Your Attention Please

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
this is very interesting Wyldfire. So how will the woman let the specific guy know that hes the one she wants?

Will she also act in a way thats inviting attention around guys even when the particular guy shes after is not present?

If attention to a woman is what sex is to men, then obviously she will enjoy the attention she is getting from men she is not interested in. To men getting sex from women that he is not interested in, is still good enough, especially if they are attractive. My point being, that if woman do love attention the way we love sex, then surely she will lead men on for their attention, even if shes interested in no one.

She'll enjoy the attention from random men IF she is not getting the attention she needs from the man she wants it from...but that doesn't mean she wants him. This is just like men who are horny and will accept sex from someone he doesn't like that way just to fulfill his physical needs. Women do the same thing with attention. It's a NEED, just like sex is for men.

And no, a woman won't overtly and purposely go after attention when the one she wants the attention from isn't there. She will still accept attention most times...but she's not likely looking for it unless her man isn't doing his job fulfilling her needs.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by SonOfTheMostHigh
To which I say.., you're only half right.. the other half of course is BULL****, there are many bad people out there, men and women and YES WOMEN USE THEIR GUY FRIENDS, especially ex-lovers/ex boyfriends because they know they can toy with his feelings and get him to do **** he shouldn't normally allow himself to be doing.

I've been used by women before who I thought really wanted genuine platonic friendships... notice the "platonic friendshipper"
usually asks for things from you, or 'wants you to be there for her' or whatever, but generally to a guy she is a waste of his time, we only have so much time to go around and why should we waste time with a girl who may have formerly broken our hearts. It's best to move on because many ex-gf or former lovers end up trying to press your buttons to get you to do things for them. They'll do things like ask for money or some other such bs, which basically totally makes guys feel like they're just kept around in case to be used when her life hits the ****s.

Anyone who pretends to be your friend just to use you will behave that same way towards same gender friends as well. Men do it too. This isn't a gender specific behavior. There are people who will use others and there are people who are good friends. Just as a lot of women go for the jerks a lot of men go for biotches, too.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
ok, I get your point except for the first sentence. "...but that doesn't mean she wants him". She wants attention from him, but she it doesnt necessarily mean she wants him?

I agree with you that chicks love attention and they need it. But I do believe that some do lead men on to get this attention even if there is no specific guy shes interested in.

There are chicks that will lead guys on because they dont give her attention and so are a challenge to them. It is the chase that turns them on, not the guy. Girls will lead these guys on till them get them.

Nope...women only care when a guy isn't giving her attention if she's romantically involved or attached to him. This really is universal....it is ALWAYS about ONE SPECIFIC GUY. If a woman isn't genuinely interested in you, you can ignore her until the cows come home and it's not going to make her want you. A woman will ONLY seek out your attention when you withhold it from her if she already is interested in you. That's a totally unnecessary game you guys use. It also sets you up for one sh*t test after another, drama and all the negative stuff that happens that you guys come here and complain about. If a woman likes you then you DON'T have to play games. If you just give her what she NEEDS and aren't clingy, needy or boring you will be just fine.

 

[Sinistar]

I was wondering if there is another element to this topic. As already stated, It would seem the true(more extreme) AW has mostly male friends or acquaintences. In the two cases I have witnessed, she tends to be very macho orientated (into guy sh!t vs knitting, scrapbooking, bluck, boring, etc to her).

Perhaps this isn't completely unhealthy, but it does seem unusual/atypical. Thus a guy's logical observation skills kick in and she is slated into the AW category.

And you ladies (ie Wyldfire) seem to have us beat hands down in the area of feelings and intuition. That being said, I would think a true AW would ultimately become outcast no matter what.

Either her peer group of friends will 'sense' (ie women reading women) the other girls excessive/extreme AW behavior and dissassociate for some reason.

Or the true AW's own female sense/intuition will pick up on her peer's dissapproval of her.

In the end I'm wondering if the transition to being labeled a true/extreme AW is via some action on her part either directly (via slvtty behavior) or more sadly and indirectly (via a traumatic event, relationship failure etc). Then in either case (or both) she starts to 'feel' outcast.

At that point she starts seeking (in her mind needing) male attention and the transition takes place. Males see her as atypical. Females sense/intuit her as being atypical. And this is the AW most of us guys are talking about.

