Your Thoughts Gentlemen Please.

[coronaflash]

Ok Guys,
This is my second go at posting this so bare with me. A bit of background. I’m Irish, living in a small town only about 20,000 people so the dating pool is pretty small. I have my own house, car and a steady job, I have a great circle of friends and a good social life. Never had any problem meeting/dating women.Lately I placed a well thought out ad and a good picture on a dating site cause I wanted to meet people who were from across the country and in different cities who might have a different take on life from me. Sometimes if you get stuck with the one group you become stale.

Any way I received a number of responses. Some good and some not so good. Just to clarify I’m very choosy when it comes to women, they have to be single no kids educated, family orientated, honest and independent.

Last Tuesday I received a mail from one particular girl who just said she’d read my ad and just wanted to say hi. I mailed her back and we quickly got chatting. I said I had to get off line so she passed me on her number. She explained that she had gone back to college lately to study accounting (good sign) and we seem to have many of the same values. I joked with her that she could be my sugar momma as she would be earning a lot in a couple of years and that she could take care of me. She immediately knew I was joking as she pointed out that I made a lot more money than accountants do. She was interested in me, my hobbies and life in general. We joked back and forth for and hour or so (it was a great conversation in general, free flowing) and I ended it saying I had stuff to do and would chat to her soon, she seemed pretty keen on the idea.

However and this is where I’m confused. On Thursday I text her saying I had a pole and a costume here and did she want to come entertain me for a while, it was something we had joked about in the previous conversation. NO reply.

Now to be honest the no contact doesn’t phase me as I have plenty of other options on the table and I have nothing invested in her but the situation interests me. I have never had that level of interest disappear so quickly. It went from we should definitely keep in contact to BOOM nothing.


Your Thoughts Gentlemen Please.

 

[romangod]

However and this is where I’m confused. On Thursday I text her saying I had a pole and a costume here and did she want to come entertain me for a while, it was something we had joked about in the previous conversation. NO reply.

It went from we should definitely keep in contact to BOOM nothing.

Your Thoughts Gentlemen Please.

She didn't want to wear the costume. :nervous:

Seriously, though. It sounds like she's backing off because she's getting the vibe that you're only interested in sex. Texting such a comment doesn't have the same effect as verbally saying it with a grin and a wink. You moved too fast and it seems like she does have some self-respect and you probably blew it. She hardly knows you. Now she does and it's not attractive to her. IMHO

Cheers!

 

[coronaflash]

Not sure

romangod

Thanks for the reply, and the insight. Although i'm not sure that's it.

I'll explain why. During our conversation about her being my sugar momma she said she was job hunting for parttime work and joked that she would take up a job pole dancing. I joked back that i'd have to get her a uniform. She said if i did she'd have to model for me.It was all taken in good taste and both of us knew it was just flirting.

However if this was the reason, i'd be really surprised. I doubt she took the text in a bad way. What i'm really asking is, IS this just make him wait for a while before i reply or is this a complete shut down of communication??

 

[romangod]

However if this was the reason, i'd be really surprised. I doubt she took the text in a bad way. What i'm really asking is, IS this just make him wait for a while before i reply or is this a complete shut down of communication??

If that's the case, then I'm probably wrong. If your instincts are right about hitting it off, my guess is that she's just making you wait until she sorts out her own feelings about everything. Good luck.


Cheers!

 

[coronaflash]

Thanks for the feedback

Thanks for the feedback man, it's always interesting and useful to get different takes on the situation. Not going to be contacting this girl again unless she makes a contact but i'd like to hear what the general thoughts of people are on the subject.

 

[jophil28]

What i'm really asking is, IS this just make him wait for a while before i reply or is this a complete shut down of communication??

Who knows what is going on. IT is all just guesswork. She may have run out of minutes, gotten another offer, repaired her relationship with her ex or be at a bedside vigil for her dying cat.
NO way of knowing why she has gone quiet.

IF you haven't heard from her in another week, lose her number.
IF she does contact you and you can confirm that she is playing games by making you wait, lose her number too.

 

[coronaflash]

You speak the truth!! thanks for the feedback, it's appreciated.

 

[sodbuster]

YOu can't go in texting cold. You had her in a different frame of mind on the phone conversation. SHe was flirty,so it was OK for you to be. NOW, she gets your text at work when she's being serious and doesn't take it in the same way.She doesn't remember the mood and the conversation the same way you do.

 

[coronaflash]

No Contact

SodBuster,

We never had a phone conversation, all contact was either over mail or text. She contacted me first by mail and gave me her number there. I text her and we carried on the conversation from there. Days later i contacted her again.

DonS,
No problems with me contacting her first, i've deleted her mails and her number from my phone.My view is if she wants to contact me she will, i sure as hell aint gonna try make contact again. I did with the last text she hasn't responded so its up to her to initiate contact. I've learned my lesson from previous experience.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

Again guys thanks for the input

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

To the OP, IMO, you broke rapport with her in a big way.

She brought up the idea of pole dancing as a way to try and "sell herself" in that she was hot enough to be a stripper. It was a playful tease on her part. To boost her value.

When you said you'd get her a uniform, she tried to take back the frame by requiring that she model it for you. I realize this was all in fun, but the meaning is the same.

