My best friend is a man...and it's not a one sided friendship at all. In fact, I've been there for him more than he has been for me. I'm not very needy like that. It's not that he is either...but I do end up giving him emotional support more often that the other way around. He tries to get me to take money sometimes too when I'm broke...but I refuse to do that. I'm probably the best and closest friend he's ever had. So...women CAN be very good friends. The problem is usually that the guy can't get past the wanting sex thing. It's a distraction for men but isn't for women.
Your Attention Please
- Thread starter Rollo Tomassi
- Start date
- Status
Cesare...if the discussion is mature and good, which it is...the mods should let the age issue slide. Lord knows we could use more discussions like this one on this forum.
What a shame it would be to ruin a great thread with bickering over age...I think you guys can let it slide.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
The idea that women isolate their attention needs towards one exclusive male is patently false. In so many instances women prove by their behavior over and over that this simply is not the case. How romantic a situation it would be if this were in fact the case, but it simply proves this attention dynamic that the more despreate the woman the more ardent she would be in maintianing this fantasy for herself and any guys so deprived of femminine intimacy.
You can belabor that women are only interested in singular male's attention, but easily observable behavior constantly contradicts this. To imply that women only primp and prepare meticulously for a single male's attention is disingenuois to say the least. And this very disingenuousness only bolsters my position that women, by design, are seeking the best possible mate from the widest pool of eligible males in their attention requisites.
It's simply false to suggest that women would maintain a ritual like 'girls night out' and deny that it's very intent isn't to attract as much male attention, from the largest possible pool, and in the same breath imply that it's true intent is an effort to make a single, paired, male more responsive for attention. This is a lie of the highest order and one intended to distract a man from the real purpose of the event, which is simply a concentrated effort to accumulate as much self-affirming attention as possible in a single evening to compensate for a recognized deficit of this attention,
One other point I should illustrate is that women are rarely (if every) conscious of the true motivations of their behavior. So while a woman will say she is earnest in her desire to maintain some semblance of a platonic friendship (however she perceives this) with a guy, her behaviors will ALWAYS belie her true motivations and this, simply put, is attention for self-affiramtion developed and socialized for the better part of a lifetime. It's far more comforting to convice oneself of the altruisim of ones own intent regardless of the real underlying motivations that inspire these rationalizations and the behaviors that accompany the intent.
The simple message here is, observe what women do as a whole and use this information to make predictions of their behavior rather than believing wholesale what a few of them 'say' is their motivation and intent.
You can belabor that women are only interested in singular male's attention, but easily observable behavior constantly contradicts this. To imply that women only primp and prepare meticulously for a single male's attention is disingenuois to say the least. And this very disingenuousness only bolsters my position that women, by design, are seeking the best possible mate from the widest pool of eligible males in their attention requisites.
It's simply false to suggest that women would maintain a ritual like 'girls night out' and deny that it's very intent isn't to attract as much male attention, from the largest possible pool, and in the same breath imply that it's true intent is an effort to make a single, paired, male more responsive for attention. This is a lie of the highest order and one intended to distract a man from the real purpose of the event, which is simply a concentrated effort to accumulate as much self-affirming attention as possible in a single evening to compensate for a recognized deficit of this attention,
One other point I should illustrate is that women are rarely (if every) conscious of the true motivations of their behavior. So while a woman will say she is earnest in her desire to maintain some semblance of a platonic friendship (however she perceives this) with a guy, her behaviors will ALWAYS belie her true motivations and this, simply put, is attention for self-affiramtion developed and socialized for the better part of a lifetime. It's far more comforting to convice oneself of the altruisim of ones own intent regardless of the real underlying motivations that inspire these rationalizations and the behaviors that accompany the intent.
The simple message here is, observe what women do as a whole and use this information to make predictions of their behavior rather than believing wholesale what a few of them 'say' is their motivation and intent.
Cesare Cardinali
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2002
- Messages
- 911
- Reaction score
- 8
Sure, it was just a friendly reminder of the policies.