An aside. One of my favorite observations here are the wives of the 'buddies' of the AW. They are almost comically 'unworried' on the outside yet you can almost 'feel' their insecurity ready to explode. And if they chat about the AW afterwards, they tend to make some rather blunt observations such as. That girl has problems. She needs serious help.

I think a more true/extreme AW has a serious effect on a very large poplulation (male and female). Whereas the typical attention seeking female behavior seems much more confined.

I also think there is another variant of this extreme behaviour. One girl I knew years ago (only as a friend) easily fell in this category. However, she didn't allow herself to form groups of guy friends who knew each other. Perhaps she thought localizing her AW behavior would prevent anyone from knowing it. Yet everyone knew it )

 

[tmpgstx]

Good question. It would make sense the more attractive they found a guy, the more attention seeking they would do to better fullfill their insecurities about being validated.

I've found that girls even with BFs will do this, and when you don't show attention they try harder. Wylde, you're saying that giving it to them will make both parties happy - and they won't continue? What if they don't quit? Keep trying .. isn't this leading a guy on??

I have my own theory somewhat in that women for the most part only date male versions of themselves (barring any hidden agendas such as gold digging). So strong AWs only date male attention *****s, and both she and her BF are doing these things to invigor jealousy with one another when trying to get attention from someone they find attractive (or know other people find attractive).

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
Wyldfire, I am not posting this stuff to start up any arguments. I am only posting it because of my personal experiences. Your posts are helpful because it is making me see things in a way I never saw them before.



good point.



So if a girl is playing mind games with you, its because you are not giving her enough attention? And if thats the case then she has feelings for you?

If you are dating a girl or are close to her and she is doing things to force you to pay attention to her then it's most likely that she likes you, yes.

The only other reason a girl will try to get your attention or any guy's attention is if there is a guy she likes who isn't giving her attention in the area. Girls will do this because if other guys are paying attention to her it should make the guy she wants to notice her start paying attention to her too...OR make him jealous if they are involved.

It's really very simple to understand a girl's motivations. If you understand the stuff I'm telling you guys here it should be easier to distinguish if a girl is trying to get YOUR attention, or someone else's...and whether or not she is really interested in you or someone else. Keep an eye out for this and you'll notice it happening all the time.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Sinistar
I was wondering if there is another element to this topic. As already stated, It would seem the true(more extreme) AW has mostly male friends or acquaintences. In the two cases I have witnessed, she tends to be very macho orientated (into guy sh!t vs knitting, scrapbooking, bluck, boring, etc to her).

Perhaps this isn't completely unhealthy, but it does seem unusual/atypical. Thus a guy's logical observation skills kick in and she is slated into the AW category.

And you ladies (ie Wyldfire) seem to have us beat hands down in the area of feelings and intuition. That being said, I would think a true AW would ultimately become outcast no matter what.

Either her peer group of friends will 'sense' (ie women reading women) the other girls excessive/extreme AW behavior and dissassociate for some reason.

Or the true AW's own female sense/intuition will pick up on her peer's dissapproval of her.

In the end I'm wondering if the transition to being labeled a true/extreme AW is via some action on her part either directly (via slvtty behavior) or more sadly and indirectly (via a traumatic event, relationship failure etc). Then in either case (or both) she starts to 'feel' outcast.

At that point she starts seeking (in her mind needing) male attention and the transition takes place. Males see her as atypical. Females sense/intuit her as being atypical. And this is the AW most of us guys are talking about.

An aside. One of my favorite observations here are the wives of the 'buddies' of the AW. They are almost comically 'unworried' on the outside yet you can almost 'feel' their insecurity ready to explode. And if they chat about the AW afterwards, they tend to make some rather blunt observations such as. That girl has problems. She needs serious help.

I think a more true/extreme AW has a serious effect on a very large poplulation (male and female). Whereas the typical attention seeking female behavior seems much more confined.

