Your GF going out with male friends

Mazeman11

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So we did break up months ago.

Many reasons mostly due to different values and her being too comfortable with her male friends.

It's been tough though. We had great chemistry and I do think about her a lot she still wants to get back together but I do know deep down that a future with her would be a difficult one.

Words of encouragement would be appreciated. And confirming that I did the right thing.

Thanks guys!
 

Delly2000

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Good for you man. She wasn't playing by the rules. This happened in your favor. Take time out for yourself and dont settle. You will meet someone better.
 

pete_101

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what if the girl isnt close to her family anymore as in she's left home at 16 and her friends are her family?

and what if her male friends are already married and have kids? i guess this might be a grey area where special dispensation could be given.

or if her first bf who she was together with for 8 years who helped her during the period she left home is now married is that cool? his wife shouldn't be happy i agree.

i think i read here that if he is the one who broke it off with her then the reason she is staying close to him is cos she still longs for him even though he's married now etc.

but i agree, 1 on 1 regardless is not cool.
 

pete_101

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Atom Smasher said:
A commited relationship requires both parties to work to PROTECT the relationship from possible harm.

We are all well aware of human weaknesses and frailties, so why risk a great relationship by creating a fertile ground for problems? If a woman values her male friends over you, then she doesn't value you enough, my friend.

It's interesting that even from youth I've never had to lay down the law about that, except in passing to make sure she was on-board with me. Every woman I see gets the "there's only one sheriff" speech, and believe me, guys, you have to lay down the law early. It seems you younger guys are stuck in a culture where it's seen as normal for women to be supposedly commited to a man and yet still insist on seeing other men. It shouldn't be that way and doesn't have to be that way. It's up to YOU to set the rules, not her.

She sees those other guys because they provide her something that she thinks you don't have. So she fulfills her needs (and especially her need for attention) with attention from other men.

Get out of that cultural craziness you guys find yourselves in and lay down the law. For me, it has always been, "No seeing male friends, period". Do you think one single one has been offended by that? Not one.

Women NEED and are even desperate for a man who tells her how it is, who lays down the parameters for the relationship. Right now I'm seeing an absolute knock-out exclusively, and the rules were read to her by me and she LOVED it. And she loves it when I reiterate the rules. As usual with me, this girl has no intention nor desire to see other men, but I've established the frame for the general operation of the relationship. She instinctively knows that I am one in a million because I project ABSOLUTE ASSUMED AUTHORITY and she instinctively knows that almost all men would be afraid to call her on her sh!t. They all hope for a man who will call them on their sh!t, but it has to happen early before they lose respect for you.

You younger guys will become this same way (laying down the law directly) because it is a matter of survival and you will have to. You will find, much to your surprise, that women respond very positively to this (after an initial cry-fest or two), and you will find that they value your strong frame more than anything and they will even tell you that. It is so rare to them and they inately sense that this is of extremely high value.

But I digress because I love to give speeches. It's too late for this one, most likely. But with your next one, be sure to lay down the law (over a short period of time) and let her know what you expect in the relationship. Also let her know what YOU expect from YOURSELF. Not what SHE should expect from you, but what YOU expect from YOURSELF. This is seen and "felt" by her as a statement of intent and is very powerful.
how early should you lay down the law.. like literally how early?

secondly, in what sort of way do you say it? it always comes across as needy and controlling when i do it and insecure.
 

EvilAgenda

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Atom Smasher said:
A commited relationship requires both parties to work to PROTECT the relationship from possible harm.

We are all well aware of human weaknesses and frailties, so why risk a great relationship by creating a fertile ground for problems? If a woman values her male friends over you, then she doesn't value you enough, my friend.

It's interesting that even from youth I've never had to lay down the law about that, except in passing to make sure she was on-board with me. Every woman I see gets the "there's only one sheriff" speech, and believe me, guys, you have to lay down the law early. It seems you younger guys are stuck in a culture where it's seen as normal for women to be supposedly commited to a man and yet still insist on seeing other men. It shouldn't be that way and doesn't have to be that way. It's up to YOU to set the rules, not her.