I was thinking the exact same thing.
Women are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS on the lookout for someone who has the better potential to provide for their needs, whether they are in a relationship or not. Even if their current man is fulfilling their needs at the moment their radar is never turned off. It might be on "standby" mode, but rest assured if the opportunity presents itself and the reward potential is great enough compared to the perceived risk, she will go for it.
I don't care what Wyld says, there are always women who get off on receiving attention from multiple males even if they don't have a specific target in mind.
The one that I am friends with displays her catty behaviour regardless fo the circumstances. How do you explain her not "wanting" me, but getting pissy if I bring another girl around? It has absolutely nothing to do with any other man, it has to do with her need to be the center of attention.
And the last time you sought attention as a woman was when? I'm telling it exactly as it is. All those women who have boyfriends aren't flirting or dressing sexy to REALLY get the attention of random men. It is always, ALWAYS about ONE man. It's to get her boyfriend or husband jealous by showing him other men find her attractive. This is UNIVERSAL. It looks like it's about other men, but it's not. Even if the boyfriend or husband is not there to see for himself....she goes right back and tells him. How many times has a guy's girlfriend or wife told him about some guy hitting on her? She does that because she thinks he will pay more attention to her. That's what she wants. And yes, even single women at bars have one target.
It IS the case. And how "desperate" a woman is for attention (especially in a relationship) is determined exclusively by how much attention her partner is giving her. If he's not giving her enough she will seek it out from other men...but it's not REALLY the attention of those men she wants. She wants the attention of the man she is paired with. If she's not paired up...there is ALWAYS one MAIN target whose attention she wants. She'll accept it from others...but there is ALWAYS one particular guy whose attention she is after.
Women's GOAL at getting attention IS to get the attention of ONE particular man. This has always been the case...ALWAYS.
Rollo...I told you women do this to try to psyche out other women by looking better. That's not so much done for attention as it is to jockey for "position" against other females. When a woman does that to go to work or whatever...it's about competing with other women to be the most attractive.
If that were true, then no poor men would have girlfriends or wives. If women were seeking out the best actual mates then all those "AFCs" would be snatched up first because they are usually better able to provide financially and are more responsible. It's honestly not about this except for those women who are gold diggers.
Paired women will only have the "girl's night out" either for the benefit of a friend who doesn't want to go alone or because she wants to make her mate jealous and ideally, get HIM to pay more attention to her. A woman in a realtionship will ONLY seek out the attention of other men IF her mate is not fulfilling her NEED for attention in their relationship. You are totally missing the most important piece of what I'm saying. Even if it LOOKS like a woman is trying to get attention for any men that is misleading...her TRUE goal is to get the attention of ONE man. If he won't give it to her when she tries to get it from him directly, she will try to force him to give it to her by making him jealous.
This is true...MOST women have no clue why they do the things they do. I, however, AM conscious of such motivations behind behavior...not only my own, but other people as well. I know what I'm saying is true because I have done these things myself before.
Nonsense. The best friends I've had throughout my life have been male. These have been TRUE friendships where I give as much of myself to the friendship as the guy has. You're looking at this through man's eyes and perceptions...and those are very different than female eyes and perceptions.
Rollo...you're honestly way off the mark here. Take some time to really think about what I've said. If you look around at how women behave with a clear and open mind (not viewing your normal and natural perceptions of what you see), the things I'm saying will make perfect sense. You can actually see it quite clearly once you realize this stuff.
Yes, men should observe women and consider what I've said here. I'm all for that. It will only prove my points. It's so easy to see when you are aware of the things I've talked about on this thread. Everything I've said is true...and anyone who really thinks about it and watches from now on will see that it's true.
Your friend does that because women are always in competition with each other to be more attractive and "better". It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her being in competition with the other women. The competition has nothing to do with you, either...it's just something women do amongst themselves, whether a man is around or not.
