Your GF going out with male friends

[Mazeman11]

I've been with my GF for a year. We get a long well and things are good most of the time.

She has a few male friends that she has known for a few years. She goes out to dinner or drinks one-on-one sometimes with them.

I've expressed displeasure about this and that I'm not happy about it. She says she's known them for many years and became very defensive. She said even if she was married she would still want to see her male friends one-on-one every once in a while. She says she wouldn't mind me going out with a close female friend either but I personally have no interest in doing so.

I don't really have any issues with her going out with friends as groups or her girlfriends. But I don't like the notion of my girl being out with her guy friend alone.

What's your out look on this?

Is this a deal breaker for you?

 

[Kailex]

For me? Dealbreaker.

Why?

Because I'm sure that if you asked her if it's okay for you to go out 1 on 1 with a female friend, she'd throw a sh!t fit.

Actually, I DARE YOU to do this.
Why?

Because if you don't like this about your current relationship and she's not going to change it and blatantly even said that she won't even if you're married... then guess what... there's no reason for you to be in this relationship anymore.

She is outright disrespecting you and the relationship and the moment you made an ultimatum was the moment you gave away what little power you had left. Whenever something like this happens, you see it from the beginning of the relationship. If she's doing it then, she'll most likely always do it.



I think it's time for you to start spinning other plates.
If she can't respect something so simple as what you are asking, specially after exclusivity, then she's not worth it.

 

[vatoloco]

Like Kailex said, it's a matter of Respect.

She cannot truly be in love with you if she's outright disrespecting you in this manner. For me, the fact that she's encouraging you to see other women tells me that you're on the way out, my friend. She doesn't care about you anymore.

When a woman is truly in love with you, she will not do anything to jeopardize the loss of your love for her. Even if the thought of seeing other men were to cross her mind, it would quickly dissipate because she knows that Mazeman "is the best of them all."

Drop this one and start spinning other plates. Tell her: "I think I'll take you up on that offer!" and drop her. Good luck.

 

[terran2k]

better take care of this right now. What's good for the goose is good for the gander I think the saying goes. Go out one on one with other chics. if she throws a fit, tell her to fvck off

 

[Pierce]

Listen to the advice these people are saying.

If she loved you that much then she wouldn't be doing that kind of stuff my friend.

Do you want a wife that has drinks with male friends? ummm...no

So why are you in a relationship with a girl that does... There is not enough love in this world.

 

[runner83]

This sounds like trouble. If it was part of a group maybe, but one on one? Dinner and drinks? wtf!

WHAT KIND OF GIRL IN A RELATIONSHIP WOULD DO THAT KNOWING THAT HER GUY DOESN'T LIKE IT?

Answer: One who doesn't respect you.

Sure, they may only be friends now, but it will only take one crazy incident and she will be taking someone else's d8ck.

Every woman (no matter who they are) can be prone to cheating, since they are governed so much by their feelings.

Either stand up for yourself and let her know it's not unacceptable, or face the consequences.

 

[Ease]

Depends on the situation. If you sense the girl is attracted to the guy, then there is a problem.

But if he is a beta that poses no threat, a gay best friend, then you throwing this jealousy fit is harming you.

If indeed the guy is attractive and you sense something genuine, then it is the time to put your foot down and say 'what the f are you talking about girl'.

 

[Voice]

Depends on the situation. If you sense the girl is attracted to the guy, then there is a problem.

But if he is a beta that poses no threat, a gay best friend, then you throwing this jealousy fit is harming you.

If indeed the guy is attractive and you sense something genuine, then it is the time to put your foot down and say 'what the f are you talking about girl'.

This.

Just don't be jealous and don't be insecure. I know many girls who have guy friends they hang out with. One of them tells me they can't stand it when her ex-boyfriend gets all insecure over her hanging out with other guys. She says that's the reason she broke up with him. Girls hate insecurity.

It is about respect, but look at it this way. If you're handling your girl right and she is satisfied with you than you won't have to worry about her cheating on you because she won't be looking to hook up with other guys. And if she does, then obviously she's not satisfied (or she's a wh0re). THEN you next her. Don't be insecure. If she wants to hang out with other guy friends then let her. She's not disrespecting you if you're ok with it. She'll probably even wonder why the hell you let her do it so easily.