She sees those other guys because they provide her something that she thinks you don't have. So she fulfills her needs (and especially her need for attention) with attention from other men.

Get out of that cultural craziness you guys find yourselves in and lay down the law. For me, it has always been, "No seeing male friends, period". Do you think one single one has been offended by that? Not one.

Women NEED and are even desperate for a man who tells her how it is, who lays down the parameters for the relationship. Right now I'm seeing an absolute knock-out exclusively, and the rules were read to her by me and she LOVED it. And she loves it when I reiterate the rules. As usual with me, this girl has no intention nor desire to see other men, but I've established the frame for the general operation of the relationship. She instinctively knows that I am one in a million because I project ABSOLUTE ASSUMED AUTHORITY and she instinctively knows that almost all men would be afraid to call her on her sh!t. They all hope for a man who will call them on their sh!t, but it has to happen early before they lose respect for you.

You younger guys will become this same way (laying down the law directly) because it is a matter of survival and you will have to. You will find, much to your surprise, that women respond very positively to this (after an initial cry-fest or two), and you will find that they value your strong frame more than anything and they will even tell you that. It is so rare to them and they inately sense that this is of extremely high value.

But I digress because I love to give speeches. It's too late for this one, most likely. But with your next one, be sure to lay down the law (over a short period of time) and let her know what you expect in the relationship. Also let her know what YOU expect from YOURSELF. Not what SHE should expect from you, but what YOU expect from YOURSELF. This is seen and "felt" by her as a statement of intent and is very powerful.
Should be in the DJ Bible.
 

pete_101

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when women say they dont have many gf's cos girls are 'b1tchy' that's why she has guy friends cos she doesn't want to talk about make up and shopping etc.. is this still a crock of sh1t?

i kind of agree with it that yeah girls are annoying and b1tchy to be around and can see the appeal why she'd want to be friends with guys instead.. BUT how do you get around this?
 

Mazeman11

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Ironically, one of her guy friends I was objecting to (who is married) ended up hitting on her after we broke up.

Even more confirmation that one-on-one crap doesn't belong in healthy secure relationships.

After we broke up she acknowledged that it was wrong on her part to hang out with her male friends. At that point we had already broken up and I wasn't going back. I guess she wanted to change or acknowledge her mistakes so she could have me back, not out of respect when we were together. People generally don't change.
 

vatoloco

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pete_101 said:
how early should you lay down the law.. like literally how early?

secondly, in what sort of way do you say it? it always comes across as needy and controlling when i do it and insecure.
See here.
 

vatoloco

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Maze, I think you made the right call. This girl marginally loved you. She would have eventually made you suffer even more by doing the typical: "I'm leaving you for your best friend. Oh yeah, we've been fucking for months behind your back!"

Sure, it hurts right now, but time heals everything. I remember when I was youngling and getting dumped was very painful. I felt like the world was collapsing on me. But look at me now! I remember now and realize how silly it was to feel that way. I am now in control of my love life.

So Maze, be happy that were able to dodge this bullet. Imagine getting married, having a kid or two and then she dumping you with the above scenario?

"Mas vale solo que mal acompañado."

"Better alone than in bad company," is a time-proven saying that definitely applies. Besides, there are 3+ billion females on this planet, a good chunk of them pretty and with good values. ;)

Who would you rather be with? A girl like this one who marginally loved you? Or would you rather be with a pretty girl who is absolutely crazy about you?

Good luck to you, my friend.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

Atom Smasher

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pete_101 said:
how early should you lay down the law.. like literally how early?

secondly, in what sort of way do you say it? it always comes across as needy and controlling when i do it and insecure.
This is very tough for me to articulate because I have trained myself to do it so instinctively and because every relationship has different chemistry and dynamics.