Then when you suggested coming to your house, on your pole, with your costume, you took one hundred percent control of the frame.

She likely couldn't think of a response which would let her take back control of the pole dancing frame.

I suspect you'll never hear from her again.

You should always get of texting as quickly as possible, and get on the phone. AND, Whenever a girl brings up sex, never ever bite. Always throw it back at her for being so suggestive, and always having sex on her mind.

Her: maybe I'll pole dance, blah blah,
You: Oh, you're one of those girls. I don't know about this. I was kind of looking for something more stable...

She was trying to sell herself to you, and you bought to quick, and with too much enthusiasm.

You took her suggestion of something sexual and ran with it, making her suspect that sex is really important to you, or you're just out for an easy lay.

Let this one go, and move on.

 

[guru1000]

Too much communication without sufficient rapport.

Do not forget,

Regardless of the size of your harem, never emotionally invest in a girl to the point where her responses are of any significance until she proves to be a valuable contender unequivocally. This is key in controlling future context.

There was no need to text her. If you want to flirt, do it in person. If you want to be witty, do it in person. If you want to to build rapport, do it in person. Pick up the phone and ask for a date.

Do this until enough rapport is built.

 

[coronaflash]

Hey Guy's
Just a quick update. She didn't get in contact again, another one off the list.
On the other hand i got a date with an even nicer woman this saturday so its all good.

Life is so much better when you got plates ha ha

 

[coronaflash]

Update,

Well Guys
Just wanted to update this thread, as there have been some developments. She actually initiated contact again..
Last night i got a text from a number that wasn't in my phone book. I kept the replies pretty short and to the point. This phased her i think. She started joking about how she had been very busy the last 2 weeks or so and had meant to get in touch. I just acted cool and said it was fine and that i had forgotten about it. I asked her how she was and she said said her schedule has gotten quiet lately after sitting exams. I asked her to come for coffee with me and she kinda blew off the question by saying she would have to see.

Back to the games again, i said that was cool and basically cut contact. About an hour later she text back asking if saturday was good for me.

So now we have a date lined up for Saturday, just a quick coffee. Will be interesting to see how this goes??

Any tips? always appreciated..

 

[jophil28]

I asked her to come for coffee with me and she kinda blew off the question by saying she would have to see.

..

That response is one of the most irritating replies that woman give to an invitation. It drives me to want to bang their heads against a wall. However when I figured out what it meant, it only became moderately annoying.

"I will have to see.." means something like this -

" Wow, he just asked me out and I need some time to consult my feelings about this. I think that I want to go but I also know that I am not 'allowed' to accept eagerly so I will just offer a 'maybe' as a reply until I figure out where I stand."

IN her favor you have to give her a few credit points for contacting you again. That probably indicates at least SOME interest in you.
ON the debit side, she cut you off without a word the last time you and she spoke, and you were left to guess at her reasons..
I do not understand how, or why, women think that sudden cold silence is a legitimate response.
Then they believe that they can recontact you when it suits them and you will step forward like a trained seal to participate in whatever they are currently planning.

IF I were you I would be mindful of her previous precipitous disconnect, and be ready to eject if she repeats it.

 

[coronaflash]

Cautious

Jophil28,
You are definitely right, i have to be very cautious with this one, and judge actions not words.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

I want to see if this chick flakes out.

 

[coronaflash]

Cautious,

Either way this is going to be interesting.

My first reaction when she text was she was bored and just looking for a toy to pass the night so i just tested her out with the coffee scenario and limited my responses.
Have to admit i was surprised when she came back with a time and place.

Ah the joys!!

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

i was surprised when she came back with a time and place.

You have much to learn, grasshopper:nono:

 

[Jitterbug]

That response is one of the most irritating replies that woman give to an invitation. It drives me to want to bang their heads against a wall. However when I figured out what it meant, it only became moderately annoying.

"I will have to see.." means something like this -

" Wow, he just asked me out and I need some time to consult my feelings about this. I think that I want to go but I also know that I am not 'allowed' to accept eagerly so I will just offer a 'maybe' as a reply until I figure out where I stand."

You forgot the TXT she sent to the Female Council asking for their equally flighty inputs.

OP, sorry but I'm betting that you're gonna get flaked on again this Saturday. Particularly since you made the date at the start of the week. Do you know how many emotion storms the average woman goes through during the course of a week? Not to mention she might be out for a big night on Friday and feel tired the next day.

When you go off the radar as a way to counter a flakey chick, and she reinitiates it, her top objective is to check you're still available for her if she gives you some attention. If you are, then she will always offer you a "maybe" at best. So now she's in total control of the date on Sat. It's her idea, her suggested time & place, and she got you waiting for her to get back to you on it.

I'd explain more but I'd just be repeating Anti-Dump. Read the Anti-Dump's Machine threads compiled by Pook in the DJ Bible, mate.

Well hope that didn't scare you! Maybe she'll show up. Bring your A game.

 

[coronaflash]

Input

Guys
Thanks for all your input. Not too sure about whether this date will go ahead. My gut feeling is that she will show up but it will be her trying to control the frame. This won't happen.

Since we are quite a distance apart we both have to travel half way to meet. I think though that this will be a short date and i'll leave early, i have a few things to do that day anyway.

What ever happens though it will be a learning experience.