In the meantime, why not hang out with some girl friends? A little competition for her won't be a bad thing. And hey, if she really is a wh0re or is looking to hook up with someone else then you won't have to worry because you have new lady friends you can hook up with. Ya Know?

 

[Darth_Qurashi]

uh-oh................i just did the same thing to my gf....after reading all the comments, no wonder she's been crying so much. haha oops.

 

[jtlancer]

She goes out to dinner or drinks one-on-one sometimes with them.

In a mutually agreed upon monogamous LTR I would draw the line
at her having evenings out with other men. That's called dating.

But women don't 'get it' until they see the reflection.
Go have dinner with a new or old girl 'friend' and see how she likes it.

It would be great if you could just reason with women verbally,
but that never seems to work.

 

[st_99]

I have a couple female friends that I have absolutely zero interest in sexually but would
absolutely still hang out with one on one, go to dinner with,
and have drinks while I was in a LTR.

I used to think this was not possible but it is. If my GF told me I can't
hang with them anymore I'd tell her, thats not going to happen.

Having said all that, yes there has been some sexual stuff that went
on in the past with them BUT would not happen if I was in a relationship. Unless
I didn't care about my GF or I was a low quality a-hole.

You see either way, it doesn't really matter. You either think your GF
is quality or you don't. It doesn't matter that she has guy friends.

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing.

ps: most likely they did something in the past but that doesn't necessarily mean anything anymore.

 

[Atom Smasher]

A commited relationship requires both parties to work to PROTECT the relationship from possible harm.

We are all well aware of human weaknesses and frailties, so why risk a great relationship by creating a fertile ground for problems? If a woman values her male friends over you, then she doesn't value you enough, my friend.

It's interesting that even from youth I've never had to lay down the law about that, except in passing to make sure she was on-board with me. Every woman I see gets the "there's only one sheriff" speech, and believe me, guys, you have to lay down the law early. It seems you younger guys are stuck in a culture where it's seen as normal for women to be supposedly commited to a man and yet still insist on seeing other men. It shouldn't be that way and doesn't have to be that way. It's up to YOU to set the rules, not her.

She sees those other guys because they provide her something that she thinks you don't have. So she fulfills her needs (and especially her need for attention) with attention from other men.

Get out of that cultural craziness you guys find yourselves in and lay down the law. For me, it has always been, "No seeing male friends, period". Do you think one single one has been offended by that? Not one.

Women NEED and are even desperate for a man who tells her how it is, who lays down the parameters for the relationship. Right now I'm seeing an absolute knock-out exclusively, and the rules were read to her by me and she LOVED it. And she loves it when I reiterate the rules. As usual with me, this girl has no intention nor desire to see other men, but I've established the frame for the general operation of the relationship. She instinctively knows that I am one in a million because I project ABSOLUTE ASSUMED AUTHORITY and she instinctively knows that almost all men would be afraid to call her on her sh!t. They all hope for a man who will call them on their sh!t, but it has to happen early before they lose respect for you.

You younger guys will become this same way (laying down the law directly) because it is a matter of survival and you will have to. You will find, much to your surprise, that women respond very positively to this (after an initial cry-fest or two), and you will find that they value your strong frame more than anything and they will even tell you that. It is so rare to them and they inately sense that this is of extremely high value.

But I digress because I love to give speeches. It's too late for this one, most likely. But with your next one, be sure to lay down the law (over a short period of time) and let her know what you expect in the relationship. Also let her know what YOU expect from YOURSELF. Not what SHE should expect from you, but what YOU expect from YOURSELF. This is seen and "felt" by her as a statement of intent and is very powerful.

 

[ENIGMA16]

For once I disagree with Kailex.

I have plenty of friends that are women that I go out with. Likewise, if I'm going out with a girl and she has guy friends I have no problem with that. I have always done this and it has never caused a problem.

Putting rules on a relationship like this is just silly in my opinion and screams insecurity. If a girl tried putting rules on me like this ("you can't see your girl friends because it makes me nervous!") I'd tell her to fvck off and dump her immediately. Same should be expected of dudes.

If you feel so threatened by her you shouldn't even be in the relationship in the first place. Grow up.

 

[drak_ool]

the question is not what i would do or what anybody else on here would do. The question is: "is ths cool with YOU?"

