Your Thoughts...By What Mechanisms do Women Weaken Men?

[Atom Smasher]

Im working on a treatise on the mechanisms at play regarding men's propensity to become weaker in all aspects of life when involved with a woman.

I'd like to get your opinions. We all know the drill... Boy meets girl, boy catches feelings, and after the breakup he realizes that throughout the entire relationship he started neglecting his responsibilities at an ever increasing rate. This seems to occur even if he sees her only once a week.

What are your thoughts on this dynamic? What is it that causes a man to back off on his pursuit of success when he's in a relationship? What is it that seems to trigger this measurable inertia in things seemingly unrelated to his woman?

I have my own ideas but I'd like to get your thoughts without affecting this discussion with my theories just yet.

I wonder if by discussing this matter in depth we might be able to come up with tangible ways to recognize and counter this dynamic...

Let's hear your theories.

Edit:
Just to clarify, I'm talking about a man becoming weaker in his day-to-day life that has seemingly nothing to do with the woman in question. His relationship can be going along fine for a good stretch, and yet still he finds that he is slacking off in business, in maintaining his friendships, his hobbies, his pursuit of his dreams, etc.

Something has happened in his very core that has diminished his drive to the point of discernible life-inertia... a global, universal inertia that was not there when he was single. It translates to a general weakening of the core male spirit. He becomes a daydreamer and begins to shift into "idle", some drastically, some more subtly, but the spectre of inertia does indeed manifest to some degree with most men in committed relationships.

This phenomenon occurs seemingly independently of his actual interactions with the woman. It has nothing to do with proximity, little to do with frequency of physical contact and/or frequency of seeing each other. It seems to simply grow and exist as an ambient state of slow dissipation simply by virtue of his being in a relationship.

This is man's Achilles heel. An invisible enemy that reveals its existence usually only after the relationship tanks:

"I don't know what happened", he says. "I started neglecting my responsibilities and I became weak."

My aim is to give form to this stealthy enemy in order to make it a tangible target for annihilation.

 

[sylvester the cat]

..................

 

[Skyline]

Im working on a treatise on the mechanisms at play regarding men's propensity to become weaker in all aspects of life when involved with a woman.

I'd like to get your opinions. We all know the drill... Boy meets girl, boy catches feelings, and after the breakup he realizes that throughout the entire relationship he started neglecting his responsibilities at an ever increasing rate. This seems to occur even if he sees her only once a week.

What are your thoughts on this dynamic? What is it that causes a man to back off on his pursuit of success when he's in a relationship? What is it that seems to trigger this measurable inertia in things seemingly unrelated to his woman?

I have my own ideas but I'd like to get your thoughts without affecting this discussion with my theories just yet.

I wonder if by discussing this matter in depth we might be able to come up with tangible ways to recognize and counter this dynamic...

Let's hear your theories.

Personally I think it's the propaganda being preached about : "Settling down with someone and having a family is the key to happiness. That's something money can't buy." When guy's hear stuff similar to this and they get into a relationship, they basically drop what they're doing because they think she will make him happy. They think if they "take care" of her then she will somehow complete his life. Pair this with the lack of knowledge regarding attraction and you have a lot of dumps and guys playing music outside of a girls window late at night.

There's also the ego factor too. The guys that love the title of having a girlfriend rather than the girl herself(This applies to women as well). It doesn't seem like it from an outside perspective but it becomes clear once he starts doing all these bending-over-backwards actions to try and "win her back" once she dumps him. Even during the relationship, he's so afraid of loosing her that he starts to become overtly nice and available all of a sudden. I believe that half the guys in a relationship is purely based on this principle- "She will make me happy, but I don't TRULY like her, but I still have to 'keep' her for MY benefit."

Then there's the "Hanging up the coat." Once they "win" the girl into a relationship they basically stop gaming her like he used to in order to "win" her. This is based off of the above principle. They believe as long as they have her that they're "set" and don't need to game her. This is completely wrong, healthy and stable relationships are far more difficult than the media depicts it to be.

This type of co-dependence is said to be becoming more apparent in modern day. I'm pretty young and I've had, and still encounter, first hand experience with this belief. I used to think stuff like this was "A must to being a man!" type of thing. Obviously this mindset is wrong, men are independent. The only time they aren't is because of outside forces, sometimes themselves, forcing something on them.