For starters, get used the the phrase "Assumed Authority". There should be no question in your mind that you are the authority in the relationship. Your authority should be as obvious in your mind as the fact that the sky is blue and the earth circles the sun. Your authority is your birthright and an authentic man seizes it and exercises it without apology.

Once you do that, you are largely immune from her little attempts at power plays. A woman does not think for herself. She feeds off of others in terms of thoughts and emotions. Nothing original eminates from her. So when you show weakness and timidity as far as your authority goes, she will sense that and revile you for it, testing you from now till doomsday because it generates drama. When she sees that you posess Assumed Authority, she is powerless to submit to that, because she can only feed off your energy either way. Her energy is a cauldren of swirling emotions and indecision.

She is water, and you are a containing vessel that gives her form and substance.

I'm trying to think of how exactly I do this. I do it so instinctively that it's hard to formularize it. Usually I will find an opportunity to say "Don't forget who wears the pants around here" in a somewhat joking but actually serious way. She might say, "Oh, really?" and I'll say "And don't you forget it." SHe senses that although I'm being gentle I am dead serious about it.

Then when a conflict arises and she becomes defiant (it's usually a test), I will say semi-angrily "Only one of us wears the pants in this relationship, and that's me". LOL, some of you guys are probably cringing at this directness, but I'm able to pull it off.

Regarding seeing other guys, I usually just bring it up as I'm waxing philosophical about relationships over dinner or wherever. It's always received well.

Later on she invariably will cozy up and say, "I love how you you want to protect me and set the "guidelines" for us". Another hearty LOL here because girls hate, hate, HATE the word, "Rules". They will never say that word, they will always come up with a synonym.

The more I write here the more I think that each man must adjust according to his temperament. I personally get away with being very direct (and they love me for it), but I don't know if that would work in all age groups. FWIW, I don't go out with 50 year olds. My age group is mid-forties down to late thirties because I look very young.

I wrote all this crap and I didn't even answer your question really. I would say that within the first couple of months of the relationship it's good to set the parameters. If you carry Assumed Authority, the details will take care of themselves.
 

Alex DeLarge

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Man, I had a problem with this before. It was more so the other way around though. I was hanging out with a female friend (who I had hooked up with a few weeks prior) while I was exclusive with a girl.

At first, we were hanging out in a big group, but then I told the group I had to go to my car and the girl followed me. I was okay with it. I had no incentive to make a move.. I mean, I totally wanted to because she's gorgeous but I have standards for myself.. I don't want to be cheated on, so I'm not going to cheat. Well.. She wound up making a move, and I said "No, I'm seeing a great girl right now and it's not right to do this." She was really bummed, but I had to put my foot down. (Also, this girl screwed things up between us when she made out with one of my best friends.)

Well later on in the night, I run into the girl I'm seeing and she sees me with the other girl I was just talking about. She storms the fvck out of the bar, texting me saying "I'm not some idiot you can play go fvck yourself.." and on and on.. I was super bummed out..

But then I said to her "She's a good friend of mine, I don't get angry when you go out and see your guy friends."

And that's where the sh1t hit the fan lol..

She wound up cheating on me.

But I realized, she did it completely out of spite. She wanted to prove to me that if she wanted to hook up with them she could.. So she did.

I feel like most women do things like this. That's why it all comes down to trust; and trust is built on respect. If you feel that you can't trust your woman around other men, then there's no point in being exclusive with them because she does not respect you. We live in a world of equal rights now, so there is going to be more male/female communication.

