Contradictions in DJing?

[Guoy Darko]

Maybe I focus too much on the rules in stead of The Game but I've got the feeling there are some contradictions in DJing.

First of all I read many times on this site but also in letters from David DeAngelo that women are more emotional creatures then men are. You have to make her feel good! That's more important for women than looks and money. At least that's what I understood about it. This somewhat agrees with the 'rule' of giving a woman a good time and don't make things complicated. Make sure that when she thinks about you she feels happy.

I don't know but I've got the feeling that these two things contradict with some other DJ rules. First one: Be confident, independent and NOT an AFC, and two: Have your own opinion and don't be affraid to have a discussion with her. Don't always agree with everything she says!

Taking all these things into account I started making mistakes. This girl I'm dating now for a month and I were walking through Amsterdam last week just after a nice dinner. She said something I absolutely DIDN'T like. As a matter of fact, my opinion was exactly the opposite of her opinion. I could have agreed with her and gave her a good time and make her feel good about herself. Instead of that I showed her I had an opinion of my own and started having a discussion with her. After a while she stopped saying things and when I looked at her face...... It was the saddest face I'd seen in times. It broke my heart. I felt really bad and spend almost half an hour to make her smile again.

Second thing now. She's on a holiday now for 10 days. I really want to send her a text message telling her I miss her. But this isn't really DJ is it? And at the same time I'm scared it will scare her away. But on the other hand, I have to make her feel good about herself and her relationship with me. If I never tell her I love her or tell her I miss her I can never take things to a next level.

So........ I'm still pretty confused about the rules. Not a real DJ yet. If any of you can explain them to me and show me how they're not contradicting eachother.... That would be really helpful. And maybe give me some advice. And how I can do things better next time. And how about telling her I miss her. Still an AFC in heart.

 

[Lust]

Read the Bible first before you make posts.

I can tell you haven't.

Also, you haven't had much exposure to the other materials either, such as DYD, Swinggcat, Mystery, Style etc...

Go read the bible.

 

[Kings_royalty]

I can see why you would be confused or frustrated bro, there is so much information out there it’s ridiculous. The best thing for you to do is come up with your ‘own’ style. Don’t follow anyone’s advice to the letter, instead, take tid bits of information and come up with your own game plan.

There are no rules or tricks that will work for every situation out there, learn how to adapt to each scenario. The best way to do that is practice, go out and meet different women, learn how to handle each personality type individually.

I’ve been studying different types of material for the last few years, and there are only 1 or 2 books that I would recommend you read. David D and a few other ‘gurus’ are good stepping stones, but in order to become legendary in this community, you need to go beyond.

Now, to address your problem...

She said something I absolutely DIDN'T like. As a matter of fact, my opinion was exactly the opposite of her opinion. I could have agreed with her and gave her a good time and make her feel good about herself. Instead of that I showed her I had an opinion of my own and started having a discussion with her. After a while she stopped saying things and when I looked at her face...... It was the saddest face I'd seen in times. It broke my heart. I felt really bad and spend almost half an hour to make her smile again.


I'm glad to see that you voiced your own opinion, but you screwed up by trying to make it up to her when you noticed she didn't like what you had to say. Honestly, that's BULLSH*T. I mean come on bro, spending a half hour trying to make her smile again? That's weak.

You have your own views and opinions, if she doesn't like it oh f*ing well. This is what this site calls AFC behavior, i just call it 'weak'.

Second thing now. She's on a holiday now for 10 days. I really want to send her a text message telling her I miss her. But this isn't really DJ is it? And at the same time I'm scared it will scare her away. But on the other hand, I have to make her feel good about herself and her relationship with me. If I never tell her I love her or tell her I miss her I can never take things to a next level.

Don't tell her you miss her, instead send a text message that says 'thinking about ya'...she'll get the message. You can say very little and still get your message across, it doesn't have to be sappy.

You don't have to make her feel good about herself and your relationship, all you have to do is keep her IL up and the rest will fall into place.

Good Luck.

 

[Nighthawk]

What did she say that you found so disagreeable?

Her 'sad face' was either a trick to see if you would cave and restore her to her pedestal of never-being-disagreed with, which you did. Or you disagreed in such a charmless way her interest levels dropped.

It is always important to make a woman feel good - the counter-intuitive truth is that being challenged by a desirable man makes a woman feel much better than any amount of ass-kissing.

 

[Docs]

First of all I read many times on this site but also in letters from David DeAngelo that women are more emotional creatures then men are. You have to make her feel good! That's more important for women than looks and money. At least that's what I understood about it. This somewhat agrees with the 'rule' of giving a woman a good time and don't make things complicated. Make sure that when she thinks about you she feels happy.