I also think there is another variant of this extreme behaviour. One girl I knew years ago (only as a friend) easily fell in this category. However, she didn't allow herself to form groups of guy friends who knew each other. Perhaps she thought localizing her AW behavior would prevent anyone from knowing it. Yet everyone knew it )

No, no, no...women who have mostly male friends aren't AWs. There are women like myself who just like and get along with guys better than they do other women. Take a look at my habits on here. I don't flirt and if a guy flirts with me, I discourage him. I don't want attention...I want to be treated like one of the guys. There are lots of women who prefer guys as friends instead of women...I'm one of them.

AWs are biotches...they have female friends and a bunch of male pursuers. It's kinda like a harem of guys who are trying to get with her...not really friends. They gravitate towards meeker women with low self esteem...and then treat them like crap. I saw this with the girl I worked with.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
Good question. It would make sense the more attractive they found a guy, the more attention seeking they would do to better fullfill their insecurities about being validated.

I've found that girls even with BFs will do this, and when you don't show attention they try harder. Wylde, you're saying that giving it to them will make both parties happy - and they won't continue? What if they don't quit? Keep trying .. isn't this leading a guy on??

I have my own theory somewhat in that women for the most part only date male versions of themselves (barring any hidden agendas such as gold digging). So strong AWs only date male attention *****s, and both she and her BF are doing these things to invigor jealousy with one another when trying to get attention from someone they find attractive (or know other people find attractive).

If a girl is trying to get the attention she's not getting from her partner from other guys or to make her partner jealous she will stop when she gets what she wants from her partner. If you are her partner, she will be much easier to deal with if you figure out the right balance of attention to give her to keep her from forcing you to give it to her or making you jealous. You should really do your best to figure out what that balance is as quick as possible because if you are able to instinctively give her the attention she needs before she has to try to get it you WILL get more sex and less headaches.

Oh...and I'd have to disagree with your theory. I'm almost never attracted to guys just like myself. I've never even dated anyone really like myself in personality or habits. I think there has to be some common ground to meet on...but people, in my experience, tend to gravitate towards people who are different.

 

[tmpgstx]

That makes sense. Here is how it has gone with me and what i've noticed with some girls:

Things not going well with BF

Cause: Seek attention from someone she finds attractive

Effect: Gets attention from said guy

Cause: Runs and trys to reaffirm with boyfriend
by giving him hints for attention

Effect: Gets attention and pushs said guy away when he shows interest

The cycle repeats itself when the condition is met at the top (not getting attention from BF)

 

[tmpgstx]

Oh...and I'd have to disagree with your theory. I'm almost never attracted to guys just like myself. I've never even dated anyone really like myself in personality or habits. I think there has to be some common ground to meet on...but people, in my experience, tend to gravitate towards people who are different

I should've worded that differently. I didn't mean in terms of goals or personality per se - but more on the same level. Educated girl likes educated guy etc. There are always exceptions.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
That makes sense. Here is how it has gone with me and what i've noticed with some girls:

Things not going well with BF

Cause: Seek attention from someone she finds attractive

Effect: Gets attention from said guy

Cause: Runs and trys to reaffirm with boyfriend
by giving him hints for attention

Effect: Gets attention and pushs said guy away when he shows interest

The cycle repeats itself when the condition is met at the top (not getting attention from BF)

Yes! This is exactly how it plays out. Girls aren't intentionally and consciously messing with guys' heads when she does this. All she's thinking about is trying to get her needs fulfilled by the guy she's with. So much energy and frustration is wasted by the guys on here over this phenomenon. They genuinely think girls are just biotches...but in reality, they are more than likely only trying to do something to get her needs met. This is no different than guys doing the things they do to try to get sex.

 

[tmpgstx]

Yes! finally some light shed on this mysterious phenomenon! I knew it wasn't me - or something i was doing - kept getting hot and cold - but was based on her BF not me. I was the guy she was seeking attention from when not getting it from her BF. Once she got his attention, it was like i didn't exist and then the cycle repeated itself.

 

[Tazman]

A woman will ONLY seek out your attention when you withhold it from her if she already is interested in you.

I can't agree with this. I've seen too many attention seekers, who once they've gotten it from you, will either continue off and on, or stop as soon as they've quenched their ego thirst. I know a girl who would literally allow a friend of mine to grope her (done in a playful way, but you know what the motive is behind it) but then turn down any attempts made by him to take it further.

I do agree that they have an "interest" in the guy, but it doesn't always mean that she wants anything more than too prove that she can get him to chase (or simply drool).