My only question is : Has it always been this way and no one has had a voice to preach(by social media/tv/internet) it out until now? Or is this belief/mindset a new idea from the result of "x" (probably feminism) becoming more popular along with the rise of social media/tv/internet? Whatever the cause, I still think it's messed up how men are being pushed into a more feminine role. I believe in equality, but I don't believe in invading gender boundaries- civil nature should be left untouched.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

We all know the drill... Boy meets girl, boy catches feelings, and after the breakup he realizes that throughout the entire relationship he started neglecting his responsibilities at an ever increasing rate. This seems to occur even if he sees her only once a week. What are your thoughts on this dynamic? What is it that causes a man to back off on his pursuit of success when he's in a relationship? What is it that seems to trigger this measurable inertia in things seemingly unrelated to his woman?

This is a GREAT topic of discussion to bring up, and one that I'll probably end up doing on my podcast. I myself have been faced with this situation a few times, and I know EXACTLY why this occurs...

In short: some men wait forever to finally get a girlfriend, and when they do, they don't want to do anything to upset her. So what happens? The girl - assuming she really, REALLY likes him - wants to see him more and more, including during the times he'd normally be working towards his "success" goal (whatever that may be). This, of course, is inconvenient for the guy because he needs to do these things in order to earn money and be successful... but at the same time, he fears that if he turns down one of her request to hang out or be around him that she'll either (a) get really mad at him and dump him, or (b) cheat on him behind his back.

And so, the man ends up in a catch-22 situation: if he agrees to have her around anytime she wants, regardless of what responsibilities he's going to have to neglect, he's not going to reach his success goals... AND, in an even more sadistic twist, he won't be able to earn the money he needs to take her out on dates, which will cause her to feel neglected and eventually want to leave. BUT, if he tells her she can't be around him during certain times, he fears that she'll take it personally, that he's putting more importance on work and making money than hanging out, and that she'll leave... AND, in an even more sadistic twist, by her leaving he'll be allowed the chance at success, but have nobody to share it with when he gets there.

Given these two options, most guys choose to forgo their pursuits in the hopes of keeping the woman happy. Yet, he ends up resenting her for it, and thus is not happy himself.

So, that's my take on it. I have SO much more to say on this subject but I think I'll leave it for the podcast

 

[G_Govan]

Most men start off at a disadvantage with women. We're socialized from a very early age to place women on a pedestal, which is constantly reinforced. We have to do ALL the work leading up to sex. We have to swallow our pride in the face of rejection all the while being shamed into submission for expressing the masculine traits that enable us to be successful.

Hooking up with women (the most attractive that can be had) is a PITA for most men because they don't understand the underlying dynamics of the SMP and if they get into a LTR with a woman they tend to "relax," believing their work is done on that front and because their woman "loves" them. It is thought that being nice and responsible is all that's needed to maintain the relationship.

I noticed a friend of mine who was in a relatively new relationship was itching to get some kind of hobby. I think he felt pressured because he moved in with this chick and wanted to keep busy with something that was more attractive than playing video games and watching animated movies (things he loved). I play guitar and he said he wanted me to help him learn bass and I was excited to do so. That lasted about a month and he found out he got her pregnant and dropped the idea completely. He figured since she was now pregnant he could "relax."

 

[BeDJ]

Men are and always will be driven by sex and intimacy.

Prove me wrong.

 

[Tictac]

Men are and always will be driven by sex and intimacy.

Prove me wrong.

You may be right, you may not.

But you cannot prove a negative. So your statement is without meaning.

 

[jurry]

I think sylvester got it right. Also, theres nothing terribly unique about women in this regard, they just happen to be one (probably the strongest) egoic addiction a man will face throughout his life. Drugs, a job, video games, partying, etc. can all cause someone to cut back on the "pursuit of success" - a pretty miserable sounding term IMO and representative of the typical western capitalist mindset that we are never actually where we want to be but in a perpetual state of grasping and chasing for more or some higher mode of material existence.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

^ But what IS success?

 

[Syrio]

- Who are you writing this for? And why?

- You claim that this is measurable - really? How is it measurable?