And again no...most women are not always seeking a "better" man. If that were true then no poor guys would ever be able to keep a girlfriend or wife because there are plenty of other men around if a woman wanted to trade up. Once a woman is in a relationship she will stay in it as long as her needs are being met. She will only trade him in if he's not meeting her needs or is doing something wrong in her eyes.
Nice Going, Keep it up!
Wyldfire,
Thank you for your replies. I like the way you responded to Roll. I must say you have answered a lot of questions I had in my mind and things that didn't make any sense, now do make sense.
I have a few questions though: Up to what point would a woman stay with her man if she comes to know he is not as ambitious and driven as she used to think he was?
If he abuses her? and If he doesn't abuse her, but is warm and caring?
The reason I ask is this; a guy I know calls it the pimp mentality, he tells me that if he treats his women mentally hard i.e, verval insults, and physically gently the women tend to stay with him for as long as he wants thems. Once he decides he doesn't want the woman and he dumps her, she is still attached to him psychologically and is willing to return if he calls her back.
Why would she want to go back? What inner instict would drive her to return to him?
I would like to hear from you on these points.
Thanks,
Kumar
Wyldfire,
Thank you for your replies. I like the way you responded to Roll. I must say you have answered a lot of questions I had in my mind and things that didn't make any sense, now do make sense.
I have a few questions though: Up to what point would a woman stay with her man if she comes to know he is not as ambitious and driven as she used to think he was?
If he abuses her? and If he doesn't abuse her, but is warm and caring?
The reason I ask is this; a guy I know calls it the pimp mentality, he tells me that if he treats his women mentally hard i.e, verval insults, and physically gently the women tend to stay with him for as long as he wants thems. Once he decides he doesn't want the woman and he dumps her, she is still attached to him psychologically and is willing to return if he calls her back.
Why would she want to go back? What inner instict would drive her to return to him?
I would like to hear from you on these points.
Thanks,
Kumar
"A forum for DJs at least 25 years old to discuss problems, situations, and techniques UNIQUE to older and more mature men."
The mods are doing fine, they don't need you telling them what to do. If you find this policy so objectionable then please start your own board. Sure some people can falsify or not include their age, but for those who've already revealed it they do not belong.
The point of this board is to have a place for those who have a different perspective on life, perspective that can only be gained through age and experience. Bicker all you like, but the mods chose 25 as the cutoff. I wish underage posters had the maturity to read the rules and understand they do not belong here.
Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Re: Nice Going, Keep it up!
Your friend will end up alone later in life...don't try to be like him. All you really need to do is not be clingy or boring and you don't need all the games and ploys.
I stayed for 10 years with a man who was abusive. I didn't want to quit or give up, but more importantly...it fulfilled a very unhealthy need I had over that time. My family never showed emotion, positive or negative. There was no abuse...it was just emotionless, really. I never learned how to express emotions. Along came a guy I had a very passionate relationship with...albeit a very negatively charged passion. I guess you could say I had to learn how to feel alive inside...and my ex husband's volatile ways did the trick. As soon as I no longer needed that...I left him. It's not always this same need with women. Some punish themselves because they believe they are "bad" or deserve to be abused. Some never outgrow that. I wasn't very healthy back then and that it something that is universally true with all women who allow themselves to be treated badly...unhealthy. I sorted all that stuff out, got myself together and moved on.
Your friend will end up alone later in life...don't try to be like him. All you really need to do is not be clingy or boring and you don't need all the games and ploys.
Rollo Tomassi was right. Wyldfire, you kept saying women using jealousy to get the attention of ONE man, who you claimed wasn't giving her just the exact right amount of attention to explain away all women's attention "wh0ring" behavior. I disagree that this is their real motive, and even if it was it doesn't mean it's right or normal. Not all women do this, just the ones that aren't really devoted to their guy and are at least open to a big, better, deal.
Point is first you blame the guy (he's not giving her the right level of attention), then you claim the female has the noblest of goals (she just wants to get her ONE guy's attention through using jealousy, however you gloss over whether this means justifies the end in the first place)...and a few other things you said that I won't bother addressing, but that's the gyst of what you did. You might of fooled some guys but not all of us. Add that to what atention hors do deceive and manipulate.
