Your opinion on a coworker

[user252009]

Well, due to my nature (personality), I never actively pursue more than one girl at a time, as my time is limited and so is my energy; however, I do always talk to at least several and line up dates for the future with them. The main problem I have is I live in Germany, where people are very closed off and any attempt to talk to a girl is met with "nein danke, go avey" kind of attitude. Any US guy that's tried to pick up girls here will confirm this. Apart from that and contrary to popular belief, a LOT of young people don't speak English here, so combination of those two things just makes me stick to my own business. And even if I didn't, women never approach me in public anyways. OD is an option, but I get so few matches (I don't wanna waste time or money on women I'm not attracted to) that's it's essentially non-existent for me.

 

[user252009]

Have you considered learning German? A couple of my kids taught themselves, and we don't even live in Germany. They became pretty fluent, pretty quickly. Native speakers are impressed. I don't speak German, but I've considered taking it up. It's a handy language to have in business, especially if you do business with Germany, especially if you LIVE in Germany. There really is no excuse for you not to learn the local language. Plus, is might improve your dating options outside the secretarial pool, and it's even rated by DLI as one of the easier languages to learn.

I do speak enough to get by, but I'm not comfortable speaking with native Germans, because as soon as they hear I speak it, they go full-on native mode and then it gets frustrating as I can't keep up, and I can't just switch back to English mid-conversation, especially if they don't speak it.

 

[user252009]

After putting her on a backburner and not initiating any contact, she started reaching out again, and said she was available this weekend, if we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well. I can't make it this weekend, so I told her that and asked what about next week, and she said she won't have time then, so that was it. I'm continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact, until she suggests just the two of us getting together for a time that works for both of us.

 

[andreihaha]

After putting her on a backburner and not initiating any contact, she started reaching out again, and said she was available this weekend, if we should ask the other coworker to hang out as well. I can't make it this weekend, so I told her that and asked what about next week, and she said she won't have time then, so that was it. I'm continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact, until she suggests just the two of us getting together for a time that works for both of us.

If Brad Pitt would ask her how much time she has next week, what do you think she'd say?
My suggestion: forget about her, low interest. If I were you, she'd be invisible right now. Not "continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact ". No. She's the old ugly lady in accounting, even if she throws herself at you, you're not interested.

 

[user252009]

If Brad Pitt would ask her how much time she has next week, what do you think she'd say?
My suggestion: forget about her, low interest. If I were you, she'd be invisible right now. Not "continuing to not spend any energy on this one or initiating contact ". No. She's the old ugly lady in accounting, even if she throws herself at you, you're not interested.

Nah, she's gorgeous and awesome, but I'm past the point of playing games, so if she wants to meet with me, she'll have to set a definite date with just the two of us, otherwise I can't be bothered

 

[andreihaha]

Nah, she's gorgeous and awesome, but I'm past the point of playing games, so if she wants to meet with me, she'll have to set a definite date with just the two of us, otherwise I can't be bothered

I'm not saying she's ugly. Just that you should perceive her as unattractive. That's how she is to you, at least from an objective point of view.
Your ego is just kinda blinding you, you feel that if you'll have her your value will rise. But it's not like that, your hapiness is what matters more. There are girls out there that would appreciate you, maybe they'd kill for a guy like you(maybe).
I got hot chicks in my office, but I'd never cross that line, i just see them like they are sisters or girls I put in the friendzone. Maybe I get drunk at an office party and think "Hey, I could hit that", but then I sober up.

Actually what you were doing right now is playing games. You are playing the waiting game, young man. What the other guy suggested you do is to stop playing games. Move on.

Exactly!

 

[user252009]

Since I stopped initiating contact with her, she's been texting me every day and coming to talk to me at work. I just politely reply and never bring up getting together. Still interesting to see

 

[andreihaha]

Sexualize it.

Yeah. Sexualize it or ignore it. I lean towards the latter, having read your previous posts with the encounters.

 

[dude99]

What's your policy for dealing with women who end up bringing a third party to a date? I had a girl try to pull that crap once.

Would you say that if they do something like that, they're definitely not interested?

And would you just roll with it then isolate/escalate with her later? I'm curious how other people handle this.