I don't know about you guys, but I certainly don't make sexual moves on every female I see.. Even the attractive ones. When I know a woman is with a man, I respect that. That's how all real men should be. Fvck this "I'm the man cause I seduced your girl" mentality. Don't you have better things to do with your life? Or better yet, your own woman/women?
 

backbreaker

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I feel like most women do things like this. That's why it all comes down to trust; and trust is built on respect. If you feel that you can't trust your woman around other men, then there's no point in being exclusive with them because she does not respect you. We live in a world of equal rights now, so there is going to be more male/female communication.
it's really that damn simple.

the day I don't trust my wife around another man, is the day I'm filing for divorce. stop painting these women as helpless dames who just ebb and flow with the words of all the men around her. It takes 2 to tango. I'm quite sure when my wife goes out for drinks she gets hit on, in fact I know it for a fact because she tells me and we joke about it.

if you don't trust her to be faithful to you, you have to really question your motives for being exclusive in the first place.

this is why I have been exclusive with all of 2 women in the last 8 years. dammit if you get me to the point where I am not dating anyone but you, and not even entertaining the thought at all, you've done some metal gear solid esque, beating metal gear ray with 1 ration and a rifle type **** lol

with all that said, in context with the OP, there is a difference between your GF going to a party with some girls and there happens to be some guys there, which I particularly don't have a problem with, and, your GF specially going to meet up with a guy. that i won't stand for unless it was some type of extremely unique situation. Just flat out going out with a guy who isn't you for the sake of going out with a guy who isn't you, is disrespectful. But then again, a woman whop respects you, wouldn't even dream of doing something like that, at the very least, not without asking. About a year and a half ago, my wife's hair dude, who isn't gay, asked her did she want to go grab a bite to eat, and she called me and asked if it was okay with me, and told me if it wasn't she would leave right then. She thought it would be harmless, and I knew in the back of my mind it wasn't, because well i'm a guy. he started to try to flirt with her and she found a new hair guy without me even bringing it up.
 

iwanttofight

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She could be having an emotional affair and you don't even know it. If you do not know what that is then google it. It happens more than you think. Trust me
 

backbreaker

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lol @ emotional affair

either my woman is sucking some dudes **** or she isn't. don't overcomplicate this
 

Atom Smasher

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Brother, if she's having an emotional affair (all physical affairs start that way), while she is doing you, in her mind she is doing HIM. Less than an ideal situation, IMO. ;) The emotional is the vanguard of the physical.
 

backbreaker

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i'm just saying hell she could go to starbucks and get hit by a car in the parking lot. I'm not going to sit here and waste my life worrying about all the it my girl could do. that's just not how i roll.]

and if i thought for one milisecond that she wasn't 100% committed to me and only me, she wouldn't have a ring on her finger now.


as with everything, screening, and spinning plates until one of them stands out so much, that they make you stop spinning other plates, will cure 95% of thsi site's problems, like this one.
 

thebrownman

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backbreaker said:
i'm just saying hell she could go to starbucks and get hit by a car in the parking lot. I'm not going to sit here and waste my life worrying about all the it my girl could do. that's just not how i roll.]

and if i thought for one milisecond that she wasn't 100% committed to me and only me, she wouldn't have a ring on her finger now.


as with everything, screening, and spinning plates until one of them stands out so much, that they make you stop spinning other plates, will cure 95% of thsi site's problems, like this one.
Thats what all the other chumps said before they got divorced.

Good luck!
 

backbreaker

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lol i assure you i'm not like all the other chumps.


Even if something were to happen I would have very little if any problem picking right back up where I left off before i settled down.
 

pete101

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PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
Huge red flag, plus you said this girl had a F***ed up family life. Probably a Cluster B.

You get around it by dumping her if she shows any more symptoms.
What's a cluster B?

the thing is in the past her last long term ex-bf was really controlling, he really laid the law down but to an excessive level like she couldn't talk to her friends on the phone after 8pm or something.

and she accepted, cos she was in love. but now she looks back and regrets it and hates herself for being controlled that way.

he was extremely, jealous, and controlloing but i really dont know whether he did the right thing or not cos it seems to have worked. she's a different person now and said she was 'too nice' back then and now she's going to do the opposite.

i think on some level he did the right thing cos he called the shots, and she accepted, makes sense she's longing to be put in her place but at same time she's quite f'd up thinking hanging out with guys 1 on 1 is acceptable. it's like she's looking for the opposite of that now and wont get with me cos she thinks i'm going to turn out like him cos the signs are there that we're similar.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

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