Women aren't cognizant of what they want or what they'll respond to sexually. At any rate, your advice isn't going to help a guy attract women. Simply put women, like people in general, are greedy and want all the attention they can get, and don't care who they step on to get it. My job as a guy is to flip her attraction switches so I can get the girl I want and not the next guy.
It's no surprise but I find your advice to be nothing more than sugar coating and excuses for female behaviors. I'll just add you have no idea what girls will put a guy through. Later
Point is first you blame the guy (he's not giving her the right level of attention), then you claim the female has the noblest of goals (she just wants to get her ONE guy's attention through using jealousy, however you gloss over whether this means justifies the end in the first place)...and a few other things you said that I won't bother addressing, but that's the gyst of what you did. You might of fooled some guys but not all of us. Add that to what atention hors do deceive and manipulate.
Women aren't cognizant of what they want or what they'll respond to sexually. At any rate, your advice isn't going to help a guy attract women. Simply put women, like people in general, are greedy and want all the attention they can get, and don't care who they step on to get it. My job as a guy is to flip her attraction switches so I can get the girl I want and not the next guy.
It's no surprise but I find your advice to be nothing more than sugar coating and excuses for female behaviors. I'll just add you have no idea what girls will put a guy through. Later
Wyldfire
I usually don't respect women's opinions, as most don't have a clue what they are talking about. But your replies showed you are an exception.
So I would like to ask you. You say women would most likely stay with their man if they show them enough attention without coming across as clingy or boring. So what is the proper way to give women attention? Likewise, how do you know when you have given them enough?
Also, according to your theory, women only want attention from one targeted man. A women would attract the attention of other men to make the man she wants jealous. If this is the case, how do we men know we are the intented target of her attention seeking behaviors?
I usually don't respect women's opinions, as most don't have a clue what they are talking about. But your replies showed you are an exception.
So I would like to ask you. You say women would most likely stay with their man if they show them enough attention without coming across as clingy or boring. So what is the proper way to give women attention? Likewise, how do you know when you have given them enough?
Also, according to your theory, women only want attention from one targeted man. A women would attract the attention of other men to make the man she wants jealous. If this is the case, how do we men know we are the intented target of her attention seeking behaviors?
Re: Re: Nice Going, Keep it up!
Holycow Wyldfire!
You have confirmed something Grand Master Sapiens taught me.
He said to me that if I treated my woman with respect and appreciation, showed her attention and stood by my Principles she would follow me to the ends of the Earth. I didn’t believe him. I asked him what authority founded his teaching and he said Genesis 3:16, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
I read this by you:
Now this insanity makes perfect sense to me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Kumar
Holycow Wyldfire!
You have confirmed something Grand Master Sapiens taught me.
He said to me that if I treated my woman with respect and appreciation, showed her attention and stood by my Principles she would follow me to the ends of the Earth. I didn’t believe him. I asked him what authority founded his teaching and he said Genesis 3:16, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”
I read this by you:
And now you continue with this:
(Enphasis mine)
Now this insanity makes perfect sense to me.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Kumar
Last edited:
You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
JackPrescott
Banned
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Messages
- 860
- Reaction score
- 7
"I've just always gotten along better with guys" Translates to "I am a catty, competetive bittch, who doesnt like competition when I am trolling for men, especially with females with a finer body, or better social skills.
I'll give a perfect example. Two women, "Mary" and her bestest friend "Tasha" were hanging out with each other late last year. "Mary" wanted me, and pursued me through December, we hung out, on two occasions with Sasha. Sasha was younger and prettier, if involved in an unhappy relationship. Sasha was shy. I had no idea she though I was attractive UNTILLLL
Enter New Year's Eve. Tasha is again hanging with her bestest friend Mary, and flat out KNOWS how bad Mary wants to marry and bear the children of Jack Presscott, because we all know how much women talk. Tasha sees Jack at the club, and says "Hi" Tasha proceeds to get rip roaring drunk, and at one point, goes up to Jack, whilst he is smoking peacefully at the bar, and proceeds to give him a deep back massage, while Mary is doing the same. Jack figures this is a great opportunity to get rid of Mary, so he turns to Tasha, and intoduces his tongue to her tonsils. For 30 minutes straight, touches her in very intimate places and describes what he wants to do to her in graphic detail, inbetween erotic kisses.