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by tmpgstx
Yes! finally some light shed on this mysterious phenomenon! I knew it wasn't me - or something i was doing - kept getting hot and cold - but was based on her BF not me. I was the guy she was seeking attention from when not getting it from her BF. Once she got his attention, it was like i didn't exist and then the cycle repeated itself.

Yep...and now that you realize it I bet you won't waste your time anymore and you won't get frustrated over it anymore, either.

Things like this really are just SO SIMPLE. These are the kinds of dynamics that I see happening when a guy asks for input and advice and I give my 2 cents. I've always been able to see past the surface and pick up on the motivations beneath human behavior. When I offer advice to someone on here I look at what I believe to be going on beneath the surface and give practical advice that will help resolve what's hidden to most. I put a lot of thought into it, too...which is why I get annoyed when someone flames me or makes an attack. I actually take people's problems seriously and really try to help them. Who knows...maybe those who read this will realize that now and pay closer attention. I'm not here to mislead you guys or aggravate. I'm just trying to share what I see in a way that can help those who need it. I'm really glad what I wrote made something click for you that you no longer will waste time and energy trying to sort out. It makes all the attacks and flaming worth it, lol.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Tazman
I can't agree with this. I've seen too many attention seekers, who once they've gotten it from you, will either continue off and on, or stop as soon as they've quenched their ego thirst. I know a girl who would literally allow a friend of mine to grope her (done in a playful way, but you know what the motive is behind it) but then turn down any attempts made by him to take it further.

I do agree that they have an "interest" in the guy, but it doesn't always mean that she wants anything more than too prove that she can get him to chase (or simply drool).

Does she have a boyfriend or a recent break up with someone? See the posts by tmpgstx and my responses to him.

And I think you misunderstood what I said. I made the point that unless a girl is trying to get attention from you as her main goal (not including getting attention from you when she really wants her bf's attention), withholding attention isn't going to phase her in the least. The only time you withholding attention from a girl will have any kind of result on things between you is if she is already interested in you and you are her main target anyhow. And if you don't give her the attention she will test, create drama, play jealousy and go get the attention she needs from other guys until the guy she really wants the attention from starts giving it to her.

Hope that clears it up.

 

[Tazman]

I understand and agree!

 

[penkitten]

why dont guys understand that some women want male friends as friends only and we would never dream of wanting more and he havent pictured them nekkid?

it doesnt seem that hard to understand.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by penkitten
why dont guys understand that some women want male friends as friends only and we would never dream of wanting more and he havent pictured them nekkid?

it doesnt seem that hard to understand.

Because usually men do not want to have any women friends.
What is the purpose for men to have female friends as friends only? Thats very hard to grasp.

But I sure agree with you: some women want to have male friends as friends only: men are very useful, ie. they give her attention, can help her with things etc.
But it doesn't want the other way: men do not crave female attention, it is like icing of the cake without the actual cake.

 

[hithard]

Male friends are fine, depending on their level of interest in the girl. Otherwise, it’s just creating a whole lot of drama. I’m in this situation at the moment, having a lot of female friends with boyfriends, husbands (some that are close personal friends).At the start it was fine but as they have got to know me it’s getting a little uncomfortable. I’ve been flat out asked for sex on a many occasions all thanks to the wonder drug alcohol (no I didn’t give it to them the sex or alcohol)

Wyldfire has nailed it on the head. If a woman’s needs are not being met, look out. And I'll say it again just because I turn it down doesn’t mean the next guy will. I’ve heard the "we are just friend’s line nothing would ever happen" one too many times. And I'm the guy their talking about.

I'm sure this works both ways. If someone came along, that filled the characteristics that you were looking for. That was different and exciting and paying you attention. And at this time your partner was a bit of a d ick or distant .Then add a drop of alcohol or the right moment, then for many it’s an easy way to make a mistake. This crap happens all the time.

I don’t think this is a sign of an AW I've been with a few and this barley scratches the surface of the way these girls process things. When you stand back and watch its complete madness. Too many guys are using the AW tag a little too liberally

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

I didn't read the thread other than a perusal to see that there are a few underage posters contributing to it. Please remember that you should be over 25 to post on this forum.

Cesare Cardinali