Since it s obviously not; and you mentioned it to her the fact that she s still doing it is very disrespectful. At this point you need to ask yourself if you are willing to stay with a gf who has made it clear to you that she has no respect for your boundaries.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Wether you like it or not, a broad will cheat, regardless of any of this. If she wants to, or if she's already cheating with any of these dudes, nothing you say or do, will prevent it. So, either be secure and cool about it, or pick a girl who is not friends with a lot of guys who secretly desire her.

The real question here is, Has she invited you to go out and join them and/or hang out with her and her "friends" at any point? If the answer is no, then there is a reason. She knows that you'd pick up on something, right away. Do you even know, or have met any of these guys? I bet any girl would have no trouble introducing you to her Erkel (sp), nerdy, sexually non-threatening friends, if her boyfriend wanted to. She would even volunteer to have you meet the nerds. Now, if she's keeping these guys, and the dynamic they share, from you, then, by all means, stand up and draw the line and be strong.

 

[zekko]

It seems you younger guys are stuck in a culture where it's seen as normal for women to be supposedly commited to a man and yet still insist on seeing other men.

Yeah, I think this is one of the effects of feminism. Women are told they can have it all, they can have whatever they want. If a woman is in an exclusive relationship but still dates other men, she is trying to have her cake and eat it too. And if this is unacceptable to you, then she uses feminine shaming tactics and calls you "jealous, insecure, and controlling".

Not all women will insist on keeping their male friends if their main man objects. I suggest finding a different woman, one who suits your needs better.
You can't leave this the way it is. This situation is giving her the frame completely, it makes her look like a highly desired female who gets the attention of many men. And it makes you look undesireable because you don't have female friends of your own.

I would get rid of this girl as not worth the trouble and the obvious red flags. But if you stay with her, at the very least you need to find other women to hang out with. In fact, I would give her less attention (if not put her on no contact) while you seek out these other women. Of course, since you are a guy, you are probably going to want to get sexual with them. But she started the game, and this is the likely conclusion.

 

[confusedstate]

Another "I made a hoe a housewife" thread.

I agree with the posters that said she is trying to have her cake and eat it too. She wants as much male attention as possible, and is going out with these guys to fill her craving.

My question is, why do you guys go exclusive with AWs? Is the physical beauty worth it that much?

You can find plenty of attractive women that aren't flirty with other men.

I think the problem is the guys on here go for the "girly girls" and then are surprised when they act this way.

I've yet to meet a girly girl hipster type, even nice ones, that don't love attention and party a lot.

It's a personality disorder...these women have bought into the fact that their looks make them above everyone else.

 

[Die Hard]

Encountered this situation a few times myself and have seen it many times with my pals. It is absolutely a dealbreaker!!

First of all, the male friends are never purely interested in her friendship, NEVER EVER EVER EVER! And on top of that, the same counts for her. Sometimes people are not even aware of this themselves, they truly believe that they're interested in the other person's friendship, but su\bconsciously they are interested in more.

All my personal experiences, as well as the many, many experiences my friends have shared with me leave only one conclusion: it should be a dealbreaker 1000%.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If a woman is in an exclusive relationship but still dates other men, she is trying to have her cake and eat it too.

Zekko, you just hit the nail on the head once again. She is in fact dating other men. How in the world can that ever be acceptable or tolerated?

Both confusedstate and Die Hard are right on the money, too. It does indeed have to do with the type of girl you are seeing, but it also has to do with the type of man you are.

And it is true that the boys she is dating are not innocent friends, just as she is not an innocent participant.

Check yourself, because in a situation like this, the man is usually vulnerable to cultural "male shaming" and can't even see himself laying down the law because it "feels" wrong, possesive, manipulative, etc. Little does he realize that he himself has been shamed, possessed and manipulated by femminist teaching.

 

[squirrels]

She says she wouldn't mind me going out with a close female friend either but I personally have no interest in doing so.

Sounds like you need to make more "close female friends".

I'm kinda fuzzy on what's going on here...I honestly don't mind it, but I'm not likely to put any kind of "commitment" to a girl who's going out one-on-one with other dudes.

I mean coffee once in a while is one thing, but going out to dinner and such, that's kinda weird. Unless like someone above said, it's some gay dude.

Something tells me here that you want this to be more exclusive than she does.