I don't know but I've got the feeling that these two things contradict with some other DJ rules. First one: Be confident, independent and NOT an AFC, and two: Have your own opinion and don't be affraid to have a discussion with her. Don't always agree with everything she says!

Normally, the rules are completely in line with each other. I can make a girl feel the best she's felt all day, I do it in a shyt simple way, I am a confident male (and girls notice), and on top of that, I'm independent.

There's hundreds of ways to go about it, but the basis is solid. Make the girl want to see you again. End of case. If you can't do that, then you're doing something wrong.

In your specific case, you'll have to enlighten us as to what the hell she said, and also, what you said.

 

[Bonhomme]

1) You can disagree without being disagreeable, or just keep your mouth shut. Sometimes dead silence speaks volumes. What you did is better than being overly-agreeable and kissing ass. If she expects her man to agree with her on everything, that's a red flag.

2) Nothing wrong with sweet gestures if she's into you. It's when someone tries to buy an uninterested woman's affection with a gushy outpouring of sweetness or overdoes it so the poor gal's teeth rot from all the sweetness that it goes wrong.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Read the Bible first before you make posts.

I can tell you haven't.

Also, you haven't had much exposure to the other materials either, such as DYD, Swinggcat, Mystery, Style etc...

Go read the bible.

Well I haven't read the whole DJ bible, but most of it I have. But you can't explain the contradictions so I guess you haven't either? But I will finish it.

I started watching some DVD's of David DeAngelo but they took hours. So went back to the articles of sosuave. I have no clue what Swinggcat is. I didn't like The mystery method. (Go out 4 times a week. WTF?!?!?) Pretty unrealistic. Style???

Most of the time I'm reading very selective. Only read articles about subjects I have trouble with. That's why I didn't read the who DJBible. I'm currently reading weapons of mass seduction. Love that one!

 

[Guoy Darko]

I'm glad to see that you voiced your own opinion, but you screwed up by trying to make it up to her when you noticed she didn't like what you had to say. Honestly, that's BULLSH*T. I mean come on bro, spending a half hour trying to make her smile again? That's weak.

You have your own views and opinions, if she doesn't like it oh f*ing well. This is what this site calls AFC behavior, i just call it 'weak'.

Yeah, I see what you mean. On the other hand, I think I was to harsh on her. If I didn't try to make her smile again I would be such a heartless bastard. Didn't want to be like that.

Don't tell her you miss her, instead send a text message that says 'thinking about ya'...she'll get the message. You can say very little and still get your message across, it doesn't have to be sappy.

Nice one. I will use that one.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well I haven't read the whole DJ bible, but most of it I have. But you can't explain the contradictions so I guess you haven't either? But I will finish it....

Expecting a definitive theory in the Bible is like expecting all women to be exactly the same or even men for that manner. People nor life itself is linear, don't expect it nor any insight of either to be.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Her 'sad face' was either a trick to see if you would cave and restore her to her pedestal of never-being-disagreed with, which you did. Or you disagreed in such a charmless way her interest levels dropped.

I think the second one. I was a bit harsh. It wasn't my intention to make her feel sad, but I sometimes can't help being a bit 'intense' in discussions. I haven't made anybody sad about it before so I didn't think I would make her sad.

It is always important to make a woman feel good - the counter-intuitive truth is that being challenged by a desirable man makes a woman feel much better than any amount of ass-kissing.

Well after I made her kind of sad, I was trying to make her feel good again. No ass-kissing involved. Wish she let me kiss her ass!

 

[Guoy Darko]

In your specific case, you'll have to enlighten us as to what the hell she said, and also, what you said.

Well I first didn't want to tell that because it's not my intention to have a discussion about those subjects here. But okay!

We had two discussions that day. The first one was about homosexuality. When I realized there was a gay monument in Amsterdam she said she thought it is nonsense to have one. I asked her why and she told me because gay people shouldn't show that they're gay. I was getting really disappointed and also kind of sad. She thought it was okay being gay, but just don't show it. I asked her "why not? We're now showing our heterosexuality. That's okay isn't it?" She thought it was because it's "normal" being straight and not normal being gay. Well we had a discussion on that but nothing too harsh. Later I told her we should go to the gay monument sometime. She told me I could go by myself. Pretty funny but it still frustrated me. Especially because there is definitely NOTHING wrong with being gay. There are even gay animals. So it has nothing to do with a trend what some people think.