- Like CerwinVegaFan said, you have to define success. I would include having a happy and stable family in the definition of success. By this definition, which is shared by many, being in a relationship would be part of success (or a step towards it at least) in itself.

Honestly in my opinion, writing a "treatise" on this subject is a waste of time. But if I were to do it, I definitely wouldn't be consulting this forum. This forum isn't exactly full of the best and the brightest lol...

 

[dasein]

I think men weaken themselves by deriving value externally from relationships/ability to obtain sex, rather than internally. This is why it's so easy to slide on other goals when this or that external is attained, even temporarily. If it happens that the women/sex external desire and validation is at the top of a man's pyramid, it's almost certain that he's going to slack at times when he feels sexually satisfied.

 

[Trump]

What is it that causes a man to back off on his pursuit of success when he's in a relationship? What is it that seems to trigger this measurable inertia in things seemingly unrelated to his woman?

Let's hear your theories.

It's not a trigger here or a trigger there. It's the availability and difficulty to connect emotionally and physically with a women, especially since society values being in a relationship/good with girls/attractive to the opposite sex/being married more than what you do or how much money you have in your bank.

We discussed it several times before here, the availability of women have gone down while their stock has gone through the roof. This is why I think the man loses his perspective. He realizes the money can always be made, the job can always be gotten, the riches are always available, but to be with a woman is a lot more difficult as it takes time, trust, and vulnerability.

To lose a job, you can find one the next day. To have one good idea, can make you millions. To connect emotionally, physically, sexually with a woman, something that is so valued by society and cannot be done overnight, I think makes a man weaken.

 

[JoeMarron]

I noticed a friend of mine who was in a relatively new relationship was itching to get some kind of hobby. I think he felt pressured because he moved in with this chick and wanted to keep busy with something that was more attractive than playing video games and watching animated movies (things he loved).

Fvck this. I don't give a damn what a woman thinks of my hobby. Where's Livefree at lol

 

[VikingKing]

bait and switch. once she knows she has you, is your sole source of sex and emotional intimacy, she loses her feelings for you. Thats why you must always keep on foot out the door. The biggest mistake you can make is ever is fully trusting a female. Some you can trust to a greater extent, but most very little.

 

[Tictac]

Women can try to weaken you in hundreds of ways.

You have to go along for it to work.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Just to clarify, I'm talking about a man becoming weaker in his day-to-day life that has seemingly nothing to do with the woman in question. His relationship can be going along fine for a good stretch, and yet still he finds that he is slacking off in business, in maintaining his friendships, his hobbies, his pursuit of his dreams, etc.

Something has happened in his very core that has diminished his drive to the point of discernible life-inertia... a global, universal inertia that was not there when he was single. It translates to a general weakening of the core male spirit. He becomes a daydreamer and begins to shift into "idle", some drastically, some more subtly, but the spectre of inertia does indeed manifest to some degree with most men in committed relationships.

This phenomenon occurs seemingly independently of his actual interactions with the woman. It has nothing to do with proximity, little to do with frequency of physical contact and/or frequency of seeing each other. It seems to simply grow and exist as an ambient state of slow dissipation simply by virtue of his being in a relationship.

This is man's Achilles heel. An invisible enemy that reveals its existence usually only after the relationship tanks:

"I don't know what happened", he says. "I started neglecting my responsibilities and I became weak."

My aim is to give form to this stealthy enemy in order to make it a tangible target for annihilation.

 

[Ruleit]

@Atom One word:

COMPLACENCY

When anyone becomes complacent with any situation in life (be it a relationship, marriage, job, etc ) your attention to detail deteriorates until you get to the point where the former barriers/boundaries you had have been worn away.

Think of men as rocks on the seashore and women as the sea itself. Given sufficient time rocks get ground into sand via erosion. Eventually the waves drag the sand into the bottom of the ocean.

[Edit]

Like everything else in life you need to keep yourself "fit" / trained / maintained.

 

[sylvester the cat]

................

 

[logicallefty]

^ But what IS success?

Success is making yourself a better man and better off today than you were yesterday, in as many areas of your life as possible, and never stopping and saying "OK that's good enough now I can stop".

 

[BeDJ]

You may be right, you may not.

But you cannot prove a negative. So your statement is without meaning.

This post is also meaningless because you can not divide by zero.