hi? Remember I "chased" her on our last contact and she blew me off completely. So im not interested in putting a conversation, she doesnt deserve it anymore and she made it clear shes moving on although I would love to have her back I want to do whats best for my healing but ALSO whats best to get her back.

I realised now that its all just a game, there is no such thing as loyalty and honor when it comes to women, its all about their emotions and feelings and they dont give a **** about our feelings unless its for their own winning unfortunately. I cant blaim women purely though since its human behaviour, we always put ourselves first but men are atleast somewhat logical.

Anyway, hanging in there, nice to reflect a bit and will be back after another month of NC and hopefully my oneitis is completely gone by then

 

[Jrbak7]

Broke no contact

I broke no contact today. I texted her in response to her texts a couple weeks ago. It was a productive conversation. We confirmed all of the problems we had and she said she thought I was only in it when I was losing her interest. At the end of the day, she confirmed that she needs men to make her feel good about herself. It's sad. I left it at have a nice life. I wish you the best. You're special and when you believe it, your dreams will come true.

I'm actually interested in pursuing a relationship with one of my plates. This will be our 4th date, but things have gone well to date. We're both at that point where we're looking for something. I suspect she might be more of the same old thing. so I'm going to relax and take it a day at a time. I'm not trying to invent reasons to settle.

Live bold stay gold!

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Good morning FB. Been doing a great deal of thinking here lately. A few red flags have been shown/brought to my attention. At first I was ignoring them but maybe I should stop that and face them head on. I just refuse to repeat the things that I encountered in the past. Some ppl tell me that I'm too cautious and observant but I call it defense mode. At least in this case, I won't be surprised.
Anyways time to eat breakfast and get a lil studying in before I start this work day.
— feeling bummed.

Basically obviously this has to do with other girl, because why would she say this but then make an excuse about me not being independent? Howcome she wouldn't tell me the truth that the girl contacted her if obviously she is talking about being a side girl on this facebook post? I know my other girl contacted her because it was the day after. Thats the only thing I want to understand if someone could insight me on howcome.

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

Okay I am not too far away from 60 days. 2 weeks away. I am going on my first date tonight since the breakup. I am never committing to a woman or worshipping mentally again or believing what she says or accepting bad behavior from any woman. I am going to do me and just have fun and hookup and rinse repeat. If they don't like it theres the door. I feel good that I going to now build my plate roster starting tonight even if its not the most best quality women. I have to start somewhere, so here I am off tonight before the show I go to. I got faith in future.

 

[exhausted]

Day 6 today of no contact. Yesterday I was a bit down and depressed, I did the dumping and she surely deserves it though I cared for her deeply. The disrespect had gone too far, the girl is a mouth and it just never improved, I dont deal with mean people who are mouthy, yell and scream, slam doors, run out in a storm all over nothing. This girl wanted the next step in marriage or to live together but never showed me what I needed to see. I decline her invitation to move in my home, asked her for 7 months to show me more and be better, grow, nothing....Anyways last night I get an oops fb message after 5 days, then another message asking how I am, then finally a long message because I ignored all of them.. She does not deserve me, in fact she is a terrible person as far as how she treats people. Getting pissed last night helped me through, now I am full of fire and determination...F her.... BTW, judge the red flags, do not ever make excuses for a girl..

 

[koon]

Girl with LTR about whom I went NC on before lured me back in. I'm dumb and I just like her a lot. Assessed the situation for some time and told her I wouldn't be second fiddle any longer and to choose. She chose him. Detail: he thinks he may have been born into the wrong body, wears women's clothing / make-up in his spare time, hates the fact that he has a **** and would rather have a vagina and breasts (she showed me some chatlogs because I didn't believe her - the guy has more muscles than I) and is now going into therapy for it at a gender identity clinic. Another detail is that she absolutely hates this and thinks boys should be boys and girls should be girls. She's positively in denial about the whole thing and basically thinks they'll put a pill in him and he'll be normal after all. Just last week the dude had a mild breakdown at the clothes store because he basically had to buy men's clothes and couldn't buy what he really wanted and is now afraid to go shopping for clothes. But "he's fragile and he needs me more than you do". So this dude still has more game than I do. Can only wonder what that says about me. It's more than I can stomach at the moment.

Going monk mode for some time to focus on things that I've neglected. NC for 1,5 hours now.

 

[koon]

You are in the wrong market, friend. In 6 months you'll be competing for actual straight normal men lol.

Heh. Competing with I hope.

 

[koon]

The weird thing is that a a part of my brain -despite all I've read about the red pill- still interprets this as some weird proof of there being a thing as true love. "See she chose him despite his flaws. She must really love him. Why can't I be worthy of that?" Of course this totally forgoes the fact that she totally betrayed him with her cheating and her lying.

Still NC

 

[Shootin4Dreams]

im not gonna count this as contact but i looked back at her facebook and stuff and im getting weird thoughts in my head. I am telling myself to STOP NOW AND NOT CARE ABOUT THIS ***** BECAUSE SHE DID NOT GIVE A **** WHEN SHE DUMPED ME AND DISCARDED ME LIKE GARBAGE SO NO THANKS DUMBASS **** GO CHASE GUY WHO DOESNT GIVE A **** ABOUT YOU AND ROT IN HELL bye.

 

[SoSuave666]

im not gonna count this as contact but i looked back at her facebook and stuff and im getting weird thoughts in my head. I am telling myself to STOP NOW AND NOT CARE ABOUT THIS ***** BECAUSE SHE DID NOT GIVE A **** WHEN SHE DUMPED ME AND DISCARDED ME LIKE GARBAGE SO NO THANKS DUMBASS **** GO CHASE GUY WHO DOESNT GIVE A **** ABOUT YOU AND ROT IN HELL bye.

That's contact

 

[dustmuffin]

im not gonna count this as contact but i looked back at her facebook and stuff and im getting weird thoughts in my head. I am telling myself to STOP NOW AND NOT CARE ABOUT THIS ***** BECAUSE SHE DID NOT GIVE A **** WHEN SHE DUMPED ME AND DISCARDED ME LIKE GARBAGE SO NO THANKS DUMBASS **** GO CHASE GUY WHO DOESNT GIVE A **** ABOUT YOU AND ROT IN HELL bye.

Delete everything even her Facebook. It will be better forvyou.