When a girl brings a third party to a meeting she is telling you she does not desire you. She is teetering on low to no interest. She is deliberately is bringing an obstacle to a date. That doesn't scream interest now does it. If she desires you she would want you all to herself. Bringing a 3rd wheel is making sure you two are never alone.

I had a girl do this and this is how you handle it. Pay all your attention to the girl she brought. Flirt with her make her laugh. Make her know she the important one. Ask her for her number right in front of the girl who brought her. She will ask something along the lines of "dont you like so and so?" And this is where you drop it on her. "No we are just friends."
Let the first girl know she blew it by putting her into the friendzone. You will trigger her competitive switch and she will realize in order for anything to happen she must now chase you. I did this and not only did i get the third parties number, i took her home that night and the original girl chased me for months.

One chance per lifetime. She blew hers.

 

[dude99]

Well, the signs so far have been:
- her constantly popping by my office
- giggling at almost anything I say
- surprising me for birthday and baking me something
- looking me up and following me on social media
- initiating contact
- playful physical contact

You validate her.

 

[user252009]

You validate her.

Yeah well, I completely stopped initiating contact and she's orbiting af, texting me every day as well, even though I never text her first. Unfortunately I can't ignore her as we work together.

 

[dude99]

Yeah well, I completely stopped initiating contact and she's orbiting af, texting me every day as well, even though I never text her first. Unfortunately I can't ignore her as we work together.

You can ignore her. Discuss work related stuff only. Anything else doesnt get a reply. Even at work, you just walk away

 

[andreihaha]

You can ignore her. Discuss work related stuff only. Anything else doesnt get a reply. Even at work, you just walk away

Yep.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else also helps.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else while actually having sex with someone else really really helps.
Helps in giving no fk about her, of course.

 

[dude99]

Yep.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else also helps.
Giving the impression that you're having sex with someone else while actually having sex with someone else really really helps.
Helps in giving no fk about her, of course.

Exactly. Just go date other women

 

[user252009]

You can ignore her. Discuss work related stuff only. Anything else doesnt get a reply. Even at work, you just walk away

Tried it for a week, didn't work, I ended up feeling like an a$$hole and in a bad mood, as she's always very friendly; it's just not who I am.

 

[andreihaha]

Tried it for a week, didn't work, I ended up feeling like an a$$hole and in a bad mood, as she's always very friendly; it's just not who I am.

They always are.

Attention seekers.

 

[dude99]

Tried it for a week, didn't work, I ended up feeling like an a$$hole and in a bad mood, as she's always very friendly; it's just not who I am.

Im not saying you have to be an a$$hole or even feel like one. You just treat her as any other co worker. She is nothing special. Be completely indfferent to her. Discuss work. Do your job. Carry on with your day.

Stop wasting time and thoughts on this one. Go date other women.

 

[user252009]

Im not saying you have to be an a$$hole or even feel like one. You just treat her as any other co worker. She is nothing special. Be completely indfferent to her. Discuss work. Do your job. Carry on with your day.

Yeah, except she asked me for my number and is now texting me almost every day, often in late hours. Any tips on how to let this go down that doesn't end up with anything weird?

 

[dude99]

Yeah, except she asked me for my number and is now texting me almost every day, often in late hours. Any tips on how to let this go down that doesn't end up with anything weird?

Ignore. Delete. Then give your attention to someone worthy of it.

 

[andreihaha]

Yeah, except she asked me for my number and is now texting me almost every day, often in late hours. Any tips on how to let this go down that doesn't end up with anything weird?

Yeah, stop answering.
You don't have to answer to anyone about what you do in your free time. Specially not this one.
If you're not seeing other women(like most of us advised you to), at least act like it.
Every time you respond to her texts at night she knows you're not doing anything better with your time. Get it? And she will perceive you as lower and lower value.
Just try this once, ok?
Next night she texts you, ignore it. Let the message hang there. I guarantee she will ask you about it. If not, do it 2nights in a row.
It will drive you mad and she WILL ask you. You casually say "I was on sort of a date" or something.
Pretty easy, right? Are you able to do this? It's a level 1 quest.