Think Mary will ever again hang with Tasha when she is "man trolling?"
KarmaSutra
Banned
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2005
- Messages
- 4,821
- Reaction score
- 142
- Age
- 51
This is a great point. Having a vagina and speaking through it are two different ends from the same bird.
We ALL want attention. Which proved why advertising is a critical component in our society. There are no more norms. Everyone has thier hands in the air flailing around just begging to be noticed. It's not right or wrong, it's our conditioning which has promulgated our fear of lonliness.
Something I find absolutely hilarious about some of the men on this site is that they think they know how women think better than an actual woman does. IF you all understood women so readily you would NOT be here.
A Good indicator that I am actually being honest with you guys would be to read my comments about why I stayed with my ex husband despite the fact that he was an abusive asswipe. I admitted that back then I was a pretty unhealthy person and what such a volatile relationship gave me that I needed at the time. If I were really just filling you all with a load of crap then why would I post anything negative about myself like that? Simple...I wouldn't.
Per usual, just because some guy once said "Don't listen to what women say" on this site and the members at that time decide it would be their mantra it's still being repeated. Apparently there are some of you who can't think for yourselves or recognize that there are times that rules and guidelines you might choose to follow don't always apply. This is one of those time. But hey...if you would prefer to continue to try to figure out why a woman is acting like she wants your attention but then rejects you or gives you mixed signals...all the more power to you. I have explained what is really going on in this thread. You can either listen to me and watch to see if you can see where I'm right or just totally disregard what I'm saying simply because I happen to have tits. Frankly, you have nothing to lose by listening and being observant. But hey...whatever floats your boat.
A Good indicator that I am actually being honest with you guys would be to read my comments about why I stayed with my ex husband despite the fact that he was an abusive asswipe. I admitted that back then I was a pretty unhealthy person and what such a volatile relationship gave me that I needed at the time. If I were really just filling you all with a load of crap then why would I post anything negative about myself like that? Simple...I wouldn't.
Per usual, just because some guy once said "Don't listen to what women say" on this site and the members at that time decide it would be their mantra it's still being repeated. Apparently there are some of you who can't think for yourselves or recognize that there are times that rules and guidelines you might choose to follow don't always apply. This is one of those time. But hey...if you would prefer to continue to try to figure out why a woman is acting like she wants your attention but then rejects you or gives you mixed signals...all the more power to you. I have explained what is really going on in this thread. You can either listen to me and watch to see if you can see where I'm right or just totally disregard what I'm saying simply because I happen to have tits. Frankly, you have nothing to lose by listening and being observant. But hey...whatever floats your boat.
Actually, it just means that I like sports, fishing, camping, guns, work in manufacturing and don't particularly like shopping and am quite capable of using the bathroom at a bar without making it into a vast group migration.
I'm also not competitive at all except in sports, board games and the like. I do have a few female friends...but I have more in common with men. I think like a man, am visual like men, like a lot of the same things men like and most women don't like...so it would only stand to reason that I would rather hang out with men than women.
Why on earth would I compete with other women for a man? I've never done that in my life, lol. It's stupid. I'm one hell of an amazing woman and don't need to compete. I'm very attractive, smart, loyal, devoted, have never cheated, am giving, a good cook, funny, don't play games, have a stronger sexual appetite than the average man and am easy to get along with. The vast majority of men would do damn near anything to be able to find a woman like me. I've never had to resort to "trolling for men". Truly good women who also happen to look good don't need to...
Okay...now that we've established that getting along with men better than women doesn't have any hidden meaning, let's get back on topic, shall we? Good...
Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
- Status