The second discussion went a bit out off hand and that had probably to do with me still thinking about the first one. We saw a postal delivery bus from TNT what used to be a dutch company. She said it was a shame that TNT took over that company because it was breaking down dutch culture. Or something like that. I was getting really frustrated because she continued making weird statements. The company was exactly the same and the people were also still the same only they have a different jacket and different busses! I told her it was nonsense to feel bad about it because the company doesn't give anything about dutch culture. So why should she? Also the fact that she was scared of cultures mixing was really a disappointment for me. It was too conservative and it was strange because she votes on a progressive party. I asked her why she says different things than she votes. Well anyway. Too difficult to explain the discussion in English! It wasn't really important. If she wouldn't have said those things about people being gay I would've probably not said that the things she said were "nonsense" and probably would've said them in a calmer tone.

Anyway, the discussion wasn't really important. She had an opinion and I had one. We both clashed and she didn't expected me to "not be nice". So after I made her sad I was trying to make her feel good again because otherwise I would've been just a heartless bastard. Nothing wrong with that.

But that wasn't the point. The point was contradiction.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Expecting a definitive theory in the Bible is like expecting all women to be exactly the same or even men for that manner. People nor life itself is linear, don't expect it nor any insight of either to be.

I only expect some guidelines from the bible. And that works pretty good. Except for the contradictions. (Well in my opinion.)

 

[DJDamage]

The DJ Bible is not suppose to follow up like a real Bible or a set of laws.

Those are sets of guidelines to help you get started like a bicycle training wheels. Those guidelines will work for some and not work for all. Therefore you need to test out some of the concepts to figure out what is BEST FOR YOU and come up with your own set of guidelines that will guide you in life.

Many of the ideas and concepts of women are not 100% proof nor should be. Think of it more of statistics and probablities as oppose to a given rule. If you act AFC it does not mean that NO women will find you attractive but many of them will not, that is why you are here. Therefore you increase your odds by becoming a DJ and you know your game has transcend to such a point where you won't need the DJ bible.

 

[squirrels]

Your issue isn't "DJ-ing"...it's social skills. You can disagree with someone without challenging their ideas directly. There are people on this forum who still think "neg-hit" means an outright insult.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

The more you read, the more it will all come together until you come to one of the "great realizations" that everyone here seems to be posting these days.

They usually start off with "Forget everything you've ever read on this site, it's all bvllsh1t. All you need to get women is XYZ" where XYZ is what this particular poster feels is the underlying "masculine characteristic" required to get women attracted to you.

In a sense, these posts are correct, it's all about being a man. There are so many different facets to that simple statement. That is why the bible exists, it shows you all these different masculine traits in the form of tactics, tricks, tips, etc. The underlying premise should be that you've gotta fake it till you make it. In other words, your life should eventually reach a point where you aren't thinking, "oh I've gotta neg this b1tch and then lay some NLP on her, kino her until she trances at which point I'll escalate and close"

Ideally, you're going to just become a real man, take more interest in your OWN self, and realize that women are just one small facet of a healthy life.

 

[Kings_royalty]

I was getting really frustrated because she continued making weird statements.


This isn't surprising; she was able to see the effect she had, so she kept it going to get a raise out of you. You should have played it cool and showed her that you can't be stirred up easily.

Women want some type of reaction, even if it's negative, so they will do whatever it takes to get one.

we both clashed and she didn't expected me to "not be nice". So after I made her sad I was trying to make her feel good again because otherwise I would've been just a heartless bastard. Nothing wrong with that.


Everything is wrong with that bro. You don't ever want a girl to think you are 'nice', that's the worse move an expiring DJ can do. No guy should ever want to be seen as 'nice', that's the wrong thing to do on every level.

 

[Docs]

worse move an expiring DJ can do

You mean aspiring I hope! I don't want a time limit! *shudder*

 

[Guoy Darko]

I was getting really frustrated because she continued making weird statements.


This isn't surprising; she was able to see the effect she had, so she kept it going to get a raise out of you. You should have played it cool and showed her that you can't be stirred up easily.

Women want some type of reaction, even if it's negative, so they will do whatever it takes to get one.

we both clashed and she didn't expected me to "not be nice". So after I made her sad I was trying to make her feel good again because otherwise I would've been just a heartless bastard. Nothing wrong with that.


Everything is wrong with that bro. You don't ever want a girl to think you are 'nice', that's the worse move an expiring DJ can do. No guy should ever want to be seen as 'nice', that's the wrong thing to do on every level.

Okay, when I use the word 'nice' I don't mean act like a nice guy all day. Just treat her good. But maybe you're right. I started reading too many things but haven't finished one. (DJbible, weapons of mass seduction and Mystery Method) I will continu reading and learning.

Thanks for the advices guys.

 

[Kings_royalty]

You mean aspiring I hope! I don't want a time limit! *shudder*

oops, damn spell check, lol.

 

[Obsidian]

You were right to challenge her, but engaging a chick in a serious discussion is a big no-no. Keep the disagreements short; don't try to use logic with women. Also, as others have pointed out, you probably shouldn't have tried to "make it up to her" for half an hour.